It’s Sophie. I think it’s time we talked. For the children’s sake. I can come to you?
Angie’s reply had come twenty minutes later.
Ok. How about Sunday?
When she had told Alan what she was planning to do, he had nodded in weary resignation. ‘I suspected it would need to happen eventually. I’ll drive you.’
‘Thanks, Alan, but I’m going by myself.’
‘I don’t like the idea of you putting yourself through this, Sophie, especially alone.’
‘I’ll be fine.’
Alan looked miserable. He still hadn’t got his head around Katie and Freddy’s relationship. They’d told Tom the whole story and it hadn’t gone well. Even now, months later, Tom hadn’t been back home to visit yet, and he always called Sophie on her mobile when he wanted to speak to her to avoid the risk of Alan answering the landline.
Sophie gained no pleasure from her son’s animosity towards Alan. She had worked extremely hard to forgive him after his affair. The healing process had been long, and painful at times, but they had succeeded. The wounds had healed. The young children, the glue that had kept them together at first, had grown up and no longer bound them in the same way; yet they stayed together. Now she was with him because she wanted to be, because she loved him. Because he loved her. When she looked at him, she never saw the man who had broken her heart. She only saw her loving husband who had been by her side for twenty years.
But when it came to Angie, there had been no healing process, no cathartic marriage counselling. The wounds of her friend’s betrayal had not been treated so the idea of seeing her again felt as raw as the day she’d left. With one last glance at her old house, Sophie took a deep breath and climbed out of the car. I’m here now. Might as well get this over and done with.
Nausea rose inside her as she made her way up the steps to the front door. With a shaking hand she knocked and waited for Angie to answer it. When she did, a few seconds later, Sophie almost gasped out loud. Angie was still as beautiful as ever but she looked so pale, gaunt almost.
Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, ‘My goodness, Angie, what’s happened?’
Angie didn’t say anything at first, she just stared at Sophie as though she’d seen a ghost. Finally, she sighed and said, ‘You could always read me like a book. You’d better come in.’
Sophie followed Angie into the kitchen and took in the once familiar surroundings. It looked strikingly similar to how she remembered, with only a few small adjustments to suggest that a decade had passed. As Angie busied herself making tea, Sophie looked out of the bifold doors, straining to see if the gate between the gardens was still there.
‘The people who bought the house from you insisted we get the gate taken out,’ Angie explained, reading her mind. ‘They thought it was a bit creepy.’
Sophie chuckled, despite herself. ‘I guess it kind of was.’
Angie drew out the process of making tea until the silence was almost unbearable. Eventually she brought the drinks over to the kitchen table and gestured for Sophie to sit down.
‘You look fantastic,’ Angie said. ‘You haven’t aged a day in ten years.’
Sophie couldn’t stop herself from glowing with pleasure at the compliment. She’d been swimming almost daily for years and was now a highly regarded coach in the region. She looked after herself well and she had gained confidence as she aged. Now she was fifty she was probably in better health, both physically and mentally, than she was in her twenties.
‘Thanks,’ she said. She knew she should say something nice in return but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. The more she looked at Angie, the more she was certain that something wasn’t quite right. According to Freddy she was on great form, working less, looking after herself more, but his description didn’t match the woman sitting opposite her.
‘Are you okay, Angie?’
‘Shouldn’t I be asking you that?’
‘Maybe, but nothing about this is conventional, is it?’
‘I’m okay,’ Angie replied dismissively, ‘I’ve just been a bit under the weather.’
‘Okay.’ Sophie shrugged. The silence returned.
‘So, how are you?’
‘I’m good,’ Sophie replied. ‘We live in Cambridge now, I’m still a swimming instructor. Alan still works in property. Tom’s at uni in Manchester and, well, you know about Katie.’
Angie nodded. ‘I hear she’s a wonderful girl but I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting her yet.’
‘How did you and Jack feel when you found out?’ Sophie asked.
‘We laughed hysterically for about half an hour and then got pissed as farts.’
Sophie looked at her in surprise. ‘Really?’
‘Really.’
‘Are you and Jack, you know, still friends?’
Angie smiled. ‘Yes, actually, we are. At first, we forced it for the sake of the children but over time it became easier. Now I can’t believe we were ever married to be honest. He’s remarried you know, I’m sure Katie told you, some woman half his age but she makes him happy.’
‘And you?’
‘Oh there were romances, here and there, nothing that stuck.’
‘I’m sorry to hear that.’
‘Don’t be.’
She’s still the same old Angie, Sophie thought, as brusque as you like. She sipped her tea.
‘How did you and Alan feel? When Katie told you about Freddy?’
‘We were shocked at first. Alan was quite upset. It just dredged up so much stuff from the past, you know? I tried to be supportive for Katie but it was far from ideal. We had to tell Tom, which was a disaster. After a while I got used to the idea. Freddy is a wonderful boy, such a credit to you and Jack. I’m very fond of him now. Alan’s still not got his head around it yet.’
‘It’s quite the coincidence, them ending up at the same university and getting together.’
‘Tell me about it.’
The two women smiled tentatively at each other. It was weird, Sophie thought, she didn’t feel as angry as she had thought she would. It felt almost companionable, sitting here, talking to Angie. She hadn’t been expecting that at all.
‘Look, Sophie,’ Angie began, ‘for what it’s worth, I really am so terribly sorry for everything that happened. I was the worst friend, the worst neighbour, the worst possible human being to you. I hate myself for what I did to you.’
‘I appreciate you saying that,’ Sophie replied.
‘I know it’s no excuse or consolation, but I was in a very dark place back then. It took me too long to get the help I needed and I’ll always regret that. I don’t ever expect you to forgive me but I want you to know that you coming here today means the world to me. You’re an incredible woman, Sophie Brennan. I’ve always thought it and now I’m even more certain of it.’
Sophie was taken aback by Angie’s show of emotion, something that she knew didn’t come naturally to her, or at least not to the old Angie.
‘I hated you,’ she admitted. ‘For months, I really hated you. I thought how can a person do that to someone? I never thought I would get past what you did. But it was all such a long time ago now and we’re very different people. I don’t hate you anymore, Angie, so don’t waste time hating yourself. It’s simply not worth it.’
To her surprise, Angie burst into tears. ‘Oh, Sophie, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.’
Sophie put her hand over Angie’s, feeling an overwhelming urge to comfort her. This visit was turning out to be even stranger than she’d imagined.
‘I’ve wanted to contact you so many times over the years,’ Angie continued.
‘I would have told you to piss off,’ Sophie admitted.
Angie laughed through her tears. ‘I’d have deserved it.’
‘I was sorry to hear about you and Jack though, I really was. I always wondered, over the years, if you’d stayed together or not.’
‘Our marriage was in trouble long before all this happened. The
problem was that we never dealt with it, we just put our heads down and ploughed on. We didn’t realise how bad it had got until it was too late. The affair toppled us but we’d been wobbly for years.’
‘I had no idea.’
‘We hid it well,’ Angie said. ‘Too well. That was the problem. I learned the hard way that keeping things in is always going to end badly.’ She blew her nose and started shredding the tissue with her hands. ‘After it all happened, I finally got some help. I went to the doctor, got a prescription for antidepressants, started seeing a counsellor. I got a job with a new firm which was more family friendly. Gradually I got my life back on track. But me and Jack, I think we were beyond saving. We married because we were madly in love but that alone is not always enough to keep you going forever.’
‘Are you happy though, Angie? Have you been okay?’
‘I’ve been fine,’ Angie said. Then she looked up at Sophie. ‘Well, I’ve been having a bit of a hard time recently.’
‘Do you want to talk about it?’
‘No. Yes.’
The words triggered a memory of a similar conversation they’d had together, many years back, sitting on a garden bench.
‘You’re not pregnant, are you?’
Angie laughed so hard that she started coughing. As Sophie watched her struggling to catch her breath, the nasty feeling that something was terribly wrong returned.
‘Not pregnant no,’ Angie said, once she had recovered. ‘I’ve got cancer.’
‘Oh, Angie, I’m so sorry.’ Sophie gripped tightly onto her hand.
‘I’ve started chemo and it’s knocking me a bit for six to be honest.’
‘What’s the prognosis?’
‘Not great.’
Sophie put her hand to her mouth, tears pricking her eyes. The poor woman. She tried to think of something positive to say, to urge her to stay strong, not to give up hope. People lived for years with cancer these days. Perhaps there was a clinical trial or a new treatment coming up. But the words kept getting stuck in her throat.
‘I’m sorry, Sophie, you came here to talk about the kids and now I’m throwing all this drama on you. I promise I’m not trying to guilt trip you into liking me again.’
‘You daft cow,’ Sophie said, looking at her fondly. ‘I could never like you.’
‘Well that’s a relief.’
‘How are the kids coping with it all?’
‘They don’t know.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Because I haven’t told them.’
‘Well obviously, smart-arse, but why not?’
‘I just can’t do it,’ Angie said, dabbing her eyes with her mangled tissue. ‘I can’t bear the thought of seeing their faces when I tell them.’
‘Does Jack know?’
‘No.’
‘So who knows?’
‘My doctor. And now you.’
Sophie’s heart broke. No one should have to bear this kind of thing alone.
‘You need to tell Jack,’ she insisted. ‘You need to talk to him now, and then he can help you tell the children. I’m serious, Angie, this is really important. You can’t go through this alone and when the kids find out that you kept it from them, they’ll be devastated.’
‘I know,’ Angie said.
‘Have you been going to your treatments alone?’
‘Yes.’
‘Well that stops right now. You send me your list of appointments and I’ll be there with you, each time. Do you understand?’
‘Why are you being so nice to me, Sophie? I was such a bitch to you.’
‘You really were. But you’re my bitch and I’m not letting you go through this on your own.’
After she had said her goodbyes to Angie, threatening to call her the next day to check that she’d spoken to Jack, Sophie drove down the road until she was out of sight of the house and parked the car again. She put her head on the steering wheel and cried. She cried for everything that had happened ten years ago, for the life that she had left behind in Pemberton Road, the friend she had lost. But, more than any of that, she cried for Angie.
When she had calmed down, she sent Alan a text to tell him she was on the way, wiped her eyes and steeled herself to drive home. Life worked in mysterious ways but she knew now that there was a reason why she had ended up back in Angie’s life again after all this time. Now was not the moment for revenge or recriminations. It wasn’t even about the kids. Angie needed her, and even though everyone would think she’d lost the plot, Sophie was going to be there for her. She took a few deep breaths, turned the radio on and pulled out of Pemberton Road.
It was time to go home.
Angie’s phone beeped from the bedside table and she shifted her weight gingerly so that she could reach for it. Her whole body ached with the effort. She looked down at her screen. It was from Sophie.
Just got back home. Call me later if you feel up to it.
Sophie had been with her to every chemo session for the past three months. Whenever Angie tried to tell her that it wasn’t necessary or questioned whether it was interfering with her job, Sophie had simply waved her concerns away. They had spent hours together in a little cubicle, while the poisonous cocktail of chemicals was pumped into Angie’s body. Sometimes they chatted, other times they watched TV. When it got too much for Angie and she closed her eyes, Sophie read to her or simply sat quietly by her side.
Angie had marvelled more than once at Sophie’s ability to forgive. She would never fully understand why Sophie was going so far out of her way to support her. After all, she had seduced her husband and almost ruined her life. But she also knew, after everything that she had been through, not to look a gift horse in the mouth. And Sophie was a bloody sparkly unicorn with a knight in shining armour on top. If it was all a ruse and she was going to turn around one day and stab her through the heart while she slept, it still would have been worth it, to have her by her side these past few months, to not feel alone anymore.
Her phone beeped again and she looked down at it. This one was from Jack.
I know you don’t feel much like talking after a session but just want to say I’m thinking of you xx
A couple of minutes later, another one arrived, this time from Indie.
Greetings from Ibiza. How did the sesh go? Did you vom? Call me when you’re up to it.
On Sophie’s insistence, Angie had finally told Jack about her diagnosis and he had sat with her and held her hand while she broke the news to the children. With Freddy and Benji she had been able to do it face to face but poor Ellie, back in New Zealand, and Indie, who was on location in the States at the time, had found out via FaceTime. They had both wanted to come straight home but Angie had insisted that they didn’t.
‘I’m living vicariously through you now,’ she had said. ‘Don’t let me down.’
Near or far though, they had all been incredible. She thought back to just a few months ago when she had first been diagnosed. She had never felt so scared, so hopeless and alone, yet she had considered it her punishment for crimes committed so long ago. She had driven away the people that she loved. She didn’t deserve to be surrounded by anyone. She would face this on her own, she decided, and not drag others down with her. It was her penance.
Now of course she realised that, yet again, she had behaved like a total idiot.
Her phone beeped again. This time it was Freddy.
Hi Mum, how are you feeling? Katie and I will be over tomorrow lunchtime. Send me a list of what you want us to pick up on the way xx
Now that the tension between the two families had eased, Angie had met Katie a few times and had been enchanted by her. At first, she came across as a serious, quiet young thing, just like Angie remembered her as a little girl. But you only had to delve slightly beneath the surface to discover that she was wickedly funny, intelligent and kind. Just like her mother. She could understand why Freddy was crazy about her but they were so young and in all likelihood it wouldn’t last forever. Did it m
atter though, in the grand scheme of things, she wondered? As long as they made each other happy now, who cared what happened in the future.
Perhaps it had served the purpose that it was designed to – it had brought the families back together. Ellie had told her that Tom was now following her on Instagram and they’d messaged each other a couple of times. She’d suggested meeting up when she was next in London and he’d seemed keen. It may happen, it may not, but the children being friends again was a possibility she had never imagined.
Her eyelids were getting heavy. She needed to sleep. She could almost feel the toxic drugs coursing through her body, killing off the bad cells but destroying the good ones too. For years she had thought that she was a bad cell, spreading unhappiness to the people around her. But for the first time, in the darkest of times, she felt something else. She felt hope. If Sophie could forgive her, then perhaps it was about time that she forgave herself.
She closed her eyes and drifted off.
Epilogue
Katie looked in the mirror, straightening her gown and cap self-consciously. A figure appeared in the background and she spun round to find her mum standing in the doorway to her bedroom, watching her. ‘Crikey, Mum, you scared me, I didn’t realise you were there.’
‘You look beautiful, darling,’ she said. Katie grinned and gave her a little twirl.
‘Dad’s packed up the car. Are you ready to go?’
‘Just give me five minutes?’
‘Of course, take your time.’
As she heard Sophie head back downstairs, instructing Alan to hold his horses, she grabbed her phone and typed out a quick message.
We’re leaving shortly. See you at the hotel? Xx
He replied immediately.
See you in a couple of hours xx
Checking her holdall to make sure she had everything she needed, Katie shrugged off her gown, folded it up and pushed it into the bag, resting her cap on top. It was time to go. She picked up her bag and made her way downstairs to where her dad was standing by the front door, patiently waiting to drive her to her destination, just as he had been ever since she was a little girl on her way to ballet class or a teenager begging a lift to a house party.
The Woman Next Door Page 24
