by Dawn Sister
"Oh, Cal!" I say, pulling him to me and holding him in my arms. He doesn't resist and melts against me hiding his face in the sleeve of my t shirt, trembling slightly. I hate that his trust has been so badly betrayed.
"Would this be a good time for breakfast?" Sarah asks me gently and I nudge Cal to lift his head,
"Breakfast?" I ask him.
He scowls at me, reminding me that he is still pissed off and I have somehow to make amends for getting him drunk. He shakes his head at the offer of breakfast,
"Hangover!" he states unhappily. Sheriff Jefferson chuckles,
"I'll have some of that breakfast, Sarah." My sister eyes him up and down and I know her well enough to see her bite back a retort about the Sheriff's ample waistline.
Cal nudges me then stands up and makes that sign he uses when he's going off to the bathroom. I watch him disappear with concern. He's pissed at me but that didn't stop him almost sitting on my lap while we were talking to Jefferson.
"Jake he has to have something to eat, there's a lot to do today." Sarah sounds disapproving. Not entirely sure who her disapproval is aimed at though,
"I know that Sarah, but I can't force the food down him." I try not to sound too irritable.
She places a plate of eggs, bacon, sausage and hash browns down in front of Jefferson who begins to hungrily tuck in and I realise my stomach is feeling slightly delicate as I watch.
The Sheriff points his fork at me and swallows his mouthful before speaking,
"I'm tellin' you, Jake, you keep an eye on that kid. I'll be doin' the same." I regard him in shock,
"Do you think he's really in some sort of danger?" I ask, feeling the colour drain from my face and any inclination I might have had towards some sort of food is gone altogether. Jefferson nods,
"I ain't ever seen such a vicious attack on someone's property, not in all the years I've done this job." He tells me between forkfuls of hash brown and sausage, "And that phone call I got about your car, someone must have been watching to know what was goin' on."
I gasp and nod, because, oh my god, he must be right. Someone saw him get into my car and saw the opportunity to call the Sheriff to cause trouble. They must have known how much it would shake Cal up to have that happen to him. Has someone been watching us all this time?
It's weird and a little disconcerting to think that someone could have been watching us at the same time I was watching him. Nothing else has happened except for the false arrest and the break in. Was that because I was watching over him? Has my stalking, in some kind of perverted stroke of luck, prevented something else from happening?
Sheriff Jefferson has given me pause for thought and made me feel quite paranoid now. And where is Cal anyway? He hasn't returned from the bathroom. I get up to go and find him,
"Where are you going?" Sarah asks, indignantly, since she has a plate of breakfast for me. I groan as the sight of it churns my delicate stomach,
"Ugh! I'm going to the bathroom, sorry, Sarah, I can't face food right now." It's not just the hangover that's now hovering in the background that's making me feel so queasy, it's the thought of anything happening to Cal. I need to find him. I am never going to let him out of my sight.
Where did he go? The guest bathroom? I cross the hall and knock on the guest bedroom door. I grunt with frustration because what the hell good will knocking do?
I open the door a crack and peak in. The room is empty, only the crumpled bed sheets to prove we were even there at all. Last night seems such a long time ago. I walk over to the bathroom door and listen before cracking that open as well. It isn't locked and I discover that this room is also empty.
Where the hell is Cal?
I try my bedroom and bathroom next but he's not there either.
I go back out to the kitchen and I must look bewildered and slightly panicky because Sarah tells me immediately,
"You just missed him." She says, "He left with the Sheriff just now."
I make to follow them but she stops me,
"Oh no, you'll eat something first, at least." She firmly presses me into a seat,
"I can't stay here, Sarah, I have to be out there with him, I promised him, and I know you heard what the Sheriff just said." She nods,
"I heard, but I think you can rest assured that he is surrounded by people who care about him right now so nothing is going to happen to him." She assures me gently,
"I care about him." I state quietly because I do, oh god I really do. I sit heavily in shock at the realisation. Sarah pats my arm,
"I know you do sweetheart." She tells me with great softness in her tone. She hands me a warm bagel and I take a grateful bite.
Now that I don't have to watch the Sheriff shovelling food down his gullet my appetite is back to almost normal. I still have knots in my stomach thinking about what Jefferson said and also about how pissed off Cal is with me right now. Everything's just spiralling out of control with no way of making things better anytime soon. Maybe if I took him a peace offering things might be a little better,
"Sarah, can I take one of these bagels for Cal?" I ask her and she hands me one without question,
"You know, whatever you did, Jake, he won't stay pissed with you forever." She assures me, "He worships the ground you walk on." I almost choke on the last mouthful of bagel,
"No he doesn't!" I exclaim, but she just gives me one of her looks that tells me she knows something I don't. It's annoying most of the time but right now, I think her words might have stopped my heart.
Does Cal really like me that much? I can't even begin to believe I could be that lucky, but after all the things he said to me last night, I have to start thinking I might be.
His house is a hive of activity as I enter, stepping over some broken pieces of a hall table and a couple of picture frames. The mess is even worse in the daylight. What must Cal be going through? He must feel like shit, even without a hangover to contend with he'd be feeling terrible, no wonder he was irritable with me and his mood swings are completely understandable. I should have been here with him from the very beginning. I need to find him now and make things right between us.
He's busy talking to several people, who are holding brushes and trash bags, when I find him. I don't want to butt in when he's busy organising the clean up of what was his life. I approach him when there's a gap in the conversation and thrust the bagel into his hand,
"Sarah says to eat this or she'll hold you down and force feed you." I tell him with a flick of my eyebrows, trying to keep it light. There are several chuckles from the gathered helpers, most of whom know Sarah very well.
Cal gives me a small, half smile, thanks me curtly and turns back to the group without giving me a second glance. Well I guess that's me dismissed then. I have no idea if that tight little smile means I'm forgiven or not but there's no opportunity to ask now, he's busy.
I wander over to where a pile of trash bags, brooms and work gloves have been left. I pull on some gloves and make a start on clearing some of the glass from his broken windows. I'll bide my time and wait for an opportunity to speak to Cal when he's a little less crowded with well wishers.
Chapter Fifteen: Frustration
Well, frustration doesn't even begin to cover what I'm feeling right now. All day I have tried to catch Cal alone and all day I've been thwarted at every turn.
Each time I have tried to catch his eye or steal a moment alone with him someone else got in the way or, more worryingly, he would turn away from me with a flush of his cheeks and find something else more pressing to do.
I am now convinced he is actively avoiding me, no mean feat when we've been in the same house all day. I'm also convinced that he is not just pissed about the hangover. I think he's regretting what we did last night and now he's just waiting for the right time to tell me it was all a mistake.
I knew this would happen, goddamit. I knew. I should have been stronger. I should have stopped him when he kissed me out on the drive. I should have shown more re
straint when he pulled me down onto the bed, but it had felt so good to finally have him in my arms and he'd been so damn insistent I hadn't been able to say no.
He is currently with his surfing buddies out on his deck. Some one brought along some beer and they're having an impromptu deck party. Everyone else has left. Cal's new friends are a noisy bunch and they certainly seem to have lifted his spirits, so I really can't complain. It must be a boost to his confidence and self esteem to have found such a group of loyal friends in such a short time.
I've spent most of the day watching them closely, Sheriff Jefferson's warning to 'keep an eye' on him ringing in my head. If Cal is in danger I don't suppose any of his new found buddies will be the culprits though, they all seem to hang on his every word. Guy and girl alike all seem to melt in his wake. They are all very protective of him. He seems to instil that instinct in most people though. He has a delicate, shy and understated way about him that just charms the socks off everyone.
He certainly charmed me.
I was going to go out and join them, since I know most of them were there at the party last night and accepted my presence then. I can hear them currently discussing where Cal is staying tonight though, and I hear some of them suggest alternative venues. I don't want to wait around to hear the rest, because of course he's going to choose to go and hang out with friends his own age instead of a jealous, grouchy old man like me. He must think I am such an old has been compared to what he could have.
I feel so damn helpless. What can I do though? I can't compete with his younger, fitter, more energetic friends. This was going to happen sooner or later, I'm just surprised it's happened so quickly and after such a promising night. Was it really just the whisky talking when he said all those amazing things to me? Did he really just use me because I was there and willing?
I feel like such a fool.
Sarah and her team have cleared up and my kitchen looks like new when I get back to my house. She's left some dinner out for me, enough for two, although I doubt Cal will be joining me any time soon.
I fill a plate with some food and get a beer from the refrigerator. I shut the refrigerator door with my shoulder and drop my plate in shock, since Cal is standing right there in front of me,
"Holy shit, fucking hell, Cal." I gasp.
He has this knack of sneaking up on you unawares. I swear he teleports. As I bend down to pick up the pieces, so does he, helpfully picking up pieces of food and bits of broken crockery,
"I'm getting quite good at doing this without cutting myself." He muses, which serves as a reminder to what he has been doing all day in his home: picking up the broken pieces of his life. We stand together and he hands me the last piece. I turn and dump the lot in the trash.
I turn back to face him and he is watching me with that intense azure gaze that just has me in bits every time I see it. God, what is he doing to me?
"I'm sorry I scared you…..again." he grimaces, and despite my irritation at being scared…..again, I can't help the ghost of a half smile.
"What are you doing here, Cal?" I ask him. He tips his head to one side,
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, why aren't you on the deck with all of your friends?" They're all still there, I can hear them,
"Not all of my friends are there." He tells me, giving me a significant look. I can't even begin to hope what he means by that,
"Oh?" I raise my eyebrow coolly. I'm feeling petulant about being avoided the entire day, "Who isn't there? Pete?" I spit the name, making sure he sees my disapproval,
"No!" A momentary flash of confusion crosses his face.
Pete, from the party last night, has been attached to Cal's damn hip all day. I think he's going for the award for most supportive friend, although I did note with satisfaction that Cal shrugged Pete's arm from his shoulders on several occasions throughout the day. I have no idea why I want to be so petty about it now, but I'm hungry, and tired and irritable.
"Pete is over there already." Cal informs me. I snort derisively,
"Well there you go then, you have everyone you need." I walk away muttering about perfect Pete. I have my beer but no food because it just got dumped in the trash. Another reason to feel irritable,
"Jake!" he exclaims, since I realise I am not facing him and he can't see what I'm muttering. He follows me through to the living room where I slump down on my sofa but right in the middle, so he can't sit at his end as he normally does.
Instead he stands, with his hands on his hips and regards me with an open mouth and wide eyes,
"What?" I ask him sullenly, "Would you mind moving, because you're in the way of the TV." I point the remote at him, but instead of moving he pulls the remote from my hand and throws it across the other end of the room, "Hey!" I shout,
"Speak to me!" he shouts back, "To my face." He is livid now, "If you are angry with me, tell me, don't walk away muttering about it because that's just rude."
"Oh, you're giving me a lesson in manners now, are you?" I ask archly, leaning back into my sofa cushions and taking a drink of my beer, "If we're having lessons in manners why don’t we discuss the fact that you've been avoiding me all day?"
He opens his mouth to speak, but shuts it, although his anger has disappeared, as suddenly as it flared, to be replaced with something that looks like remorse,
"Not much to say for yourself?" I ask him, and he simply stares at me, looking positively stricken now, "Great, now that we have that cleared up maybe you can get out of my way and I can watch some TV, and you can go back to your friends and Pete." I emphasise Pete's name with air quotes, then instantly regret it since I now sound like a jealous lover, and I'm neither of these because I'm not jealous of Pete, I know Cal doesn’t like him, and one night with this man does not make me his lover.
For a few more moments Cal stands where he is, searching my face but finding only stony, cold sullenness because I'm too damn stubborn for my own good. He gives a slightly more than shaky sigh then turns to leave.
Okay, so maybe I was a little heavy handed there….Well alright then, more than a little. Am I really going to let him leave, when he obviously came here to see me. I mean I've been trying to talk to him all day, desperate to hold him, as he picked up the pieces that was his home. Am I really going to push him away now out of pettiness?
I jump up from the sofa and leap across the room to dive in front of him before he gets through the door. He stops with a sharp gasp. His eyes flash with anger,
"I'm sorry!" I say, trying not to sound desperate,
"Get out of my way, Jake!" he demands, not even acknowledging my apology. Did he miss my words?
"I won't get out of the way, no! I'm trying to apologise to you, Cal."
He takes a deep breath then lets it go. His shoulders slump and he hangs his head,
"I'm sorry too. I acted like an ass." He murmurs softly. When he looks up his eyes are filled with tears. Oh god I can resist anything but tears. My heart melts, "I'm sorry I was so pissed with you about the hangover," he continues with a sniff, "I shouldn't have been, and I'm sorry I avoided you all day but it was…" he takes a shaky breath, "…it was a self preservation thing." He bites his lip to stop it trembling and I feel the rest of my internal organs melting as well.
I step closer to him and hook my finger beneath his chin, lifting him to face me,
"Self preservation?" I ask him, wanting him to explain but thinking I probably know already. He swallows hard then nods,
"Avoiding you was the only way I could keep it all together. Every time you looked at me I knew you wanted to ask if I was okay, hold me, tell me things would work out." He wipes his hand across his eyes and swallows again, "And I wanted you to hold me so damn bad." He sobs, "But I knew if you did that I would break down, and I didn't want anyone there to see that I couldn't cope."
