“I’m right here,” I whisper in her ear.
She doesn’t warm or find comfort in my embrace.
I shake her. “Sparks, wake up.”
She doesn’t move.
“Sparky?”
Her body goes limp.
“Sparks!” I tap into her to wake her internally, but she doesn’t budge. “The fuck is going on?”
I wince from a ringing in my ears. It’s short but tantalizing. There are voices, talks of blue skies and bright suns. They are definitely not from here, in this realm. These people don’t talk like that. And there are no bright suns here.
I shake it off and shake Tracey again. “Sparky, babe, you’re scaring me. Wake up.”
Tracey bolts up and screams at the top of her lungs.
“Whoa.” I try calming her down. “What’s wrong?”
She sucks in a breath and screams even louder. I have to cover my ears and wave off the curious couple whose home we’ve slept over at. Taking Tracey by the shoulder, I shake her, widening my eyes. “You’re bugging out! What’s going on?”
Trembling. A fear crawls over her that excites my beast but scares the shit out of me. I talk him down to not feed off her, but she’s potent and the abundance of fear smells appetizing. I pinch my nose between my fingers, and say again, “What’s going on?”
She pushes her hands over her ears and pumps them against her sockets. “I . . . I can’t hear, Nathan. Why can’t I hear?”
I pull her hands from her ears and examine them for blood or blocking. I tap into her body to see what she’s experiencing. The world is silent. There’s no whistle from the air that’s entering through a crack in the concrete wall. There’s no rustling of the dirt or caw from the birds scavenging the ground from the sky. She used to be able to hear a peep from a home miles away, and the wind sweep the clouds across the sky.
I hear it. I hear it all better than I ever could.
To her, I think, It’s okay. I share my senses, but the ability doesn’t last long. It snaps back in seconds.
I can still hear your voice.
I nod.
What’s happening?
I shrug. She lost her hearing, and I’m able to hear across realms . . .
Time the fuck out.
Am I . . . I lean over and bury my hands in my hair.
These last few days, I’ve felt at the top of my game. Every day, I’ve strolled feeling like I can take on the world, every day has been of high spirits and internal happiness. I’m getting stronger and stronger by the day, I feel it, soaring through me, fueling my beast. I’m even able to connect with him on and off, on my terms. I’ve craved for this kind of control over it my entire life. Yesterday, he and I were one taking out those Qualms, and he relinquished his control easily.
I lift my fallen gaze to Tracey. She’s coughing, struggling to wrap a quilt around her arms. Her skin’s paling, her eyes are bloodshot red, and she can’t fucking hear.
Taking her hand in mine, I bring it to my lips and try to take away some of the pain that’s plaguing her body.
It doesn’t alleviate.
A sour feeling turns my stomach. I swallow hard as the realization takes a heavy toll on me. Holding her hand in both of mine, I keep it pressed to my lips and squeeze my eyes shut. “We did lose,” I mumble. “I’m losing.” Correcting, “You are losing . . . again.”
To Tracey I complain, trying to restrain the sorrow forcing a croak in my throat, “For once I thought that finally, things would be perfect for us. After every fucking thing I’ve done, Sparks. I tried so hard. We’ve done everything possible. Gone through everything possible. After every strip of effort, the deaths, and sacrifices . . . I’ve done everything to have you, tried my damnedest to keep you safe, and now . . . after we achieved all our dreams, I’m the one killing you?”
Tracey stares at me, shaking her head. She drags her palm over my eyes. Say it again. I didn’t hear any of it.
I press her hand harder against my lips. It hurts too bad. I love you too hard.
Impossible. She smiles and breaks our heart. It’s evident she feels it when she snatches her hand from my grasp and clutches at her chest. You can tell me. It’s okay.
A breath that’s supposed to ease the burn coursing in my throat gets blocked by what I hate to claim is a sob. Good she can’t hear . . . I’m honest, saying, I’m killing you, Sparks. A shrug. They told me I couldn’t live a happy life with my mate. I’ve always thought that was because someone is always after Burdeneds not because I, specifically, am a monster who becomes greater by the death of his mate. I’m strong as fuck right now, Sparky. It’s flowing through like electricity. And as I’m growing stronger, you’re getting weaker. I take a second to revel in the power my beast won’t let me ignore. A somber growl rumbles my chest, and I have to contain it, to not gloat in it. I was warned to leave you alone, to never accommodate the mating, but even after a second chance at you, I couldn’t resist.
She cuts me off. You’re not alone in that decision, Nathan. I got the same options. I chose you, too, so don’t eat the guilt up alone. Don’t feel guilty at all.
How can I not? You’ve not looked in a mirror in a while, but there’s death in your eyes. I don’t want to live without you all because I couldn’t stay away. I fought for you, girl. I fought for us to finally have this freedom we’re living in right now. We both did. I can’t give that up.
Maybe you’re not killing me, Nate. I promise it’s just a cold. Believe me, I’ve felt worse. She pays me a chuckle. Whatever you’re thinking, don’t. Take all of me, Nathan, but don’t leave me again. That is pain. That was death. This, we can live through, this we can fight through too.
She doesn’t get it. But I don’t fight with her. Okay, Sparks. Let’s go home.
Tracey goes to stand, and her knees buckle. Faster than I’ve ever been, I catch her before gravity can kick in and yank her to the ground. A severe cough cuts into her words. Drawing her hand from her mouth, it’s splattered with blood.
Her gaze meets mine, and slowly, she shakes her head.
I chew on my bottom lip and let my gaze fall away. I clear my throat. I’m stronger, and you’re weaker, and getting even stronger the weaker you become. I can hear greater and you lost all your hearing completely. My beast is awaiting the moment to fuel itself with the last of you and he senses it coming. Or maybe it’s the death part of me that’s sensing it . . . But . . . I nod. It’s worse.
Her teardrop splashes onto the dirt swept ground. We’ll figure it out, right? We always figure it out.
Of course, I lie. My chest’s bombarded with a fear that I can’t take from the both of us.
Chislon, dressed in his gold sewn cloak, enters through the drawn curtain. “You’re the last face I need to see right now.”
Hands clasped in front of his waist, he nods once. “It’s about time you’ve opened your eyes,” he condescends.
I stare him down, a glimpse of a reaction flashing with my blink. It plays out fast, but like a movie in my memory. I clear the frog from my throat. “You convinced Tracey that all this time, she needed to get me back for me to become this All-Seeing of Death. You knew the outcome of our bonding and you still convinced her?”
He nods. “There was a greater purpose to your mating, you’ve been warned of this your entire life.”
I look down. Washed with realization, I lift my gaze. “You sacrificed us for yourself.”
“For them.” He cuffs his hand behind his ear. The celebration in the streets hasn’t stopped. “I warned you what would come of you two staying together.”
“But you also knew we wouldn’t take another option.”
“Your choices are your own. There is no apology for helping you see the greater good your bonding had for this world. You had a purpose, and this was only the beginning of it. Now it’s up to you. Will you continue to kill your wife for you to be a greater Burdened Sephlem, the knight tethered to the All-Seeing of Death. Will you fill the shoes of your predece
ssor? Or will you love her?”
Tracey grabs my arms and shrugs her shoulders.
It’s . . . He . . . Um. Chislon’s last question throws me for a loop. I’ve always loved her. I look away from Tracey and repeat aloud, “I’ve always loved her?”
“Enough? Will you love her enough? I must go now. I’ve done what was required of me. You live strong, Nathan. Make time greater than love alone. Make love stronger than power. And cherish the last of her. You’re right, you’ve gone through hell for this freedom. Don’t waste this time you can never get back.”
As he came, he leaves.
I turn my attention to Tracey. He knew the entire time. It was his mission to get us here and help these people.
Even knowing it could be our ending?
I lift my hands to her waist. Yep. I can carry you?
No, I’ll walk.
We thank the couple for letting us stay in their home. Sad faces beg us to stay or watch us leave. I refuse to leave them with unkeepable promises. Heading back to the entryway I’m able to view without conjuring it, I stand before it. Without Tracey’s assistance, I will the worlds to merge and create the window for our departure. While I should be thrilled I can open it alone, it just shows I’ve stolen that from her too.
en·dur·ance: the power of enduring an unpleasant situation without giving way
Nathan
My mother once told me to fight against what everyone’s always told me I can’t have. That there’s something greater in mating that all these other people who believed prophecies and myths can’t see, and it’s ridiculous to believe I’d mate if I weren’t supposed to, or if I weren’t supposed to have that peace too. Unless that’s the way it’s written, I was supposed to mate for a purpose. That purpose just wasn’t for my pleasure. Or hers.
I come up behind Tracey standing in the middle of the yard, eyes squeezed shut so tightly that veins show in her forehead. She used to be able to feel my approach, but, by the way she jumps when I come up behind her, that’s faded as well.
“How hard are you trying?”
She lifts her brows and her eyes widen a little, an indication she’s heard nothing I’ve said.
Sorry, I say in her mind. Are you doing okay? Anything I can do?
She shakes her head. I’m just done, Nate.
Would you mind if I hugged you?
A small smile lightens her soft brown eyes and her cheeks warm as she blushes. I want to compliment her, but they are words I want her to hear, not my words forced in her thoughts. She eases her hands over my shoulders. I take Tracey in my arms and hold her gently, as I tap into her body, seeing what could be cutting off her hearing. There’s an urge within me, a will of sorts, that guides my next move. It opens my senses to the direction that allows me to give her what she needs, but it’s not a permanent fix. I sense she’s not strong enough to carry the provided ability. That’s why it popped back when I tried the first time.
Since I can’t gift her the ability, I share mine. It prevents me from hearing as well, but I don’t care. If I can just make her happy . . .
Tracey yanks away from me, eyes wide, and a smile stealing the majority of her face. “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh!” Her voice is hoarse, and she doesn’t make it through her next words without coughing. “What’d you do?” She jumps on her toes, clapping.
I snort. “Gave back what I stole. Let’s get you a cool shower, see if we can bring down that temperature.”
I sit on the bathroom floor, while she showers with the curtains drawn. I feel for whatever it is that’s sickening her, dragging her down. Her breaths are fast, then slow and then fast again. Her legs are trembling as she holds up her weight, something that used to be so easy for her just a day ago. The water, though a gentle patter, beats on her skin like pebbles, but she doesn’t complain. She’s likely just trying not to make it seem like it’s not that bad. But it is. Beyond the curtain, beneath her flesh, whatever is causing this flows through her blood like a cancer, latching onto the healthy cells that are meant to help heal her, help me heal her, but the healing’s inactive. If my vision was a CT scan, she’d light up like the fucking Las Vegas skyline.
I shove my hands over my face, scraping the falling tears from my cheeks. What the fuck am I supposed to do? How do I save her?
“Nate?”
“Yeah. I’m still here?”
“Want ice cream? And let’s rent a boat we can take out on the lake.”
“Why are we taking a boat out on the lake, Sparky?”
She clears her throat, and it takes her a bit to respond. She shrugs. “I just want to . . .”
Last bit of time she has left. She doesn’t need to say it, and I shouldn’t have asked. Whatever she wants, I should have said, ‘Okay, Sparks, you got it.’ This all has got me in the worst mood. “Of course. We can row over to North Peak mountain and climb up to the opening of Follik Forest. Perfect place for a picnic.”
“Perfect!” she cheers. “I’ll be out in five.” She’s already been in for twenty and struggling. “You’ll get the snacks?”
Jumping to my feet, I clap as I say, “I’m on it. You’ll be okay in here?”
“I got it, Nate. I’m a big girl.”
I force myself to look at Tracey, but I want to avert my gaze to something that doesn’t send guilt racing through my veins or sorrow melting my stomach.
She has to sit on the floor of the boat to prop herself up against the seat as I row. She doesn’t seem to mind as her smile reveals a happiness I realize I give her, but for once, I wish she’d hate me.
“The water on this side of town is so clear. On our way up to Follik, let’s stop at the water stream where that cute little waterfall is supposed to be. I’ve only ever seen it in pictures.”
I nod.
She clears her throat to hide a cough I feel tickling her throat. There’s fluid gathering in her lungs, I feel that too, as she breathes. But I stay quiet to avoid the evil eye she punishes me with when I bring it up.
We arrive, and I pull our boat onto the shore, then help Tracey out. There’s a thirty-minute hike to the stream, but it’s going to take us way longer. “I’ve got water and hoodies, or a protein bar, Sparks. I even have some electrolyte juice, just in case. The instant you feel too weak to keep going, let me know ASAP.”
“Okay.”
Five minutes into our ascent up a hill, Tracey slumps over on her knees. “I need a break,” she says. After a ten-minute rest, she catches her breath and builds up the energy for a few more steps. She forces herself to push onward, every stride hurting, her knees tremble, her breaths are long.
I offer repeatedly to carry her since she doesn’t want to turn around, or just stop where we break. But she’s hardheaded, forcing herself to go through this. I stick close to her in case she falls, believing she’ll do so with every stumble. There’s a constant scratch in her throat, but she’s stopped coughing in front of me, limiting it to constantly clearing her throat.
“Tracey. Why are you doing this?” I hide my anger and make it sound as nice as possible.
“What?” she chirps. She snatches a large stick from the ground and uses it to help her climb. “Look! We made it!”
I grudgingly follow her to the stream. “We’re going to eat here.”
“No, Nate.” She scowls. “That wasn’t a part of the plan.”
“You’re killing me, and I won’t watch you suffer just because you want me to think you can deal with it. Stop it!”
She flinches at my shout.
“Please stop,” I say in a softer tone. “If you want to make it, I’ll carry you. But, don’t hurt yourself for me. I can feel your pain, remember. I’m uniquely connected to everything you’re experiencing. And you’re doing exactly what you promised you wouldn’t.”
“What you forced me to promise,” she says under her breath.
I drag my hand down my face and bite my tongue.
She gives me a smug smile that creases wrinkles in her paling skin. “Okay.
We’ll eat here. I don’t want to be carried. I’m not useless.”
“I know you’re not, Sparky. That’s not what I meant at all.”
I snag our sandwiches from my bag and unwrap them. The delicious scent of honey roasted turkey wafts across Tracey’s nose, and she lurches over and barfs. I adjust to sitting at her side and rub her back while passing her a napkin.
“I just ruined everything.”
“No, you didn’t.” I pack up the food, and we move to another spot. “We don’t need to eat. I’m not hungry anyway,” I say. She doesn’t want me to carry her, but she won’t mind if I hold her hand. I take hers in mind and bring it to my lips. Slowly and just a bit, I ease strength into her so she can make it to our spot.
She sighs and straightens her spine.
We make it in minutes. On my release of her, there’s only enough time for us to lay out the blanket, her to get a swallow of water from the canteen, and me to set up my phone to give us some tunes. She sits, breaths shaky, and stares up at the sky, shaded by the trees.
“I’m not mad at you, Nate.”
I sit beside her. “You should be.”
“I got a thorough warning before I said yes. I may be crazy, but I wouldn’t give us up.”
“Shh.” I lift her with me, as I stand and prop her feet on my boots. Enough of our past has come back to me and her favorites stick out in my mind.
“Is this my playlist you stole years ago?”
“Sure is.” I rock us and Tracey rests her head on my chest, barely able to keep her arms raised to my shoulders, so she cuffs them around mine.
“I’ve got a surprise for you, beautiful.”
Leaning away from me, tired eyes look up at me. They are red and dark circles form around where they’re sunken in. “What?”
Finite: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 4) Page 40
