by Beth Bolden
Bun . . .
Something was tickling Gabriel’s memory. Something he needed to be doing. His memory was spotty these days—at least where anything that didn’t relate to Sean was concerned.
“Crap,” Gabriel said suddenly. “I have to meet the sign guy at the truck.”
“He has the new signage ready?” Ren said, carefully shaking the pan of glazed meatballs. “That was quick.”
“They usually are, once the idea gets approved.”
“Tony is going to murder you, slowly, for not telling him ahead of time.”
“Probably,” Gabriel said. Truthfully, the shock on Tony’s face was one of the few things that gave him a lot of joy these days.
Though, the idea that he and Ren were revolutionizing their menu, together, using one of Nonna’s famous recipes as the backbone, that made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside, too.
Even if everything went as badly as he feared it would with Sean, even if he never loved him, and Gabriel had to pine for him forever, at least he and Ren would have this.
“I’m going to have to leave in a few minutes,” Gabe added, as he watched Ren carefully begin to assemble the sandwich.
“Well, at least stick around until this is done and you can try it. Decide if we need any more changes,” Ren said, an edge of annoyance in his voice. “We’ve got two more recipes we need to finalize before we open again tomorrow.”
“We’ll get it done,” Gabriel said, trying to find his confidence again.
“If you hurry back, we will,” Ren said.
“I will,” Gabriel promised.
Ren piled the meatballs onto the sandwich, then using his fingers, grabbed a handful of the picked veggies, and arranged them on top. Grabbed a spoon, and drizzled the spicy mayonnaise over the whole thing. With a flourish, he sliced through the sandwich, nudging Gabe’s half towards him. He picked it up, making sure it wouldn’t immediately fall apart—which unsurprisingly, customers really hated—but it stayed firmly together, and he gave silent props to Ren for learning the best way to construct these things.
The first bite was an explosion of flavor on his tongue.
The second, he started to parse out the individual flavors. The sticky savoriness of the meatballs, the shredded basil, the pickled vegetables, the creamy spiciness of the mayo.
“That is really fucking good,” Ren said after he took a third bite and swallowed it.
“Yeah, it is.” Gabriel set down his sandwich before he devoured the entire thing. Lifted his hand to give his cousin a high five. “Great job, dude. It’s delicious.”
“No changes?” Ren said after slapping his hand. “Really?”
“Seriously, it’s perfect,” Gabriel said.
Ren’s eyes narrowed. “You’re not just saying that, are you?”
“Would I?”
“Normally, no,” Ren agreed. “But right now? I don’t know, you’re off your game. Sean fucked you up something fierce. That’s what . . .”
“Yes,” Gabriel interrupted him. “Yes, that’s what falling in love does. I get it, okay?”
“I wasn’t . . .” Ren looked really sorry. “Well, I was,” he added. “But I didn’t mean it that way.”
“It’s alright if you did,” Gabriel said with resignation. “I know I was stupid. I know I threw my heart away, without really thinking it through. And you know what? I’d do it again.”
“I know you would.” Ren’s voice had gone soft and quiet. “That’s the kind of man you are.”
Gabe had to look away before the emotion overwhelmed him. He didn’t regret what he and Sean had had—he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it—but he did wish that it had ended differently. He wished that they could find a way to be friends, maybe in the future. Even if it would hurt.
“I should go,” he said. “The sign guy’s gonna be waiting for me.”
“I’m going to finalize the recipe and then clean up,” Ren said.
Gabriel grabbed his wallet and his keys, and on the way over, grabbed an iced coffee from his favorite cafe. It was hot, blazing hot, an August day where it felt like the sidewalks might start sizzling any moment.
Gabriel turned the corner and came face to face with a lot that was just as empty as he’d envisioned it would be.
He skirted around the side instead of walking through the middle—he couldn’t quite face Sean’s truck, not just yet—and pulled his keys out, even though he was pretty sure the sign guy didn’t need to actually get inside to replace the outside, rebranding and renaming his truck, finally. But he’d also ordered new shirts and new aprons, as well as new paper menus, and he hoped that he’d be able to stash them inside for the time being.
Glancing at his phone, he noticed that the guy was already ten minutes late. Gabriel told himself not to be annoyed, but he kind of was.
He paced in the truck, reassuring himself with the way everything still shone and gleamed, and was in one piece. Ever since the picnic table incident, Lennox had made sure that nobody was on the lot that didn’t belong there. But he still worried—and Gabe knew Tony worried.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t be having Lennox install that ridiculous security system.
Glancing out the front window, he wondered if he’d be able to see the cameras, or if they were so small and hidden, he’d have to guess where Lennox placed them.
Knowing Lennox, he’d be searching forever before he spotted one. That guy was a sneaky bastard.
But the first thing Gabriel saw wasn’t a camera. It was the sign guy—and he was across the lot, talking to . . . was that Sean?
Gabriel stared, shocked. That was Sean’s truck—or else it had been Sean’s truck. The distinctive red and white was gone, replaced by a bright turquoise and an even sunnier yellow trim. He couldn’t quite read the name from this distance.
Had he . . .? No, Gabe insisted to himself. He wouldn’t have sold his truck and given up. Except . . . maybe he would have.
Gabriel, who had made himself a whole truckload of promises about how he wouldn’t force the issue with Sean or push him or make him uncomfortable in any way, was down the stairs and out the door in a flash, practically running across the lot.
He didn’t even bother to read who had bought the truck off Sean.
He only had eyes for the man he loved.
“Gabriel!” Sean didn’t look upset to see him, or surprised, or any of the emotions that he’d expected. He looked pleased.
Gabe’s heartbeat sped up—and it had already been racing from his run across the lot.
“What’s going on?” he demanded. “Did you sell your truck?”
“Is that what you’re so worried about?” Sean teased.
“Yes,” Gabe said. “I’m . . .” He gestured at the sign guy, who was staring at both of them like they’d just grown second heads. “I don’t want you to give this up, just because I was a stubborn asshole. I . . . I know I fucked it up. I know I pushed you too hard, but you can stay, right? I can be better. I can be . . . well, I can try to be quiet. I can do that, for you. I can do anything for you.”
A smile played across Sean’s lips. “You sure about that? I don’t think I can see you being all that quiet, Moretti. It’s not in your nature.”
“I told you. I’d do it. For you.” Gabe couldn’t quiet the panic streaking through him. Sean was going to leave, he was going to go away again, and he would never get a second chance. Or a third chance. Or whatever fucking chance he was on.
Maybe it was selfish—it was definitely the stubborn asshole in him—but he wanted all the chances that Sean would give him. He’d take them all and give Sean back all the love in the world. At least all the love that Sean would accept.
“Yeah, you did.” Sean glanced over at the sign guy, who was staring at both of them still. He reached out and signed the paper on the clipboard he’d extended in his direction. “Thanks,” he said to the sign guy. “Sorry I kept you a little bit longer, but I think we’re done here.”
“Yeah,�
� he said. “No problem. My next job is just over there.” He gestured in the direction of Gabriel’s truck. “So if you need anything else . . .”
“Wait,” Sean said suddenly. “Wait. You’re . . . who’s your next job?”
The sign guy shot Gabriel a look that clearly said, it’s this crazy dude, right here.
“You didn’t,” Sean breathed out, looking blown away. “You did.”
“I said it,” Gabriel said. “I said I’d do anything for you. I should’ve done it an age ago, when I first looked into it, but I was selfish. I wanted . . . it kept us together, you know? It kept us talking and arguing and god, I liked that too much.”
“I did too,” Sean said, and Gabriel’s heart was splintering. Was it possible for a heart to break from too much hope? Too much happiness? Or was it his heart being remade? Reforged with the belief that he’d finally done the right thing?
He glanced and now that he was closer and not completely distracted by the fact that Sean was here, now, he could finally see the name. Wrap It Up, the logo on the truck read.
It was perfect. Not as perfect as Sean, but that was a high bar.
“But,” Sean continued, before Gabe could get his brain on the same page and ask if all this meant what he hoped it meant, “truthfully, I liked this even better.” He fit into Gabriel’s arms like they’d been made to hold him. Sean smiled, and leaned in, brushing a quick kiss across his lips. “I’m sorry, I made a huge mess out of things. It sucked to watch you walk away. It sucked to be the one who made you do that. But I couldn’t keep going like I was . . . I needed to get my head on straight.”
Gabriel held his breath. “Is it?”
“Yes,” Sean said with a nod. “It’s never been on straighter. And now so is my heart. I . . . I wanted to come back and tell you that I was wrong about so many things. First, I never should have been so goddamned stubborn about the name. It’s just a name. So I changed it,” he said, gesturing behind Gabe. “I’m not going anywhere. I’d rather cut my arm off than sell this truck. You aren’t getting rid of me that easily.”
“I changed mine too,” Gabriel said, with a sheepish grin, fingers tightening on Sean’s arms. “Or I am changing it. I . . . I guess I should have asked you first. But it felt like the one thing I could do to prove to you that I was the right guy. That I love you.”
“You know what? Ditto.” Sean grinned wildly, looking as happy as Gabriel had ever seen him. Happier, lighter, so much more alive. If Gabriel hadn’t loved him before, there was no way he didn’t love him now.
Gabriel kissed him then, because he didn’t want to hear what he was sorry for. He’d already heard everything he needed to hear, even if Sean hadn’t said it out loud.
He loves you, just the same way you love him. His heart did break then, reforming around the knowledge that even though nobody could ever know what the future held, it didn’t matter, because they had each other now.
“Wait,” Sean gasped, moving back a half step. Gabriel reached out for him, but Sean held his hand up. “It’s important that I say this. I mean it when I say I fucked this up.”
“I don’t care,” Gabriel said.
“But I care,” Sean said tenderly. “You deserve the apology and you deserve to hear everything that I couldn’t say before.”
“Okay.” Gabriel shoved his hands in his pockets so he wouldn’t interrupt him again.
“I love you,” Sean said, and Gabriel was unprepared for the way the words hit him. He’d known them, believed in them even when Sean had claimed he was wrong. But to hear them now? It was like the dawn of a spring day, even though it was the height of summer, and the air was so hot and dry. “I think I loved you a long time too, I just couldn’t face it. I . . . I didn’t think I’d ever really move on, but I did, and I didn’t even realize that I’d done it. I couldn’t let myself realize it. But every moment I spent with you, it was like you were showing me how to live again. I wanted it, I craved it, craved you. But even then, it was never just getting naked.”
“Hey, I’m happy to get naked with you anytime,” Gabriel interrupted, because he couldn’t quite help himself. The joy was bubbling out of him, like a champagne bottle that had just been unceremoniously uncorked.
“I’m gonna hold you to that,” Sean said seriously, and Gabriel laughed. “But I mean it, I love you. Today, tomorrow, every day in the future. Even if things don’t work out, and I sure as fuck hope they will, but I’ll always be grateful for everything you did for me.”
“I was a selfish asshole. I am a selfish asshole. I didn’t do it for you,” Gabriel said, and reached for him again. This time Sean came willingly, sinking into his arms, head resting on his shoulder. “Well, I kinda did it for you.”
“I know you,” Sean murmured into his ear. “No matter what you might try to claim, I know you did it for me.”
Chapter Sixteen
By the time they made it back to Gabriel’s apartment, he felt overheated and overwhelmed.
“I’m sorry,” Gabriel had said between hot drugging kisses they’d been trading in the shade by Gabe’s truck. Gabe’s new truck, which was now called something wild that was going to drive Tony around the bend. “I’ve got to head back to my place, at some point. Ren’s finishing up the recipe testing for the new menu, and I promised I’d help him.”
“New name, new menu, new recipes,” Sean said wonderingly. Still shocked that they had both ended up changing their name—and not only had Gabriel taken the step that he’d sworn he’d never do, he’d re-envisioned everything he was doing.
It was brave or it was crazy.
Maybe it was a little bit of both.
“Yeah, well,” Gabriel had blushed—or was that the flush from the heat and the arousal that Sean had felt pressed hard and hot against his hip? “Someone encouraged me to try something different. And I decided it was important to prove that I could.”
“And Ren is helping you,” Sean asked after Gabriel had signed the sign guy’s paperwork, officially transitioning On a Roll to Balls & Buns.
Tony was really going to lose his shit. Sean couldn’t wait to see it.
“Even better, Ren is doing it with me,” Gabriel said as they’d begun their long, hot trek towards his place.
“Really?” Sean was thrilled for Gabe.
“He even came up with the name that’s probably going to get me murdered,” Gabe said with a sly grin.
“Yeah, I want to be there when you tell Tony,” Sean said. “Promise me.”
“You gonna be around tomorrow morning?”
Sean squeezed his hand. It was almost too hot to hold hands, but he didn’t give a fuck. He felt like he could do anything now that he’d won Gabriel’s heart—and Gabriel had won his own right back.
“Plan on it,” Sean said. “Besides, I wouldn’t miss this for the world.”
“It’s gonna be fun,” Gabe said, holding the door open for him. “Come on, let’s see how crazed Ren is by this point. I was supposed to be home an hour ago, and he keeps sending me texts.”
“What kind of texts?”
“Oh,” Gabriel said as he pushed the button for the elevator, “threatening ones, like he’s going to quit, that he’s going to move out, that he’s going to leave me for someone who actually cares about the business, etcetera, etcetera.”
“I didn’t think Ren was that dramatic,” Sean said.
“Ren’s a Moretti,” Gabriel said with a bright, happy grin. “Best get used to it, babe.”
They were kissing again when the elevator arrived with a ding.
It opened and Ren was standing there, glowering.
“You two,” he said flatly.
“Us two,” Gabriel said happily. “We made up.”
Ren rolled his eyes but he was smiling. “What a surprise. I’m so shocked.”
“You’re really not,” Gabriel said. Ren stepped out of the elevator. “Where are you going?”
“Away,” Ren said dramatically. “You’re pissing me off.”
“Together?” Ren asked suspiciously.
Gabriel shrugged. “Three sets of hands are better than two.”
Ren stepped into the elevator, and after it dinged closed, rounded on them. “Just so we’re clear, there is to be no disgusting or sappy display of affection. No kissing, no hugging, no taking a break, AKA retreating to the bedroom for a quickie, alright?”
Sean nudged Gabriel’s shoulder with his own. “You said he was dramatic, not that he was such a drill sergeant.”
For a second, Ren stared at him. And then he started laughing, like he couldn’t quite stop. When he finally did, the elevator had reached the top floor.
“Honestly,” he said, as they walked towards their apartment, “I’ve never had something I needed to be a drill sergeant about before.”
“I gave him half the business,” Gabriel announced proudly. He patted Ren on the back as he unlocked the door. “Officially, legally, the whole nine yards. I don’t know why I didn’t do it before.”
“Probably because Luca would have blown a gasket,” Sean muttered under his breath as they walked into the gloriously air-conditioned apartment.
“You’re probably right,” Ren said with a crooked grin. “Honestly, that makes it even better.”
“It really does, doesn’t it?” Gabriel said, letting go of Sean’s hand and perusing the ingredients scattered over the counter. “Did you get the lingonberry jam?”
“Jam?” Sean asked, confused. “Did you decide to start serving scones?”
“We,” Gabe announced proudly, “are going to be serving all kinds of meatballs.”
“And all kinds of buns,” Ren inserted slyly as he joined Gabe in the kitchen, sliding a glass jar of jam across the counter to his cousin.
“But not my favorite buns,” Gabriel teased, shooting Sean a look that made it clear that when they were finally alone, he was completely committed to giving Sean everything he wanted—and more.
