by Kahlen Aymes
Marin smiled tremulously. She seemed so fragile; I’d seen that look in Missy’s eyes many times and knew that the best thing to do was to get Marin’s mind off of what happened.
“How about it, Gem, do you want me to hang out for a bit?” I said in my best baby talk voice. Marin smiled and the puppy got up, wagged her tail furiously and began to jump up, placing her two front paws onto my lower leg. “I’ll hold you in a bit.” I bent to give her a good petting down her little back.
“I have Moo Shu pork and Kung Pao chicken. I wasn’t sure if you like spicy or not. I figured if you live on a ranch, you must like meat.” I felt myself rambling, so I looked up from my task of removing the individual boxes of food from the large bag to get Marin’s answer. “Is that right?”
“Yes.” Marin nodded as she tried to straighten her hair with her fingers, seemingly embarrassed, finally realizing how dirty it was. “Sorry, I must look a mess.”
“You look like you slept hard and needed it.” I winked. “Spicy or mild?”
“Spicy. I love Kung Pao. Uncle Leonard used to take me to Chinatown at least twice a month. It was one of our favorite places to eat.”
I smiled, pleased I’d chosen something she liked from somewhere with good memories. Everything inside me screamed to take care of her and I didn’t really understand why. She seemed so helpless, but I knew it was probably just because the explosion was less than a day behind her, and she was suffering a traumatic loss. Who wouldn’t look a little frail after such an ordeal? I found myself wishing it was a few weeks later when her suffering would be easing a bit.
“I love spicy food, but there is way too much for me. You’re going to join me, right?” she asked.
“Well,” I began, as my stomach rumbled. “I can always just take some with me, if you’d rather not have me hanging around.” I felt so stupid, as if I was mumbling like some adolescent kid with a sudden crush. Heat rising beneath my skin made my brow break out in perspiration and I wiped at my forehead with the sleeve of my T-shirt. I wanted to stay, but I also wanted to respect her space.
Gross, I thought. Smooth move. Sweat all over the food, why don’t cha?
As Marin watched, I dished up the food onto the plates and microwaved them one-by-one, setting hers in front of her first.
“The silverware is in that drawer, there,” she said pointing to one near the sink where I was standing. I turned to retrieve a couple of forks. “Unless you want to use the chopsticks?”
“I never got the hang of it, I guess. You?”
“Yes. I can. Uncle Leonard and I would challenge each other. I always won, but I think he let me.” I could see talking about her uncle brought back happy memories.
“One fork it is.” I smiled, holding it up.
“I have soda, iced tea and beer in the refrigerator. What would you like?” Marin got up slowly, careful not to hurt herself, opened the fridge door and waited.
“Tea’s great, thanks.”
Within five minutes we were both sitting at the table with plates of steaming hot food and a glass of iced tea in front of us, an awkward silence looming. Though curiosity about the man who’d perished in the fire was killing me, I didn’t want to ask too many questions that would make her sad. Instead, I decided to let her lead the conversation as we began our meal.
“You’re not from around here, are you?” Marin asked before she put her fork in her mouth and began to eat. Little Gem was curled up into a ball at her feet. “I mean, originally?”
“No, how did you know?”
“Everyone knows everyone in Jackson. Mostly, anyway, and I don’t remember you from school.”
“I’m probably a few years older than you, but no, I grew up in Tallahassee, Florida. I’ve lived in a few places,” I admitted. “My mom took my sister and me down there after our dad split when we were little. She worked hard, and she was gone a lot. I had to watch out for my little sis, but it wasn’t an awful childhood. What about you?” I asked, picking up an eggroll and dipping it in soy sauce before taking a bite.
“I moved here when I was only nine. My parents were killed in a car accident, so I came to live with my uncle.”
She’d had a difficult time, and I felt terrible for her. She lost her parents, her uncle and now, this guy; whoever he was.
“That’s rough.”
“It was at first. He wasn’t used to having a kid, but it worked out in the end. I loved him a lot. He always put me first, even when I was being difficult. I had a lot of anger that my parents died, and I took it out on him.”
Admiration and love showed in her expression, but also sadness, and I found myself empathetic.
“How was growing up on a ranch with all of these horses? I bet it was amazing. My nephew talks about horses all the time. He just turned eight, so being nine when you moved here, you must have loved it.”
“I did. They basically saved me from misery. I started hanging out in the barn after school.”
“I can’t imagine losing both parents like that. I’m so sorry, Marin.”
Marin contemplated me for a few seconds as she swallowed a bite of food. “It’s okay. That was a long time ago. The loss that hurts me now is my Uncle Leonard. It was kind of like that story of Heidi. Remember that from when you were a kid?”
I thought about it for a bit. “Can’t say I’ve ever heard that one.”
“Well, it’s the story of an orphan who comes to live with a gruff grandfather who doesn’t know what to do with her. It was kind of like that. My uncle had no kids, though he was older than my dad, so we had to get used to each other, but he was the best person I’ve ever known. We were so close, and I could count on him for anything. I never thought I’d lose him this soon. He taught me to ride and I helped him in the shop. I never would have gone to college if I’d known he’d die just a couple of years afterward. I really miss him.”
“I’m sorry.” What else could I say? She was probably blocking out the horrific burning of Carter Stanton.
Marin sighed. She’d eaten a little but put down her chopsticks. “I’m sorry I’m such a drag.”
I wanted to reach out and cover her hand with mine, but resisted the urge.
“I didn’t come here to be entertained, Marin. I just want you to know that I’ll help with the horses and Gem as long as you need me. From the look of how you move, I know your ribs will give you pain for several weeks.”
Her face fell. “Oh, I couldn’t impose on you that long, Ben. I’m so thankful you were there last night. I was frantic about my little Gemmy. I—”
I shook my head. “It’s not imposing when I’m volunteering. That’s the rules. Besides,” I scooted my chair back from the table and lifted the puppy onto my lap. “Gem and I have this mutual admiration society going on.” I held her up against my chest with one hand and the puppy began licking at my slightly scruffy chin. “See? She loves me.”
Marin let out a little laugh. “I do. I think I’m sort of jealous.”
“Consider it a favor to let me come out here and hang with her and the horses. You’re the one doing me a solid.”
Marin’s head cocked to one side and a small smile graced her mouth. Her expression softened and she might as well have reached into my chest and squeezed my heart. “That’s very sweet of you, but…”
“Listen, you’ll break my heart if you make me say goodbye to little sweet face, here.” I was joking, but I could see her hesitation. She’d just lost her man, and I didn’t want her to think anything dishonorable about me. “You don’t even have to see me. I’ll come over and take care of the horses in the morning and evenings, and if you happen to let Gem outside while I’m here, that would be awesome. I’ll keep an eye on that mare. She looks like she’ll be having her foal soon. My mother would never forgive me if I didn’t help out a damsel in distress, and she’s certainly in distress!”
“Her name is Sriracha.”
“Now, there’s a coincidence! A fiery red horse with a red-hot name, and her own per
sonal fireman to care for her,” I teased.
My words were met with a brighter smile. “Siri. She’s my favorite. Uncle Leonard had her bred a few months before he died. She’s due in a couple of weeks.”
“Two weeks, huh? Ugh!” I bemoaned. “She looks so uncomfortable.”
“Yes. The sire was the large black, so the foal will be big. The vet says it might come a little earlier.”
“Well, you’ll need at least that long to heal and feel more yourself. So, what’d ya say? Friends?” I asked. I wondered what on earth could make such beautiful woman so shy. I looked forward to the day when she might trust me and feel more at ease around me. “I’m new to town and I don’t know a lot of people. I could use more of them. Would that be okay?”
Marin’s smile became more relaxed. “Yes. I could use more friends as well.”
“Cool. I can’t promise I won’t steal your dog, though.” I made a little ball of rice with my fingers and added a piece of the pork from the Moo Shu. “Is this okay for her?”
“It’s okay, but not too much,” Marin returned. “I don’t want her sick in the middle of the night.”
The puppy greedily ate the meat and rice from my fingers as I held her. “Yes, that would be bad. She’s hungry. I’ll get her dog food and then I’ll get going. Did you get my number from one of the guys last night?”
A slight pink hue graced her cheeks. “I did.”
I wanted to ask Marin for her number in return but decided it best to let it go. I’d get her number if she ever decided to call me, but that had to be up to her. “Good. Call me if you need anything.”
“I will, but we’ll be okay.”
I stood there gawking at her in the middle of her kitchen, not wanting to leave, but knowing I should. I placed the puppy on the floor and soon she was munching on the dish of dog food I’d set in Marin’s laundry room. I picked up the nearly empty water bowl and went to the kitchen to refill it.
“Listen,” I began. I knew I was butting in, but I was not able to stop myself. It had been bugging me since I’d arrived. “The door was open earlier. Now that you’re out here alone, it might be a good idea to keep it locked.”
Marin looked startled. “Oh. I didn’t realize. Of course, I will, thank you.”
I nodded and smiled. “Okay. I’ll be back around 6 AM. I have an early shift tomorrow, but I’ll be quiet, so I won’t wake you. You won’t even know I’m here.” I walked toward the door. “Bye, little bit.” I bent to pet the dog’s head one last time.
“Thank you, Ben. I’m so grateful for all your help.”
Even all rumpled with messy hair she stole my breath away. “No problem. Take care.” Her gratitude was genuine, and it made my heart swell a bit.
“You, too.”
I sucked in a big breath of the clear night air on my way to the truck, reluctant to leave. This was a small town, but as such, everyone in town knew she was out here by herself after her boyfriend had perished in the fire. She shouldn’t be out here alone, especially when she was still incapacitated from her injuries. I felt very uneasy leaving, which was the last thing I should be feeling. Marin was a victim of one of my fires. I’d rescued a lot of others like her in the past, so why was this woman tugging at my emotions?
I got into my truck and glanced at the house as I turned on the engine and made the turn needed to drive back out of the lane. The entire time I kept glancing in the rearview for any sign that she was moving inside the house. The porch light turned off as I neared the white mailbox perched on a wooden post where the lane met with the county road that would take me back to Jackson. The full moon that shone bright overhead illuminated the black letters; LANDRY written on the side.
One thing I was sure about; I needed to speak to the chief about changing my workdays around. Normally, I liked the twenty-four hours on, forty-eight off schedule, but that would be a problem when I needed to be out at the ranch every morning and evening to care for the horses. For the time being, at least, I’d need twelve-hour days. I was pretty sure the chief would accommodate with a four-day-on and then four-day-off schedule, but because the roster was made a month ahead, I’d have to get some of my coworkers to swap for the next couple of weeks. If I wanted them to help me out, it would leave a lot of the guys asking questions that I wouldn’t be able to avoid.
Especially, Davis.
MARIN
Two days later, I was getting used to Ben’s stealthy visits to care for the horses and peeked out the window whenever I heard his truck in the lane. He took care of the horses in the early morning without any contact but knocked on the door to check on me last night, though just took off his cap and stood on the porch for a couple of minutes conversing about the horses, asked how I was doing and then left. He was a complete gentleman.
I felt a huge wave of guilt because I felt lucky to have met Ben and Gina and I wouldn’t have done if not for the fire. I felt safer around Ben in the three days I’d known him, than I ever did around Carter. I found myself wanting to be in his company even though it seemed way too soon after Carter’s death.
Gina volunteered to help track down Carter’s family and called me with some information the first night after Ben had left. She found a woman with the last name who turned out to be Carter’s mother. After an awkward and painful phone call, his mom had taken over the funeral arrangements and insisted on returning the body back to Minnesota for burial next to his father. I was surprised we found anyone, given Carter hadn’t painted a great picture of his family, but I was grateful that I didn’t have to make the arrangements. I doubted lying in the family plot for eternity would be what he would have wanted, but I had no reason, or right, to object.
I didn’t really want to travel, yet, if I didn’t want to look like a murderous bitch, I’d have to go to Minneapolis for the service and play the role of grieving girlfriend. The thought left me nauseous. I had only two more days until the service, so I was packing up a small bag. I still had the black dress I’d worn to Uncle Leonard’s funeral and I carefully folded it into the suitcase.
I wondered if maybe Uncle Leonard was watching over me from Heaven as a guardian angel and had a hand in putting Gina and Ben in my path.
Gem was laying in the center of my bed looking at me with adoring eyes and my heart filled with love. She was so sweet; snuggled into the fluffy comforter, so at home and safe. I couldn’t take her with me to Minnesota and I hated to leave her behind. I had no choice but to fly to Minneapolis if I wanted to make it in time for the funeral.
My plan was to ask Ben if he could watch her for the two days I’d be gone, and I planned on doing so when he came over to take care of the horses later. I was unsettled, but I vowed to get my shit together as soon as this funeral was behind me.
I’d made a simple supper of chili and cornbread and hoped Ben would decide to stay. Anxious, I kept looking out the window so I wouldn’t miss him drive in. I hadn’t had much of an appetite since the accident, but it was the least I could do when I was going to ask him to take care of my puppy again.
I finished packing by placing two pair of shoes, a blazer, a pair of dark jeans and my favorite casual blouse inside the open suitcase. It was navy blue flowy material dotted with an orange and white floral-patterned sheer fabric over a solid navy chemise. I grabbed a pair of old exercise shorts and baggy T-shirt to sleep in and I’d just done into the bathroom down the hall to grab the needed toiletry and make-up items and shoved them into a smaller bag when I heard Ben’s old black truck pull up in front of the barn. Hurriedly, I rushed back into my room and tossed the make-up bag on the top of the suitcase.
“Come on, Gem!”
The puppy woke up and started wagging her tail as she walked, with some difficulty, across the comforter toward me. She was still too little, and afraid, to jump from the bed so I picked her up and put her on the floor so she could follow me downstairs. Gemmy still had some difficulty with the stairs, too, but I coaxed her down and made sure she didn’t tumble down headf
irst. “Come on, girl. You can do it. That’s it! You’re getting so big!” I encouraged.
At the bottom of the stairs, the pup followed me to the back door in the kitchen where I shoved my feet into my old Vans. They were my work shoes and quite worn out. I was dressed in frayed jean shorts and a purple V-neck T-shirt. My hair was in a loose knot on the top of my head, and I was sure it showed that I didn’t give a damn about how I looked. I didn’t have one bit of make-up on, and so I hesitated a second to consider my appearance. I’d just lost my boyfriend and I shouldn’t be worried how another man would see me. My heart started to beat a little faster as I pondered my predicament.
I sighed and bent to pick up the puppy. “Come on, baby. It is, what it is.” I shrugged as I pushed open the screen door and walked out into the balmy evening air. When I placed her on the grass, she wagged her tail excitedly. She barked happily as she took off toward the barn.
The sun was low on the horizon and casting beautiful hues of orange and pink that reflected off of the fluffy cumulous clouds and radiated behind the mountains. I loved the ranch at dusk when the stars just started to peak out into the lavender sky. It was a beautiful sight.
I walked past the dust covered truck, which had both windows down, then headed through the open barn door and into the huge building. The familiar smell of hay and manure had already assaulted my senses before I was fifty feet from the entrance but intensified once inside. The horses were neighing and stomping in their stalls awaiting their evening meal. There was no sign of the man I was looking for and I reasoned he’d be back inside the feed stall or out refilling the water troughs.
“Ben?” My voice echoed through the tall and empty space.
“Oh, hey!” he called just before he emerged with a pitchfork full of alfalfa and put it in the first stall. His face lit up when he saw me, and I thought his blue eyes would melt my insides as they smoldered over me. His broad shoulders and solid biceps made light work of the job. “How are you feeling?”
