My posture straightened, and tree bark scraped into my back. Regardless of the distance between us and the small blurry figure that stepped out of the passenger’s seat, I knew it was her. Like knowing wholeheartedly, I loved Everly Beck despite never having the time to confirm it. Like trusting yourself, even though time and again it had been proven that you shouldn’t. I didn’t have to see her face to know it was her, because I felt my heart stop in my chest. I sighed in relief, for I had finally found her. And then when my heart started to beat again, this time it was . . . stronger.
I swallowed the bile caused by unruly nerves and scrambled to my feet at once. My laptop fell to the tree roots below. My hand found its way into my pocket, and I slid the cool platinum ring onto the tip of my finger. I watched as Beck situated her backpack and adjusted her hair before a large brute of a man rounded the truck and slid his arm around her shoulders. My stomach tanked. Together, they walked onto campus, talking amongst themselves. Beck glowed a little differently than before.
My nervous fidgeting stopped, and my jaw slackened. The ring felt foreign and misplaced in my hand. A dull ache spread across my abdomen—as if I’d been hollowed from the inside out. I thought finding Beck was the only obstacle that stood between our happily ever after, but I was wrong. Ignorant. Like a young boy in love for the first time, I hadn’t realized that there would be unforeseen obstructions. Boulders on a steep ridge.
I watched them walk through the courtyard in slow motion as they made their way to the grand staircase. Beck playfully shoved the guy, and he grabbed her back into his possession. The sun suddenly became too hot, even as the shade cast down upon me. I stared as Beck and her boyfriend disappeared into the college. There I remained, frozen in her wake. Unbelieving.
Chapter 4
It took longer than I’d like to admit before I was collected enough to sit down again. But when I did, I got to work, mentally putting the pieces of what I had known to be true back together again. I wrapped my head around the idea that I might have to watch Beck be torn between her current romance and her past one. I knew she would come back to me. It was fate—like simple math. But what I didn’t know was the grey matter that blended the black and white together. I didn’t know how long it would take for her to become mine again or how steep the road ahead might be. Either way, I was in it for the long run. Not because I was noble, but because I had no other choice.
Beck was the first thing in my many lives that made any sense. Her becoming tethered to live out her second, third, fourth chance with me by her side . . . that was nothing other than destiny knocking at our door. I had to see it through. And she did, too.
I remained under the shadows of the tree, waiting, thinking. I wasn’t entirely sure what had to be done, but I knew I had to see her again. I hoped that when she caught sight of me, it wouldn’t matter that she had a boyfriend. Nothing would matter. Time would stop, and we would reunite. Start a new life unbound by time. I tried to convince myself that this was the only possibility. Because how could her boyfriend’s love ever live up to what we had? It couldn’t.
Before lunch rolled around, my eyes fell on Beck once more. I felt like a coward for not rushing up to her, but I couldn’t move. The fear of being unloved froze me. An eternity of knowing love was right outside my grasp. Surely it would put the fear into anyone. Beck’s boyfriend threw such a wrench into my ultimate plan that I didn’t know how to proceed. It certainly wasn’t with the ring in my pocket.
I watched Beck as a friend of hers approached. They talked for a bit before Beck set her bag on the ground and threw her hair up in a ponytail. She was even more beautiful than I remembered. And I could see that she had a long life ahead of her this time. The energy that surrounded her was strong and youthful. Somehow, her eyes found mine as she reached to pick up her bag. And for a moment, I felt it. We were back together. She and I like Bonnie and Clyde. My heart stitched back to a complete piece. A smile spread from my lips to my eyes.
But just as quickly as it happened, it unraveled at my feet, the stitches in my heart pulling apart all over again. She’d looked directly at me and then away. Nothing happened at all. Was it possible she didn’t see me? I pried my eyes off of her blond locks and looked all around me. I was the only one in the general vicinity. Maybe her vision was blurry like mine? Maybe the thought of seeing me again was so far-fetched that she just dismissed it?
But when it happened again, I no longer knew what to think. My heart beat against my chest. She saw me alright. She’d even stolen a second glance before going back to class. Perhaps the life she had made for herself was preferable to the one she had shared with me. The one where she had died. I could see how I might remind her of terrible times. My face was the last thing she saw before drowning, and her eyes burrowed into mine with her last breath. All I could hope for now was that she didn’t associate me with the grim end of her brief life and turn me into baggage. I was so much more. I could be so much more.
I stayed put all day except for one trip to the restroom that I could no longer ignore needing. I hurried back, sure I hadn’t missed another sighting. A small sense of relief washed over me when Beck emerged from the exit doors and into the courtyard where I had squandered my days away. I clenched my jaw as her boyfriend found her hand and walked steadily by her side. I hid behind my sunglasses like a true yellow-belly. When Beck cocked her head behind her shoulder with the direct intention of finding my figure under the oak tree, I found the courage to lift my sunglasses and meet her gaze, eye to eye.
She was close enough this time I could see the grimace on her face. Her hair caught wind in slow motion and danced under the sunlight, trailing behind her. My heart ached, and I grabbed at my chest to feel the pounding under my palm. Ever so slowly, she turned her focus ahead, and before I knew it, she was driving away. Just as quickly as she had come, she had disappeared, taking my hope for our future with her.
I sat for a long while under the tree, unpacking my predicament. I was pretty sure she knew it was me, but she wasn’t yet sure she wanted another lifetime by my side. It was worse than any circumstance I had come up with in my head. By the time I was nearly suffocated with self-doubt and pity, I took my remains back to the hotel for another sleepless night.
It was a long, lonely evening. Even more so than the nights before. I could imagine the rejection when she was finally forced to say it aloud. “I don’t want a second chance with you.” It hurt enough in my mind, and I wasn’t sure what I’d do if those words ever spilled from her mouth. I’d die right then and there of a broken heart. But that’s not even the sad part. The sad part would be when I was born again on the same day to grow up and feel the pain all over again.
I’d all but given up for the day. I’d had enough of myself and wanted nothing more than to quiet my mind. It was too cruel—in only the way that honesty could be. I undressed and noticed something that made my night even darker and more disheartening. The ring in my pocket was missing. I checked furiously through my four pockets several times over. I scoured the hotel floor, retracing my steps through the tiny room. It must have fallen out with my hope while I sat under the oak tree for hours upon hours.
Was it fate? Was life telling me that Beck was no longer mine? I imagined the diamond sparkling in the grass, and I wondered who would be the lucky person to find it. For a split second, I thought about driving back to the college with a flashlight. But enough was enough, and I had to know when to quit. It was late, and my soul was in a million pieces sprinkled throughout Clover. It was quitting time. At least for today.
I woke in a panic. Sweat-soaked sheets and a heaving chest. The ring!
I scrambled out of bed and grabbed my belongings. I raced to the college as quickly as I could. I didn’t know which fear was greater, someone else finding the ring or it being consumed by a riding lawnmower. Either way, I had to find it . . . fast.
It was Friday, and from what I gathered, Beck only attended school on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I wouldn’t
see her for five more days. I was neither saddened nor discouraged; I was hopeful. I hoped that she would have clarity by the next time I saw her. I hoped that I would have had enough time to pick up the pieces of my heart before standing before her. Nobody wanted to be broken. And first impressions were everything. Well, second first impressions . . . but they were basically the same thing.
I had a hard time finding a parking spot, but when I did, I picked up speed across the lawn. The anxiety reached new levels when I saw two girls had taken up residency under the oak tree. No doubt they had found the ring. They probably had a long discussion this morning about whether they should turn it in or keep it. How in the world would I convince them it was mine?
The girls fell silent when I approached them, both staring at me questioningly. I did a quick assessment. They were of the intellectual type. Cute in their own right, but clearly not girls that were used to the attention of the opposite sex. I didn’t want to come off too strong. My focus landed on the books between them. Bookworms. Some of my favorite people were the ones who loved to lose themselves in the pages of a good book. I’d done enough reading in my days to fit into most book club meetings without a misstep. I wiped my palms on my pants as their foreheads creased with confusion over my intentions.
Honesty. It wasn’t the only way in, but it was the best. These girls could probably spot a fraud a mile away, and I was tired of acting.
“Hi.” It started off rocky.
“Um, hi?” One girl looked to the other. She went for the prim and proper yet vintage vibe and had an apparent love for mustard yellow and other muted colors. Her friend pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and stared at me, waiting.
“Any chance you’ve seen an engagement ring in the grass? It dropped out of my pocket yesterday, right about here, where you’re sitting.”
The girls immediately began searching the grass. They’d not come upon it yet. I crouched down to examine the grass with them.
“Sorry, I haven’t seen it.”
I crawled around on my hands and knees until the girls were so uncomfortable, they abandoned their post. At first, I was excited to see if it had been beneath them, but there was no such luck. With the girls gone, it was clear I wasn’t finding the ring. Someone else already had.
After nearly an hour of searching, I retreated to my car. Water-soaked knees and two empty pockets. I suppose I didn’t need the ring, anyway. I had gone to bed last night hoping for a better day, but this morning was off to a terrible start, and the boulder had begun to roll down the mountain. I needed a coffee.
Stanford’s Coffee was buzzing this morning. I stood in the back of a long line of caffeine-hungry consumers. My mind had finally fallen quiet, and I gazed off into the distance, thankful for the reprieve. Every few moments, I would awaken to take another step forward. But when the doorbells chimed, and the air shifted with familiarity, my mind perked alive once more. I relished the moment of wonder. I loved the feeling of familiarity. It was like nostalgia, and it never got old. A red box with a bow. Who was it? What was it? I didn’t want to find out. I only wanted the feeling of hope to spread until my mind was bright and clear again. I took another step closer to the register.
The sound of a woman talking to her friend several customers back pinged. She was the source of the familiar feeling alright, but I couldn’t place the voice. Clearly, it had changed with time, and it would take concentration to find the subtleties.
“I don’t know. I need to talk to John. See what he thinks,” the woman said.
I took my last step forward and greeted the barista at the cash register. I ordered a large coffee, black, and an egg sandwich. I gave her my cash and my name before turning around to meet the mystery voice. And when I did, I was pleasantly surprised.
Beck’s old friend Lindsay was standing in line. Age had been kind to her, and she was a beautiful middle-aged woman. Her hair was a natural dirty blond and her blue eyes glistened with sadness. She and her friend wore pink nursing scrubs, but I didn’t bother checking her ID card. I knew it was her without a shadow of a doubt.
It was a standing room only, so I found a place near Lindsay where I could wait for my coffee. I listened with my back to her.
“How long do you think you will be out of work?” asked the friend.
“I don’t know, I’ll try to get back as soon as I can,” Lindsay said.
“Don’t push it. We have more than enough staff to cover you, and you’ll need rest to recover.”
“I know, I know. That’s what they say.” Lindsay was clearly upset with her situation, and it disappointed me that she didn’t have Beck to help ease her through whatever she was going through. “But four to six weeks is a really long time.”
“I’ve heard the laparoscopic hysterectomy recovery is shorter, though. Jess had one, and she was moving around after a couple of weeks. Her major complaint was being tired—um, hi! I’ll take a cappuccino to go, please. What do you want, hun?” the friend asked.
I didn’t know what was going on with Lindsay, but I figured that with her job, whatever it was, at least she knew the right people to get the best help available. I only wished her blue eyes weren’t so sad.
“Easton! Order for Easton!”
Startled, I took my order from the table. As I made my way out, I caught the eye of Lindsay, but this time they were anything but sad. It was worse. Her forehead lined with disbelief, and her mouth slightly parted. Fear struck my chest, and I cursed myself for not having worn my baseball hat. I pried my eyes from hers and headed out of the shop in a rushed gait. It hurt me to know that Lindsay was standing inside that coffee shop with a flood of emotions and memories, and it was all my fault. I should have been more careful.
Chapter 5
Tuesday had come, and I was up early to see Beck. I had convinced myself that I wouldn’t let her get away as easily this time. I would approach her, no matter what fears ran wild in my head. I would complete this one simple task: talk to the girl. I breathed in the deep crisp air of the campus lawn and cloudless sky. Today was the day I’d find out where I stood. After five days of living with the questionable voice in my head, I was ready to meet my reality. It couldn’t be worse than the irrevocable damage I had already done by drilling into my head.
I perched under the oak tree, hoping that Beck would look for me there. While I waited, I couldn’t help myself from running my hand through the wet grass. No diamond in the rough today. I sipped my coffee and waited patiently, searching every student that crossed the campus. When the brisk morning air became warm and sultry, I knew Beck had arrived. I looked to the parking lot to see the white truck in search of parking. Of course, her boyfriend would be with her.
Beck’s eyes met mine even before she made her way out of the parking lot. She was looking for me alright, but this time, her friends were too. There was something in the subtlety of her movement that held me still in my place. I wanted nothing more than to run up to her, but her eyes told me I shouldn’t. I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned against the tree again. Maybe lunch would be a better time to make good on my promise.
It was close to noon when Beck resurfaced. Her arms locked with a tall girl; her hair as dark as chocolate. They made their way to the vending machine. I closed my laptop and tucked it under my arm and made my way over. It was now or never, and I convinced myself that nothing could be worse than waiting another two days for my chance to talk to her. My heart thumped in my chest as I approached the vending machine.
“You have to come! Payton is coming!” Beck said to her friend.
I took a deep breath and stood behind them.
“Oh, go ahead. We’re finished,” Beck said and grabbed her friend’s arm, squeezing it tight. Our eyes met briefly before she hid behind her friend.
“Thanks,” I mumbled, fumbling with the dollar in my hand and the laptop under my arm. This wasn’t how I envisioned our reunion going. Disappointment washed over me and I tried to act as naturally as possible,
but I was no stranger. Her eyes returned to mine, flicking back and forth between me and her friend. I tried to carry on with my selection in the vending machine, but I feared I was much more awkward than that. Beck’s stare was more prominent now, and her jaw hung slightly. She could no longer hide behind her friend—not with that expression hanging in the balance. I was right there in front of her, and she had to say something. Anything.
I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to take her in my arms and never let go. But I just stood there, trying to smooth out my dollar bill, afraid of everything that could rain down on me. I’d never been so afraid in all of my lives, because the truth was, this was the first time I had something to lose.
“Nolan is bringing James. You’re not going to want to miss this one,” Beck said before her attention fell back to me. “I’m sorry, do you need help?” she asked.
“OK.” And just like that, I was back on the New River Bridge. Rain-soaked lashes and her beauty still crystal clear. It was like meeting her for the first time all over again. Innocent. Hopeful. Full of possibility.
Beck took the bill from my hand as if in slow motion, her hand nearly brushing mine, close enough for me to feel the warmth. Her sweet scent—coconut—almost bringing me to my knees. I was so hypnotized, I barely noticed the vacancy in her eyes; she didn’t share the same nostalgia that I was swooning over. She couldn’t feel the palpable bond pushing us together. She couldn’t feel it.
“I know you,” she said, her eyes still searching for the answer. The impossible answer that wouldn’t make sense to anyone in their second life. And that was it. That’s what had happened. She wasn’t stuck trying to figure out if she wanted a second life with me. She was simply trying to figure out who I was.
I could say so much, but in that moment, all that came out was a simple, “Yes,” and I don’t even think it was fully audible. I hoped she could read between the lines. My eyes filled with so much depth that surely, she could read me like a book . . . if she would just look deep enough. Long enough.
The Second Life of Everly Beck: The Tethered Soul Series Book 2 Page 3
