Embracing Today, a firefighter romance: (The Trading Yesterday Series, #3)

by Kahlen Aymes

  “Sure, I do.” He chuckled wryly. “How else am I supposed to impress the girls?”

  We got to the stairs and I noticed a tightness around his mouth indicating his pain. “I know it hurts.”

  “Hell, yeah, it hurts, but I’d do it again.”

  I didn’t speak again as I opened the front door and flipped on the inside light, but his words warmed me. My throat was tight and there was a suspicious burning at the back of my eyes. I blinked rapidly.

  Gem barked repeatedly as she scurried around our feet and jumped up on her hind feet against my legs. I bent to pick her up and I was rewarded with loads of puppy kisses as she showered me with affection. “Why don’t you go on in while I take her out?”

  Ben shot me a look. “I’ll take her.” He held his hands out, silently asking me to hand Gem over.

  “Are you sure? You’re—” I began, knowing he’d do what he wanted no matter my protests.

  “Yeah, and I have no way of knowing if Apollo is lurking outside.”

  I huffed in astonishment. “His hand is broken, Ben. He can hardly fight or handle a weapon after that.”

  “Why tempt fate? He might simply be more pissed off, or he might not be alone.” Ben turned and walked back out the door with the puppy. He held her up so he could kiss her head.

  As injured as he was, he wouldn’t let me even take my own dog outside to pee and that worried me. I followed him outside and noted how he drew his breath in with a hiss as he bent to set the dog down on the ground, and how slow he was to straighten up. I could only imagine how sore he was, and how any movement must surely put strain on the wound.

  “How effective would you be in your weak state, anyway?” I argued.

  He shot me an annoyed look. “Trust me, I’m strong enough to kick his ass.”

  I shook my head in exasperation. “I’ve already called the insurance company and they said after they received the fire commissioner’s report, the claim could be paid fairly soon,” I said calmly.

  We both watched Gem walk around and quickly squat to relieve herself. Ben glanced at my face. “Did you tell him that?”

  “I—tried. But you showed up in the hallway before I could.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Did you expect me to just take my chances with your safety that he would accept what you had to say? I doubt it would have even mattered.”

  Ben seemed angry.

  “No.” I frowned and shook my head. “I knew you’d come, so I shouldn’t have panicked. It was a public place and there were hundreds of people there. What could he have done?” I seemed to be cursed. Carter died and now Ben was injured.

  “Oh, I don’t know… remember he kidnapped you before. He might have done so again or knifed you then left you there to bleed out.”

  I shook my head. “That wouldn’t have happened, and even if it did, there were many people walking through that hall. Someone would have gotten help.”

  Ben called Gem and walked up the wooden steps to hold open the door for the puppy and for me. He nodded me inside. “Yeah? You’re awfully brave all of a sudden,” he countered. “Bastards like Apollo don’t play! Or didn’t you learn that lesson from Carter?”

  Having Carter thrown in my face stung. He stood there holding the open door while tears flooded my eyes and my throat thickened painfully. Maybe I seemed ungrateful for his help and I didn’t want that either. “I shouldn’t have told you.”

  “I’ve known since I first laid eyes on you.”

  “How?” I wondered, embarrassed.

  “I told you. My sister, remember? Gemmy, come on,” Ben called to the dog.

  “You’re hurt!” I exclaimed, seeing him wince as he moved.

  “I’m fine. Come on, sweet face,” he called again. “Let’s go night-night.”

  He was such a big, strong man and he was talking so sweetly to my puppy. How could I hold his protective nature against him? What woman wouldn’t swoon over such a handsome, compelling man standing up for them? Embarrassed heat flooded my cheeks at the thought.

  I watched Ben take Gem inside, and I followed closely behind. He gave her some water and as she lapped at it, he turned back to me. “Maybe I should go,” he said shortly.

  I sighed; a deep breath that filled my lungs to the hilt as I stood there gazing up at him. We were standing close enough for me to reach out and touch him, and I did; letting my fingers graze his arm tentatively. “I’d like you to stay.”

  Ben’s head cocked a fraction as he digested my words. He grabbed my arm and yanked me closer still. His eyes closed and his head bent so that his forehead rested against mine.

  “Marin,” he breathed. “I don’t know what the fuck is happening. I know it’s too soon after Carter, but I…” His warm breath bathed the skin of my cheek and mouth deliciously.

  “You, what?” I whispered, aroused at his nearness. My eyes closed and I could feel myself sway toward him, as if we were magnets fighting an impossible pull. He was so sexy, and I trusted him implicitly.

  “I want you more than any woman I’ve ever seen, but more than that… I want to take care of you.” The words dragged out of him. “When I walked into that hallway and saw you with Apollo, I saw red. I didn’t even know if it was him for sure, and it didn’t matter. I wanted to fucking kill him. I know it’s too soon to expect that you’d—”

  The sound of his voice was like magic and I felt myself giving in, my body was craving his, and my heart began to race. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t wanted him, too. It wasn’t as if I didn’t lie in bed at night fantasizing about him. I knew he was too weak to make love, but maybe…

  “Ben,” I sighed, my chin lifting in silent beckoning for him to put me out of my misery and kiss me. Somehow, I ended up in his arms and my hands rested against the sides of his waist. The bandage reminded me of his wound, but Ben didn’t seem to notice.

  He hauled me closer in the dim light, turning me around until my back was up against the wall in the hallway; his hard body pressing blissfully into mine leaving no doubt to his desire, as his mouth hovered over mine. God, it was blissful torture. “I’m sorry. I can’t help… this.”

  “Ben,” I whispered again, my voice aching. My lower lip nudged his upper one, eliciting a guttural groan from deep in his chest.

  His hand flattened on the wall beside my head, and he lifted me enough to part my legs and press his hips hard into the cradle of mine. It was bliss.

  “It’s like you’re this gorgeous demon that haunts me, Marin. Day and night, you’re all I think about. I know I shouldn’t want you, but I’ve lost my free will.”

  He started kissing me gently, taking the lips I offered, and worshiping them, but I was hungry, and I wanted to devour and be devoured. It was like no first kiss I’d ever experienced, and I’d known it would be. My thighs tightened against his hips and he thrust against me in a heavenly rhythm that was echoed in the giving and taking of his mouth and tongue against mine. His hands slid around my thighs under my bottom, and he pulled my groin closer against his. I could feel the outline of his hardness pressing into me, teasing; a delicious hint of what being with him would feel like.

  Soon we were out of control, our kisses deepening, our breathing increasing in perfect unison. My hands slid up his arms, over his shoulders and into his soft hair. I wanted him to devour me, and I communicated it with him by sucking his tongue deeper into my mouth.

  When the kiss broke, Ben was breathing hard, his face turned into my neck to drag his mouth down until it opened hotly over my collarbone, then he sucked lightly. I was dying, my body open and hungry, screaming for his to fill me.

  I tried to surge my hips against his, but his hands stopped me, his forehead falling onto my shoulder. “Marin, are you trying to kill me?” His voice was low and deep.

  Instantly, I stilled. “I’m sorry! Did I hurt you?” My eyes searched his in the shadowy darkness, then he pulled me close again while he surged toward me. I could feel his erection through my shorts and now damp panties, hard and t
hrobbing against me.

  “In a good way,” he said before taking my mouth in a slow, deep kiss, his tongue parting my lips and laving mine. He sucked in his breath as the kiss ended. “Having you in my arms, finally… it’s incredible. I say finally, because these few weeks have felt like years.”

  I could tell he was struggling; fighting to stop, but I wanted more, though I was worried about his stitches breaking open. Clearly, the Novocain injection hadn’t worn off, but I was betting that when it did, he would be in a lot of pain. “Ben… let’s go upstairs to my room. I’m worried you’ll start bleeding again. You need to rest.”

  I drew in a shaky breath as he lowered me to the floor yet slid his hand under the curtain of my hair to cradle the back of my head and tangle in the loose curls. My fingers curled into the fabric of the T-shirt as he kissed me again. His lips teased mine open, and our mouths were once again engaged in a series of hard, then soft kisses, his arm hooked around my waist and pulling me close, and off the floor to leave me feet dangling. I resisted the urge to wrap my legs around his waist.

  “Ben,” I said, my hand flattening on the hard muscles of his perfect chest. God, this man was perfect. “I’ll get Gem settled, but why don’t you go up to my room and crawl into bed? It’s the last door on the left. The bathroom is the door before it.”

  The farmhouse was built long before ensuite bathrooms became fashionable, but it was next to my room.

  “Will you lay with me, at least?” he asked with a slight smile, the back of his knuckles grazing my jaw. He was so hot yet had such boyish charm. My heart stopped inside of my chest.

  “As long as it doesn’t hurt you,” I acknowledged under my breath as I gently tore myself away.

  “It will hurt more if you don’t.” His voice was low; intense, but hesitant. “I mean, I’d sleep better if you were next to me.”

  I needed to collect myself, so I moved out of his arms, and he released me reluctantly. Despite the passionate kissing and dry humping that we’d just engaged in, and as thrilling as it was, I forced myself to remember his injury. My body was throbbing with unresolved desire and judging from the big bulge in his blood-stained jeans, Ben was suffering, too. It was unlike anything I’d ever felt, and I wanted to feel every inch of him inside me. I shuddered just thinking about it.

  I cleared my throat; acknowledging to myself that he needed to get cleaned up, and he needed rest. “Do you want some water?”

  “I wish I could take a cold shower,” he groaned, reaching for me but then dropped his hand.

  “I’m sorry. You know I want to, but I’m worried.”

  “I understand.”

  “So? The water?”

  “Sure. Thank you.”

  I nodded, then went to the kitchen to get two glasses filled with ice and water. Ben stood at the foot of the stairs waiting for me to join him rather than going up like I’d asked.

  “Come on, Gem. Let’s go to mommy’s room.” She knew the nightly routine, but she was still quite small, so it took her sometime to climb the stairs.

  Ben took the glass I offered, and took a long, thirsty drink, then ushered me to follow the puppy in front of him. I was extremely cognizant of his presence behind me as I made my way into my room. I turned on the small lamp next to the bed and the room was bathed in the low golden glow.

  It was late so Gem went into her crate and laid down without prompting. “She’s so good about getting in her kennel,” Ben commented, hovering and uncertain if he should sit on the bed or wait.

  “I think she’s pretty perfect,” I agreed. “She sleeps with me sometimes, though.”

  I felt nervous, as I sat my glass on the nightstand and began pulling the extra decorative pillows from the bed and tossing them on the floor next to it, then pulled down the covers on one side.

  “You can’t sleep in those soiled clothes. You must be so uncomfortable.” The dried blood had made the denim of his jeans crusty and stiff, and the shirt was dirty from being stuffed behind his seat in the truck. “I’ll be right back. I’ll find a clean T-shirt and pajama pants from Uncle Leonard’s room. I haven’t given his things away, yet.” I rushed down the hall and soon found what I was looking for. I held them to my chest and inhaled a deep breath to steady myself. I waited a beat before making my way back to my room.

  Ben was seated on the edge of the bed, on the side I had turned down, but he’d managed to remove the T-shirt, kicked off his black boots and had unbuckled his belt and unzipped his jeans but had stopped there. The white bandage was stark against his skin in the low light, but the muscles in his arms, shoulders, chest and abs were clearly defined. My breath caught, but I quickly gathered myself and held out the clothing to Ben.

  “I know you’re not supposed to get the wound wet so you can’t take that shower you wanted, but I can get you some warm water and a washcloth.” I was rambling and we both knew it.

  He reached for my hand and rubbed his thumb over the top of my hand.

  “Marin, relax. Nothing will happen that you don’t want to happen.”

  His face was level with mine, sitting down as he was. “I know, and I want it to, but I just don’t want to hurt you. You lost a lot of blood and you need to recuperate.”

  His mouth curved into a slow smile as he studied my face and continued to rub my hand, lifting it to his mouth to kiss it softly. “You’re probably right, but I’m not sure if that won’t hurt more in the long run.”

  I lifted my hand and pushed back his hair. I just wanted to touch and be touched by him. I felt like being connected to Ben would mean the difference between life and death, happiness and sorrow, turmoil or solace, togetherness or solitude. “We’ve got time,” I murmured.

  Ben tugged me closer, then ran the tip of his nose up the side of my neck, inhaling deeply. I was content to just be like this; close to him, his face nestled against mine, his hand softly moving up my back, gently kneading. “Do we?”

  “Yes.” It felt like a promise. I could lose myself, but I needed to think of him, first. “I’ll go get the washcloth.”

  “That’s okay. I have to use the bathroom anyway. I’ll just clean up in there, if it’s alright.”

  My heart felt bereft at the thought of him not touching me, even for the brief moment that would separate us. He kissed my temple and then stood up, holding the clothes I’d given him bunched up in one fist he disappeared into the hall.

  Should I leave him to sleep in here without me? I started to second guess myself, second guess how he made me feel, second guess that this closeness was even real.

  I turned toward my own dresser and pulled the drawers open, frantically searching for something to sleep in. I didn’t want him to think I was a prude, yet I didn’t want him to think I was trying to jump his bones when I’d just said he needed sleep. Oh, God, I thought as my hands rummaged around inside first one drawer, then another further down. I finally settled on an old fleece sweatshirt and a pair of pajama shorts. I changed my clothes as quickly as possible, so Ben wouldn’t walk in in the middle of it, registering that my own skin was caked with his blood. I’d also need to wash off.

  I quickly shoved the shorts and top I’d worn to the bar into the hamper in my closet and just in time, because Ben appeared in the doorway.

  “I rinsed out the washcloth and hung it over the edge of the bathtub. I hope that’s okay?”

  I turned and folded my arms across my chest, suddenly self-conscious. I didn’t know why I felt naked; I was wearing more than I had been for our evening out, but this situation was more intimate even if Ben was too incapacitated for sex. “Of course. Was it bad? I should probably soak your jeans in cold water, or the blood will stain.” I was rambling again.

  “Nah, they’re toast anyway.”

  He moved slowly, yet within seconds he was in front of me; his large hands sliding down my arms from my shoulders to my elbows. “Ah-are you sure?” I stammered, looking up into his face. I bit my lip as my eyes closed. “They looked new.”

&n
bsp; “Yes. Where do you want me?”

  I couldn’t tell if the fluttering inside of me was desire, or fear of getting hurt. My luck with men wasn’t good, but I was well aware it was already too late. “You take this side and I’ll go around. Maybe I should sleep in my uncle’s room.”

  Ben paused just before he was set to crawl into bed, his eyes locking with mine. “Marin, if you’re not sure about this, I can sleep downstairs or be the one to go to your uncle’s room.”

  I shook my head in the dim light. “No. I did promise I’d sleep with you.”

  “That’s right, you did, but I won’t hold you to it.” He was suddenly serious.

  I touched his shoulder, letting my fingers slide over it and up toward his neck. I brushed my knuckles against the strong column of muscle, and then against the stubble on his cheek. “No, I should be close… in case something happens.”

  “No argument from me.” Ben pushed back the covers and got beneath them.

  I left him briefly to use the bathroom and used another washcloth to clean the skin of my right leg, arm and side, then went back into my room and walked around and got into the opposite side of the bed. I reached up to switch off the lamp.

  Ben reached for my hand under the covers.

  “You don’t know how hard it is for me not to make love to you right now.”

  I drew in a shuttering breath. “That’s not helping, Ben.”

  His fingers squeezed mine. “I know. I could if you’d help me.”

  I turned on my pillow to face him, still holding his hand. It was imperative that he lie on his back to minimize the pain and not irritate his wound. My fingers threaded through his, my body aching to be as close to him as I could, wishing I could curl next to his body, my head on his chest and his arm around me. Warmth started to creep around us, the blankets heating up from our bodies. I listened for his breathing to even out.

  “I want to, but I know what it’s like to have sex when—”

  I stopped, realizing what I was confessing. Ben’s muscles coiled, his entire demeanor hardening.