by Kahlen Aymes
Her hands disappeared into her hair and she bent over in silent sobs. “I can’t. Carter—”
I moved quickly. Too quickly for her to move away and scooped her up into my arms, pressing her head into my chest, my arms holding her so close, her sobs rocked through my own flesh. All I wanted to do was ease her pain. “You’ll be alright, Marin. You have to let go of the past. I can’t compete with a ghost, but I’m here and I want to take care of you. How can you still be in love with someone who beat you?” My voice was urgent and angry, though I kept the volume low so Remi and Dylan wouldn’t hear.
“You don’t understand,” she cried into my chest, her tears wetting the front of my T-shirt.
Part of me was jealous of a dead man. How could she still love that bastard who abused her?
“You don’t understand,” she said again, but her arms suddenly wrapped around my waist to return my embrace.
My arms were still around her, but one hand came up to cup her face. “Look at me,” I commanded. She did as I asked, and I used my thumb to wipe at the tears on one of her cheeks. “Make me understand, then. Are you still in love with Carter?”
The sunlight, just rising in the east, cast golden light across one side of her face and her light grey eyes sparkled with the remnant of tears. Marin shook her head. “No. I’m not in love with him. I feel guilty that he died.” The words wrenched from her almost as if she didn’t want to tell me. “I shouldn’t have gone to the shop that night.”
“Oh, Marin. You have to let that go. It wasn’t your fault.” I shook my head, a tenderness I’d never felt toward another woman sweeping through me.
“I’m trying.”
I sucked in a relieved breath. “You have to, sweetheart.” I bent to kiss her mouth, but she turned her head.
“What if I’m cursed?” she asked brokenly.
I sighed heavily. “I know you’ve lost a lot of people you cared about, but we can go slowly Marin. Please don’t push me away. Who knows about tomorrow, but we have today. Please don’t waste this time.”
“I just love you so much. I don’t think I could bare it if I lost you, too.”
I almost didn’t hear the last part of her words because my heart was flying. It was amazing how quickly emotions could turn on a dime. “Then don’t lose me. Pushing me away is losing me, too, right?”
“I’d rather be without you than for you to die.” It seemed like the admission was ripped from her.
I bent down, tightened my arms around her torso and lifted her off the ground until our faces were on the same level and her legs were dangling. “Well, I’d rather die than be without you,” I said, with a smirk beginning to walk with her toward the house. “We are at an impasse, honey.”
“I’m serious, Ben,” Marin insisted.
“So am I. Stop being silly. You don’t think I’d let a little thing like dying keep us apart, do ya?”
I walked up the wooden steps of the porch. “Ben—” she began.
“Keep practicing that name, babe. When my family leaves, I’m gonna love the shit out of you. Night after night I’ll show you how alive I am.”
I still held her close and realized the thoughts my words brought to mind. Just the thought of making love to her made my dick flood with blood. I set her down until her feet touched the floor of the porch and slid my hands down until they grasped her hips. I pulled her hard against me. “Feel that? That’s all for you.”
I bent my head to kiss her, my mouth taking hers in a hungry kiss. Her hands slid up my arms and wound around my shoulders. I had to lift her again so that I could kiss her as deeply as I wanted to.
“Good morning, you two,” my sister called through the screen door.
Instantly, Marin pulled her mouth away in a startled flash, but I still held her close to me. I didn’t care if Missy saw us kissing. I had to convince the woman in my arms that I wasn’t going anywhere.
“Shit,” I muttered, but smiled as I looked down at Marin. My erection would be tenting my flannel pajama pants the minute I pulled away. “Morning, Missy.” Marin’s forehead dropped to my shoulder as a small laugh burst forth.
“Um, I have a problem. This is not something my sister needs to see,” I whispered in her ear.
Marin’s head snapped up and she smiled as our eyes locked. “Okay. Go back to check on the kids and I’ll get breakfast going.”
“French toast?” I asked, hinting.
“Sure.”
“Bacon and eggs?”
“Okay,” she nodded.
“Hashbrowns?”
Marin’s eyebrow shot up. “Pretty hungry, huh?”
“Starving.” I backed up toward the steps and placed another hard kiss on Marin’s mouth, then set her on her feet. “Love you,” I whispered against her mouth. She hesitated. “Say it,” I squeezed her to me. “You know you do.”
“I love you, too.”
I grinned, released her and hopped down the two steps in one stride. I pulled my T-shirt down and held it over the bulge in my pants.
Happily, I turned and jogged away from the house. I decided to check on Dark until my body was under control. “Come on, Gem!” I called to the puppy. “Come with daddy!”
Marin’s tinkling laugh followed me. “It’s gonna be a beautiful day!” I said to myself.
MARIN
How could my heart be soaring and heavy at the same time?
I loved Ben so much. I wanted to be with him so badly, but I was still scared there was something hanging over me that caused me to lose people I loved. I tried to push the apprehension down as I started breakfast. I smiled to myself remembering his cheeky grin as he hurried off to get Remi and Dylan up for chores. I told myself to trust him and steeled myself to trust the future. One day at a time, and today would be a wonder.
“Need any help?” Missy asked as I started the coffee.
“I’m good with this,” I said, setting two frying pans on the stove and turning on the heat before I went to the refrigerator and pulled out the eggs and milk.
“You seem happy, this morning,” Missy observed. “Ben has that effect on people. We really miss him.”
I cracked some eggs into a bowl and used a whisk to break up the yolks and mix it with some milk. “He’s great with the kids.”
“Dylan adores him. Are you sure I can’t do something? I’m not used to sitting around. Can I set the table?” Missy asked.
“Sure.” I pointed to one of the cupboards as I added a splash of vanilla and a tablespoon of sugar to mixture for the French toast. “The plates are up there, and the silverware is in this drawer over here.”
It wasn’t long and Missy had the table set and was pouring us both a cup of steaming hot coffee. “Do you take anything in yours?”
“Never have. My uncle always said good, strong black coffee puts hair on your chest.” I laughed.
“Ben mentioned you lost him a few months ago. I’m very sorry, Marin.”
I laid several strips of bacon in one of the pans and it started to sizzle and fill the air with that wonderful smoky aroma. “I miss him, but it’s getting easier.”
“I’d say I’m sorry about your boyfriend, but if your situation was anything like mine, it was a blessing in disguise.”
I paused for a beat, considering her words. “You know? I’ve never thought about it like that. What happened to you? I mean, if it’s not prying. Ben told me your ex-husband was abusive.”
“Yes. He would beat me whenever I had a thought of my own. If I defied him in any way or spent one dollar too much at the grocery store. When he started to direct his anger at Dylan as he got a little older, I took him and ran. It wasn’t easy. It took a lot of planning. Derrick was charming to the outside world, but to me, he was the devil. It was like a prison.”
“I’m glad you were able to get away.” A shiver ran through me and I felt an even stronger kinship with her. “With Carter, it was whenever he got drunk that he turned violent.”
“Maybe his death was your u
ncle’s way of looking out for you from above.”
I shook my head. “My uncle would never wish death on anyone, though he never liked Carter.”
Missy set her cup on the table and came to stand beside me at the stove, picked up the fork I had laying on the counter and began to help turning the bacon as I worked on the thick slices of French toast. “Men can be awful, but most aren’t. I’m so glad I was brave enough to try again with Jensen. My life has turned around a hundred and eighty degrees. We’re so happy now.” There was a glow to Ben’s sister’s face as she spoke about her husband.
I nodded as I flipped over a piece of egg coated bread. “Ben told me. That’s wonderful.”
“It wasn’t easy, and I’m sure it isn’t for you, but you can trust Ben, I promise. He’s a keeper.”
I felt a warm flush of pleasure run through me. “I’m seeing that. He’s so protective. I’ve never had that before. Of course,” I shrugged, “Carter was my only serious relationship, really.”
Her shoulder touched mine in a gentle nudge as we stood there. “I know it’s hard. Just give it a chance. Besides, if he hurts you, I’ll just have to kick his ass,” she said, with a small laugh.
We soon had a plate piled with fried bacon and another of French toast warming in the oven while Missy poured orange juice and I started the scrambled eggs.
“Do you have one of those triangles to ring for meals?” Missy asked. We both laughed out loud.
“No, but you know, that’s a good idea,” I replied.
“If you do start a dude ranch, you might need one. How big is your ranch?”
I’d have to consider it seriously. “Well, the ranch is only about five-hundred acres.”
Missy’s eyes widened. “Only about five-hundred acres? That’s huge!”
“Some of those are hills, but there is a stream running through it, and a lot of trails.” The more I thought about it, the more the vision of the property as a dude ranch materialized. Maybe cabins could be built instead of rebuilding the shop.
“Well, I think it’s a great idea!” Teagan said as she came down the stairs with Jace in her arms. “Something smells amazing! You ladies have been busy!”
“We aim to please around here,” I said. “Good morning, young man,” I addressed the adorable little boy squirming in his mother’s arms. “What do you like for breakfast?”
“Beckfust!” he piped up. “Beckfust!”
I couldn’t help but giggle, just as the door burst open and Remi and Dylan rushed into the kitchen, followed closely behind by Ben.
“Mom! Dark is so cute! He came right up to me and I kissed his nose!” Remi’s excitement was contagious as she went and stood by Teagan who put one arm around her little girl.
“Really? That’s amazing! I can’t wait to meet him!”
“Yeah, she canned on feeding the rest of them. Uncle Ben and I did it, though Aunt Marin. We gave them oats and alfalfa!”
“I see that!” I beamed at the little boy as I walked up to him and picked several pieces of the green stuff from his hair. “It looks like you rolled in it!”
“Nah,” Ben said, shaking his head. “Come on kids. We have to wash up before breakfast. I’m starving!”
“Oh, boy! Me, too!” Dylan exclaimed.
“Yeah!” Remi said following Dylan. Ben waited for her to precede him back into the mud room to the sink in there.
“Maybe they should take a bath,” Missy suggested.
“Why? They’ll just get dirty again. There won’t be any keeping them inside today,” Teagan offered. “But they smell like they have horse manure on their pajamas.”
“My uncle said it’s the scent of money! I can throw them in the wash after breakfast.” I chuckled as I removed the food from the oven and started to fill the plates that Missy had stacked on the counter near the cook top. She had purposely added a small bread plate on top and I knew that was for Jace.
“Beckfust!” Jace demanded again.
“It’s coming, sweets,” Teagan reassured her youngest.
The aura of family and joy that filled the house was so incredible. I knew Uncle Leonard would approve. My eyes met Ben’s as he towered over the two little ones scampering in to take their place at the table. The corner of his mouth lifted in an adorable grin and he winked.
Just having him look at me like that set my heart and blood racing. He was so beautiful and experiencing the kids and seeing what could be for us, I wanted it. I couldn’t wait to talk to him about the dude ranch idea to see what he thought about it. Maybe he could be my business partner and then he could stop putting his life in danger fighting fires.
Once the children had their plates and Dylan was pouring an obscene amount of warm maple syrup on his and Remi’s French toast, Ben finally took his seat. “Do you think you made enough food?” he teased, pulling out the chair next to him and patting the seat suggestively. I nodded, silently communicating I’d sit next to him.
“Well, I got my marching orders in the yard.”
“I’ll eat it!” Dylan exclaimed. “I’m starving!”
Teagan was already helping Jace with his breakfast and he was chewing happily.
“Yes, thank you for making it, Auntie Marin,” Remi said politely. “It looks so yummy! French toast is our favorite, right Dylan?”
“Hey! I helped!” Missy put in playfully.
“Thank you, Auntie Missy,” Remi added.
Ben squeezed my hand underneath the table as the children regaled us of their adventure feeding the horses and playing with Dark. I was so excited for the day ahead I could hardly eat.
“Hey, eat up! Big day ahead,” Ben reminded.
“Is French toast your favorite or just the kids?” I asked softly, already knowing the answer.
“Can’t it be both?” He winked again.
BEN
The morning was amazing.
If it were possible, I only fell in love with Marin more and more. Her fear about losing me was unfounded but endearing and seeing her interact with my niece and nephews and my family, my heart swelled to bursting. Like Dylan, I found myself wishing that we all lived closer to each other.
Most of the horses were let out to graze in the pasture, but Marin and I saddled up three of them and they were tied to the fence waiting for us.
Marin was sitting inside the pasture with Dylan and Remi on either side as she called out to Siri and Dark. When they approached, Siri nudged Marin’s shoulder and in an amazing show of trust, Dark, walked up close and threw his body into her lap. He was a newborn, but he was still huge, but laid down full body. She was giggling, but Dark knocked her over. Her arms wrapped around him as I moved forward. “Do you need help?”
She shook her head, and struggled to sit up, without trying to push the colt off of her. “I think this is incredible! I adore him!” Her arms tightened around his neck and she kissed his head. “He’s perfect!”
Siri snorted at her baby yet seemed unperturbed.
“Look, Mommy!” Remi exclaimed. “Dark is like a dog! Can we get one?”
Teagan laughed. “I don’t think your dad will be up for a dog that grows to two thousand pounds, Remi, but he is amazing.”
“Awwww!” she lamented sadly.
“Come sit by me, Remi,” Marin instructed, showing her to sit on my right on the side where Dark’s head was and soon, she was close and it was as if she was also holding Dark in her lap, too. “How about I share Dark with you and Dylan? You can come visit anytime you want!” She put a hand up to stroke her dark hair. The silken strands slid through her fingers and Marin’s arm went around her. Remi rested her head on Marin’s shoulder.
“Really?” Dylan exclaimed. “That is awesome! Mom, can we move here?”
Missy was taken aback. “What? Uh, no honey, but we’ll visit more often.”
“Uncle Ben invited me back next summer and said I can invite some of the guys from Billings!”
“We’ll talk about it with your dad.”
“Ca
n I come, too?” Remi asked, almost sadly.
“You don’t think I’d have Dylan without you, did ya?” I bent and ruffled her little head. “You two are a pair!” Her frown quickly turned into a bright, but toothless smile.
Teagan and Missy were standing off to one side watching, Jace struggling to get down from his mother’s arms, but she held tight so he wouldn’t run behind the horses.
“Are you sure you’re alright, sweetheart?” I asked Marin. “Isn’t he crushing you?”
The little horse looked happy as hell, getting pets, pats and kisses from all sides. His tail was swishing happily.
Marin’s mouth pressed together, and she shook her head. “He’s only a couple of hundred pounds. I can handle it. I’m loving this. In a week he’ll probably be too big, but I just love him so much. Isn’t he the sweetest?”
“The best,” Dylan agreed.
“I love him, too, Auntie Marin,” Remi added.
“I know you do, honey.”
Marin was radiant and completely in her element. I went to Teagan and reached for Jace. “Come on, Buddy. Let’s get you closer.” I walked the few steps back to the little group then went down on my haunches holding the two-year-old who reached out to touch Dark’s main. “Be gentle. Don’t pull his hair, just pet up and down, like this.” I moved his little hand to show the proper way so neither would be hurt. The little boy laughed in delight.
I glanced in Teagan and Missy’s direction. Their heads were huddled together, and they were giggling, and looking back at the picture we made. I knew what they were talking about and I couldn’t have agreed more.
After a few minutes, Dark was ready to join his mother when Siri moved further away, and we decided to go on a trail ride. It wasn’t easy when Teagan wanted to take little Jace in the house. He started crying. “Horsey! I want horsey!” he wailed.
“Jace,” Teagan kissed his head and tried hard to hold on to him, but he was squirming hard. “We’ll go read a book, baby,”
