by Caz Finlay
‘Really? Can you?’
‘Michael, listen,’ Jake started.
‘Listen to what, Jake? How you two have been sneaking around behind everyone’s back?’
‘Well, to be fair, Dad, it’s not really anyone’s fucking business but ours, is it?’ Paul snapped at him and Michael took a few steps towards him. His son was one of the most feared men in the country, but he’d be damned if he’d let him speak to him like that.
‘I think it’s Siobhan’s business, don’t you?’ he barked.
‘Well, yeah,’ Paul agreed, running his hands through his hair as he sat on the chair beside Jake’s bed.
‘But that’s my responsibility, not Paul’s,’ Jake said.
‘You’re not wrong there,’ Michael said before taking a seat beside his son.
‘Look, what are you two actually playing at here? Is this a bit of a fling, or is it something more? Because if it’s more—’
‘What?’ Jake demanded. ‘What if it is more? Can’t handle your son being gay, is that it?’
Michael glared at him. ‘What? Don’t be so fucking ridiculous. I’ve known about Paul since I walked in on him having a wank to Top Gun when he was fourteen.’
‘Thanks for that, Dad,’ Paul muttered.
‘But if it is more,’ Michael went on, ‘you need to tell Siobhan – and your mother.’
‘We don’t know what it is yet, Dad,’ Paul said.
‘I hate lying to your mum, Jake,’ Michael said. ‘You know she won’t care one way or another if you’re gay. But she’ll go nuts if she finds out we’ve all been lying to her.’
‘She’ll care about me cheating on Siobhan,’ Jake reminded him.
‘But her priority would still be you. It always is.’
‘Just give us some time to figure this out,’ Paul said.
‘Whatever. I don’t need this shit right now. Can I see you outside?’
Paul sighed. ‘I’ll be back in a minute,’ he said to Jake.
***
Michael looked at his son and his heart broke for him. Paul was never going to find happiness with Jake Conlon, but he had learned a long time ago that he had to let his sons live their own lives.
‘I came to tell Jake that Bobby and the others had been dealt with. But I suppose you’ve already apprised him of that fact. I assume you were there?’
Paul shrugged. ‘Of course I was. We wouldn’t let anyone else sort it, would we? You’re our dad.’
‘You’re good lads. I’m proud of you, son.’
Paul smiled at him and shook his head. He had always found it difficult to accept genuine praise. ‘Thanks, Dad. And look, don’t worry about what you just saw. I’ll sort it out.’
Michael put his hand on Paul’s shoulder. ‘Please be careful, son.’
Paul frowned at him. ‘I always am.’
Chapter 80
Siobhan smiled as she held the white piece of plastic between her fingertips. Her stomach fluttered with excitement.
Two lines.
Positive.
She’d stopped taking the pill two months earlier, and had even bought some of those ovulation tester strips, just to make sure she was pouncing on Jake at exactly the right time. She knew he’d never refuse her. Even if he was tired or not in the mood. Probably the guilt, she thought to herself. He would do anything to keep her sweet and make her happy.
She knew he loved her, in his own way. She loved him too. She loved the lifestyle he afforded her. The lifestyle he would provide for their children. She loved Grace, and Belle. She loved working at the club, especially now she was the manager. And one day soon, she would become Mrs Siobhan Conlon, and she would have the world at her feet. Siobhan tried not to think about the possibility that this baby was Connor Carter’s. After all, it had been one night. One memorable, stupid night. This was Jake’s baby, she knew it.
Growing up on a council estate in Seaforth, she’d worked hard to get a scholarship to St Mary’s College. She’d done well in her GCSEs and A Levels and had secured herself a place at Liverpool University. But she’d always been the one with the hand-me-down clothes. Any designer gear she owned had been carefully sourced by her mum from charity shops or car boot sales. She was popular enough and had been invited to parties and sleepovers – invitations she could never reciprocate because she was too ashamed of her mum and dad’s small terraced council house. She was always the poor friend and she wandered through her teenage years awestruck by a wealth she longed to have a taste of herself. Her friends’ parents owned massive detached houses in Crosby and Southport, had brand-new cars and designer handbags and shoes. It was a world that Siobhan could only ever participate in from the edges. She could touch it, but she could never hold it in her grasp.
Until she’d fallen in love with Jake Conlon.
He had opened doors for her that she couldn’t guarantee her education ever would. He lavished expensive gifts upon her and treated her to spa days in high-end salons. Money was no object to him. He even gave her parents the money to buy a nice little semi in Waterloo. Whatever she wanted, he gave her. No matter how expensive or seemingly insignificant.
She and Jake were going to be a proper family. He would ask her to marry him once he found out about the baby – he was traditional like that. Then she would have everything she’d ever needed.
Siobhan Davies had it all worked out. She could see her life unfolding in front of her and liked what she saw.
Chapter 81
Jake laughed as the nurse told him another funny story about one of her patients. He knew she was flirting with him, but he didn’t care. He had no interest in her that way, but she was a welcome distraction. Paul was continuing his late-night visits and Jake had been going over and over their conversations in his head all day. Paul was getting restless. He wanted more from Jake than he could give. It wasn’t easy for him even to admit he had feelings for Paul. To admit that to anyone else felt completely terrifying and unnatural to him.
What he had decided was that he needed to end things with Siobhan. It wasn’t fair to keep stringing her along believing they were going to live happily ever after. She was due to visit soon and he’d finally worked up the courage to tell her that he wanted to end things. The guilt had been eating away at him for months. Trying to divide himself between two people, all while being terrified that his secret was going to be uncovered, was exhausting. He couldn’t do it anymore. Almost dying had made him re-evaluate what was important in his life. He wanted to spend every minute with the person who had come to mean more to him than he’d dare to admit. Without Siobhan tying him down, waiting for him to come home every night, he could do that much more easily. He could screw enough of the women who constantly threw themselves at him to convince everyone he was a hot-blooded, straight man.
He and Paul were best mates, nothing more – at least that was how it would appear. Life was too short to spend it with the wrong person. And he didn’t want to lie to Siobhan any more; he didn’t want to hurt her any more than he had to. He loved her, but like a best friend or a sister, not like a boyfriend should. And she deserved someone who worshipped her.
He hoped Siobhan wouldn’t take it too badly. But who was he kidding? She was going to be heartbroken. Confused. Angry. He wouldn’t blame her if she hated him.
The nurse was just leaving as Siobhan walked through the door. ‘Bye, Jake,’ the nurse said, fluttering her eyelashes at him. Siobhan grinned at him and rolled her eyes. She was never jealous of other women. That was another one of the things he loved about her. Despite what he was about to do to her, he hoped they would be able to be friends one day.
‘Hiya, babe,’ Siobhan said and kissed him on the cheek.
‘Hiya,’ he replied, forcing a smile as his stomach did somersaults. Could he really go through with this?
‘I have some news for you.’ She beamed at him and he remembered how much he loved her smile. She could light up a room. Could he really break her heart?
‘What’s th
at?’ he asked her.
‘I’m pregnant.’ She grinned as she held out a pregnancy test for him to see.
He took it from her and looked at it. Not that he even knew what he was looking for.
‘Two lines,’ she said. ‘That means it’s positive.’
Jake stared at her, blinking, while he thought of the appropriate reaction. So many thoughts thundered around his head. Wasn’t she on the pill? This was the worst timing ever. How could he break it off now? Jesus Christ, he was going to be a dad! They’d never talked about kids. He didn’t want kids. Not now, anyway. And not with Siobhan. What the hell was he going to do?
‘Jake, I know we didn’t plan this. But aren’t you happy for us?’ She stared at him, her green eyes wide and brimming with tears.
‘Of course, I am, babe,’ he lied as he held out his hand to her. ‘It’s just a surprise. I thought we were covered, you know?’
‘We were. But the pill isn’t one hundred per cent effective. Accidents happen all the time. But it’s a good surprise, isn’t it?’
Jake nodded feebly. If he didn’t feel so guilty, he might have told her that no, it wasn’t a good surprise at all. But she had completely blindsided him. He had spent the whole day psyching himself up to have one difficult conversation, and she had started an entirely different one. He needed time to think. He felt like the walls were closing in on him. ‘Come here,’ he said as he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead.
Siobhan sat next to him on the bed and snuggled into him. He rested his head on hers, her long red hair feeling soft against his cheek. He could smell the expensive shampoo she used and the perfume she wore and it reminded him of how, when he was a kid, he would sneak into his mum’s bed whenever he’d had a bad dream. He would cuddle into her and he always felt safe. There were no monsters that could get to him then, not even the one he called Dad.
How could Jake be a dad? It was hard enough keeping himself and Siobhan safe, never mind a tiny, helpless little human too. While he hoped he’d be a great dad one day, in the very distant future, he didn’t exactly have the best role model. Who knew if he was even up to the job? One thing he did know was that he couldn’t end things with Siobhan now. If she chose to keep the baby, he’d have to stay with her. If he couldn’t convince her otherwise then he was stuck. Did he even have the heart to try and convince her otherwise? She looked so bloody happy.
This was going to mean the end of his secret meetings with Paul. No matter how much it would kill him to end it, he would have to prioritise Siobhan and the baby.
They were his future.
Not Paul.
Maybe it was for the best? Jake swallowed the bile rising in his throat. He knew it wasn’t. He knew that Siobhan’s little revelation had fucked everything up and things would never be the same again.
Chapter 82
Jake had been lying awake waiting for his usual nightly visitor. Paul never arrived at the same time. He called whenever he’d finished whatever job he’d been on. He and Connor had taken up the mantle of running their newly found empire while he was in hospital. Tonight, when the door of his room opened and the light flooded its interior, he didn’t feel the familiar rush of adrenaline. Instead he felt sick. Like his stomach had dropped through the floor. Jake had spoken to Paul before Siobhan’s earlier visit and her bombshell, and told him he was ending things with her, convincing him that it was all he could offer him for the time being.
‘How’s the wounded soldier today?’ Paul smiled at him as he walked towards his bed.
‘Okay,’ Jake sighed as Paul bent to kiss him.
‘Was it that bad? Did she take it okay?’ Paul asked.
‘Siobhan’s pregnant,’ Jake said. There was no use pretending for a minute longer. It was like ripping off a plaster. It was going to hurt like hell, so better get it over with as soon as possible.
‘Fuck! Were you trying?’
‘Of course we fucking weren’t.’
‘Then how is she pregnant? Isn’t she on the pill or something?’
‘Yeah, but she says these things can happen.’
‘And you believe her?’ Jake stared at him.
‘Are you saying she did this on purpose?’
‘Wouldn’t be the first time a bird has done that when she sensed things were on the skids.’
Jake scowled at him. ‘Firstly, she has no idea that we’re on the skids, and secondly, Siobhan’s not like that.’
‘Oh, come on, Jake. Before you ended up in here, you were spending more time with me than you were with her. Do you think she didn’t pick up on something being wrong? She is much smarter than you give her credit for.’ Paul sat on the chair beside Jake’s bed and ran his hands through his hair.
‘Even if she did, which she didn’t, I told you, she’s not like that.’
Paul stared at him. ‘Let’s face it, Jake. No one really knows anyone, do they? All we can do is trust that people will keep the promises they make us.’ He stood up and started to walk out.
‘I didn’t fucking ask for this, Paul,’ Jake shouted after him.
Paul turned and walked back to him. ‘But what are you going to do about it?’
Jake shook his head. ‘What fucking choice do I have? She’s having my baby.’
‘Are you sure it’s even yours?’ Paul asked him in all seriousness.
Jake glared at him. ‘What the fuck do you mean by that? Of course I’m fucking sure, you cheeky cunt.’
‘I’m just saying. I bet she never thought you’d cheat on her either. People cheat. They lie. It’s human fucking nature.’
Jake shook his head. ‘No. She wouldn’t. I know her.’
‘Looks like you’ve made your mind up then.’
Jake placed a hand on Paul’s arm. ‘I wish I could change it. I’d ask her to get rid of it if I thought she would, but she’s over the fucking moon. There’s nothing I can do about it now. I have to at least try, Paul. It’s the least I can do.’
‘Whatever.’ Paul shook his head. ‘This was never going to work long-term anyway, was it? We’re practically fucking related.’
Jake forced a smile. His insides felt like they were being pulled through a meat grinder. Why was everything so fucking complicated? His feelings for Paul and Siobhan and their baby all swirled around his head until he had no idea what he felt for anyone any more.
‘I’d better get going,’ Paul said before turning around and walking out of Jake’s hospital room.
Jake watched him go and resisted the urge to call him back.
Closing his eyes, he tried not to think about how much he was hurting and instead focused on his unborn child. Would it be a boy or a girl? Would it look like him, or like Siobhan? God, his mum was going to be beside herself with joy. Maybe this was enough to make her stay in Liverpool?
He hoped so.
He needed her now more than ever.
Chapter 83
Connor was sound asleep on his sofa when he heard the banging on the door to his flat. Groaning, he heaved himself up and went to answer it. Looking through the spyhole, he saw it was Paul.
He unfastened the bolts and opened the door.
‘Don’t you answer your fucking phone, Con?’ Paul pushed past him and into the sitting room.
‘Do come in,’ Connor said sarcastically as he followed his brother. ‘I was asleep. What’s so fucking urgent?’
Paul paced up and down the room. ‘I’ve got something to tell you.’
Connor sat down on the sofa. What the hell had happened now? His life was becoming like one long fucking soap opera lately. ‘What now?’
‘Siobhan’s pregnant.’
Connor’s heart sank. He chewed his bottom lip while he calculated how long it had been since he and Siobhan had had sex.
‘Doesn’t mean it’s mine,’ he offered.
‘Doesn’t mean it’s not either. Did you two use anything?’
Connor shook his head. ‘It wasn’t exactly planned, was it?’
‘Yo
u were in a fucking nightclub. Every toilet has a condom machine. Fucking hell, Con!’
‘Well, we obviously weren’t thinking straight or it would never have happened. I assumed she’d be on the pill or something.’
‘Jesus,’ Paul said as he sat on the sofa beside his brother. ‘This is all kinds of fucked up.’
Connor ran his hands through his hair. ‘I know. What has Siobhan said? Did she tell Jake the baby was his?’
Paul nodded.
‘Well, there you go then. It must be. She’d know the dates and stuff, wouldn’t she?’
‘I don’t fucking know,’ he said. ‘I do know that Jake was ready to finish things with her, and then she hit him with becoming a daddy, and now he’s convinced he’ll have to marry her or something.’
‘Look, Paul. I’m sure the baby is his. It must be. Maybe this is for the best? You and Jake are not exactly right for each other, are you? We’ve got a sister in common for a start. That makes us almost fucking related. You needed to put a stop to this sooner or later. Now we can all get on with our lives and pretend this never happened.’ Connor tried to be the voice of reason in a sea of chaos.
Paul sat back against the sofa and sighed. ‘You’re probably right. But …’
‘But what?’
‘I love him, Con,’ Paul whispered.
Connor had suspected for a while that his brother’s feelings for Jake ran much deeper than he’d let on. But there was no happiness to be had for him or Jake if they continued to pursue a relationship together. For one thing, Connor suspected it would be a cold day in hell before Jake would admit to being gay. The sooner they both accepted it was better to end it, the quicker they could move on. Taking hold of his brother by the neck, he pulled him in for an awkward hug. ‘It’ll all be okay in the end, bro,’ he said quietly.
Paul nodded. ‘And if it’s not okay, it’s not the end, eh?’
Chapter 84
Connor Carter rang the buzzer to the entrance of the expensive waterfront apartment block. It was similar to the one he and Paul lived in, and only a fifteen-minute walk away.
