“Has anyone seen Callum? Please! Has anyone seen my son?” I watch on as a young woman clutches a picture as she works her way from person to person in the street. I feel her panic as she flits through the street. She reaches me and grasps my hands, and the breath is pulled from my body.
I see nothing but darkness, wisps of smoke. Screams ring out all around me. I move forward, gliding through the darkness . . . whispers reach out me but I can’t hear them fully. They tease me further into the darkness, pulling me deeper into the shadows. I stumble, tipping forward, but manage to steady myself. Kneeling, I look down into the hole before me, and I see them. All of them. The people reaching towards me, screaming for me to save them. Their faces blur, and I feel the cold sweep over me.
“The Hunt is coming . . .”
“Let go of me!” the woman screams in my face, and pulls out of my grasp, her arms bloody from where my nails dug into her skin.
“I am so sorry!” I move towards her, but she steps back from me, afraid. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
“What was that?” she looks at me, eyes wide.
“I . . . I don’t know what you mean.” I stutter and go back to Shadowind, and ride back to the palace.
“Emilia, are you okay? We’ve been looking for you everywhere!” Cade strides towards me, his face solemn.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare anyone, I just needed some air.” I drop to the floor and hand Shadowind back to the stable hand. “I just needed to think. I went down to the city, it’s so terrible down there, Cade.”
“I know, but we will fix it, and the Hunters will be punished for their actions. Are you sure you’re okay? You’re so pale.” I contemplate telling him, but I don’t even know what happened.
“I’m fine.” I shake my head. “Just not made for this kind of cold.”
“Let’s get you inside and by a fire. There is much to do for the coronation.”
***
I should feel more excited at the prospect of a wedding, but with everything else happening around us, I can’t help but feel like this is wrong.
“Cade, we need to talk,” I call out to him from my chair in the corner of the library. The Palace has finished being pieced back together, and I’ve sat here while he has commanded people to various parts of his lands to secure the borders, and to help rebuild.
“What’s wrong?” He takes my hand and sits opposite me.
“I think this is too much, too quick. We have so much we need to do, so many people need things from us. I think we need to wait with the wedding. I just . . . It doesn’t feel right.”
“You don’t want to marry me? After all of this?”
“That isn’t what I’m saying. Not at all. It took us a long way to find each other again; it just feels like we’re rushing this, all of it. It feels like it’s because it’s what we want, it’s because we have to. Imagine if all of this hadn’t happened. We’d have time. Time to find each other. Explore each other. But everything is because we have to. I’m not ready, Cade.”
“Well, maybe it’s because you’re not really in love with me. I thought we’d finally gotten to a place where we could be happy, Emilia. Maybe you need to think about what it is that you finally want now that your parents aren’t hanging threats over your head. You need to decide what you really want, and if it’s me, come find me. If it’s not, well, then we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.” He stands and storms from the room, leaving me alone with nothing but the noise of the crackling fire. I crawl into a ball, and I let it all out finally. The tears for Oberon, the tears for Lily, the pain of the fact that my parents didn’t love me enough to sacrifice me. And now this. I cry until there are no tears left, and I fall asleep alone once again.
I startle awake, my fire tickling my fingertips. I feel as the pressure on my shoulder stops, and I see Rowan jump backwards.
“I didn’t mean to scare you, Em. Sorry. You just didn’t look very comfortable. My brother’s been storming around like someone broke his favorite toy all afternoon, so I thought if I could find you, you could calm him down. I tried, but he froze my feet in place and told me to mind my own fucking business.” He rolls his eyes, and I offer him a small smile.
“I’m not sure I’m the best person to help.”
“Of course, you are!” he says, but then he looks at me properly and he groans, falling into the chair opposite me. “You guys are going to be the goddamn death of me! What happened now?”
“I told him it was too fast. I just keep watching as all of these things happen to me and are decided for me, but I feel lost. Like I didn’t really get to pick any of this for myself, and what all of this has shown me is that life is fleeting, even for those of us who live as long as we do. We are not immortal, despite what the humans and their tales depict. We can die. And I don’t want my life just to happen. I want to be able to look back and say I really lived. There are so many chains that come with our birthrights, but right now—right now I finally have the chance to be free. To live just for me. If I marry Cade without really thinking about it, I lose all of that. That chance to be free.”
“I can understand that. Freedom is the mistress we all chase, even at the cost of those around us. But what you need to ask yourself, Emilia, and I mean really ask yourself, is if freedom is worth it. Is it worth the cost of love? What good is freedom if you’re miserable? What good is seeing and experiencing all the things this life has to offer if you don’t have someone to share them with? My brother loves you, probably enough to let you go if he thought that was really what you wanted. You just need to tell him.”
He stands and kisses my cheek before leaving me alone in the quiet darkness again, and I contemplate his words.
What have I done?
I find myself out at the stables again, brushing down Shadowind. There is something about this horse that calms me like nothing else. It’s so peaceful in here with him.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here,” Cade says on the other side of the stall. He scratches the back of his neck while he waits for me to respond, as I finish brushing Shadowind.
“It’s okay. He’s your horse. I just like the peace he brings me.”
“He does the same for me.” He opens the door and joins me in the stable, and starts stacking the hay, and we work in silence for a while, but it feels comfortable. Like Shadowind is the bridge between us, bringing us back to each other.
“I’m—”
“You—”
We laugh, shyly, and Cade takes a seat on one of the hay bundles.
“You go first,” I tell him, and get comfortable on the bench behind me, as Shadowind lays on the floor between us with a quiet whine.
“I’m sorry,” he says with his head lowered. “I got so caught up in everything, I forgot to take a step back and take a breath. There are so many people that want and need so much from me right now, and I forgot to think about what I want and need. What we want and need.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t explain things better. I know how much pressure there is on you to do the right thing. To have all of the answers. Be the one everyone else can rely on. It’s why I’ve barely seen you the last few days. But I don’t want my life to be like that. Locked away, not seeing you days on end while you’re off saving the world as we know it. I want more than that. I want adventure. I want to see the worlds. Explore all of the things the realms have for us. I don’t want to do it alone, but I don’t want to give up the freedom I’ve only just got in my grasp, Cade. I can’t.” He stands and walks over to me, kneeling on one knee in front of me.
“And I wouldn’t ask you to, Emilia. I want all of those things too. I don’t want you to be my wife because you should be. I want you to be my wife because you, my love, are the girl who bewitched my heart from the very moment I saw you. The girl who broke my heart when she walked away without a word. But you’re also the woman who brought me back to myself. You helped me see again, you freed me. I would never ask you to give up you
r passions because that would be me asking you not to be you.”
I jump up and wrap my arms around his neck, and kiss him with everything I have, and knock us to the ground in the process.
“You are so beautiful, Emilia.” He kisses me, and I don’t care that I’m lying on a dirty floor in a stable, because I finally have everything I ever wanted. We’ve come a hell of a long way to get here. I lose myself in Cade’s kiss, forget everything but the feel of his weight on top of me, his lips on mine. He pulls away, stands, and puts his hand out to me, pulling me to stand. He smiles as he plucks straws of hay from my hair before going back down on one knee and looking up at me.
“I didn’t do this right the first time, but I’m no fool, so I won’t do it again. You, Emilia, are the light to my dark, the warm to my cold, the fire to my ice. I can’t imagine another day where we don’t belong to each other, and so I ask. Will you be with me for the rest of existence? As my queen, but most importantly, as the other half of me. As my wife.” I gasp as he pulls the ring box from his trouser pocket and gifts me the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen. I nod as he slides the pink and white band down my finger, and I marvel as the blue stone glitters in the firelight.
“It’s beautiful.” I sigh.
“You are,” he says before he kisses me again. He touches his forehead to mine, and I feel the heat coming from him, matched by the fire in his eyes. Wordlessly he takes my hand and leads me back to the palace.
***
The smoke chokes me as I try to get out. Where am I? I can’t see through the smoke, and the roar of the flames fills my ears. I reach for my power to try and dull the flame, but it’s not there. Why isn’t it there? What is going on? I cough again as the smoke burns my throat and lungs. I drop to the floor to try and see and crawl around aimlessly, hoping to find a way out.
I reach out and feel another hand. I pull on it, hoping to find someone to help me, but I see Cade on the floor, his eyes and ears bleeding. I can’t tell if he’s breathing. Please, god, let him be breathing. I keep crawling, trying to pull him with me.
“You’ll never save everyone,” a deep voice resonates in my head, I recognize it, but I can’t place it. The lack of oxygen makes me fuzzy. “You are the last one. The only one who could have done anything but look at you. You’re pathetic.” The voice laughs, and I push harder to find its source, to find a way out.
I hit a wall and find a handle. Pushing as hard as I can, I fall through it, scrambling to bring Cade with me. I feel the fresh air on my face and suck in the air.
“You never did deserve him. Any of them,” the voice calls out before silencing, and I focus on Cade. He’s not breathing. I push on his chest and breathe air into his lungs. Please don’t leave me. Not now. Not yet. I keep pushing, but he isn’t moving.
Emilia
I scream out; this can’t be happening. Rage courses through me.
Emilia!
I let go and feel the anger swallow me whole.
“Emilia, wake up!”
I jolt up and look into Cade’s eyes, gulping in air. I lunge forward and hug him.
“Hey, it’s okay. It was just a bad dream,” he soothes as he strokes my hair. The door bursts open, and Rowan rushes in, looking flustered.
“What is going on in here? I heard screams.” I hide my face in the crook on Cade’s neck and hide the redness climbing up my chest and face.
“We’re all good little brother, just a bad dream.” Cade continues to stroke my hair, and while I know I should climb out of his lap, it feels so good.
“Glad to see you two made up,” he chuckles, and then I hear the door shut again. I climb off Cade and scoot back against the pillows.
“Well, that wasn’t too embarrassing or anything.” I hide my face in my hands, oh my god.
“It’s fine, Em. It’s not like he’s not an adult. Plus, he knew what I was asking you earlier. How do you think I found you?” Cade smiles and comes to sit beside me, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his side. His bare skin against mine is so cool, but strangely, it feels good.
“What were your nightmares about?”
“I . . . I—” I falter, and I realize I don’t want to tell him. It seems so silly, but I don’t want him to think I’m being negative about what we’ve just started. “I don’t really remember. I just remember being scared and angry. I’m sure it was just something silly.”
He looks at me with concern etched on his features, his stare unwavering, before he tucks me back under his arm and kisses the top of my head. “Nothing bad is going to happen to you now, Emilia. Not if I have anything to do with it.”
***
“I don’t know what to do, Emilia.” Cade sighs with frustration. “She’s my mother, but since she lost my father, she’s losing her goddamn mind. She keeps screaming at people, she attacked Lex yesterday, and today she drew a blade on one of the healers I sent in to calm her. I’m running out of ideas.” He runs his hands through his hair again, and I hate that I’m keeping her secret from him. I don’t want any secrets between us, but I don’t want to be the one to burden him with yet another thing he can’t control.
“Have you tried speaking to her?” I squeeze his hand and let him know that I’m here for him.
“I’ve tried. Her babble is incessant. I don’t think she even knows what she’s talking about half the time. Rowan found an elixir to calm her mind, but I think she’s just getting worse. I hate feeling this clueless, this helpless. And I can’t show anyone but you how I’m truly feeling since everything is so precariously balanced right now.”
“I’m sorry this is all happening, Cade. It’s all my fault. My parents . . .” He puts a finger against my lips and quietens my shame.
“This is not your fault, Emilia. You were a pawn in the power play your parents made; all you ever did was love, and want to be loved. You didn’t make the Hunters rebel. You didn’t push them over the edge of the cliff. I don’t want to hear this again. I need you to believe the truth of it all. None of this is because of you.” I nod my head, not truly believing his words.
“But that doesn’t fix the problems with your mother. Maybe I could try to speak with her?” I offer.
“You can try, maybe it’ll do her good seeing someone who isn’t trying to make her chatter make sense.”
“I’ll visit her tonight, after our dinner with your brother and Lex.” I roll my eyes.
“I know you don’t like him, and I know you’ve had issues, but I’ve spoken to him. He was trying to look out for me, and he didn’t think you were in my best interests. He is a good guy, deep, deep down. You just have to break through the bearish exterior.” He walks over to me and wraps his arms around my waist, hitting me with his megawatt smile.
“Uh-huh, if you say so. I’m never going to be his biggest fan, but if he’s your friend, despite everything, I won’t burn him to ash.”
“That would be good, considering he’s going to be at the wedding . . .” I slap his arm and pull out of his embrace.
“Do I get a say in this at all? I’m all for playing nice at a dinner but it’s my wedding day, Cade, and the guy choked me. My neck was bruised for days. You’ll have to forgive me for not being all rainbows and sunshine about this.” I huff.
“Of course, you get a say, but there is going to be a lot of people there. Whether we want it or not, both courts are going to be joined with this wedding, and that means both courts will want to attend. That also means your parents.”
“Pfft, I’ve not heard from my parents for a long time. They didn’t even check in with me after the attack.”
“Did you check in with them? Has Erion?”
“Erion has barely left the palace since the attack, he’s either been here helping rebuild, or he’s been with his son, trying to make up for lost time. I think considering my parents ignored the fact that he had a son, means he’s ignoring the fact he has parents.”
“Well, that’s going to make for a fun surprise on our wed
ding day.”
“I was thinking of asking him to walk me down the aisle . . .” I chew my lip just thinking about it. I haven’t dared approach him about it yet.
“Why are you worried?” He rubs up and down my arms, trying to soothe me.
“Just because of everything . . . Do you think he will?”
“I think he’d be devastated if you asked anyone else.”
***
Well, dinner was exhausting, and my face hurts from the fake smile I plastered on the entire time. The only winning part was that Erion and Jnr joined us. I just left the boys to their war games, after little Erion was whisked away to bed, and now I’m slowly making my way towards Lanora’s rooms. It’s not that I don’t want to see her, but the last time I did didn’t exactly go so well. Plus, I have no idea if seeing me will help. She probably blames me for her husband’s death and is going to go batshit crazy at me, but I will try for Cade.
I knock on her door, and gently push it open, watching as she waters and trims the flowers in here.
“Lanora? Are you okay? It’s me, Emilia.” I slowly enter the room, not wanting to startle her, especially with the secateurs in her hands.
“Lanora?” She continues to work as if she can’t hear me, so I continue to approach slowly, from the side, hoping she’ll see me.
“Oh, hello, Emilia. I didn’t hear you. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to talk to you, I know I haven’t been to visit much recently, and I’m sorry, we’ve been busy, but that’s no excuse.” She eyes me warily before taking a few steps back.
“I can see the darkness in you . . . it's taking hold!”
“Lanora, I’m not sure what you mean. Why don’t we sit and talk? About the wedding, Cade’s coronation. We have a lot to catch up on.” Each step I take towards her, she takes another one back, so I stop moving. I don’t want her to hurt herself anymore.
“You’ve seen it haven’t you?” she whispers, looking around the room as if watching the shadows. “The Hunt is coming for us. The Hunters must have called on it to help them. We need to stop it before it reaches here. Before it takes us all.”
Summer Princess (Dark Fae Book 1) Page 15
