“I’ve started a campaign to get it named after Patty rather than assigned a catalogue number. Some of our former professors at UC-Berkeley are helping. I’m also working with them to establish an endowment for women doctoral students in Patty’s name. We haven’t raised much money yet.”
“You’ve been busy. I’m certain Patty would be touched.”
“It gives me something positive to do, a way to turn my grief into something tangible that will ensure that Patty is never forgotten.”
“That makes perfect sense.”
“Remember the ladder we came down—the one that led into the ice tunnels?”
“How could I forget?”
“The guys who work down there now call it ‘Thor’s Ladder.’”
He frowned. “Why my name? Why not ‘Samantha’s Ladder’? You were the first to see the flag that marked the escape hatch, and you were the first one down.”
“Yeah, but I’m not named after a deity. ‘Thor’s Ladder’ just sounds better, doesn’t it?” But Samantha had saved the best news for last. “I haven’t had a nightmare for a couple of weeks now.”
Relief spread across his handsome face. “I’m so glad to hear that. The therapy is helping then?”
At Thor’s request, Cobra had connected Decker with a PTSD specialist who combined therapy with controlled doses of ketamine to help people process traumatic events without retraumatizing them. As a scientist, Samantha had insisted on reading the research before she’d agreed to go along with it.
“I’m loopy for a few hours after every therapy session, but it seems to be working. I’m less jumpy. I don’t think about what happened all the time like I did at first, and I’m able to concentrate on my job again.”
He smiled. “It makes me happy to see you doing so well.”
She was doing well, but this was still so hard. “I miss Patty. I miss you so much.”
“I miss you, too, min elskling.”
My love.
She loved it when he called her that. No, it wasn’t the same thing as him saying that he loved her, but it was close.
“How’s life wherever you are?” Samantha had never told Thor this, but nowadays she kept an eye on international headlines. She saw global politics from a different perspective, knowing Thor was out there somewhere, risking his life.
“We’re wrapping things up and flying out tomorrow.”
“Nothing scary or dangerous happened?”
He grinned. “Not this time—unless you count McManus hitting his head on a low stone archway and needing stitches.”
“Ouch!”
They talked for more than an hour, time slipping through Samantha’s fingers. Then Thor had to go. They said their goodbyes.
“Be safe, Thor.”
“I’ll do my best. Talk to you again soon.”
* * *
Thor watched out the window as Cobra’s jet flew over the Atlantic, carrying them home from a long assignment in Yemen. Apart from the occasional cloud, there was nothing but blue above and blue below. What he wouldn’t give right now for a few hours in the starlit darkness of Antarctica.
Long-distance relationships sucked.
Get used to it.
It would be easier when she was back in Chicago. The time difference wouldn’t be so extreme, at least when he was in the US, and Denver to Chicago wasn’t a long flight. He’d be able to visit her whenever he had leave, and she could come to Colorado when she was on break.
No, it wouldn’t be the same as living in the same space, but it would be a hell of a lot more manageable than this set-up. Given how often he was away from home, it seemed right that she should have her own home and her own life.
“¡Hijoeputa!” Dylan Cruz yelled at the TV.
He and his bride, Gabriela Marquez, were watching some Spanish-language film with Jones, who needed translations once in a while. In the row of seats behind the newlyweds, McManus talked quietly with Shields, a bandage on his forehead. Segal sat behind Thor, reading an Israeli magazine.
Then Jones stood, grabbed two beers out of the refrigerator, and came to sit beside Thor, offering him a bottle. “You talk to Samantha lately, man?”
“Yeah. We talked last night.”
“How’s she doing?”
“She’s better.” Thor opened his beer, took a drink. “It’s been a hard stretch, but the community there has pulled together to help her through it.”
“Did she mention Kristi?”
“Kristi?” Thor fought back a grin. “Oh, right. Kristi. Um… I think she said Kristi helped throw a surprise birthday party for her.”
“She didn’t say anything about Kristi missing me or…” The man was lovesick, and he didn’t know it.
“No.” Thor wouldn’t lie. “But, hey, if you want to talk to Kristi, send her an email or set up a chat.”
“Nah, man. We agreed there would be no strings. I don’t want to be the one to break the rules first.”
Segal, who was sitting behind them, stuck his unshaven face between their two seats. “Have fun snuggling up with your pride, Jones. I’m sure it keeps you warm at night. What’s that old Jewish proverb? Oh, yeah. ‘Pride goes before a fall.’”
Thor chuckled. “I saw how broken up Kristi was when we left. What if she’s afraid she’ll piss you off if she reaches out? You need to be the one to get in touch.”
“Why does it have to be me?”
“Who made the ‘no strings’ rule?”
“We both did—though I guess I’m the one who brought it up first.”
Thor had thought so. “In that case, you need to be the one to make contact.”
“There’s really no point.” Jones pulled out his phone, started scrolling. “She wants to see the world, so she signed up with some kind of humanitarian healthcare agency. She’s going to work for a year as a nurse in Nigeria.”
“Nigeria?” That wouldn’t be Thor’s first choice for a nurse. “Weren’t several aid workers abducted and murdered there recently?”
“Yeah.” Jones went quiet, his expression troubled.
“Don’t paint the devil on the wall. I’m sure they’ll keep her safe.”
“Don’t … what?”
“You don’t have that expression in English?”
“Paint the devil on the wall?” Jones arched an eyebrow. “Uh… No.”
“It means don’t expect the worst—or something like that.”
“Crazy Viking.” Jones shook his head, went back to his scrolling on his phone.
Thor faced the window again, missing Samantha more than he could say.
* * *
Four months later
Samantha walked through the airport in Christchurch in search of the gate for her connecting flight, her carry-on in tow. Eight hours of flying behind her. Only twenty-three to go. She wasn’t sure there was enough coffee in the airport for that.
It had been a smooth flight, though she’d been acutely aware of the empty seat beside her. Patty ought to have been sitting there. The two of them would have spent those eight hours talking. There would be an empty seat on Samantha’s connecting flight to Chicago and in their shared office on campus, too. Patty’s parents had flown to Chicago and collected Patty’s belongings from the apartment, so there would be empty spaces there, also. So much emptiness.
Patty’s death had left gaping holes in Samantha’s life—and in her heart.
Returning to the real world wasn’t going to be easy this time.
And yet, Samantha had so many reasons to be grateful. She and Thor were alive. Months of hard work had resulted in discoveries that would keep her busy for the rest of her career. She’d overcome her shyness and had friends she’d be in touch with for the rest of her life.
As she walked through the airport, she spotted other winter-overs here and there. Ryan and Kristi in the line at the coffee shop. Jason plugging his phone in to charge. Bai and Kazem walking hand in hand. Lance looking up at the Departures display.
She waved, and
they waved back.
She wanted to get to her gate, sit down, and check her email. She hadn’t heard from Thor for the past few days. She told herself he was on assignment and that he probably couldn’t communicate. Still, she couldn’t help but worry.
God, she missed him.
They’d done their best to stay in touch, but seeing his face on the screen and hearing his voice, as wonderful as that was, couldn’t replace face-to-face contact.
While she’d been at the South Pole, Thor had been around the world—Afghanistan, Pakistan, South Korea, Egypt, Syria, Kenya. He was never able to say much about his work, though he shared what he could. Malik had emailed her a photo of Thor looking incredible in a suit and tie as part of some businessman’s security detail, his face clean-shaven, his hair cut short, his skin tanned. He could have been a movie star.
Her therapist had warned her that her relationship with Thor was heading into new territory. They would both be in the US, at least when Thor wasn’t on a mission. That meant setting new parameters for contact and discussing their expectations.
Did he want to be with her as much as she wanted to be with him?
She didn’t know. She wasn’t even sure when she’d see him again.
Without discussing it with Thor, she’d looked into jobs in Colorado. The University of Colorado in Boulder had a prestigious astrophysics and planetary sciences department, which was attached to JILA—the Joint Institute for Laboratory Astrophysics. They’d had a few positions open. There were other colleges searching for astronomy instructors, too, though she wanted a research position.
Let the future work itself out.
That was easier said than done when her heart was on the line.
She’d walked what felt like ten miles when she found her gate. She sat, tucked her carry-on beneath her seat, and pulled out her phone to check email.
A shadow fell over her.
“I’m sorry, but you’re not taking this flight.”
At the sound of his voice, she looked up—and Thor was standing right beside her.
For a moment, all she could do was stare, her heart pounding. “Thor?”
“Hey.”
With a squeal, she leaped to her feet, his strong arms enfolding her, his body hard against hers, his scent filling her head.
“Skat.” He drew back and claimed her mouth with his in a kiss that was deep, slow, passionate. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” Then it hit her. “What are you doing here?”
He rested his hands on her hips in a way that was both casual and sexy. “I was just in Indonesia for a job, and I thought that you might want a few weeks of warm weather before you go home to winter in Chicago.”
She stared at him, astonished. “What about my luggage, my flight home?”
“I’ve got your new ticket home. Someone else can take your seat. We’ll just ask them to unload your bags.” He kissed her again, slower this time. “I reserved a room for us at a beach resort—and arranged a visit to the Mount John Observatory.”
She stared at him, her eyes filling with tears. “You did all of that for me?”
“I want some time alone with you, time away from the rest of the world before work separates us again.”
“I would love that.” She sniffed, smiling up at him. “Thank you. This is … incredible.”
“I love you, Samantha.” He wiped her tears away with his thumbs. “I should have told you before I left the station, but it was all so new. I wasn’t even sure what I was feeling. I’ve never felt this way before. I was a dumbass.”
Joy washed through Samantha, bright and iridescent, giving her heart wings. “I thought you’d never say those words.”
“I’m not sure I would have if I hadn’t met you.”
“Get a room!” someone called in a New Zealand accent.
Laughter.
“Good idea!” Thor called back. “Let’s get out of here.”
They went to the nearest ticket counter and arranged to have her bags unloaded and brought to customs. An hour later, she walked with Thor into the warm sunshine of Christchurch, where a rental car waited for them.
She blinked, squinted. “It’s so green!”
He chuckled. “That’s because you haven’t seen a single growing thing for almost nine months.”
“Longer than that. I left Chicago in February the first time, worked as a winter-over, came home in November, and then left again in February. I’ve been living in winter for two years.” Speaking of winter… “I’m going to need to buy some clothes. All I’ve got with me is cold-weather stuff.”
“We can buy whatever you need.” Thor smiled down at her, his fingers threading through hers. “But I don’t think you’re going to have much use for clothes.”
Anticipation trilled through her at the thought of what was to come. “I’m so happy to see you. I was so surprised when I heard your voice.”
“I thought I told you.” He stopped, turned her to face him, his gaze warm. “We’re not finished. In fact, we’re just getting started.”
Epilogue
August 15
Thor parked his SUV in the parking garage on campus, grabbed his suit jacket, and strode off toward the auditorium. The debriefing from their most recent mission had gone late, putting him behind, the sun low on the horizon. But this was Samantha’s first public lecture at the University of Colorado-Boulder, and he didn’t want to arrive late. He wouldn’t do anything to ruin this special day for her.
Damn, he was proud of her. She’d worked so hard to reach this moment, applying for a research professorship at CU while keeping up with her research and teaching at the University of Chicago. What she had achieved these past nine months—publishing four peer-reviewed journal articles and landing a prestigious full professorship—would have been a major accomplishment for any young scholar. But she’d done it while coping with the loss of her research partner and best friend.
Thor slipped on his jacket, straightened his tie, and took the stairs to the auditorium two at a time, people of all ages drifting toward the doors. He made his way into the lecture hall and down the stairs and sat at the end of the second row. Public speaking wasn’t Samantha’s favorite thing, and he knew it reassured her to see him.
A familiar voice. “Excuse me, but is that seat taken?”
Thor looked up. “Holly?”
Holly Andris stood there with Gabriela Marquez Cruz and Elizabeth Shields. It was the Cobra brain trust—the three former CIA operatives.
Thor raised an eyebrow, stood. “What are you three doing here?”
Holly scooted by him. “I love astronomy.”
“Since when?”
“Since it became an excuse to meet Samantha.”
Gabriela went next. “You haven’t introduced us to her yet, so we had to take matters into our own hands.”
Elizabeth scooted by. “You almost died for her, Thor. I have to meet her.”
Thor was about to explain that Samantha had been busy moving when she and an older man stepped through the side door below.
She took his breath away, her skirt suit looking sleek and professional, her blond hair done up in a twist. She searched the crowd for him, smiling when she saw him.
He raised a hand, smiled back.
Elizabeth leaned over. “Oh, Thor, she’s cute.”
“What a sweet face,” Holly said. “I was expecting someone older.”
Gabriela turned to Holly. “She looks like a ballet dancer, no?”
Then the older man walked up to the microphone, and the lights went down.
“Thank you all for joining us tonight. I’m Dr. Rick Newton, the chair of CU’s Department of Astrophysics and Planetary Sciences. It’s a tradition for new professors to share their research at a public lecture. The scientist I’m about to introduce comes to us from the University of Chicago. Dr. Park did groundbreaking research on the Cosmic Microwave Background in Antarctica, working with the South Pole Telescop
e. But I’ll let her tell you about it. Please welcome the newest addition to our astrophysics faculty—Dr. Samantha Park.”
Thor clapped along with the audience. Beside him, Holly and Gabriela cheered like they were at a rock concert.
“I can’t take them anywhere,” Elizabeth whispered.
Samantha took a drink of water from a bottle on the podium, then clicked a remote to load her presentation. “Thank you all for the warm welcome. I am Dr. Samantha Park, and I’m happy to be with you tonight.”
She shared a little bit about her background and gave the audience a basic explanation of her work in Antarctica. “In scientific terms, the South Pole Telescope measures the faint, lingering emissions from the Cosmic Microwave Background left over from the Big Bang. Variations in these emissions help us understand early matter in the universe and help us find distant objects, like faraway galaxy clusters.”
She broke that down for her audience, using examples they could understand. Then she explained how the telescope worked, keeping it simple, showing images of scans and explaining how to read them.
Thor couldn’t help but smile, the passion that had captivated him when she’d explained the SPT to him shining on her face, her excitement contagious.
“This is a rare elliptical double-ringed galaxy—our biggest discovery last year. As some of you know, my research partner was murdered early in that research season, and I fought to get the galaxy named after her. In the end, the committee decided to name it after both of us. So, I’m honored to say that this is the Holcomb-Park Object.”
Thor applauded with the rest of the audience, love for her filling his chest. He was probably the only one who’d heard the catch in her voice just now. When she’d gotten the news a few months ago, she’d run into his arms and sobbed. They’d booked a weekend flight to Berkeley so she could visit her parents and Patty’s and give them the news. They’d all visited Patty’s grave together. It had been a hard day, but it seemed to have brought Samantha some closure.
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