“I guess we should get you settled,” he says, tucking my hand into the crook of his elbow. I might not have forgiven him, but I’m willing to lean on him right now, even if just a little. Time to fake it till I make it.
I follow his lead and ascend the steps to the doors which sweep open before we reach the top. The chatter in the rooms fills the air, along with laughter, and the chink of cutlery on china. As we reach the top, I see a foray of people, rushing around, glasses and plates of food being dashed into what I can only assume is still the small dining room. A voice calls out to Rowan from the room, and with a sigh, he leads me towards the room and the voices. Squeezing my hand quickly, he releases me and puts some distance between us before we enter. A hush descends over the dining room at our arrival.
‘No need to stop on our behalf.” Rowan saunters over to the table and grabs a handful of bacon, stuffing it in his face. “Come on, Emilia, looks like they saved us some space up here.”
I watch from the doorway as he moves towards the head of the table where Cade is seated, with two empty seats to his right.
Just wonderful.
I adjust my smile and follow him through the room, sitting when he pulls out my chair and assess the room. Opposite Rowan is a man I don’t know, and he eyes me with the same suspicion I instantly feel towards him. I can’t put my finger on what it is, but everything about him sets off alarm bells internally. The other four seats at the table are filled with princesses from the other courts royal families, and surprisingly Araya isn’t here. I file a mental note to ask Rowan why later. The petite redhead with unnaturally blue eyes sitting next to me is Centra Samhradh, and next to her, her elder sister Yasmina, the Princesses of Spring Court, who could be her twin. Talia Natsu and Arabella Verano, cousins to Princess Araya of Autumn Court are the youngest ones here. They complete the awkward table, they all seem to be pretending to be friends, hell they might even be friends. I wouldn’t know because I avoid as many court functions as I can, so it’s been more than a while since I saw anyone but Araya. What I do know is that something like this, essentially fighting for the same man, they will be lucky if their friendships survive.
“Safe journey, brother?” Cade asks Rowan as he sips his coffee. I feel the heat on my skin as his eyes land on me, and I cannot help but look. Our gaze locks and it’s as if the room falls away. The connection I always felt is there, and that hurts more than I’m willing to acknowledge. He tears his eyes from mine, anger painted over his features before he schools them back to the pompous asshole look he had before, and my anger shrouds me again like an old friend.
“As expected. Gave us some time to catch up.” Rowan smiles at me as I reach for the coffee pot, and I don’t miss the skeptical look on Cade’s face. I guess I’m going to have to work even harder than I thought if I’m going to convince him I want to be here, even if Rowan is seemingly on my team for now.
“It was lovely; thank you for sending the carriage. We would’ve been here sooner, but I didn’t realize when Rowan would be arriving, so I was a little behind. Glad to see everyone else here made it on time, and apologies again for arriving so much later than everyone else.” I speak through my smile as Rowan tries to hide his laughter. Everyone here knows why I’m so much later than the others, but I’m not going to let that get in the way of saving Oberon’s life. That’s why I’m really here. Not for their games. Not to fall in love with Cade and have a happily ever after, and especially not to make any friends. Despite what they may think of me, they don’t really know me at all. I may have to give up my life and my happiness, to soothe the soul of my wicked father and be a pawn in his games, but I’m not going to let them any of them know that.
I lift the coffee cup to my lips and try not to sigh at how good it smells after sleeping in the carriage, but I dare not eat. The bile swirling in my stomach at being in the same room as Cade threatens to overwhelm me. Sickness and hatred war inside me, but you’d never know it to look at me. In the last few years of my life, I learnt how to wear a mask, to not show weakness. To not wear my heart of my sleeve. What happened the last time I was here changed the course of my life. I didn’t get to be that carefree girl anymore. I lost all of my friends, and my family in one moment. Because of what happened here. Because my father’s torture has been merciless and never-ending as a result.
Lily might think I should blame King Earon the most, and while I do blame him, the king didn’t put that blade in Cade’s hand. I still believe he could’ve prevented what happened in a different way, any way but that.
Conversation picks back up around me, and I realize I’ve been lost inside my head, but I keep myself quiet, assessing what is essentially my competition. I may not want to be here, but here I am, and I’ll be damned if they think I’m going to lose this sick game.
After what feels like a lifetime of idle chatter, Cade stands, commanding the attention of the room. I’ve not really let myself focus on him since I sat down, instead, paying attention to the women of the room, but now I can’t help but take him in. His white hair is just as I remember, but his eyes are just as telling, and he is not happy.
“Ladies, please excuse me, I have things that require my attention. Rowan and Lex will be around if you have any questions, but as you’re aware, my mother would like to speak to each of you alone this morning too. Please make yourselves comfortable. For as long as you’re here, my home is your home.” He leaves the room, and he is every bit the man I remember, but not all at the same time. His tall, strong frame and obvious muscles are accentuated by his white button-down, even causal as he wears it with the arms rolled up. His hair is just as shaggy as it used to be, and I try not to ogle his tight ass covered by the tight black trousers as he leaves. I might not like him, but I’m not blind, and I’d have to be to not be affected by the sight of him. This man is a stranger to me, and any advantage I thought I might’ve had with knowing who he was disappears. The boy I once knew definitely isn’t here anymore.
“You want me to show you where you’re staying?” Rowan leans over, half-eaten apple in his hand, his dark hair getting in his eyes.
“Do you ever stop eating?” I laugh and shake my head. “But, sure. Lead the way.” He stands and pulls out the chair for me as I stand. I nod to Lex, a goodbye of sorts, but he scowls at me as Rowan escorts me from the room.
“Who is Lex?” My curiosity gets the better of me, and I can’t help but ask.
“Lex is Cade’s newest leech. Sorry, friend. His closest confidant and General in the Winter Armies, though he spends more time at Cade’s side than on the battlefield where he belongs. Rumor has it that he is half-Elven; he’s an evil little bastard so it wouldn’t surprise me. He worked his way up from sewer rat in the last five years to now being the right-hand of the heir to the throne, and I couldn’t trust him less if I tried.” I laugh, it’s weird that it almost feels like nothing happened, that that day didn’t happen sometimes when I speak to Rowan, it’s as if I’m the girl I used to be, rather than who I am and while having a friend in him would be nice, especially if all goes according to my father’s plan and I’m here forever, I still can’t lose the wall between us. It would be too easy to lose myself in the process.
“You’re not a fan?”
“Nah, Lex’s a snake, he just seems to have everyone else fooled, but I see the real him. He doesn’t try to impress me, and why would he? I’m just Cade’s younger brother. I can’t help him step up in our world. I’m not sure exactly what his angle is, but I know he has one. One day I’m going to work it out and have him banished from Rivinea.”
“So, don’t trust him. Got it.” I realize where he’s led me to, and I feel the blood drain from my face as he opens the door in front of me. “My old room,” I whisper. I falter as I start to step into the room and end up sitting upon the bed in the center of the room.
“I thought it would be nice for you to have something familiar since you were back here, in what essentially is a snake pit. Everything considered. I�
��m sorry if I was wrong.” Rowan strides towards me, stopping just short of arms distance.
“It’s fine. I just didn’t think . . .” My voice sounds raw, barely more than a whisper as I battle the lump in my throat. The last time I was in this room was the last time I was truly happy. I swallow, trying to keep a hold of the emotions threatening to overwhelm me.
“I’m going to let you get settled.” Rowan squeezes my arm and offers a small smile. “If you need me, I’ll be in the library; not much has changed, so you’ll find me easily enough. Mother will want to see you at some point today, but I have a feeling she’ll save you for last.”
I nod and watch as he walks away, shutting the door behind him, before turning and facing the room again. Climbing further back onto the bed, I wrap my arms around me.
I might not be able to do this. Not even for Oberon.
I knew this was going to be hard. Being here. Being around them. It’s exactly why my father wanted me here. To punish me. To torture me. If I could have found a way to save Oberon and get Erion back without being here, I’d have taken it. But now I’m here, and I’m in this situation, helpless. I can’t do anything but try to get through this, to do what my father wants me to do. I fall back onto the bed and let my tears fall. It’s been a long time since I’ve cried, but right now, I couldn’t hold them back if I tried. I can’t even put my finger on what I’m crying for. Mourning for Edimere. Mourning for the loss of a life and love with Oberon. For the chance that I might save Erion from having to continue to fight this war. Or the fact that I’m essentially giving up any chance of happiness and love to free the ones I love the most. It could even be the fact that I have to pretend I’ve forgiven the ones who hurt me the deepest, to play another role, hide the horrors their actions created. I have to not be who I am, potentially for the rest of my life.
I look up at the sound of the knock on my door as it opens slowly.
“Cade.” I wipe away my tears and try to mask the mess that is my face. He steps into the room; his movements stunted as if his bodily rebels against the action. I tense as he nears me, my conflicting emotions whirling inside of me fighting for dominance, and I flinch when he comes towards me, causing him to stop his approach.
“Emilia, are you sure you want to be here?” he asks, and the sincerity in his voice threatens the tears I’ve just put a stop to. Gone is the man from breakfast, and I catch a glimpse of the boy I used to know. I feel myself weaken against him, but then a flash of memory from my last night here hits me, and I steel myself against it.
“Of course, the room, it was just a shock, that’s all. Being back here is all just a bit overwhelming. I didn’t think I would be this emotional.” I grind the words out as I twist the truth, and I can’t tell if he believes it or not.
“I can understand that. The last time you were here, well, it was all just a fucking mess in honesty.” He scrubs his hand down his face as he looks around the room uncomfortably. There’s not really much I can say to that, and this whole thing just feels really awkward. I get up step towards him, trying not to let my true feelings filter through, to reassure him, but his words stop my movement.
“Though, if your brother had had better self-control, maybe we wouldn’t be where we are right now.” His cold and unfeeling voice is like a bucket of ice water to my face, a full one-eighty to his words a minute ago, and I grind my teeth not to say something I know I shouldn’t. “I’m not surprised you put yourself forward. It’s definitely one way to try and apologize for the mess your family created that day.”
“My father thought it would be a good idea,” I respond between gritted teeth. How fucking dare he try to blame my brother! “My mother agreed, and so did I. It’s our responsibility to bridge the gap between our courts, especially considering the events that ended the cease-fire in the first place.” The politeness of my words is like a hot pin in my stomach. “If we can find peace between us considering our history, then our people should have no problem believing that the peace between the courts is achievable. The past is the past, and that is where it should stay.” The words burn on my tongue, the lies, the half-truths. He eyes me like he doesn’t quite believe my saccharine words and I can’t really blame him. He knows me, or at least he did, and he knows just how much my brothers mean to me, so he’ll also know just how much everything that day broke me. He just won’t have any idea how bad things have gotten at home. No one outside of the household truly knows, apart from Rowan now, I guess.
“As long as you’re happy, Emilia. That’s all I ever wanted for you. Good luck with Mother today. Maybe we can catch up properly soon?” I nod, trying to keep up with his dual personalities as he bounces between them so easily, and he leaves the doorway without a second glance. He’s just as cold and unfeeling as his nature wants me to believe he is, despite the small lapses of personality, but for all I know, this is who Cade is now. Maybe he’s not who I remember. I don’t believe anything he said, and I refrain from trying to find meaning in his words. All he ever wanted, yeah, right. The fake sincerity shone through, despite my heart wanting to believe it was the truth. Why even come to see me if he was just going to lie to my face?
It might be hypocritical considering my position here, but I have no choice, he didn’t need to come here. I stand and close the door, creating a false sense of privacy, but one I need. In here, I can almost pretend that nothing that happened ever happened, but it will also be a good reminder of why I’m really here. My newest prison.
***
I walk through the empty halls of the Winter palace, reacquainting myself with the place, but I avoid the wing with the ballroom. I’m not ready for that just yet. Despite everything that’s happened to me over the last five years, it almost feels like I never left. Even with its stark, clean setting, it still feels cozy and more like home than my own.
“I can’t believe she’s actually here, the audacity of it all to show her face here.”
“Yasmina, stop it! You don’t know anything. You have no idea why she’s here, and you are the last person who should judge. We all do things for our lands that we may not want to do, and not every piece of gossip you hear is truth either.” I hear Centra’s voice ring out as she scolds her older sister.
“I know what I heard, and what I heard is that she was caught with that beast. What sort of self-respecting person does that? And even if she wasn’t, her being here is still weird. Everyone knows the history between the Vasaras and the Daarkes. It’s not exactly a secret.”
“Did you ever think that maybe it’s just as hard for her to be here as it is for us? We’ve all had to leave something behind.” I hear Talia speak up on my behalf as I continue to hide in the shadows.
“Hard for us? Hardly. One of us could be the next queen, and have you looked at Cade recently? Yeah, that’s not exactly a hardship,” Yasmina counters.
“Maybe some of us had other plans, other roads to take. Other loves to have.” Arabella sighs wistfully.
“God, could you be any more dramatic. And if you don’t want to be here, feel free to leave,” Yasmina spits, and I already know I’m never going to like the Spring Princess.
“You might be here by choice, Yasmina. But some of us have other people counting on us and our actions,” I say as I step around the corner into the atrium, the shock on her face is enough to satisfy me.
“And who’s counting on you? Your dead brother? You already failed him. There’s nobody left for you unless you’re counting your filthy animal lover.” Yasmina throws back at me, stealing my breath.
“Enough!” I turn and see Rowan behind me; his anger bleeds into the room. “I think, Yasmina, it is time for you to leave. I will notify my mother and brother that you will not be continuing with your stay here. Now get your things and get out of my sight.” His voice booms, commanding the room, and Yasmina jumps and scurries away. Centra follows after her, silently leaving the four of us in the room.
“I’m sorry, Emilia.” He steps forward and places
a hand on my arm.
“You have nothing to apologize for, Rowan. They were not your words, plus, it’s not like I’ve not heard worse.”
“Still. I’m going to go and make sure she has all of her things and that she is leaving. I’ll catch up with you later.” He turns and strides from the room, and I take a seat opposite the two girls. Arabella sighs at Rowan’s departure, and I get the feeling Cade isn’t the prince that she’d pick if she had the choice.
“We’re sorry too,” Arabella says softly.
“Why?” I ask
“We didn’t exactly jump to your defense,” Talia tells me.
“Talia, I don’t expect you to. You’re here for your reasons, just like I’m here for mine. I’m under no illusions that we are all going to be best friends before this is over, that’s not how this goes.”
“Have you met with Lanora yet?” she asks me curiously.
“Not yet, have you?”
“Yes, I saw her straight after breakfast. It’s just you left,” she says, and I see one of the guards coming from the other end of the hall.
“I have a feeling my time is coming sooner than I had hoped.” They look in the same direction and nod, before leaving me alone to my fate.
“Emilia?” he asks politely, but really, he already knows who I am. I stand and follow him towards Lanora’s day room. Butterflies flutter in my stomach, and I try to smother them. Keeping my anger tempered down, my nerves in check and a smile painted on might not be the hardest thing in the world to do in front of Rowan, but Lanora always saw everything you didn’t want her to. Even the things you didn’t know yourself. I don’t think she ever used her powers on her sons, but I have no doubt she’ll try to use them on me today, so this is going to be the hardest part of my lie. Remaining strong mentally, even if she taunts me with the things that are most likely to make me crumble. If I can’t convince her that I want to be here, then I’m going home, and god only knows what else my father will think of to do to me once he has killed Oberon. Even if the treaty goes ahead, and Erion comes home safe and sound, I get the feeling he still won’t let me be.
Summer Princess (Dark Fae Book 1) Page 7
