He chuckles. “I’ll never know how you look at me like that.”
I roll my eyes. “Replay our lives, Nathan. Do you know what I’ve gone through to be with you? We could be lying on our deathbed, and I’ll still be content.”
Nathan scoots nearer me. “I’ll make it right, Sparky. I swear.”
The gentlest, sweetest, most frightened of kisses he places to my lips. I don’t question it. He’s been very timid since he assumed it’s him that’s making me sick. But it could not be. I hope.
I’m optimistic.
I’ve put my life on the line to be able to live in a day like today. Finally . . . we get to bask in our freedom. After we’ve lost so much, lost so many, after time has chewed us up and spit us back out. Now is the time Nathan and I should be enjoying each other’s company, thinking about the house on the lake we’re going to build and grow old in. If we’re going to build a family, Burdened children or not, that fear no longer matters. We’ve saved lives! We freed an entire race of Sephlems who have been cursed just because of what they are! Nathan has lived his entire life with this hanging over his head, and finally, he’s free to dream of making a legacy for his kids, our children. And after all this, after I gave up everything . . .
We should be on our honeymoon somewhere, laughing, skinny dipping, skydiving, sky’s the freaking limit. But no…
This is it.
This is it?
I look away from Nathan.
“Sometimes, Sparks. More recently, actually. I find myself wishing we would’ve stayed strangers so I wouldn’t have to know your pain. So you wouldn’t have to feel like you have to hide it.”
I chuckle, making light of the heaviness he welcomed into my morning. Or, it could be the afternoon. “We’ve always had a bittersweet journey, Nate. But, I—” He places his hand over my mouth.
“Don’t. I hate it when you say that.” Regret has pierced his gaze for days now.
I lick my lips and try to swallow my tears. The blur from them flooding along my eyelids is a clear sign I’m doing a horrible job. “Just promise you’ll do everything you can to make it okay. We still have a lot of traveling to do. Some Nathan and Tracey’s to raise, you’ve gotta build us a new house with a swinging bench in the backyard. I.”
Nathan placed a finger to my lips. He looks away from me and rises from the bed. Hand pushing across his mouth, he clears his throat before saying, “Absolutely.”
A couple of hours after Nathan leaves, I make it downstairs and sit with Nick and Brayden. They’re watching a Newcomb favorite. When I sit beside Nick, he lays his head on my shoulder. “My dad loved this movie.”
“I know. You two want to bake a cake with me after it’s over?”
Nick gives me the most peculiar eye. “You don’t know how to cook,” he states, shaking his head.
Shrugging, I say, “But you do.”
A smile as wide as his shoulder steals his face. “I would love that! Are you sure you can?”
“Of course, Nicky.” I nod. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m pretty sure I’m superwoman. Our secret.”
Nick laughs. “I would have probably fallen for that before, Tracey. But I’m nearly an adult now.”
I poke his button nose. “You sure are.” A smile warms my cheeks, a feeling I’ve not felt in days. And it doesn’t hurt. I adjust in my seat with ease. “Wait.”
“What?” Nick and Brayden ask nervously.
“It doesn’t hurt!” Jumping to my feet, I stretch and suck in a breath greater than my lungs can handle. Releasing it in a burst of excitement, I exclaim, “I feel amazing! What’d you do? Had I known your healing ability would cure me, I would’ve been hanging around you all the time.”
Shaking his head, confounded, Nick says, “I didn’t do anything. Nathan and I have been trying to heal you for days, but it’s never worked.”
I cross my arms. “Huh? You sure?”
“Positive.”
“Oh my gosh!” My hands fly to my mouth. “Nathan did it!” I jump on my toes, calling, Nathan! Nathan!
Sparks? he returns with a hint of skepticism. You sound . . . Um. You sound normal.
I feel normal, Nate. Whatever you did, baby, it worked! I race from the house to the gateway near the park. I’m on my way!
Are you running?
Yes!
Okay. I’ll meet you!
I’m winded when I make it, but it feels so damn good to stretch my legs and race against the wind. I spot the gateway, waves of space shaking like water. I make it as Nathan’s coming through. Throwing my arms around his neck, I crumple to the ground.
Struck with chills, my aching bones cry against the involuntary movement. Nathan catches me. My breaths are short, and I cough, splattering blood on his neck.
On his knees, Nathan props me up in his arms. “Wha-what happened?” he asks. “What’d you do?” he cries.
My heart’s pounding, beating me in and out of consciousness as lightheadedness makes me nauseous.
“Sparks?” he pushes his hands over my head. “I saw you, Sparky. You were fine,” he cries. “What’d you do?” his voice fades. Consciousness is too heavy to hold on to.
I let go.
Nathan’s screaming my name, and I want to respond, but I have no voice. I want to see, but when I part my lids, I have no vision. I hear though, but it’s like I’m submerged in water, and he’s on the outer side of it.
I blindly drag my hand across my body to find his. When my fingers slip between the empty spaces of his, he stops panicking. He wants to, but he doesn’t grasp on to me. I appreciate it because just breathing hurts like hell.
Nathan’s rocking us, saying something in his language I can’t make out.
It’s all of a sudden, like the burst of a parachute.
My sight returns.
“It won’t last long,” Nathan says.
Tears flood my eyes. “I’m so scared.” The worse it gets, the more Nathan’s going to lose rationality and do something neither of us can come back from.
“Shh. Don’t.”
I sigh. “We’re never going to talk about it?”
He smiles. “What, cotton candy and hot dogs?”
I roll my eyes.
“What do you want me to say, Tracey? I’ve tried everything except killing myself. I’ve gone to the ends of the earth and asked a million different ways, I’m sucking the life out of my wife, how do I fix it? The response is, lose your mate. Are you okay with that? You’re ready for me to rip your heart from my chest, because I’ll do it, Tracey. I’ll do it right now for you to live.”
“Whatever’s left of our time will be spent arguing over your opinion versus mine, who’s right and who’s wrong. I don’t want that.”
“What do you want? You can’t even move!”
I want you to stop complaining and to enjoy a movie with you and just exist. And, he gives it to me without a fight.
Our evening is one of the best, reminding me of lighter days. We lay in bed, streaming movies, sharing laughs. We chat, small talk, like we used to when we first met. There are butterfly kisses and caterpillar grazes. When it’s time for sleep, and he slips his arm around my middle and presses his face in my hair, I’m stronger than I’ve been in days. Not physically, but mentally—affectionately.
It’s too late for me, and if I must go, this is how I’d want it, in his arms, in our sleep.
Here Without You
Nathan
My greatest fear isn’t losing Tracey. It’s being left here without her. Male Sephlems aren’t supposed to be able to live without their mate, but for me, the odd man out, the instant my mate dies, I’ll physically take what’s left of her, and will live my life being the greatest me. Why ever Lunis would create such a tormenting hex is blasphemy. I won’t accept that, I won’t sit by and watch my wife perish.
I can’t live without Tracey, but she’ll live without me.
Liquid pearl drips into the head of the hollow tip round. I prepare a second one in case
the first isn’t enough.
My beast flashes memories of Tracey in my mind. That doesn’t change my intentions, so he reminds me of the anxious Qualm that’s kept me in its sights when it sees me walk this land. When that doesn’t deter me, he replays promises I’ve made in my past.
“These stakes are different,” I tell him.
Not worth it, echoes in my mind.
I load the two pearl glazed bullets in the mag and shove it in the pistol. Loading one in the chamber, I drag my finger to the trigger and stuff the barrel beneath my chin.
The beast flashes an angry Tracey in my sight.
“She’ll understand why.”
There’s another way, echoes again.
I drag in a breath and hold it.
Nathan! Tracey calls. And at first, I think it’s my beast fucking with me. She sounds too healthy, joyful. Nathan!
I place the gun in my lap and lean over on my knees. She sounds perfect, and I resist the tears of happiness that burn my eyes. The beat of her heart in my chest is excited. She feels whole again.
I’m hopeful this time is different from the last. She’s been a bit better since I’ve been gone, putting together my plan. Maybe time is what she needed. Just to rest.
Before I know it, I’m on my feet, racing back to her. The gateway’s opening before I make it. Tracey’s racing for me, a smile full of life, nothing like the one that’s been torturing me this past month.
She rams into my arms, flailing from her stumble. Her body’s instantly taken over by her cancer the moment I touch her. “Baby? Get up.” I shake her, but she doesn’t budge, and she’s not breathing. “Wait right here. I’ll be right back,” I tell her unconscious body.
I step back through the portal and look back at her before I race for my solution. The instant I’m out of the picture, she should be better. But, Tracey’s rising from the ground; cheeks rosy, eyes bright, skin tanned and heart pumping healthy beats. She waves me to her.
I’m eager to go, but I halt.
She tries to come through but is blocked off. “I can’t cross over without you, Nate, remember. Look!” she jesters to herself. “I’m better! It worked!”
I take a step closer to the entrance and only push my hand through.
Tracey drops to her knees, heaving, skin paling, eyes sinking in.
Quickly, I retreat. My free hand covers my mouth, dampening with tears I didn’t know were soaking my face.
Dammit . . .
I’m about to break our heart.
Rising, Tracey realizes it too. Her chin’s trembling. “Cross!” she demands. “Please?” she mouths, unable to speak the words from the hurt stealing her voice.
Shaking my head, my smile is tight. I say, “I can’t do that, Sparky.”
“We’ll find a way, Nathan,” she shouts, tears a river of sadness streaming down her face. “We always find a way.” She throws her fist against the invisible wall separating us. “Dammit, Nathan! Cross!”
“Listen to me, Sparks!” I shout over her. “Shut up and just . . .” I drop my voice to a whisper, “ . . . listen for a second. We both know I can’t do that. Okay?”
Her brows stitch together. “You don’t want to?”
“I want to, Sparky. I want to grab you in my arms so fucking bad right now. But—” I swallow hard. “It’d be selfish to hug you one last time or steal what’s left of you to kiss you again. It’s not what either of us wants, but this is what needs to happen. I love you too much to risk a once more.”
She stares. Her words are inaudible. I read it on her lips.
There’s something slipping away from me, and as it goes, the portal slowly seals.
“What’s happening?” she asks, placing her hand to it.
I take a step back to examine it. The overwhelming power that’s been fueling me this past month lessens. Carefully, Tracey is being revitalized, from the strengthening of her muscles to the permanent return of her hearing. She’s strong on her feet, heart pumping, flesh filling with color. Nodding, I realize what’s happening, and what this confirms. I say, “Thank you, Sparks. For every minute.”
She drags the back of her hand across her chin. “Tell me you love me, Nathan.”
“Forever.”
I raise my hand, expecting for it to press through the waving space, but I hit a wall.
“Promise me you’ll find a way to make it back to me.”
“Always.”
The space waves and closes us off from each other.
I push my hand over my chest, feeling her heartbeat. I still feel her on every inch of me. Every breath she breathes, every tear she cries, every force she puts in her will to try to break back open the portal. I try to talk to her, to tell her to stop, to encourage her to move on and live the life she deserves, to not allow me to hold her back anymore, but there’s no echo, or return to my call.
She did give up everything for me. She lived for me. She loved me enough to save our people. It was time I repaid her for that. That I loved her enough to allow her to live for her.
She’s sitting in the street, I sit on the dirt. The night is cold. I sense her right in front of me, and no matter how close I get, she’s so fucking far away. I want to wish I risked that last hug or kissed her hand if I couldn’t make it to her lips. I want to wish I pulled her through and gave her what her tears begged me for—more time. But I don’t, because deep down, I know if I were to take that once, it’d be our last.
Backing away from the spot I’ve sat for hours, I promise, “One day, I’ll make it back to you.”
Okay.
The End
Bonus Chapter
Years Later
“That’s their story.”
June pulls the curtain closed. He faces me and hides his discomfort in a smile. “Well, your parents have really gone the distance.”
“They’re heroes.”
“How’d they do it . . . ?” He peeks through the curtains again, staring at Mom and Dad swinging on the bench Dad built in the backyard before I was born—sixteen years ago.
“That’s the tricky part.” I lean my back on the table in front of the kitchen window. “I learned about this from my mom because my dad won’t talk about it, he’s too ashamed.” June encourages me with eager, wide eyes and nods his head to keep going. “That night my dad was stuck in that other realm, he was approached by a sorcerer. If I’m being honest, I think Lunis was still alive in some way, but I’m really skeptical. The sorcerer knew of the curse of the Seeing of Death and had been watching since the day my dad mated with my mom. It’s been said that there was no beating it. Once the prophecy is in place, there’s no avoiding the outcome. But they did, they both lived.”
“Just not together.”
“Right. Well, this sorcerer grew more and more interested as the years passed. He found my dad, standing there, and offered him passage through to the other realm.”
“I know your dad took it!” June exclaims.
“He didn’t, actually. Had he, he’d still kill my mom. This impressed the sorcerer, because it showed true love. See, Lunis almost had it right with the hex he conjured for the Seeing of Death; a Burdened Sephlem would need to mate with a human. Had that happened, he would’ve won. But when my grandfather set up for them to kill my dad and reserved his life, he broke the mating and allowed for my dad and mom to fall in love like humans. Grant it, they were truly soulmates. But, instead of bonding in a mated love that’s stingy and selfish, they became bound after falling in love. And love isn’t selfish, or stingy, or evil. It’s freedom, patient, and giving.
“The sorcerer was fascinated by my dad’s love for my mom. So, he told my dad, that if he’d come and work with him for a few years, ten to be exact, then he’d help my dad figure out a way to not only make it back to his mate, but save them both.”
June crosses his arms. “I don’t like where this part of the story is headed.”
I chuckle, “I’ve told you far worse than this, believe me. Anyway, my dad
agreed, more so out of curiosity than certainty. For years, he helped the people of that realm keep away their enemies and rebuild their land, as he worked for the sorcerer. The sorcerer studied him and his Burdened, he wrote stories based on my dad’s journeys, he forced my dad to deal in darkness against demons and dark witches. Each battle, my dad won, every obstacle, my dad overcame, every beating, my dad took standing strong, and when asked why he kept fighting, he’d respond ‘I’ll endure everything thrown at me to make it back to my wife.’”
“Why’d he believe him?”
“I don’t know if he did or didn’t. But what else was he going to do? At this point he had nothing else to lose, and he made my mom a promise. So, no matter how long it took, he’d find her.” I peek out the window to make sure neither of them are coming. Every day, at least for an hour or two, they swing on that dang swing. Most of the time they’re quiet, other times I hear them laughing, and a small number of times Mom cries. “So, after dad had done everything asked of him, the sorcerer finally told him he’d open a portal to pass through to the world he’d been kept from for so long, and he’d help break the cancerous bound hindering him from being around my mom.”
June listens with such interest, but I’m afraid to finish. He rises from leaning against the counter and comes to my side. Taking my hand, he asks, “Are you okay?”
I don’t let a tear fall, but I sniffle. Ignoring his question, I continue, “There was a price for his help. They entered through the portal. It took little to no time to find my mom with my dad still being connected to her because of their bond. As my mom grew weaker being the presence of my dad, the sorcerer explained she’d have to die to break the bond, but they’d bring her back. However, because of the interest the sorcerer held in their relationship, their journey, and their love, the cost was greater than anything he could’ve requested.” I suck in a breath and release it. “They knew what they were promising. Anyway, time stood still for them for a few years. It owed them for freeing the universe of Qualms. And now, with all of that out of the way, before you, I stand, half Burdened Sephlem, half human. But a girl, nonetheless, whose life isn’t her own.”
Finite: A Dark Paranormal Romance (The Sephlem Trials Book 4) Page 42
