by Barbara Goss
“Tim!” she cried. “Thank God you’re home.”
The man named Tim swung his wife around in circles. It was evident to everyone they were in love.
“I have guests. I’d like you to meet Logan and Alan.”
Tim gave them a curious look and smiled. “I’m pleased to meet you.” Logan knew the puzzled look was because he'd come home to find strangers there.
Emma walked into the room and was introduced to Tim.
“Emma became stranded out here in the country and I took her in," Rachel told him. "Her husband, Logan, and his friend, Alan, came to rescue her. They’ll be leaving tomorrow.”
They had all sat down to breakfast when Tim said, “A home-cooked meal! This looks delicious, Rachel.”
Logan dropped his fork and stared at the woman whose face had turned beet red. Rachel? That had been his mother’s name. Oh no!
He stood. “We’ll be leaving now. Come on, Emma.”
“Don’t go, Logan,” Rachel cried. “I’d like to talk to you first, to explain.”
“Don’t you ever talk to me again,” Logan said between his teeth.
“Alan, let’s go,” Logan said. He pulled Emma to the front door.
“Wait!” Emma cried. “You two go ahead. I’d like to stay here for a few more days.”
Logan tugged on her hand. “Emma, come on.”
The three of them stood in front of the barn while Tim and Rachel stood in the doorway of the house, watching.
“Listen,” Emma said, “it’s a long ride to Hunter’s Grove and I don’t think riding double will be comfortable for such a long ride or good for the horse. You two go, come back with another horse, and we’ll ride home together.”
Logan went into the barn and saddled his horse. Alan did the same.
Emma followed them. “Please, Logan.”
He sighed. “You’re right about riding double. It would work for a few miles but not for hours.” He mounted his horse. “I’ll be back for you tomorrow or the following day. I don’t think you should become too fond of Mrs. Bradley because you won’t be seeing her again.”
Chapter Sixteen
Emma tried to comfort Rachel while she cried. “Logan will get over it.”
“No, he won’t. I didn't understand how much I’d hurt him,” Rachel sobbed.
Tim stood on her other side. “I’m sorry I slipped and called you by name after you specifically told me not to.”
Rachel patted his cheek. “It’s not your fault, darling. People who deceive always get caught.” She dabbed at her tears. “I had no idea the scars he carried because of me.”
“Scars?” Emma asked.
“He confided in me yesterday that the reason he didn’t tell you how he felt was because he feared you'd reject him. I asked him why he'd feel that way, and he said it was because his mother had rejected him.” Rachel started crying all over again.
Tim hugged his wife. “I’m sorry you had to make that choice. It’s my fault, and I should be the one to make it right. I’ll go and talk to Logan.”
“No!” Rachel cried. “Let’s leave him alone. Let him work things out on his own.”
“I could talk to him,” Emma offered.
Rachel nodded. “You’re the only one that could talk to him about this. Not right away, but sometime, when you think the time is right.”
“I’ll try.” Emma patted Rachel’s back. “Will you be all right?”
Rachel nodded and stood. “Before he left, Logan told me about how your marriage came about.
“I’m glad. I hated having to pretend, but it wasn’t my secret alone to tell.”
“Come—let’s work in the garden. That always helps keep my mind occupied.”
Emma truly felt sorry for Rachel, but she felt even more sympathy for Logan. He feared rejection from her, too. What would she have done if he’d told her he loved her? She was fond of him, but not in love—at least, she didn’t think she was. Maybe she'd have told him she needed more time to know her feelings. There were many things she liked about Logan, but did she love him? What was love? Her heart felt sore when she thought about Logan having been abandoned as a child, but her heart also ached for Rachel. What she’d done had been wrong, but Emma still felt bad for her. She’d made the wrong choice, but then again, maybe that’s where the saying, madly in love, had come.
Rachel had washed and pressed the dress Emma had worn when she'd arrived. Now all there was to do was wait for Logan's return. It had been two days, he still hadn’t come for her, and she worried about him.
While she and Rachel worked in the vegetable garden, Emma asked “What is love and how do you know if you’re in love?” Emma was hoping it would help her to sort out her feelings.
Rachel put her trowel down and turned to Emma. “That’s a tough question. It’s like being asked to explain what God looks like. You know He’s there, but you can’t describe Him.”
“How did you know you were in love with Tim?”
“Well,” Rachel tapped her chin, “I missed Tim terribly when I hadn't seen him for a while. I thought about him all the time, too. Love is sharing a connection with someone and forming a bond. It means being concerned with his well-being before your own.”
Emma pulled at a weed before asking, “What about the physical part of love? I mean, goosebumps and sexual attraction—do they tell you if you’re in love?”
Rachel smiled. “Not necessarily. I don’t know about goosebumps; I've never had them. I think—and this is just my opinion—that sexual attraction is infatuation and not really love. When you love someone, it isn’t just about making love for sexual gratification. It’s wanting to become one with the person you love, to give all of yourself to the person because you love him.”
Emma nodded. “That makes sense since men visit places like saloons to romance women, but they aren’t in love with them.”
“Sometimes, you can stop loving someone. I loved Henry when I married him, but his coldness and neglect caused my love to die. I was young and…well, there's still no excuse for my actions.”
“Were you madly in love with Tim?”
“We were both madly in love and still are. Through the years, the madness slowly turned to gentleness.” Rachel picked up her trowel. “Do you think you could be in love with Logan?”
Emma shrugged. “That’s just it—I don’t know. I care about him and feel horrible about his childhood and the scars he carries. I find myself thinking about him more, lately. I need to find out in case he proclaims his love for me.”
“Let me ask you a question, Emma: if I offered you two thousand dollars never to see Logan again, would you take the money?”
Emma thought about the question for several minutes. “No, I wouldn’t.”
Emma was awakened by a pounding on the front door, shortly before dawn. She heard Tim get up to answer it. Minutes later, he knocked on Emma’s door, calling her name.
“Emma, are you awake? Logan’s here for you.”
Emma climbed out of bed and opened the door a crack. “I’ll get dressed right away.”
“He’s outside. He won’t come in.”
“All right. Don’t wake Rachel. I’ll write her when I get home.”
Emma quietly opened the front door, pleased to see Logan and Lady on the other side. “You brought Lady!”
“Of course. She’s your horse.”
Emma mounted Lady, and the two of them rode off.
Every five or eight miles they stopped to rest the horses. Sometimes they sat beneath a tree, or walked around to stretch their legs. They mainly talked about generic things like the weather and the ranch. Emma dared not mention Rachel or the uncomfortable situation. Logan seemed unusually quiet, but his smile and the sparkle in his eyes told her he was glad to see her. When he smiled at her, she often felt a slight tickle in her chest. She wished she’d asked Rachel if that was a sign she was in love.
On their third stop, Logan pulled a package out from his saddlebag.
�
�Lunchtime,” he said.
Emma clapped her hands silently. “What have you got? I’m starving.”
“Irma made us some chicken sandwiches.” Logan spread out a red tablecloth and sat beside it. “Sit down. I’m sorry I have nothing to drink except the water in our canteens.”
“No tea? I’m shocked,” Emma said with a giggle.
When they’d finished. Emma prepared to mount Lady, but she turned to see Logan sitting on the ground instead of mounting his horse.
He patted the grass beside him. “Sit with me for a minute more. We have time.”
Curious, Emma sat beside him.
Logan took her hand. “I have a confession to make.”
Emma looked up at him, praying he wasn't about to confess his love; she didn’t have an answer for him, yet.
“I know I’ve never been a praying person, and I've never enjoyed going to church services, but I visited the barn service yesterday—it’s why I’m a day late to meet you. I don’t know why, but the service touched me. Maybe it was because I was at an all-time low. I’m not even sure what motivated me to go when I’ve always disliked the services. I suppose that finding Rachel the way I did made me want for something, but I didn’t know what. I felt confused, and I knew I needed something.
“The traveling preacher was excellent. He talked about Jesus and His dying on the cross. It touched my heart to know that God would sacrifice His only son for us. After the service, I met with the preacher. His name is Joshua Price. With his help, I gave my life to God, and I feel like a new person. I want to hug every person I meet—I don’t, but I feel moved to. I plan to make some changes in my life to reflect my decision to follow God.
Logan took a deep breath. “I want you to know that I’ve fallen in love with you.”
Emma opened her mouth to speak, but he put his finger on her lips.
“No, you needn’t say anything. I don’t expect an answer, and I don’t really want one. It’s my confession, not yours. But because the changes in my life might affect you, I need to tell you that no matter what I do over the next week or two, remember: I love you.”
His confession of love caused Emma’s heart to lurch in her chest, but the changes of which he'd spoke worried her. It was as if he were a different Logan.
“What do you mean? What are you planning to do?”
“I’m not sure. Marrying you to get my inheritance doesn’t sit well with me now. It was dishonest.”
“But your father meant to change the will back to you.”
“What I did was deceitful, and it wasn't fair to you.”
“Logan, it was God-sent. I had no one and no place to go. Your offer was an answer to prayer.”
“I’m glad I did it, then. It was probably all in God’s plan. I’ll never regret having you in my life, no matter how it happened.”
Emma pulled her hand from his. “What are you planning?” His confession made her uneasy. It sounded like he was about to end their relationship.
Logan stood. “I’m not sure yet.” He brushed off his pants and mounted his horse. “Let’s go home.”
The conversation with Logan had left Emma with a sense of impending doom. Things had suddenly changed. She was happy about Logan’s having devoting his life to God. She’d prayed for that, but because it had happened suddenly, it caused her to question it. Had it been a reaction to having met his mother? She hoped his decision was real and for life, no matter how it had come about. His whole demeanor seemed to have changed. He was quieter and surer of himself. He’d been afraid to confess his love for fear of rejection, but he seemed to have overcome it. Had God already given him the confidence he'd lacked before?
Still, she felt warm inside, knowing that Logan loved her. She wished, more than anything, that she could tell him she loved him back, but she’d never say it unless she was sure it was true.
What she dreaded was the changes he planned to make.
Chapter Seventeen
It was late by the time they got back home. Logan took the horses to the barn after Emma had gone into the house. He thought it a good sign that she was happy to be home. He’d worried she might have preferred it at Rachel’s house—he refused to think of her as his mother.
He thought more about what he planned to do while grooming the horses. His life had changed after going to church. As far as he could remember, it was the first time he’d ever gone without being prodded into it.
When he’d left Rachel and Tim’s he’d been angry and confused about his feelings. He’d hated his mother growing up, and now he hated her even more because she'd fooled him by pretending to be someone else. She'd nursed him, and he’d confided his most personal feelings to her—she’d abandoned him and then made a fool of him. He’d felt a strong need for something or to be with someone when he'd arrived home, but he didn’t know what or who.
He'd missed Emma and had gone into her room to feel closer to her. Her Bible was on the bedside table, and he'd picked it up and opened it. On the page he'd opened to, she—or someone—had underlined: “Many are the afflictions of the righteous: but the Lord delivereth him out of them all.” He'd remembered Emma had lost her parents and her best friends to death. She must have found comfort in the verse.
He’d paged around until he’d found another underlined verse: “What shall we then say to these things? If God be for us, who can be against us?” He’d read a few more, feeling the pain Emma must have harbored and the comfort she’d received from the verses.
That was when he’d realized he had nothing to soothe his sorrows. It had spurred him into attending the service that Sunday; he knew he needed God just as Emma had.
He’d always believed in God but had never felt moved to do anything about it. His father had stopped going to services when his mother had left. He'd only grown more bitter as time went on.
Logan finished with the horses and went inside. Irma had left them a plate of sandwiches before turning in. Emma sat at the table but she’d waited for him before eating. He sat across from her and they helped themselves to the snack.
Emma hesitated to bite into her sandwich. “In our home, we always said grace before eating.”
Logan had been poised to eat, but he stopped and set his sandwich down. “That sounds like something I’d like to do from now on. Will you say grace? I’m still new to all this.”
Emma said grace, and they ate in silence. When they’d finished, Emma gathered the plates. “I’m glad about your decision to follow God. It's something we now share.”
“You’ve had a good influence on me,” he said with a chuckle. “We also share our love of horses.”
“I’ll take these plates into the kitchen.”
“All right. I’ll wait and walk you upstairs.”
Logan walked Emma to her bedroom door. She turned to him before entering. “When will you tell me your plans?”
He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. “Sit down.”
She took a seat and he sat in the other chair in the room.
“I plan to see the lawyer tomorrow and tell him what I did. I’m releasing myself from my father’s will. It will all go to Prudence.”
“No, Logan, don’t do that.”
“I have to. Next, I’ll have the lawyer draw up the annulment papers so you can be free.”
Logan noticed she seemed too stunned to speak, so he continued, “I’ll help you prepare the little cottage. It’s yours. I’m hoping we can still be friends.”
Finally, Emma spoke. “I think you should wait and think this through. Where will you live if Prudence takes over the ranch?”
“I’m hoping she’ll let me live here until I build a cottage for myself not far from yours. I don’t like the idea of you living in the woods all alone. I won’t be too close, but I'll stay within shouting distance. I’ll make sure you have your privacy, a horse, and an allowance.”
“What will you do for a job?”
“Prudence will keep me on here as a worker, I’m sure.”
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Emma shook her head sadly. “One other question: you said you loved me—if that’s true, why the annulment?”
“I don’t feel the marriage was fair to either of us. We did it for the wrong reasons. People should marry because they love each other and mean it when they vow to death do they part. It’s something Joshua Price and I talked about. You married me because you had nowhere to go, and I married you to gain my inheritance. Those aren't the right reasons to get married, so I’m ending it. It’s the only fair thing to do.”
“When you explain it that way, I supposed I agree.”
Logan stood. “I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted. Goodnight, Emma.”
“Goodnight, Logan.”
~~~**~~~
Emma tossed and turned that night. Why did Logan’s plans bother her so? Wasn’t the cottage and an annulment what she’d wanted? At least she wouldn’t have to wait six months to get it. Maybe it was all too sudden.
It must've been late by the time she finally fell asleep because she overslept in the morning. When she came down to breakfast, Irma informed her that Logan had already gone into town.
After breakfast, Emma worked on her doilies and afghan. She’d need them sooner than she’d thought.
After lunch, she was preparing to take Lady for a run when Logan returned in the wagon. She wondered why he’d take the wagon to see his lawyer. She watched from the window as he lifted a large box from the back of the wagon.
Emma opened the door for him. Logan winked as he walked by her carrying the box. “Your sewing machine.”
She followed him into the room at the back of the house where Irma did the laundry. He set the machine up and told her, “Mrs. Grant will come over tomorrow to show you how it works.”
Emma looked up at him and smiled. “Thank you.”
