by C. J. Petit
Gus was doing what he always did. It was the reason the working girls were so sorry to see him go. He made her feel like a woman. He postponed his pleasure to give her as much as she could stand. Not that he wasn’t enjoying himself.
Susie was losing all control. Gus had her almost screaming as they kept going. She grabbed him and scratched at his back. This was no act. Susie was enraptured.
Gus was just in awe of the woman. He spent more than forty-five minutes with her before they finally finished their session.
Susie lay back on her bed with Gus. This was different, too. She never lingered after a session. She laid her left arm across his chest as he held her with his left.
“Susie, you do enjoy your work,” he told her.
“But not this much. My God, Gus. I thought I was going crazy. I’m not used to so much attention. Usually they grab my breasts and hop on. But this was ecstasy. Are you going to stay in town? I may give you a free one next time. Hell, I may pay you.”
“No. I’ve gotta get back. Took a job down near Kinnick.”
She turned to him. “Which ranch?”
“The Star A.”
Susie sat up and looked at him.
“Did they send you to bring me back? I won’t go, Gus.”
Gus was stunned into silence for ten seconds.
“Sara?”
“I don’t use that name anymore.”
“I didn’t know it was you. I thought you were Susie. I was sent by your parents to find you, but I had no idea where you were. Will Brannon, who I tracked down yesterday, just said you went north.”
“That bastard! Do you know what he did to me? He said we were going to get married and move into his nice house in Wichita Falls. We got there and it was a pigsty. He took me. He spoiled me. I tried to fight him off, but it was no use. After that, I waited for him to marry me. I was tainted. He made it worse. He treated me like a whore. He not only didn’t marry me, he brought his drinking friends over to have me. They thought it was a great game. I wanted to kill him. But finally, I ran. I just grabbed some food and left. I kept going north. I almost went back to the ranch, but I knew I’d never go back to that loneliness. Besides, I was a whore. I had been taken by four different men.”
“No, Sara. You weren’t a whore. You had been raped by four different men.”
“I didn’t fight after Brannon took me. I didn’t care. That’s what made me a whore. Even if I wasn’t a whore then, I am one now. Or did you just rape me?”
“Sara, if I had known who you were, I wouldn’t have done this.”
“Why? You seemed willing enough.”
“Sara, you are a very desirable woman. It’s been a while for me. But if I had known you were Eli and Rachel’s daughter, I would have stopped. Your parents are very good people. I would never risk hurting them. But now I have to.”
“You’re going to tell them about me? Please don’t. I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. I couldn’t go back after Wichita Falls. Besides the loneliness I’d find there, there would be the shame of running off with the first man who’d promised me marriage. Then I made it worse by doing what I did.”
“Sara, I’ll tell them because they deserve to know that you are well. I won’t force you to do something that you don’t want to do. If you want to stay here, then I’ll let you be.”
“I have to stay here, Gus. It’s where I belong.” She sighed and lay back down. It was somehow more comforting.
Gus was silent for a minute before asking quietly, “Sara, why did you enjoy what we just did so much?”
“Because you did things to me that no other man has ever done. You took your time, too.”
“Do you know why I do that? I do that because I don’t ever treat women like whores, even if that’s their profession. I know that women have needs and desires just like men do. I try to make them feel like women and not just a piece of flesh. You need to think of yourself that way, too. You are a young woman of exceptional physical gifts, but there is much more there. I should have known who you were when I saw those green eyes. They reminded me of something, but I didn’t make the connection until it was too late. You have your mother’s eyes, Sara. And I’m sure you have more Rachel in you than just your eyes. I imagine under that rouge and lipstick, you’re just as warm and considerate as she is.”
“I’m not my mother, Gus. I’m just what I am.”
“I didn’t say you were your mother, Sara. I said you had the same type of personality. When you went off with Will Brannon, were you excited about being bedded or were you looking forward to having someone care for you and make you the center of his life?”
Sara deflected the question because it hit too close.
“Why do you do that? You came in sounding like a cowboy, but now you sound like a teacher.”
Gus laughed and kissed her on the forehead.
“Your mother asked me that same question. It’s because my parents made me use proper English growing up, but I had to adopt the cowboy way of speaking to get along. We all adapt, Sara. You had to adapt to that bad situation you were in. It’s never too late to adapt again. I won’t force you to come back, Sara. But if it’s all right, I’d like to come and talk to you again from time to time.”
“Just talk? Didn’t you enjoy yourself? It sure seemed like you did.”
“Sara, I can’t recall ever feeling that much pleasure before. But I’ll tell you what. I know that sooner or later, unless I die a bachelor, which is possible, I’ll be able to feel even more.”
“Why?”
“Because I know that when I find the woman I was meant to love completely, I will pour everything I have into making her as happy as I can, and I know she will do the same. See, we just experienced physical love, but when total emotional love is added, it will move to a whole new level.”
Sara looked up at him. “How do you know?”
“I know because I can feel myself holding back. I’d never hold back for that one woman.”
“She’ll be a very lucky woman, Gus.”
“No, Sara, I’ll be the lucky one.”
“Gus, can you stay for a little while? I need to take a break anyway.”
“I can stay. I have a room over at the hotel. I was going to continue my search for you in Hendrick tomorrow, but I’ll head back in the morning.”
“How will you tell them, Gus?”
“It’ll be difficult, Sara. If I had just found you but not enjoyed your pleasures, it wouldn’t be so bad. But confessing will be hard.”
“You could not tell them that part. It’ll just be between us.”
“I can’t work there and keep a secret like that. It’s not right, Sara.”
“I understand. It’ll be all right.”
“Sara, do you ever get out? You know, just get out and ride around the country?”
“Rarely. I’m not exactly popular among the general folks around town. I don’t own a horse anymore, either.”
“You should get out more. If they don’t like it, it’s their fault, not yours. You should never worry about what some narrow-minded churchgoer thinks, Sara. Those are the people who engage in their marital relations with the lights off and probably while fully dressed with just enough showing to procreate.”
She laughed. “You paint a funny image, Gus.”
“But true. Most of the men I’ve associated with these past twenty years were much more natural in their morals. They had to be, really. It’s only those prim and proper folks who want everyone to believe they’ve never even had sex that are so prudish. I admire women’s bodies, and yours is spectacular, by the way, and I’m not the least bit ashamed to admit it. But there is a difference between sex and love. You know that, don’t you?”
He felt Sara nod.
“One of these days, Sara, you’ll find that one man that will love you completely, and you’ll forget all about this.”
“That’s a problem, isn’t it? I get told that two or three times a week. It means nothing. How would I ev
er know?”
“You’ll know. When you start missing him so much you skip appointments, then you’ll know.”
“But it won’t do me any good, Gus. I’m a whore. No man would marry me except to be his personal whore.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, Sara. If a man loves you completely, and I’m talking about the whole Sara—your heart, your mind, your soul, and yes, that beautiful face and body. When a man understands you to where he’d just as soon talk to you and listen to you as take you to bed, then he surely won’t care one bit what you’ve been. He’ll protect you from anyone who says or does something to hurt you. Don’t give up hope, Sara.”
“You sound like a preacher.”
Gus grinned and said, “Not if it’s the Reverend Quincy. That man had me in hell before I opened my mouth.”
“He showed up in town just before I left. He didn’t like my parents or me.”
“I got that impression.”
“So, you really believe there’s hope, Gus?”
“Absolutely. I think you’re probably an easy person to love and probably are capable of giving as much as you get. Someone will see that, Sara. Just give it time.”
“I’ll see. Why did you take the job with my parents? They have no money.”
“I know. I saw what a shamble the ranch was in and thought I could give them some help. I’ve only been with them a few days.”
“A few days and they sent you to find me?”
“We get along well.”
“Why did you leave your last job?”
“Had a problem with a new young foreman. He liked to throw his weight around, and I thought he had overstepped his authority. I put him on his ass, so I knew I was gone. Boss felt bad about it, too. Gave me double pay and a note apologizing and admitting he should have made me the foreman.”
“Why didn’t he?”
“The new foreman was a pretty new hire. He was a good-looking kid, but a lousy hand. He made googly eyes at the owner’s daughter, and she asked her dad to make him foreman. He couldn’t refuse her anything, so he did. Everybody was unhappy with his choice. The only good thing in the whole episode was that he got stuck marrying the woman.”
“Is she ugly?”
“Not ugly so much as plain. Plain would be okay, but she’s a real shrew, too. As a bonus, she’s flat chested. Something that most assuredly could not be said about you.”
“Gus, if I asked, could you take me again? I want to feel that way again.”
“Sara, if you were Susie, I’d take you two or three more times. Each one would be better than the last. But you’re Sara. I couldn’t do it. That’s why, when I come back, if you’ll let me, it’ll be just to talk. I’d like to keep you abreast of what’s happening.”
“I understand, Gus. I’m disappointed, but I understand. You do know that you’ve ruined me for my other customers, Gus. But I guess I’ll just have to adapt.”
“But that doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate you right now. You are really a treat for the eyes, Sara. And you know what? You’re a treat just to be with. I think I’ve used up too much of your time, Sara. If you ever need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me. Just rent a horse and come down to the ranch.”
“When do you think you’ll be by to talk?”
“I don’t have a clue. I think things are coming to a head down there. I wish I knew who was behind it. I’d like to think it was Quincy. I didn’t tell you that your parents had forty-five head of cattle rustled a few days ago, did I?”
“No, you hadn’t mentioned it.”
“Found the cattle missing and tracked them down to the railroad stockyards. Got the purchasing agent in a hard place, and he admitted to having bought them and shipped them without proper papers. I got him to pay for the cattle and give a draft to your parents for almost a thousand dollars.”
“That’s wonderful, Gus. They must have been happy about it.”
“They were. But that’s why I need to get back. I just have a bad feeling that the rustling wasn’t just simple theft. It’s easier to steal from a big spread. They won’t notice that many cows are missing until they do a full count. Small spreads notice the loss quickly. I originally thought that it was because everyone knew about the lack of hands, but after talking to Rachel, I think it was the start of an attempt to take all the cattle and drive them out.”
“I’m happy that you were able to help them, Gus. I really do love them, but I can’t go back. I just can’t.”
“I know, Sara. But I’m taking too much of your time. I’m so comfortable, I’d never leave, and that’s not doing you any good.
He got out of bed and pulled on his pants and then his shirts. He sat down and pulled on his socks and boots.
He smiled at Sara, gave one more look into her bright-green eyes, and gave her a gentle kiss.
“Goodbye, Sara. It really has been a pleasure.”
“For me, too, Gus. More than you can imagine.”
He leaned over and kissed her one more time and left the room.
He walked down the stairs and waved at the bartender.
He went outside and crossed the street to the hotel. He knew his return to the ranch would be very difficult, probably as much for Eli and Rachel as it would be for him. Maybe more so.
The next morning, he had breakfast at the café and then walked to the livery and saw Belle, who nickered at him. He waved at the liveryman and saddled Belle, tossed on his saddlebags and slid his Winchester into the scabbard. He climbed up on Belle and started back for Kinnick. As he trotted Belle along, he thought about Sara. He worried about her. There were a lot of risks in her job. Pregnancy. Violent customers. Disease. No, there was no future for Sara at the OK Saloon.
He passed through Kinnick and reached the ranch thirty minutes later. He had kept Belle to a slow trot to delay his arrival. He entered the ranch and brought Belle to the barn and unsaddled her. He let her drink and set her in the stall and began to brush her down.
Gus finished brushing down Belle and walked to the house. He stepped into the kitchen entrance, took a deep breath, and went inside.
He walked back to the main room and saw Rachel and Eli looking at him with questioning eyes.
“Did you find her, Gus?” asked Rachel.
Gus sat down. He blew out his breath.
“Yes, I found her.”
“She didn’t want to come back, did she?”
“No, Rachel, she didn’t.”
“Gus, I can see you’re upset. You can tell us. What happened in Wichita Falls?”
Gus told them, then went on to describe what Sara had gone after she left.
“So, close, but still so distant. I’m afraid to ask, Gus. What is she doing there?”
“She’s a prostitute, Rachel.”
There was no reaction from either parent.
“On, the positive side, she was in a clean location, and she didn’t have a man controlling her. She was healthy.”
“Did you see her room, Gus?” asked Eli.
“Yes. I’ll be honest with you both, I couldn’t resist her. She was just overwhelming. I’m so ashamed of myself. She calls herself Susie and I didn’t know who she was until she asked me where I worked. After I told her that I worked here, she immediately told me that she didn’t want to come back. That’s when I realized Susie was Sara.”
“Don’t blame yourself, Gus.”
“I do apologize to both of you. If I knew what was gonna happen, I never would have gone.”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”
“She asked me to tell you that she loved you both. But she feels ashamed of what she was doing. Just as much, I think she was so lonely here, she couldn’t bear to go through that again.”
Gus could see the impact of his words closing the door of any hope for Sara’s return.
“Well, I’ve got to get some work done.”
They nodded, and Gus left the room and headed for the barn. He needed to do some hard work t
o drive out his feelings of guilt.
Gus decided to get those barn stalls fixed. They were next on his list.
Gus picked out the tools he would need and began to work on the barn stalls. He went to the first stall and had to remove two rails on the separator between it and the next stall. He used the last of the old spare lumber, but was pleased with the results. He’d need more lumber to fix the remaining stalls.
