Love Me Madly

by Lidiya Foxglove

  “You monster…” I was so angry that I reached for my magic without knowing what spell to cast or how to control it. I just needed power. I needed to give shape to the anger I felt. I felt the magic that was in everything, in every tree and every bird and insect and even in the leftover pain of this abandoned world, and I gathered it to me.

  I want to kill him.

  “You—are the demon,” I said, throwing out my hand. “Go straight to hell.”

  Silvus turned to me then. “Alissa—no!” he said, as I blasted magic at Father Joshua. The ground under his feet exploded, toppling trees, and all the windows of the house where Svetlana was born shattered outward. Father Joshua was thrown into the air where, for one sweet moment, I held him there as the shock wave of the spell burst around me and he made choking noises.

  That was when I realized that Jie was on the ground, shielding Joan with his body, while Rayner had managed to put himself in front of Carrie. Glass had struck Thom in the chest, pieces sticking out of him like he’d been shot with them, and he was bleeding in multiple places. I couldn’t tell if Jie was conscious.

  No—

  I lost control. Father Joshua fell, landing on his feet. He lunged to grab me.

  “No! You will never touch me again!”

  The shawl glowed and he whipped his hand back, but Waldemar was also standing just behind me. He put one hand on my shoulder, protecting me.

  “You’re not trained,” he said. “You have no control. You—ungh—“

  Father Joshua shot at Waldemar and Waldemar barely threw up a defense in time.

  “Waldemar!” Oh, god. I didn’t know what to do. He didn’t have to tell me I had completely messed up.

  “Alissa, get back,” Silvus said, swooping in and unleashing some swirling barrier of blue energy that moved around Father Joshua and Silvus together. “Actually—run. Get everyone up and just—run. Run! Waldemar, you can help her, yes?”

  “Yes.” Waldemar understood the urgency. I had to shake off my daze and help the clan. Waldemar yanked the glass out of Thom’s skin and then slapped his hands on his chest to do some battlefield healing.

  “Ouch, you could warn a man first!” Thom said.

  “You’re a tough guy,” Waldemar said, a bit witheringly. I helped up Jie, because Rayner was already on his feet, holding Carrie’s hand.

  Silvus looked back at Rayner. “Rayner, you heard me. And you know what you have to do.”

  “I do.” Rayner broke away from him, sounding almost choked.

  Jie was rubbing his head, taking a second to realize he’d been knocked out for a second. Thom took Joan from him and surveyed Jie’s face for a second before saying, “You’re good, man. Come on.”

  “Come on where? We’ve gotta kick his ass!” Jie gestured at Father Joshua.

  “No—get out of here! Please, just listen to me, you kids!” Silvus yelled, and now Rayner and Waldemar were both grabbing my arms and we were running away from Father Joshua and the house and Silvus.

  When we were a little bit farther out, Rayner stopped and grabbed me, his arms around me. “I love you, Tulip,” he said. “Alissa. I think you understand now…just how much. Even with all the mistakes I’ve made. Even if I’m not a good man, if there’s anything good left in me, it’s you. It’s us.”

  “Rayner…” I slowly put a hand along his solid back. “Why are you telling me this?”

  “Because I didn’t know he’s been tracking me. And now he’ll track Carrie too. And he’ll kill you.” He held me so fiercely that I couldn’t really breathe, but it didn’t seem to matter. I almost wished he would just squeeze the life out of me, wrap me into his own body—that we would become one and never have to part. I thought I felt a tear hit my shoulder.

  “I’ll kill him,” Rayner said. “And then I’ll find you.” He kissed me.

  Then he stepped back.

  Jie and Thom seemed stunned and then they both ran to me and held me close like Rayner had just done. They didn’t speak. I sensed the goodbyes, unspoken and terrible, and I was glad they didn’t say them.

  “This is my fault,” I said. “Silvus told me not to cast spells when I was angry. I threw off the fight, didn’t I?”

  “I don’t think we could have won anyway,” Rayner said.

  He was being gracious. It was definitely my fault and I would never forgive myself if Silvus died.

  “I want to kill him with you!” I said. “Rayner—I’m not going anywhere!”

  “Waldemar—take her to Eileen, and…protect her.”

  “I understand.” Waldemar grabbed my hand and suddenly the whole world was spinning around me and they were gone, along with the forests of Belarus.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Rayner

  A sense of complete calm had descended over me as our plane landed in Savannah.

  The past couple days had been a blur of just trying to get Alissa’s sisters to safety, to get them away from Johannes and back to America. What he had done to Carrie was as criminal as Alice’s sire, whom we had teamed up to take down. What was done to Alice was done, but there could be some hope for Carrie to become human again.

  Thom was having a good time taking care of Joan, it seemed, even changing diapers. He’d been missing his sisters for almost two hundred years and now he got to play big brother again. Thankfully Joan was so small and sweet, and seemed to like Thom, and when she cried Carrie knew how to calm her down.

  Carrie was shellshocked and seemed too old for her age. I could tell she must have already been through a great deal of trauma after losing her parents and big sister. She didn’t speak much but I bought her a stuffed rabbit at the airport and she clung to it desperately. I didn’t try to hide the truth from her. It was too late for that.

  “I just want to see Alissa…,” she said.

  “So do I, but neither of us can see her until Johannes—Father Joshua—is dead. He can use you and me to find her, because he has turned both of us into vampires. He turned me five hundred years ago, and you just now, but even so, we are like family now, Carrie. I love your sister. I’ll do anything to protect her…even if it means I have to stay away from her.”

  “He wants to…kill Alissa… He told me…” She choked back a sob. “You’re the man that my daddy told Alissa to escape with, aren’t you?”

  I nodded. “I’ll take care of you. I had a little girl a long time ago, before I became a vampire. Alissa and I had her together.”

  “You…had a baby with Alissa?” She looked interested and I told her the story, but then she lost it and began to cry.

  “My heart is broken,” she said, clinging to her bunny. The raw honesty of a child was piercing. She didn’t seem to fully comprehend everything that was happening to her, and could only focus on the deepest pain of all. She had lost her family.

  “I’m sorry, Carrie. My heart is broken too. But…they don’t always stay broken. I promise you that.”

  I wondered if that was actually true, even as I assured her.

  The truth was, I had no idea how to defeat Johannes and the entire Order. We were outnumbered, and he had Silvus… I would need an army. And if I asked others to fight with me, I would need some plan to keep them safe.

  Ulf had entrusted his home to me, with the suggestion—and the hope—that I might take over for him. But I knew he must have passed on with some worry that there was no vampire in North America prepared to be the father of all vampires.

  I felt as if I wasn’t prepared to do anything if I didn’t have Alissa, if I knew where she was but couldn’t see her or touch her.

  Maybe this is my fate.

  She cried as she remembered Li Mei’s life. She cried when I seized her this time.

  I’m not a good man anymore. I’m not a good Dutch Protestant shoemaker. I’m not the father of our daughter. I have not lived a selfless life. I’m just…hungry for her.

  I wondered if Ulf was trying to give me a chance to redeem my soul.

  I returned to Ulf’
s house to find the tail end of a funeral. A week had passed since the wake, and most of the partygoers had scattered but close friends remained, comforting each other, cleaning up the house, sorting out possessions. Ulf had left me the house but many of the items in it were bequeathed to someone else. I saw some faded squares on the walls where paintings had been as soon as I walked in, and those faded squares hit me as hard as anything.

  “Rayner! Thom…Jie…” Alice came down the stairs and threw her arms around each of us in turn, stopping when she noticed Joan. “And the baby! And you must be Carrie.”

  Carrie nodded tentatively.

  “Has she had any of the good stuff yet?” Alice asked.

  She meant human blood, of course. “Warm it up a little.”

  “I’ll take care of you, honey,” Alice said. “You’ll feel a lot better.”

  I hadn’t told Carrie about Alice yet, and she looked immediately trusting of being taken in by an older girl. Alice must have planned for this, because she was dressed more girlishly than usual in a green cotton dress with a matching hair ribbon.

  Joan started whimpering.

  “Does she need to eat again?” Jie asked. He also had siblings once, but they seemed more faded into his memory; he must not have spent much time caring for babies.

  “I’m sure she does. Hungry little bugger. I’ll get a bottle ready. Can you hold her a sec?”

  “Sure.” Thom passed the baby and draped a spit cloth on Jie’s shoulder. Joan started crying and Jie looked at me like, Help. It would have been funny if I didn’t have so much to worry about. Jie and Silvus had so much in common sometimes. I knew Silvus would be giving me the same look.

  I have to save him. That’s the first thing I must do, I vowed. Alissa wasn’t with me, but she was safe in a witch colony. Silvus was anything but safe.

  “Rayner, are you going to stay?” Lucas asked me. “Ulf left this whole place to you…”

  Dmitry was hanging around in the parlor, both of them playing cards while Tamara played the piano and Sophie and Rosie were whispering to each other tearfully and eating popcorn. But they all looked at me, and other vampires stepped in from other rooms. The Brennan clan was here now, a rough and ready clan of 19th century Irish vampires. Victoria, Sven, Louise and Marcus—two elegant couples who shared several thralls between them and made their money in art collecting. They might seem like they never got their hands dirty, but they were right in the thick of the hunt for Alice’s sire.

  They were all looking to me now.

  I waited for Thom to come back with the bottle, tapping my hand to the piano music restlessly, holding up one finger to them. Wait.

  “To answer your question, Lucas…I think I’ll have to stay. It’s what Ulf wanted. And—someone’s got to do it.”

  “You don’t have to,” Dmitry said. “I guess we’d all manage without an Ulf.”

  “I’m no Ulf, anyway,” I said. “But…I do know one thing. There’s an ancient vampire in America who is a danger to everything I hold dear. Father Joshua is the leader of the Order of the Blessed, and he’s also my sire, Johannes.”

  “You’re talking about that awful religious group that has so much influence over the wizard councils lately!?” Louise asked.

  “Yep, that’s the one,” Sven answered.

  “We need to do something about him,” Davy Brennan said. “He’s who’s got Silvus, right?”

  Everyone had been piecing together the story up until now, because I had given some hasty updates on the telephone from Belarus.

  “Yes,” I said. “But…he’s powerful and…I’m no warlock. Alice’s sire wasn’t a warlock. Few of us are. And I can’t be responsible for losing many of your lives.”

  Alice shoved her way past a few people. “That’s not for you to decide, you know. He’s a danger to everybody, and we all know what he did now. He turned a child. You all fought for me and I’ll fight for that girl now. I’ll fight for Silvus too. And if I die, that’ll be a much better death than some of the stupid shit I’ve done in my life that could’ve killed me sooner.”

  “Ulf would have banded us all together and killed him,” Davy said. “So it’s as simple as that. If we make it out of this, you’ll take care of us—but we’ll also take care of you.”

  “That’s right,” Dmitry said. “And then, you go and get Lisbeth back and you can finally turn her too.”

  “I’m down,” Jie said, looking at me. “I didn’t even get to fight this guy yet because I was holding a baby. I’m ready to break some skulls.”

  “All riiiight,” Thom said, while giving Joan her bottle.

  I nodded. “We’ll need a plan,” I said.

  “Of course,” Alice said.

  “But I need some blood and some sleep first,” I said.

  And maybe I needed to get off by myself before they saw me get emotional at this show of support for Silvus. For me. And for the continued unity of the vampire clans, we who had sustained each other through so much sorrow over the centuries…

  I walked up the stairs, ignoring concern from Jie and Thom, to be alone in the guest room I had left just days prior. I took out my wallet, where I kept copies of my photographs of Li Mei and Bertie.

  I love her so much…and it hurts to know she is out there, and not with me…

  But I have always made her mine.

  If she is to become a vampire, and be with me forever…

  I shut my eyes.

  Come to me, my love.

  If you love me as I love you…you will find me this time.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Waldemar

  I had almost lost my magic—or my life. One second delay and that bullet would have struck me.

  I hadn’t enjoyed that sort of danger in a few hundred years. It was like waking up after a long sleep. This was real. This was living.

  Well, I tried not to actually be happy about it, because I was also worried about Alissa, but when you’ve lived without a purpose for as long as I have, anything that gets your heart thumping is good.

  To escape, I drew Alissa into the Ethereal Plane. She had never been here and in normal times, I might have given her a proper tour of the magical realm, but in this case, it was just a means to an end. It didn’t feel safe to be here, even though Johannes, as a vampire, could not have a familiar. He might have friends, and those friends might have familiars who could spy on me. It would have been better if Alissa was a Sinistral witch like her mother, but unfortunately, she had been raised in the ways of Etherium.

  I sensed that Eileen was no longer in the cottage where she had lived since Alissa was born and kidnapped, but was now in a different house by the ocean: a proper place for Clan Walvis to be. I slipped back into the Fixed Plane from inside the house, where I sensed we were safe from any human eyes. Alissa was left dizzy and frantic, panting out little half-screams. “Waldemar! Where are we? I need to go back!”

  “Who is there?” Downstairs, Eileen went on alert.

  “It’s just Waldemar and your daughter!” I called. “Alissa…you’re safe here.”

  “I don’t want to be safe!”

  “I have to keep you safe,” I insisted. “It’s my duty and I have been waiting for hundreds of years to fulfill that duty. You will not keep me from it.”

  “But—Rayner—and Silvus—and Jie and Thom and Carrie and Joan…”

  “I am aware of their predicament, yes, but…that doesn’t change things. You are the Blessed Thrall. Your blood has power, and if you want to help the people you love, the first thing to do is keep you away from Johannes. He is just too powerful.”

  Eileen was standing in the door. “Waldemar…I’ve never heard you speak so much! Alissa…are you okay? Can I do something? I wish I still had my magic, but I can make teas and potions. Anything you need.”

  “We fought with Johannes,” I said. “And it did not go well at all.” The more I thought about it, the worse it seemed to be. Johannes had likely captured Silvus, and he was the only true
match for the ancient vampire warlock. He could purify him, stealing his magic and sending him to a swift death. Then he could easily get the other vampires and make short work of them. I rubbed a sudden tension headache that was radiating from my neck into my forehead. I couldn’t remember when I’d last gotten a headache. “It’s very bad.”

  Eileen knew that I wasn’t much for talking or emoting so I was freaking her out just by betraying my own fear. “Is he coming here?”

  “Where are we?”

  “This is my friend Angelique’s house,” she said. “We’re in a very small Sinistral wizard settlement in Nova Scotia. They aren’t fans of the Order of the Blessed up here, I can tell you that.”

  “That’s very good,” I said. “We have to shield Alissa. Get the other wizards to help. This is of utmost importance for them too. If Father Joshua gets Alissa, as you know, he will try to force her to have a child and then kill her, which will give the Order power…”

  Eileen was nodding. “The wizards here think that if Father Joshua kills Alissa he will have complete control over the Ethereal Wizard Council. Many of the families already like the way he’s doing things. It’s unfathomable to me, but they think he is a strong leader who will save magic and they don’t care how many people are hurt along the way. We will all help to stop him from consolidating that power.”

  “When will I see them again?” Alissa was wiping away tears, trying to stay strong. “Rayner and my sisters and…I mean—is Silvus…?”

  “I don’t know.” I had to be honest with her.