“Why?” Mandy asked, prying. I liked her. She wasted no time with small talk. She was cutthroat and straight to the point. If everyone else was like that my life would be golden, especially this beautiful boy with stupid, perfect eyes.
“We didn’t have cable growing up, so I guess I’m just not used to it. I’ve seen a lot of movies, though.”
“We need to change that,” she said. “You aren’t leaving here without a list tonight.”
That was how my first shift went. Opening boxes, putting books in stacks, and not having a clue what was going on. Mandy insisted that my shift was boring because most students came in earlier in the day. My job was to be a breathing, able body, and check people out if someone happened to come in, and make sure the place stayed clean. It was a hell of a lot easier than waitressing. Especially when you had to wait on assholes from a small town that hated you.
When I got to my dorm, I was exhausted. I changed into my comfy clothes and downloaded Netflix as Mandy advised me. My download was interrupted with a text.
Liam: You missed our first study session.
Me: What?
Liam: I waited at the coffee shop
Me: That starts Wednesday
Liam: So, you’re on board with it now??
I rolled my eyes. He was persistent.
Me: Sure. A couple hours a week in exchange for peace doesn’t sound so bad.
Liam: You’ll be begging for more
Me: You’re breaking the agreement right now.
Liam: Goodnight, Autumn
Me: Yeah. You too.
I kept my promises. That was the only reason I was doing this. If I helped him, he would leave me alone, and I’d continue to fly under the radar. Normal and invisible were my goals in life.
He was walking toward me. Soft, light hair, deep eyes, perfect body, not too big, but he worked out. He wasn’t supposed to be real. He was what we saw in movies, the man we fantasized about. Not dealt with in reality.
Liam fucking Shafer.
I was staring. I opened my notebook, flipping to the page where I’d started taking heavy notes. For good measure I grabbed my coffee and took a gulp, which was the worst damn idea I’d ever had in my entire existence. Before I could do anymore damage to my mouth, I spit it out. All over my new plaid shirt.
So much pain. A napkin was brought to my chest, wiping the residue away. I looked up, making eye contact with the most perfect eyes in the world before jerking the napkin away from him. I took up where he left off.
“I didn’t imagine we would skip first base all together,” he said as he sat in the chair across from me.
“Have I told you today that I hate you?” I glared at him.
“Studying will be fun,” he said, grinning a shit-eating grin.
“Maybe for you.”
“You’ve opened up, Autumn. I like it,” he said. For a moment I thought he was sincere. I tossed the napkin down and shoved the coffee far away from me. I liked to keep my bad decisions at a distance, like the one sitting across from me now.
“Yeah, so have you.”
“I’m being serious. You were shy, almost sweet, the first time we met. Now I can’t win for losing,” he said.
“Then why try?” I asked. He leaned over the table, holding my gaze. I was positive, if this were a movie, my panties would drop. But I wasn’t, and mine are twisted.
“Because, Autumn, when you decide you like me, and you will, all of this hate will be worth it,” he said, grinning.
“So anyways, bringing it back to why we’re actually here,” I said, looking down at my notes.
“I like your accent. It isn’t over the top, but it’s perfect.”
My face heated and I was thankful I was looking down at my notes so he couldn’t see the effect he had on me. No, it wasn’t him. I was shy and embarrassed in front of everyone. I refused to give him the pleasure of making me feel anything, even if it was inside my head.
“If we’re doing this, you need to stop saying stuff like that.”
“Like what?” he asked.
“Did you seriously fail this class?” I asked point blank, getting away from the topic.
“I had a bad freshman year.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I’m paying for it, trust me.”
“Don’t you have to keep a certain grade point average to play ball?” I asked, and I immediately regretted it. His face hardened.
“I don’t play baseball anymore. Can we keep this about studying, please?”
My jaw dropped. “Yeah, sure. Absolutely,” I managed to stammer.
I kept my head down as I read, wondering where to start. I’d never been good at this communication thing. And I hadn’t exactly told anyone about our arrangement. Gabby would plan our children’s names, and I had a feeling Josie would be mean to me about it. There was no reason for them to know. He was clearly not into me, and I wasn’t into him. We were just two people studying. Not even enjoying each other’s company at this point.
“Have you read the required readings for the week?” I asked, watching him. His face softened a bit. He looked almost guilty.
“Yeah, I read it,” he grumbled. This should be fun. After this session, he might decide he never wanted to see me again and I would be let off the hook.
“Great! That’s a good start. Um, have you bought the two books the professor wants us to read?”
His thick brows bumped together, scowling. He put a pen to his paper. “No, what are they again?”
“The Great Gatsby and Pride and Prejudice. Our professor is a hopeless romantic.”
“Great,” he murmured.
I shrugged my shoulders at him. “At least we don’t have to do embarrassing presentations. Two papers about each book, discussion while we read them, and four tests over grammar, and all of that easy shit.”
“I suck at writing papers, and I hate reading,” he deadpanned.
“You’re out of luck,” I said, smirking.
“No, I’m not. I have the best tutor around,” he said, smirking back. I rolled my eyes. The arrogance was back. It never left for long.
“We can discuss the books, and I’ll look over your papers before you turn them in. It will be easy. Promise,” I said.
“If you say so,” he said.
Pushing my chair back, I stood and threw my things into my bag, looking at him hopefully. His mood has soured, and I almost felt bad for him. His cheery facade had deflated, and I knew it was because I mentioned ball.
“Now that we have a game plan, we can get started next week. Oh, and get those two books this weekend,” I said.
“Walk over to the bookstore with me. I want to make sure I get the right ones.”
I stared at him, dumbfounded. What was his deal? One minute he liked me, and then he hated me, and now he wanted me to walk with him somewhere? He shoved his fists into his pockets, waiting for my answer.
“How many books do you know by that title?” I asked.
“Please?” he asked, giving me puppy dog eyes. I knew they worked on other girls, and it only pissed me off that it worked on me.
“Fine,” I said, defeated. I couldn’t imagine the questions I would get when I show up at my place of work with someone like Liam.
I walked beside him, quiet as he was. I was conflicted. Part of me thought I was a conquest, and the other part of me was hopeful that he could have been a friend and I just blew it. I stole a glance at him. His head was down, but he caught me.
“You don’t have to hide it. I was meant to be looked at,” he said.
“You’re an ass, you know that, right?”
“That’s what you keep telling me,” he said, nudging my shoulder with his gently playing. Butterflies took flight in my belly. “I’m kidding, you know that, right?” he mocked.
“Then why hide who you are?”
“What about you? Are you really as shy and innocent as you come off?” he asked, throwing me for a loop. “You give off as many mixed signals as me.”
; I was stunned with that question. Suddenly I was in another state, in my home, curled up in a ball. I knew as soon as I was handed the money, I was gone. The note, the stares, the accusations, it was all true. I wasn’t as shy and innocent as I came off. I was desperately clinging to the fact that I could become someone else.
“This is college. I can be who I want,” I said. I looked at him as we walked. He looked like he wanted to pry but he dropped it, and for that I was thankful.
“So, do you like to read? Can you write? Or am I with a shitty partner?”
His question made me laugh out loud. “I can write when I have to. I love reading, and movies; they’re my escape I guess.”
“Escape from what?”
We were stopped in front of the bookstore. His intense gaze was hard and firm. I wondered why I was opening up to him. The whole idea that I was talking to someone I barely knew was mind-blowing to me.
“We’re here,” I said, pointing to the building behind him. When he didn’t move, I walked inside, with him trailing behind me. I grabbed the books and went to the register. Luckily, a girl I hadn’t met was working tonight. I wouldn’t be bombarded with questions next time I walked in.
She stared at him, and then back at me. I know what she was thinking. The same thing they all were. Why the hell did this guy want to be seen with me?
“You’re all set,” I said as we walked down the steps, away from the bookstore.
“Why did you move across the country? What are you running from?” he asked, intensely holding my gaze.
“When you bury your monsters, you don’t talk about them anymore,” I said as honestly as I could. He seemed to accept that. The truth was, he had things he wouldn’t ever tell me, and that was okay. Why would you share your deepest, darkest secret with your English tutor?
“I’ll see you next week,” I said as I walked away.
“What if I don’t want to wait that long?” he asked, and I stopped dead in my tracks.
“You made the deal.” Stay far, far away from me, Liam Shafer.
Twelve
I learned a few things this week: Autumn had secrets, she was passionate about stories, I shouldn’t make deals without thinking them through, and I was royally fucked. None of this should matter. I felt like a broken record, playing the same tune over again. I didn’t want a girlfriend. I didn’t want to party. I wasn’t playing ball. I was over everything. So, why was anyone having any sway over that?
The only thing that had ever kept me going was baseball. When my mom died, I spent every day on the field. When my father decided his words weren’t harsh enough so his fists would have to do, you guessed it—I went to the field. My dad married a girl who graduated when I was in eighth grade? I started pitching faster than I ever had before. That was the only reason I had a scholarship—my determination.
Baseball was my fix before the wreck. Maybe this entire time I’d been searching for something else to give me the same rush of adrenaline. It wasn’t a sport, just atoned redhead who was quick to tell me when I was full of shit. She was my fix, and it scared the shit out of me to think I could mess that up in anyway. So, I wouldn’t be making any moves on her. I just watched her from a distance, keeping her as an acquaintance. When I didn’t have pitching anymore, the universe sent me this redhead to keep going.
Josie was leaving Brandon’s room when I walked from mine. She gave me a smug look, crossing her arms across her chest, stopping when she approached me.
“Autumn is hiding something,” she said. Her eyes moved below. Lifting her hands, she pretended to inspect her nails as if she were bored with our conversation. The very one she started.
“Most people do. Tell someone who cares.” I stepped around her and began to walk down the stairs.
“Ask her about what happened with her mom and brother,” she said, drawing out each word. “And her role in it.”
For a moment she caught me, but I knew better. This was what she wanted. If I acted indifferent about the whole situation, eventually she would leave it alone.
“I don’t care. Ask her for me,” I said. I walked into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge. Two things were certain: I was drinking again, and I was not opposed to having a girl around.
“I’ll tell her you said that. I knew you didn’t care. I mean, why would you?” she asked, peeking into the kitchen. I held my hand up, waved at her, and dropped it. If looks could kill, I’d be dead. I’d never understood her infatuation with me. Maybe I was the only guy who’d ever told her no, and that hurt her self-esteem. Maybe she was obsessed with my image…That was something I could destroy.
“Hey, Josie?”
“Yes?” She looked at me, smiling as she stood in the doorway.
“I quit playing ball,” I said, and her face dropped.
“Why? You had scouts looking at you!” She looked like a five-year-old who had just been told Santa was not real.
“Turns out I wasn’t as good as I thought.”
Maybe the fact that I would be a nobody would deter her from her obsession with controlling me. She looked at me through narrow eyes before she stalked off. She might not believe me now, but she would see I was right. I walked back to my room, picking up the first book in my stack, smirking. This would throw Autumn off when she tutored me next time.
If Liam was right only one time in his life, it was last week. I’d changed. Or maybe he was wrong, and I’d always been this way. I stifled my personality. I read, watched movies, worked my ass off, and hid in my meadow to be alone. I went through the motions because I knew it wouldn’t always be like this.
After a short time of living my new life, I’d blossomed. It takes some caterpillars longer to transform. It took me nineteen years to become a butterfly.
I coated my lashes with black goo that promised to make look beautiful, then brushed my long, wavy red hair. My simple V-neck shirt was tight, much tighter than I’d ever worn. After falling in love with the person I’d become, I grabbed my backpack just as Josie and Sara barged through the door.
“Sara told me something interesting,” Josie raved. Her bell tone voice was almost too much for me this morning. Her hands were planted on her hips, and her friend was standing behind, bobbing her head comically.
“I’m sure she did,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t elaborate. Whatever gossip they were involved in or whoever’s lives they were ruining; I didn’t care to be a part of it. “I need to get to class. We can catch up later.”
“Liam is just going to drop you after you give it up,” Sara piped in from behind Josie.
“Uh, wait, what?” I asked, confused. As confused as I was, my stomach was in knots. In an instant I was that fifteen-year-old girl being taken advantage of.
“I saw you at the coffee shop,” she said, shooting daggers with her eyes.
“I’m tutoring him,” I said, bumping my brows together. They both visibly relaxed. Sara’s vindictive smile returned, and I braced myself for a second attack.
“Good…you aren’t exactly his type. We wouldn’t want our little friend getting hurt, now would we?”
I lifted three fingers to my lips, holding them there before I put them in the air. From the look on their faces, it was obvious they had never seen The Hunger Games. Still, I saluted them for trying to control the campus’ male sluts before leaving the dorm.
Huffing, I picked up my speed. This was fan-fucking-tastic. My roommate and her heartless friend were watching me now. Things just got worse on my end. Some days I thought Josie had a soul, but I thought Sara crawled out of the pit of hell to torture me.
“Autumn wait up!” a tiny voice yelled from behind me. Relief crashed into me like a fantastic wave, sweeping me into calm waters.
I stopped, waiting for Gabby to catch up. Her dainty purple glasses took up half of her face and her hair was braided to the side. She wore overalls and a band shirt underneath, but she was still easily the most beautiful girl on campus. Josie and Sara would kill for her natural, effo
rtless beauty.
“Hey, Gabby!” I beamed, thrilled that she was here to keep all the negativity away. I barely knew her, and I had no experience being friends with girls, but I could tell she was the real deal.
“How was your weekend? I barely heard from you!” she asked, slightly out of breath from chasing me.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I picked up shift at the bookstore and studied,” I said, frowning slightly. That was half true. I’d downloaded every season of Dexter on Netflix and I had been watching it like a madman. Liam had texted me a few times. Sometimes I answered him, but I mostly ignored him. “How was your weekend?”
“I just visited my parents,” she said. shrugging her shoulders, and then her eyes lit up. “But this weekend I hear there’s a party! We should go!”
I wanted to throw up in my mouth, but instead I surprised myself. What was one more party of letting people see my social awkwardness?
“Yeah, sure. That sounds fun,” I said, but I think my tone came off as a question.
“I’m kind of surprised you didn’t hang out with Liam,” she said, giggling.
“I’m tutoring him, that’s it,” I said, matter-of-factly.
“Oh my God, are you serious? When? How did this happen?” Her eyes were filled with excitement, not the ugly gloss of jealousy that filled Sara’s and Josie’s. This right here was how I knew she was the real deal. She lifted me up when they pulled me down. We needed more girls like her. If girls wouldn’t support each other, who else would?
“After classes on Monday and Wednesdays,” I said, shrugging her off. “He asked. It’s not a big deal.”
“It’s a huge deal!” she squeaked.
At that point, we were inside the lecture hall. Heads turned in our direction, and I slumped in my seat. Liam came in late after the professor started. A big, scary boy was sitting next to me, so he took a seat in the first row instead, but not before waving at me. Again, heads turned in my direction. Did I mention I hated attention?
After my classes were over, I walked to the coffee shop, mentally drained for the day. Liam was sitting in our same spot. There was a cup in front of him and one across. Before I could stop myself, a grin spread across my face. He was thoughtful, and sometimes that caught me off guard.
The Autumn Leaf Page 6
