He looked me straight in the eye, holding my gaze intently. “I want you to know that stopping you last night was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. I’ve questioned myself a million times.”
He let out a relaxed laugh and I joined him. I felt a huge load drop off my shoulders as I laughed my embarrassment away.
“I kind of suck at this,” I said, and he shrugged his shoulders.
“I can’t tell you if you do or not. I’ve never been in this…situation.”
“Did you just call us a situation?” I joked.
He rubbed the back of his neck. Staring straight ahead, he let out a sigh before looking at me. His gray eyes were on me again, intense.
“I like you, Autumn. Not as a friend. Not as a girl to just pass time with. I think about you all the time. I go to class to see you. I think of ways to make you laugh. You’re the real deal for me. When I woke up this morning and you were gone, I thought I blew it and it had me so fucked up…”
I pressed my lips to his, silencing his doubt. I moved in sync with his mouth, hoping he could make my fears disappear, too. Maybe that’s what relationships were. You found someone as messed up as you and you stuck with them. Maybe we’d grow with each other, find ourselves, and come out better people in the end. Maybe that was what it was all about.
“I like you, too, Liam.” His face broke out into the most glorious smile I’d ever seen.
“I’m going to make you so happy.”
He held my gaze, smiling still. I mirrored his expression. I hope he was right. Take it all away. Save me.
I stood behind the cash register, watching a student walk out with a book in their hand. “Have a good day!” I called out. I’d never realized until recently how bad I was with people in public. I blamed it on my self-isolation throughout high school.
Mandy walked to the counter, giving me a strange look. Her blue streaks had been replaced with purple, and a tattoo peeked out from her shirt.
“You’re so awkward,” she said.
“I’m seeing that.”
She just shrugged her shoulders. “It could be worse. You could be perky.”
“True.”
“How’re classes going?” she asked, and she seemed sincere. Mandy was an unusual supervisor. She kept to herself, only commenting when she could be sarcastic or if she was interested. So, for her to ask about my personal life, well, it was out of the ordinary.
“Great, actually. I’m just ready for a break,” I said.
“Same. I graduate in May, and I’ve never been more ready. I hope these aren’t the best years of my life,” she said sarcastically, and I laughed.
“You’re leaving me? Who else will insult me at work?” I asked, and she tried to not laugh.
“Very funny. You have me a while.”
“Thanks for checking in on me, and for the job. You were one of the first people here to take a chance on me.”
“I asked how your classes were going! I didn’t know it would turn into something weird,” she said, scrunching her nose up. She smiled and winked at me as she walked away.
I couldn’t help but notice I was feeling nostalgic and wondered if that was how everyone in relationships felt. My face twisted into a sour expression as I gathered my things to leave for the night.
On the walk back to my dorm, I remembered how my life was just a couple of months ago. I arrived here, not knowing anyone. I was timid and shy, not knowing my place in this weird world. I bundled my jacket around me as the wind picked up.
Josie wasn’t in our room, and for that I was thankful. I didn’t want to hear her intrusive questions right now. I dropped to floor quickly, typed in my code for the safe, and slid my last week’s check in there, safely tucked away with my money and information. I closed it, paranoid someone would come in.
I wasn’t sure what I was afraid of. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but the idea of explaining everything to anyone put knots in my stomach. I wanted them to see me as who I was now—strong, reliant, beautiful. Not the scared girl who ran away.
Twenty-Four
I hadn’t seen Autumn in two days. Not that I was counting. That would be fucking weird. I sat down in my usual seat, dropping my notebook and pen on the desk. Students filed in while I dropped my eyes to my desk, then casually looked up, hoping she wouldn’t notice me staring at the door.
Gabby walked in first, talking over her shoulder to who I assumed was Autumn. I glanced down and began arranging my notebook with a single sheet of paper, pretending I wasn’t eager. She sat beside me, turning to make sure I saw her.
“You’re being weird,” she said. Why do I try?
“I’m just getting ready for class,” I said, shrugging.
“With three items? Nah, you were spying on the door, waiting for me to walk through it.”
“I’m not confirming or denying,” I said. She pursed her lips, stifling a smile, and I was thankful she let it go. “How was your shift at the bookstore?”
Her face broke into a smile. The simplest things excited her. It was as if, for the first time, she finally had something to live for and she was making the best of it.
“It was good. I really like my boss. She’s cool.”
“Does she have openings?”
She shot me a strange look, thinking. “First of all, no way. You cannot be everywhere I am. And do you even need a job?”
I shrugged my shoulders. It gave me anxiety talking about my problems, when I didn’t even know what the hell was going on. “I don’t have ball taking up my free time anymore.”
“I’m assuming your family can cover it. I mean, I don’t have a brand-new Mustang.”
“Touché,” I said, wanting to drop the subject. The thing about a new relationship was, you had to ease them into your crazy. I couldn’t unload my dad, my accident, and my utter lack of direction in life. She would run for the hills.
The professor strolled in, dropping a bag onto her desk to get our attention. “Does anyone in here know what MLA format is?”
“Autumn, do you know what an MLA format is?” I whispered, and she nudged me.
“Shut up,” she threatened.
“Liam Shafer,” the professor practically rolled my name off her tongue in disgust. “It’s so good to have you back in the classroom.”
“Good to be back, Professor. I prefer the students better than my first go-around.” Chatter and laughter filled the space as she rolled her eyes.
“Cute. You’re chatty, so would you like to explain to the class what format I’m looking for.”
“I’m assuming MLA.” I shrugged my shoulders, and Autumn was sliding further down in her seat by the moment.
She let out a loud sigh, “Anyone else?”
An eager freshman in the first row babbled on about an answer, but I had zoned out. “Very good. Write that down, Mr. Shafer.”
I leaned over to Autumn, whispering, “Write that down. It’s important.”
“Got it.” Her face was as red as her hair. A pang of regret stabbed through me, but it quickly faded when the corner of her mouth lifted, and she shook her head at me. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Love me…my jokes. Love my jokes.” I stumbled through that sentence with as much grace as Autumn attempting my stairs drunk.
She laughed nervously, continuing to take notes. I, on the other hand, had completely zoned out. What the actual fuck did I just say? I couldn’t already love her. That was weird.
I glanced over at her, watching as she looked between the professor and her notes. The crease between her brows was prominent, and she let her hair fall between us, creating privacy from my intrusive stare.
“Okay class, I’ll see you Wednesday. Please work on correcting your papers. And putting them in the proper MLA format.” I swear to God she looked directly at me. I gave her my best charming smile and she looked away, flustered.
“Did you get all of that? I have a feeling I’ll have questions.”
“If you had p
aid attention…” She threw her small backpack over her shoulder, giving me her best pointed look.
“I just had the most distracting thing sitting on my right.”
She rolled her eyes. “Society would crash without women doing the dirty work.”
I laughed, wracking my brain for a response. She always caught me off guard. My phone buzzed. I ignored it and looked back at Autumn, but the buzz kept persisting.
“Maybe you should get that,” she said, glancing down at my hands where my phone was gripped tightly.
“You’re probably right. Walk with me?” I asked, and she nodded.
“Hello?” I was walking out of the room when Autumn grabbed my hand, taking it in hers. I squeezed, letting her know I appreciated her more than she would ever know.
“Liam. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you for days.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I lost my phone,” I lied.
“When that happens again, please find another way to get in touch. I do worry. You know that, right?” I could almost physically feel his lies assaulting my ears.
“Will do. I’ll catch up with you later; I’m walking Autumn to her dorm.”
I stopped. My blood ran cold. Autumn followed me, confused. She didn’t realize what the hell I’d just walked into.
“Autumn.” He let her name roll off his tongue, almost disapproving of my secret.
“Yeah, my girlfriend.”
“Interesting. Well, this will make things easier. I know you’re done with ball, so I thought you might want to hear something I have lined up for you. What do you have planned for tomorrow night?”
I sighed, just wanting to get this over with. “Nothing.”
“Good boy. Be at the house at seven. And do bring Autumn—we would love to meet her.”
“You got it,” I said through clenched teeth before ending the call.
Autumn grabbed my arm, stopping me. “Are you okay?”
“Are you free for dinner with my dad and his child bride tomorrow?” I asked, pissed.
“I mean, when you put it that way…” She offered a small, sad smile.
I kept walking to her dorm; she struggled to keep up. The phone in my hand was almost at its breaking point as I squeezed the only thing I could. When her building was in sight, and no one was around, Autumn jogged ahead of me. Putting her hands on my chest to stop me she jumped up, letting me catch her before pressing her lips to mine. I walked her to the door, letting her back rest against the flimsy glass barrier between us and the rest of the dorm. I grabbed the back of her head, not knowing how much I needed her. I needed this. I needed someone to calm me down, to be there when I couldn’t take it anymore and my only solution was to punch a hole through a wall and get in a truck drunk. I fucking needed her for all that I couldn’t do.
She hopped down, breathless. Her hands were on my chest, afraid to meet my eyes. I knew the feeling. I couldn’t stop this nagging anxiety that crept up. Maybe I was right earlier. This was what falling for someone felt like.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at six,” I said. And for some reason unknown to me, I turned around and left the only thing that could keep me sane.
Twenty-Five
The houses kept growing larger and spaced further apart. I had a lump in my throat as I tried to settle my anxiety. Liam didn’t care that I was from a trailer park in a small town and I couldn’t tell you where the fork went. Right?
He pulled up to a house on the left side of the road. He entered a code, the gate opened, and he drove through. I let out a breath I had been holding the entire drive. The old gray-brick home resembled a castle, and everything that screamed old money.
I had stepped into the Twilight Zone. I knew Liam wasn’t hurting for money, but I didn’t know this was his life. He didn’t fit this description.
“So, umm, your house is bigger than the one I grew up in,” I said, sliding my cheap shades off my face. I shoved them into my parka, waiting for Liam to take my hand and lead me into this house of horrors I was about to enter.
“I’ve heard that. I guess the only thing good about this house is that it’s so big everyone left me the fuck alone growing up,” he said.
“Privacy. I would’ve killed for some of that.”
The front door swung open and a young face greeted us. She was breathtaking. Her dark hair was wavy and hanging almost to her waist. She was smiling, showcasing perfect teeth in a symmetrical face. Her red dress clung to her in ways I could only sell my soul to the devil in order to look like that.
“Mi Hijo! Come here and let me get a good look at you.” She held her arms out, not waiting for Liam to go to her first. She engulfed him in a hug.
“This is my girlfriend, Autumn,” he said, stepping back. To my surprise, she took me in her arms and then held me, giving me a once-over.
“You are gorgeous! Is this your natural hair?” she asked, running a manicured hand through it.
“It is,” I said, managing a forced smile. She waited for me to elaborate but gave up. It was always moments like this I realized I was so awkward.
“Alec! They’re here!” She ushered us into the house, and I tried to hide the look of surprise on my face. The grand staircase split halfway, leading to two separate corridors. A crystal chandelier hung low from the two-story ceiling. I was going to get sick. Before I had time to bolt, a tall man with wavy brown hair walked in. He had Liam’s eyes, and with his tailored dark suit I could tell Liam’s perfect genes came from him. Crimson floated across my cheeks as I realized I just checked out my boyfriend’s dad.
He clapped Liam on the back. “I’m happy you’re here, son.”
He set his sights on me. Grinning, he walked over and kissed me on the cheek. “I don’t know what it is, son, but the Shafer men were always good at landing gorgeous women.”
He and his wife laughed, while Liam stared blankly at him. I had to admit, I wasn’t digging the misogynistic vibe he was putting off.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. and Mrs. Shafer. I’m Autumn.”
“None of that,” he laughed, looking at his wife. “You’re going to make me feel old. Please call me Alec, and my wife Isabella.”
“Dinner is on the table, kids,” Isabella said, and I wanted to choke. She couldn’t be more than five years older than me.
Liam grabbed my hand, walking me toward the expansive room to the left of the foyer. There was enough food on the table to solve world hunger. It was like something I had seen on TV but never actually experienced it in real life. Was this Liam’s life? Why was he so down to earth? Every insecurity began to gnaw at me as Liam started adding food to my plate.
“Thank you,” I said, adding a small smile. He looked at me with concern.
“Are you okay?” he whispered. His mouth was against my ear, shielding others’ ears from hearing. I nodded, trying to look as happy as possible.
“So Autumn, what are you going to school for?” Mr. Shafer asked me as he took a sip from the dark red wine in his glass.
“Social work.”
He let out a laugh. “You must have passion. I know it’s not for the money.”
“Not everyone is a greedy asshole,” Liam said. I squeezed his hand under the table, thanking him.
“That wasn’t fair, Liam, but you’re right. Sometimes my jokes aren’t tasteful. We just want to get to know the first girl who has ever taken our son’s heart.” He looked at Isabella, grinning, and she practically melted. At this point, Liam and I were going to break each other’s hands from squeezing.
“What is it that you do, Mr. Shafer? It looks like you’re successful,” I asked, looking around the room.
He glanced at Liam before returning his smiling face to me. “I guess he doesn’t talk about me too much. I have a few businesses. Nothing exciting enough to talk about over dinner.”
“I’m sure it’s better than my boring life as a student.”
He watched me, uneasy and trying to figure me out. I knew in the pit of my stomach t
here was something about him, and he knew he had to be nice to me in order to rekindle a relationship with his son. So, we sat, smiling at each other. He wasn’t used to working this hard, and his fragile male ego was taking the biggest hit of his life.
“Where are you from, Autumn? I’m sorry, but I don’t remember your last name…”
“Texas. And I didn’t give it to you, sir.”
He chuckled. “You’re right. Liam, I’m sure she keeps you on the edge of your seat.”
“Only when she needs to,” Liam said.
I took a bite of the chicken, and for the first time I was thankful I’d decided to come. My mouth was watering, and before I knew it, I had eaten everything on my plate. The table had grown eerily quiet as Liam and his dad kept glancing at each other.
“That was amazing. Did you cook it, Isabella?” I inquired.
“I did! I love cooking. Almost as much as Alec loves eating,” she said, giggling. I looked between the two, wondering how long they had been married. Normal couples were not this over the top, right?
“I used to love cooking, but it’s been a while,” I said, thinking back to taking care of my little brother.
“Don’t be shy; you’re welcome to come back anytime, and we can cook together,” she said, beaming a brilliant smile.
“That’s so generous,” I said, knowing Liam would probably never subject me to this again, let alone one on one time with them.
A woman I hadn’t seen before came in and took our plates one by one and wiped the table clean. I thanked her, but everyone else seemed unfazed and accustomed to this. A man dressed in an immaculate suit walked in and caught the attention of Alec.
“You’re needed in your study, sir,” he said.
Alec nodded. “Liam, join me please.”
“Oh my God, Autumn, I’ve been dying to show you the kitchen. Maybe it will make you want to take me up on my offer,” Isabella said. She was standing, and in an instant, she had my arm, pulling me to the doorway that their maid had disappeared through.
The Autumn Leaf Page 13
