by Tara Hart
“Will you finish me off?” She smiles hopefully.
I’m a selfish bastard. I’ve blown my load, now I couldn’t give two fucks how she gets her climax tonight.
Offering her a sideways glance, I throw my head in the direction of the bar. “Why don’t you get the old man to do it?”
“I was just flirting. You know, free drinks and all.” She looks embarrassed as if I give a damn who she goes home with tonight.
Taking a fresh piece of paper towel from the dispenser, I dry off my hands and throw the tissue in the bin.
“Can I have your number?” she asks, her head cocked to the side.
I shake my head no.
“I know who you are,” she says like it’s a threat. “I know you’re married. I’ve seen you in the news.”
Her hands gravitate back to her hips as if that will make me tread lightly. She has no idea. I have nothing left to lose.
I let out a gruff laugh.
“Congratulations,” I bite out sarcastically. “You just fucked a millionaire.”
Her eyes go wide as she watches me walk to the door and pull it open.
“Tell who you want,” I say taking one final look at her. “I don’t give a fuck anymore.”
Chapter 15
I don’t see her immediately. It’s like there’s a cloud around my car as I drive, which makes seeing out of the windshield difficult. Not until she shields her eyes from my headlights, do I notice her sitting on my front porch.
At first, I think she’s an illusion. I shouldn’t be driving after downing that many scotches in the space of half an hour, but once behind the wheel, I deemed myself fit to drive. I apparently don’t know my own limits well at all.
I kill the ignition and jump out of the cab, my feet hitting the concrete path noisily
She stands as she watches me approach, but there’s no time for pleasantries.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, my words slightly slurred.
She notices straightaway because she’s that type of person. Savannah notices everything.
“Jared, you shouldn’t be driving in this state,” she says, a genuine look of concern on her face. She’s good at this—pretending to care and all.
“What are you doing here?” I repeat as I climb the stairs and fumble with my keys as I attempt to unlock the door. The keys fall to the concrete step beneath me.
“Fuck.”
She bends down and picks up the ream of keys. She sorts through the assortment, choosing the correct key and unlocking the door.
She pushes the door open, standing between me and the house.
“We need to talk,” she says, her eyes locking with mine.
Her lips are set in a thin line as she tries to get something out of me—anything—but I can’t focus on anything other than how beautiful she is. I look at her face dreamily.
“Fuck, Jared,” she says with a shake of her head. “How much did you drink?”
She takes a step back, pulling me inside with a tug of my hand. She walks through the house and into the kitchen, moving around the island bench effortlessly as if it’s her own house. She takes a glass from the cupboard and fills it with water from the tap.
“Drink this.” She shoves the glass into my hand.
I down half its contents in one mouthful. She watches me closely, ensuring I consume every last drop.
Cooper runs into the kitchen, happy that he’s not home alone anymore. His bell announces him, but he still treads cautiously.
“What are you doing, Jared?” Savannah raises her voice, causing Cooper to jump and run into the other room. “You shouldn’t be driving in this state.” She snatches the glass from my hand, topping it up and handing it back to me with the same judgmental expression on her face.
“Do you know what this would do to your reputation if you were found driving like this? Do you know what the papers would say? You could have killed someone.”
I shrug.
She scoffs. “Real mature.”
I feel my pulse intensify. The tone of her voice angers me. She’s in no position to be preaching to me.
“Don’t lecture me, Savannah.” I step toward her and I notice her retreat straightaway. She looks afraid of me and it causes me to tone it down a notch.
“I’m sorry.” I hold my hands up in apology. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
Her reaction puzzles me. She seemed genuinely scared I was going to harm her. I would never raise a hand against her.
A moment passes before she shakes her head in response. “It doesn’t matter. If you want to throw it all away, you can. Forget I was even here.”
She spins around and heads for the front door. I follow her. It dawns on me that Savannah never told me why she was sitting on my front porch.
“Why are you here, Savannah? Did you come here just to lecture me?”
She sighs. “I came to let you know that Selina is leaving the country.”
I halt, dead still. Everything inside of me stops. I don’t know how to process this new piece of information. I don’t know what it means for me—for us.
“Where is she going?” The surprise is clear in my voice. I never expected to be so thrilled to hear Selina’s name said in this house again, but to hear that she’s leaving, it excites me to no end, even if I’m the one who’s paying for it.
Savannah looks up at me through her lashes. Although I’m a little woozy, I can sense the sincerity in the depths of her eyes.
“France.”
I never understood Selina’s obsession with France. We traveled there together once in the past eight years, the remainder of the time she visits alone, twice, sometimes three times per year. She’s always ecstatic before she leaves and completely miserable when she comes back.
“Something has her rattled,” Savannah tells me. “It’s like she’s just realized she’s losing you.”
“She lost me,” I feel the need to correct. “Past tense.”
I think back to last night when she was sucking my cock. As soon as I realized it was her, I sent her on her way. That’s probably the first time she’s ever felt the bitter agony of rejection.
I haven’t heard anything from Selina’s lawyer in days. Shaun’s still waiting for an answer regarding the proposed settlement. Shaun tells me no news is good news, but I’m not convinced.
“I meant what I said, Jared. I regret everything that happened. I never wanted to play you.”
I brush my fingers through my hair, trying to regain some sense of normalcy. I hate being drunk and yet an hour ago it felt like my only option. I wanted to get wasted to forget about everything—to forget about her.
“Jared?” she questions.
I’m stuck in a daze. All I can think about is what could have been and I seem to have forgotten that she’s standing right before me.
She reaches for the door handle, but she pauses when she sees me step forward.
“Stay,” I say, reaching between us.
Savannah hesitates, turning to look at me, a subtle smile making its way to her lips.
I take her hand in mine and tug on it gently.
“Stay?” I say again, this time it’s a question.
She nods her head cautiously as she follows me over to the sofa. I flick the switch that ignites the fireplace, the flames instantly killing the chill in the room. The night is cool and for the first time, I notice Savannah isn’t wearing a coat. I pull a throw rug from the back of the sofa and spread it over her legs.
“How long were you waiting outside?”
The fog is slowly lifting from my brain, a dull headache the only remnants of too much alcohol.
“Not long,” she says. “Twenty minutes or so.”
I sit next to her, leaving a space on the sofa between us.
“I figured I would wait since you never answer my calls.”
I feel around in my pockets in search of my phone. The display lights up when I pull it from my left pocket. I notice the missed calls came in r
ight about the time I was fucking the brunette in the toilet stall. Fuck. I rub the palms of my hands over my eyes.
“Sorry. I didn’t feel it vibrate.” I place my phone on the coffee table and recline back on the sofa. My arm rests behind her head, my hand just inches from her face.
She turns to me, her eyes wide, her expression serious. “Selina may be willing to settle.”
My eyebrows reach up my forehead. “Seriously?”
She nods her head once. “She’s uncertain, Jared. She’s scared about the future and getting tired of the games.”
I have to wonder if this is part of the game, Savannah sitting here with me. The other part of me is really sick of always being on the defensive.
“She never loved me,” I say out of nowhere.
Savannah offers me a sideways glance.
“Selina,” I feel the need to add. “She never loved me.”
Savannah shakes her head. “She loved you. I saw it in her eyes.”
I laugh. “She loved my money.”
Savannah smiles, but it’s short-lived, her face turns serious almost instantly. “She did love you, Jared. Maybe not now, but there was definitely a point when she was so in love with you that it was hard for me to watch.”
“Hard for you?”
She nods, swallowing roughly before looking at my face once again. “My marriage was falling apart and she had everything I wanted. The beautiful house, the charming husband...”
I pivot my body to face hers.
“You think I’m charming?” I smirk because I’m arrogant.
She slaps my shoulder playfully.
“Not anymore.” She pokes her tongue out.
I tuck my leg beneath me as I rest my elbow on the headrest of the sofa. Taking her hand in mine, I bring it to my knee, drawing circles against the palm of her hand.
“I’m sorry your marriage was shitty,” I say. “I’m sorry you had to watch Selina and I play house.”
She rolls her eyes until I tell her the truth.
“It was all a farce.”
Savannah shakes her head. “It was so real to me,” she says softly. “She had you, Jared. In a time when I had nothing.”
I lace our fingers together, suddenly feeling completely sober, hanging onto every word that spills out of Savannah’s mouth as if it’s my lifeline in amid a sea of craziness. She brings me back down, she centers me.
“A lot of the time it was hard.” I feel the need to tell her. “Much harder than marriage should be. We were always trying so hard to appear a certain way to others. I’m not sure when the acting became our reality.”
She smiles, the emotion reaching her eyes, their emerald depths sparkling through. “I guess she had us both fooled.”
It’s a dig at her sister and the games she played. The irony not wasted on me that they both played me equally as fierce.
“You both had me fooled,” I add, averting my gaze, showing complete lack of follow through with the backhanded comment.
She purses her lips as she pivots her body to face mine.
She looks at her hands as she seemingly strings her sentence together, before long she’s looking up at me from beneath her long lashes.
“I wasn’t acting, Jared,” she says. “I was playing a role, but none of it was fake.”
She shuffles her ass closer to me, her hand reaching between for my knee, slowly creeping higher up my leg.
“You made me feel so wanted—so desired,” she says, her other hand coming to my chest, trailing up my neck and then to my chin. She inclines forward, kissing my lips slowly, seductively.
It makes me dizzy. Her mere presence is enough to make my world spin sideways.
Her hand wraps around my neck as she draws me closer. Her lips move hungrily against mine like she’s inhaling me with every sense of her being. Her fingers brush through my hair, tugging at the roots as I kiss her harder. She moans lightly, her lips softening as her whole body relaxes.
She pulls away from my face as both of her hands reach for the buckle of my belt. She looks at me coyly as she fiddles with the clasp and then starts unbuttoning my jeans.
She takes in a breath as her hand reaches inside of my pants and rubs my cock. The breath hisses through my teeth as I lean back against the sofa. I’m so wrapped up in the moment, completely lost in her that I almost forgot where I was tonight—who I was with—who I’ve been inside.
I grasp her wrists inside my hands, stopping her from going any further. I don’t want Savannah to smell another woman on me. I don’t want her touching me before I’ve washed the remnants of sex from my skin.
She looks up at me, her beautiful eyes are wide and confused. Her shoulders slump as she tries to figure out what she’s done wrong.
I stand from the couch, raking my fingers through my hair as I stand before her, my eyes pleading with her to understand.
“I can’t, Savvy,” I say. “I’m sorry, I can’t. Not tonight.”
She stands, squaring her shoulders with mine. She’s visibly shaken by the rejection and equally confused by my reaction.
“What happened?” she asks, her voice clearly pained.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” I say. “We just have to stop. I can’t be with you. Not tonight, not like this.”
I’m aware of the irony. Our whole romantic entanglement has been one lie after another. Tonight is no exception.
She walks over to me, her eyes pleading with me for the truth. “Tell me, Jared. Tell me the reason you stopped me.”
It’s like she already knows. The truth is written all over my face and she can read me like a book.
“Tell me, Jared,” she mutters. “Tell me.”
Savannah knows the truth that I’m too ashamed to admit.
“I can’t.” I shake my head as my arms fall at my sides as if I’ve given up trying to convince her of my worth.
She comes closer, her hands meeting my chest as she pushes me backward.
“Where were you tonight?” she asks like it’s an accusation.
“At a bar,” I respond softly.
“Alone…?” Her voice trails off. I can see the apprehension on her face. I don’t need to answer for her to know the truth. She’s pieced together the puzzle having known only half the clues.
“Jared.” She hits me in the chest again, this time harder. Tears pool in the corners of her eyes as she looks up at me, the pureness and hope that was present moments ago now replaced by a look of betrayal.
She grabs a fistful of my shirt in her hand, clutching it as if holding one last glimmer of hope.
“I get it,” she whispers, tears now streaming down her cheeks. “I know.”
She lets go of my shirt and turns on the spot, her eyes on the door and what will be a quick and easy getaway.
“Don’t be upset, Savvy,” I say as my gaze follows her across the room. “It’s nothing—it meant nothing.”
“I’m not upset,” she says, keeping her voice even. “You can fuck whoever you want.”
She almost sounds convincing—almost.
She reaches for the door handle without uttering another word. The door swings open and I watch as she walks out of the house and into the night. I feel paralyzed as I watch her walk away. It’s like I’m hovering above, watching everything happen without an ounce of control over the situation whatsoever.
I don’t chase her because there’s nothing I can say that will make this any better. I cheated on a woman who wasn’t even mine to cheat on. To Savannah, this is the ultimate betrayal of them all.
Chapter 16
I step out of the shower, grabbing a towel from the rack. I wipe it against the mirror, removing the film of fog that’s settled on the surface.
I stare at my reflection, the pain clear on my face. My eyes look cloudy, the bags beneath them have settled in for the long haul.
She won’t answer my calls. I text her, one pathetic message after the next, but she doesn’t respond. She’s done with me and I can hardly bla
me her.
When we were kissing and she reached for my cock, I had to stop her. I couldn’t go through with it knowing I was dirty—tainted. She deserves the very best, not me after I’ve fucked some chick mindlessly in a filthy dive bar bathroom stall.
I pull at the tips of my hair, the roots aching as my hair pulls from the surface. I enjoy the pain—welcome it—it’s a relief to know that I can still feel.
I flick through my phone and attempt to call her again. Each second that ticks by is like a stab in the heart. The dial tone ends and her sweet voice fills my ears.
“This is Savannah Marone, leave a...”
I throw my cell to the bed in the other room and wring my hands through my hair once again.
“Fuck!”
He clears his throat as he stands in the doorway of my bedroom.
“Is this a bad time?” Shaun looks as though he wants to be anywhere but here and yet he doesn’t turn and walk away. He perseveres like the good friend that he is. He’s probably a better friend than I deserve right now.
I slump onto the bed, my bottom lip drooping forward like a child.
Shaun takes it as my admission of defeat. He enters the room quietly as if he’s walking on eggshells. He presses his lips together as he looks at me.
“I brought food.” He holds the four containers of Chinese food in the air. “Madame Wu’s,” he says. “Your favorite.”
I grunt, taking a box from his grasp and opening the lid to peek inside. Sweet and sour pork, I instantly salivate. Shaun knows the way to my heart.
“She’s still not answering your calls?” he asks as he takes a seat next to me on the bed. He leaves an arm’s length between us, otherwise, it would be weird. Two grown men, sitting on the bed, eating Chinese food from flimsy paper boxes. It’s like college all over again.
I break the wooden chopsticks apart and shovel some food into my mouth.
I shake my head, chewing on the tasty morsel. “She’s cut me off,” I say between mouthfuls. “She won’t text me back, won’t answer my calls. We’re done.”
Shaun sighs. “She probably needs time, man. She feels as though you cheated on her.”
