by Tony Spencer
investments Da had made, while I would get a majority share of the business plus his house, so there was no point in me piddling about in a bloody hotel, for crying out loud, he added. We laughed about that too. His papers were in his office at home, filed under "Will" in his cabinet. Da was always well organised.
Da ate quite a bit of his lunch and actually appeared to enjoy it. His burst of energy was short-lived however and he dozed through the afternoon. I sat there and mulled over what we had spoken about. We had both been pretty silly over the years and all we had needed to say was sorry. Of course, that was the hardest thing for both of us, until now, when we were almost at the very end.
I went out that afternoon while Da was asleep and bought myself a heavier winter coat. It was overcast and very cold out but at least it wasn't raining, sleeting or snowing, just a continuation of that fierce cold wind. If they would only keep the heating on in the hospital tonight after midnight, I might have been completely happy.
I showered and changed in the hotel. Da may have said I could stay in his house, but it wasn't as easy as that. I had thrown away my front door key 38 or 39 years ago. When I last called on him nearly twenty years later I remembered having to ring his doorbell. I did doze on top of the hotel bed for a couple of hours but hardly awoke as refreshed as I had in the morning. I got back to the hospital in time to help Da with his evening meal. He was barely conscious the whole time and hardly touched his food. He had gone downhill rapidly in those last few hours and I regretted selfishly taking the time off to rest when I could have spent that time with him.
The remnants of the meal were taken away, largely uneaten, although I had as usual cut it all up for him. I hadn't had anything to eat all day either, I just didn't have any kind of appetite at all. I did want a coffee, though, but the hospital restaurant was closed by then and the machine-dispensed instant coffee was barely drinkable. I didn't want to leave the hospital merely to satisfy my thirst though, as I had a sinking feeling that Da wasn't going to be with us for very much longer. I poured a glass of room temperature water from the jug left for him and made do with that.
The nursing shifts changed, Nurse Petra popped her head in and glanced at the chart but didn't actually do anything. The big black nurse, Maria, I saw walk past a couple of times on her way to other tasks, leaving Da basically in my sole charge. Da just dozed fitfully through it all, the instruments beeping with a boring consistency, hardly even hinting that he was drifting away. I didn't need the instruments, it was becoming obvious where Da was heading.
At some point in the evening I noticed that the saline drip looked to be running low. Petra had checked his chart earlier but hadn't looked at Da at all during her brief visit. It seemed to me like a new one was required and I needed to press the red button to call the nurse. I had my new coat draped over me as a blanket and, as I got up, it fell to the floor, the air felt very cool without its protective layer. Before I could reach that red button, though, I heard a rustle behind me and there was Mary, as pristine as ever in her crisp uniform, only her long fair hair still seemed to have a life all of its own trying to break free of the knotted bun behind her head. In her hand was a fresh bag of saline.
I smiled warmly at her and she rewarded me with her own sweet smile.
"Have you spoken to Frank yet, Roger?" she asked briskly, still maintaining her lovely smile. What made me think she already knew the answer to that question?
"I have," I grinned, "But what makes me think you already know that?"
"A little bird told me," was her only reply, in a much gentler tone.
I was no longer as guilty as I had felt at our two previous meetings so I was able to fully enjoy her sparkling smile this time. She was young enough, just, to be my granddaughter, if she were I would have been very proud, she was nothing short of absolutely perfect. My Da was fortunate indeed to have such an angel looking after him at this time.
She fitted up the new drip and sat down on the opposite side of the bed to me, holding Da's hand. She looked as though she was settling down for the duration.
"No other patients to look after at the moment?" I enquired.
"No, not tonight," she looked at me so intensely, it was like she was looking all the way into me. "Have you resolved all of your issues with your father?"
"I believe so. We have been both pretty set in our ways all our lives. It has made things difficult between us. But now we have, we have … peace, I suppose."
"He told me that he had followed you throughout your career, Roger. Did you know he invested in all the companies you worked for so he could keep track of where you were working and somehow he got copies of all your reports? I am not sure how legal some of the methods he used were, Frank tapped his nose when he said he had ways and means," Mary smiled serenely. "I think you now need to talk to your own son before this happens all over again to you. You've both been estranged for too long, haven't you?"
"I can't argue with that, Mary, it sounds as though you have had some long conversations with my father while I was waiting for connecting flights on my long journey home."
She nodded, "He's a lovely person, Roger, you should be proud of him. He was very proud of you."
"I think I get that now."
"You need to prepare yourself, Roger, I think that Frank is leaving us tonight, very soon in fact. Will you allow me to call a priest to administer the last rites?"
"I don't think that Da's very religious, Mary."
"I don't think he is either, nor am I particularly, but I have a ... friend who is a priest and he has asked especially if he can do this one last thing for Frank, if you like for the three of us. I don't see what harm it can possibly do."
"No," I said, "I can't either, go ahead if you want to. I don't know if you will have time to fetch him, though."
Mary smiled as she got to her feet, giving Da's hand a squeeze before putting it down carefully on the bed.
"Thank you, Roger, he's waiting outside," she walked to the door. "Father Patrick", she called softly into the darkness. Then she turned back to the bed and an elderly priest complete with dog collar, silver cross and purple shirt worn under a dark suit, came in behind her. We nodded to each other without exchanging a word, nor did he make any move to involve me in the process..
The priest ran through his rituals solemnly, in a very dignified manner and left after he had anointed my father and completed his ministrations.
Da was failing fast now, with me holding his right hand on one side of the bed and Mary caressing his left on the opposite side. Soon he slipped completely away quietly and painlessly and Mary switched off the monitors and covered Da with the bed sheet after kissing him gently on the forehead. Mary wiped tears from her eyes and said goodbye to us both. I pulled her to me and kissed her hair on the top of her head. Mary had spent a lot of her night shift with us and I told her that I greatly appreciated her caring efforts and hoped she wouldn't be in trouble with the other nurses or her boss, Maureen. She smiled, amused at the thought and left us, I guessed she had gone well beyond the bounds of her duty and therefore would have a lot of work to catch up on during what remained of her shift.
I sat in the room with the body, I didn't think of it as being Da any more, I felt he had gone. I am not a religious person, never have been, but I got the distinct feeling that he had departed to a better place. Perhaps Mary realised that the priest was there more for my spiritual wellbeing than for Da. I did feel at peace. I did still have regrets that we had carried our little differences on for far too long but glad that we were finally father and son again, at least briefly at the end when it really counted for something. Maybe having the priest perform that ancient rite was part of it but mainly I realised it was Mary, caring enough for my father that she was prepared to devote her time to make his transition painless and quite beautiful. Mary was really wonderful. I felt there was something more than simply nurse-patient relationship here between her and my father, a kind of love that transcended the sixty years plus that s
eparated them, an impossible relationship but nonetheless wonderful to witness and be a part of.
I rang Ma, at that time of night it was daylight in Australia and she received the news of Da’s passing tearfully. In fact Cliff answered the phone and spoke to me for a moment before calling Ma to the phone. Cliff had never met Frank, but he knew the love that my parents had for each other, it was tempestuous but ever-present. Cliff landed the love of my mother only because of perfect timing and placing, he told me. When Ma came onto the line she had heard most of what Cliff had said and she added her explanation, it was while their marriage was in trouble and she had left Frank that she met Cliff, who was in England studying for an agricultural degree. Although she divorced Da and subsequently married Cliff, that didn't mean she ever completely stopped loving Frank, just the same as she could never stop loving me. Cliff was also in his 80s and currently rather unwell, so he couldn't travel but Ma felt compelled to come back for the interment. She said she would make sure that Bobby and his partner would also come over for the funeral.
I expressed surprise that Bobby had a partner, I thought he was a confirmed bachelor and commented so. She tut-tutted and said Bobby and I had to have a talk, and not before time. Bobby was 37 and had
