by M J Marstens
“I’m sorry to, ah, just pop in. . . like this, but I was on the moon, about to get stabbed with some giant pliers by a white lady while I was in some other lady’s pink body!”
For her part, Gerty McTurdy (not an alliteration, but childishly amusing, right?) does not seem at all fazed that I just apparated into her library, babbling about being pink. Instead, she steps out into the atrium to lock the front door and flip the sign to closed. Since I really don’t know what to make of the situation and the Gert’s lack of reaction, I focus on me just appearing here. Did I do that? I have to say, for my first time, I think I deserve some points. . .
For apparating, I mean. . .
Ten points to Gryffinclaw!
(That’s Gryffindor and Ravenclaw combined because I like both houses. . . or would it be Ravendor?)
0r do I want to be in Slytherin?
That’s a house that sounds like they know how to use their tongues.
Get that scowl off your face, right now!
We both know you have fantasized about Cedrick Dickery and Oliver Wood. . . they literally have cocks written into their last names! And also, let’s not act like I’m the first one to dirtify that child’s series. There’s a porno called Harry Pooter and the Golden Snatch.
Oh.
My.
God.
Did you just stop reading to Google that?
You need help, my friend.
But so do I. . . maybe we can do group therapy?
I’m sorry, what’s that?
Cedrick’s last name is Diggory, you say?
Huh, well, I can’t hear you very well when my head is submerged in the gutter.
Carry on.
Mrs. Gerty is now on the phone, speaking rapidly with someone, while still looking at me. It’s getting a little freaky. I hear a tussle behind me and swivel to face the closet door, which is now making a lot of racket. Mrs. Gerty marches over to it and swings the door open, and out steps. . . Edgar?
I stare at him for a moment, before ping-ponging my gaze back and forth between him and the unperturbed librarian. Again, nothing is said. Maybe they assume I can read minds because I can now apparate?
“They couldn’t read minds in Harry Potter, you know,” I tell them loftily.
Edgar looks confused, but the Grinch just rolls her eyes.
Gert Alert!
That old bat has some serious sass.
“This is not Harry Potter, Zahra, this is the real world,” she announces exasperatedly.
“Well then, would someone tell me what the fu- I mean frick is going on? Why was Edgar in the closet?” I turn to look at him now. “Are you trying to tell me something? Are you actually gay? I’m okay with that, ya know, you didn’t need to actually come out of a clo-”
Edgar’s hand gently slaps over my mouth to shut me up and Mrs. Gerty’s eyes are facing heavenward again. Someone obviously didn’t tell her not to do that or her eyeballs might get stuck that way. . .
“I’m Vesta and he is Chiron,” Mrs. Gerty answers me succinctly.
“You guys are obscure asteroids?” I parry back.
“No,” she sniffs, obviously offended. “We are Minor gods!”
Oh.
Well, being the clichéd vestal virgin was not helping the Gert.
She needed to get laid.
“Could you, um, clarify that a little more, please?”
“We are two of the Minor gods of the zodiac.”
I give her a flat look. That explanation sucked balls.
“And. . . .” I urge.
“And what?”
I can feel my blood pressure rising. Someone might die a virgin if she didn’t explain herself better. Edgar must see the homicidal tempest brewing in my eyes because he steps between Mrs. Gerty and me.
“How did Edgar end up in the closet?” I suddenly question.
“I called him. You watched me.” Mrs. Gerty says slowly, like she is speaking to a preschooler.
“And I materialized into the closet because time is of the essence.” Edgar rushes to fill-in the Gert’s lack of an answer.
“You apparated, too?” I ask, surprised. “Ten points for Hufflepuff!” I cheer before he can answer.
Edgar seems like he would have been sorted into Hufflepuff, right?
Mrs. Gerty apparently does not agree and her eyes are raised upward again.
“Er, right,” Edgar concurs. “Anyway, I came because Vesta and I are your guardians and we must protect you.”
“Yes, and we must get her back to the Majors immediately,” Mrs. Gerty inserts.
“Wait, why are you guys my guardians? And what are you protecting me from?”
Edgar and Mrs. Gerty share a look. Finally, Mrs. Gerty actually delivers a real answer:
“From Moon.”
And then something clicks.
Holy.
Shit.
White lady was Moon.
I needed it spelled out for me to make that connection. . .
But who was the pink lady?
“We are wasting time! Moon can trace your energy and we must get you to somewhere protected!” Mrs. Gerty interrupts my thinking, but then a new thought occurs:
“Wait a second! You’re married!” I accuse the older woman. “You’re no virgin!”
Cue eyes rolling up.
“For pity’s sake, Zahra Rosa, not everything is black and white. The Romans turned Vesta into this personage of chaste purity. In reality, I’m the Keeper of the Eternal Flame, leading people to the light of love. And Edgar is Chiron, our Wounded Healer, who spurs us into higher levels of knowledge and growth. Both of which culminate in love.”
She oddly emphasizes the word ‘love’, like it should mean something to me.
It doesn’t.
I’m too busy cringing over her use of my middle name. Only in a town this small could the librarian know my full name. I pause my thoughts and tip my head to the side to digest Mrs. Gerty’s words.
“So you are actually a centaur?” I ask Edgar.
“Yes, in my true form.”
Huh, the man is hung like a horse.
Who would have thunk?
Guess I should have taken that pony ride when I had the chance.
I still had a bazillion questions. . . How long had they looked after me? Why? How old were they? Should I call them Mrs. Gerty and Edgar or Vesta and Chiron? Why did they have to complicate shit? It was already complicated!
“The Majors.” Mrs. Gert repeats insistently.
“What?”
“The major gods. We must get you back to them. Can you take us?” Edgar explains.
Oh- they mean the guys. It feels like forever since I last saw them. Come to think of it. . .
“What day is it?”
“It’s Saturday, late morning, almost time for me to close the library.” Mrs. Gerty supplies.
“No way!” I exclaim. “North Node and South Node took me on Saturday morning and knocked me unconscious. I admit I’m no genius of time, but I was gone for more than a couple of hours!”
“Yes, on the moon. Time works differently outside of Earth and the other dimensions. Generally, it moves quicker.”
Alright then. I would sort through that new mental twist another time. The good news is that my godmen have not been too long without me. I need to get back to them.
Because I need answers.
I think I deserve some. . . and better ones than Mrs. Gerty is giving.
“Ok, how do we get to the, uh, Majors? I don’t know Khal’s number; it’s in my phone, back in Arizona.”
“We materialize to them,” Edgar states.
Because obviously, right?
“You have been to their private quarters and are stronger than us, materialize us to them.” Mrs. Gerty commands.
“I haven’t been to their private quarters!” I splutter. “And I don’t know how to ‘materialize’.”
“How do you think you got here from the moon, girl?” Mrs. Gerty snaps.
&
nbsp; It’s not nice to punch an old lady in the face, is it?
Even if they are Minor gods in disguise?
“You can do this, Zahra,” Edgar encourages, “Just think of them and will yourself into their presence.”
Well, that is certainly easier said than done. Do I have to focus on them together or individually? What if they weren’t all together at this precise moment? Would I split myself into pieces to be with each of them?
No thanks.
“You are overanalyzing,” Edgar teases affectionately. “Think of a memory of them together, it should help you to trace their energy and pull you to them.”
I screw my eyes shut and try to focus on my memories of them.
Of course, I think of the office scene.
You know, when I first learned they were monsters.
And there was unseemly workplace misconduct happening. . .
I can feel my body heat up at the memory.
At the same time, I feel a sense of weightlessness and hear Mrs. Gerty and Edgar scrambling to grab onto me. . . before I dematerialize.
CHAPTER 3
ZAHRA
I blink and suddenly we are in the guys’ office, back in Tucson.
My impassioned memory was obviously enough to pull me to them, but did that mean. . .
“Quick, cover your eyes!” I yell to Mrs. Gerty and Edgar, throwing a hand up over my face.
“Why?” asks Edgar.
“Because the last time I popped in unannounced, they were having an orgy!”
I sneak a quick peek between my fingers.
Nope, no orgies happening here.
Phew.
I’m inordinately pleased to know this. . . a worrisome notion since none of us are barely even friends.
The eight men, to whom I have grown very attached, seem stunned to see me. Khal stands from his desk, gazing at me like I’m an apparition.
“Zahra. . . how did you. . . where the hell. . .”
His lack of articulation surprises me, but when he steps around the desk and strides to the center of the office to envelope me in a bear hug, I’m floored.
“Uh, good to see you, too, Mr. Al-Zahil.”
“I told you to call me Khal.”
There’s the commanding douche I pseudo-adore.
“You’re lucky I’m calling you anything but insulting names!” I retort. “Now, no one has given me a straight answer to. . . well, anything. So, feel free to start.”
Nothing.
The eight man-gods are still just staring at me.
In wonder.
They are probably impressed with my apparating skills, too.
But the silence is getting awkward, so I open my mouth to say something to break it up, only to be muffled by the giant men rushing at me and smashing me to their muscular chests.
Well, no complaints here.
Each one of them takes a turn embracing me. The twins make us into a sandwich, before Nyam cuts in with Mio, both cupping my face tenderly. Kane reaches over both of them to gently extract me from their arms, and pulls me up into his for a hug. Caed wastes no time getting in on the action and presses against my back while pulling me to him from Kane. I tip my head up towards him and offer a confused smile of acknowledgment.
What has gotten into them?
Before I can ask, Caed sets me down in front of Arawn. With the others, there had been some level of involvement in the past, but Arawn and I barely had any verbal interaction, let alone physical interaction. . .
I’m unsure of what to expect, but Arawn keeps staring at me like I’m air and he is a suffocating man. . .
Finally, he swoops in and picks me up in a warm embrace, swinging me around and around. When he finally sets me down, his face is wreathed in a smile so wide and charming, I almost fall over. I’m equal parts dizzy from the spinning and from his breathtaking looks.
“Ok, what is going on?” I demand. “I was minding my own business when these really creepy twins came into my room saying Selina, aka Moon, wanted to kill me. Oh, and then they knocked me unconscious. I somehow got to the moon, met actual ‘Moon’, and was in a pink chick’s body.”
I pause and reflect on my summary.
“I forgot, the twins were actually North Node and South Node and I can apparate!”
Someone clears their throat from behind me. Mrs. Gerty and Edgar are still there and the Grinch has a brow raised.
“Oh, and apparently, these are my guardians, Vesta and Chiron, but I call them the Ger- I mean Mrs. Gerty and Edgar. Mrs. Gerty is my town’s librarian and Edgar is my. . . friend.”
Eight pairs of eyes swing towards them.
“My lords,” Mrs. Gerty greets, bowing her head. “It feels like an eternity since we last met.”
Next to her, Edgar bows his head, too. I see the guys share some looks, but I’m so far out of the loop, I don’t even try to translate.
“Indeed, Vesta,” says Illu, “but are your descendants not priestesses of the moon?”
His remark is said nonchalantly, but there is accusation lurking in his words.
“They are,” Mrs. Gerty acknowledges. “But that was before the land became tainted with humanity’s excess and Moon became imbalanced. Now, my daughters work in her name to maintain appearances, but they all know the score. We are Keepers of the Eternal Flame and part of our vow is to uphold the universal balance, but Moon subverts this equilibrium by suppressing Venus. Chiron and I have been guarding this reincarnation to make sure she could come into her highest manifestation.”
“Say what now?” I blurt out.
No one answers my outburst.
Typical.
“The questions are why has Moon caused these imbalances, and how are you all involved, my lords?” Mrs. Gerty asks sassily.
“Because she cursed us,” Caed intones baldly. His frank, but brief, answer suggests that he will not be saying more on the subject.
I think back to their preoccupation with their afflicted moons. . . what did the murderous girl-god do to their charts?
“I felt the unbalance begin centuries ago and knew it came from Moon. I enlisted the help of the other minors to reestablish the cosmic stability and together we realized that something, or someone, was missing. For eons we watched Moon, many of us right under her nose, and her insalubrious obsession with humans. Over time, a pattern emerged: Moon was killing women, specifically women we could feel a Major connection to. We realized this Major was Venus, but she could not manifest herself outside of a human shell. When any of us tried to reach out to you eight, we could not feel our connection anymore. We assumed Moon perverted the natural order of the planetary hierarchy and we took it upon ourselves to safeguard the women we felt a Major connection to, since we could not contact you eight. Unfortunately, Chiron and I are the last of the Minors left to guard this Major, as all the other Minors have gone missing with the preceding Venus’ deaths. Luckily, Zahra is strong and has not only thwarted Moon’s previous attempts on her life, but she finally brought Chiron and me back to you all.”
The guys are silent, mulling over Mrs. Gerty’s words. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I think she just complimented me. I think Mrs. Gerty might be secretly impressed with my apparating skills. But that was probably not the point of her spiel. Indeed, if I needed to take key objectives away, they would be:
All the Minors, except Vesta and Chiron, are missing and Moon might definitely have had something to do with their disappearances.
I’m a total badass, what with foiling Moon’s attempt to kill me and apparating with a couple of Minor gods. I’m the girl-god Venus.
That might be the most bizarre thought I have ever had. . . I’m a girl-god. . . a goddess. I always thought those razor blade commercials were singing to me, and now I could say they named their razors after me. Speaking of razors. . . I rub my legs together and hope they do not feel (or resemble) a cactus. Looking down, I realize I’m clothed.
Again- had I done that?
Last time
I looked; I was a naked pink lady (shudder). I had not really assessed myself when I was at the library, but recalling Mrs. Gerty’s lack of outrage and Edgar’s lack of wandering eyes, I will chalk it up that I apparated with clothing.
Yay me!
Seeing the teal dress flowing over my body, it’s clear my subconscious had a handle on the situation- for which I’m eternally grateful. I didn’t need any more awkward moments with Edgar the Centaur.
“So how long have you two been watching after me?” I ask.
“Since your conception,” Mrs. Gerty replies somberly. “When Ceres never came back to us after Venus’ last human reincarnation, Chiron and I knew we needed to gain the upper hand to stop Moon. So we waited until the new moon, when she was at her weakest, and pulling our power together, Chiron and I used the fabric of time and space to create your conception. Unfortunately, in using our powers this way, we drained ourselves and became trapped in this earthly dimension. We can still choose and change our human forms, but we cannot materialize or access our true selves.”
“You and Chiron are my real parents?” I screech.
Can you guess which way the Gert’s eyes are facing right now?
Did you say up?
Correct!
Ten points to your house!
“No- we are not your parents. Good grief, child!”
Just for the record, you got that she and Edgar (aka Chiron) made me from, and I quote, ‘the fabric of time and space’, right? Pretty much sounds like she and Edgar did the not-nasty and made me. . . making them my real folks.
“The Universe made you to balance the actions Moon caused, we simply harnessed that energy to direct your human inception.”
“So, you’re like my aunt, instead?”
No response.
“Does this mean I don’t have to buy you a Mother’s Day card?”
Still no response; I think the Grinch forgot to make herself a funny bone in this form.
“We have been guarding you since I placed your soul energy in your mother. What little of our powers we had left we used to blanket your true identity so Moon could never find you. We followed you everywhere and have been different people in your life since day one,” Mrs. Gerty says.
“You two even followed me to college?”
