by T Gephart
“You’d buy my sister tampons?” I asked, skeptical he’d so willingly fulfill that request.
“Sure, it takes more than just a box of feminine hygiene products to spook me.” It was said with so much confidence, I had no choice than to believe him.
He must be really, really good in a court room.
Strange how just that thought alone was turning me on.
But he seemed too perfect, and I still wasn’t sure if it wasn’t partly an act. Sure, I could tell he was into me, but was it because he knew it was temporary? Even broken clocks were right twice a day. And I wouldn’t allow myself to be that moron who assumed consideration and kindness meant more than it did. He could still be polite and a player, the two didn’t have to be mutually exclusive.
“I think it’s better if I go by myself, but thanks. Your commitment is admirable.” I did my best to deliver it with as much confidence as he did.
The truth was, I didn’t want to go home by myself.
I wanted to walk around the park with him, and talk, and learn more about what made him tick.
I wanted to hear about his work, and his life, and just be in his company.
But I also wanted to sleep with him again, and my mind was cloudy on whether or not that was a good idea.
No.
It was a bad idea.
A really bad idea.
He would leave, and I was already more attached than I should be if he was just a fling, which is why I shouldn’t have slept with him in the first place. Not that it would do me much good now since we’d already had sex and it was so freaking amazing, I couldn’t think straight but—
“Zara?” Lincoln interrupted my internal thoughts, his quizzical look disarming me.
“Yes?” I answered, not sure if my name had been the first thing he’d said and I’d been too deep in my deliberations to notice.
He moved closer, his hand brushing the hair from my face. “You want to tell me what you’re thinking about? Because I think you do want me to come back with you. You want to spend the day walking around with me, arguing over which pretzel vendor is best or why my suggestion to go to Central Park is so predictable. But for some reason, you won’t say it.”
Oh.
My.
God.
I did my best to keep my face neutral, to limit the intake of air to a normal breath, but internally I was reeling. Never had a man read me so quickly and accurately, most of them taking everything I said at face value. I was partly responsible, having schooled myself so diligently to not show my true emotion—more for work purposes than anything else—that they had no reason to assume different. But no one had really questioned it. No one bothered to dig a little deeper, to see what was really underneath.
It excited and terrified me in equal measure, my need to go home by myself no longer hypothetical.
“I wasn’t really thinking about anything.” I shrugged, giving an award-winning performance as I smiled casually. “Other than the usual stuff, getting home, explaining to Belle, getting ready for work tomorrow.” I rattled off acceptable options like they’d been my exact thoughts. “Sorry if I seemed distracted.”
He laughed, bringing his mouth closer and kissing me. “Liar. But you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, I’ll settle for getting my answers from your body instead.”
His arms wrapped around me and before I could fully understand what was happening, my traitorous body was pressed against his.
Damn him.
Damn him right to hell.
He laughed against my mouth, my body ready for whatever he had in mind. I was still naked, something that should’ve made me self-conscious except it just made me relieved. Glad there weren’t many layers between us, and that I could feel his warm hands against my skin as he moved them up and down. “Tell me again you don’t want to take a shower with me, Zara.”
“I want to,” I admitted, knowing my body was just going to betray me anyway. “But I need to get back and you already said they’ll be coming to clean the room soon.”
“I’ve got a do not disturb sign I’ve been itching to use,” he argued, his lips moving to my neck. “Just need a second to slip it on the outside of the door.”
Gah, it was so tempting. Tempting to lose myself in his kiss, his touches and everything else his body promised. One more time surely wouldn’t hurt, right? The pros and cons were mentally weighed as I palmed his cock and found him hard. The slow glide up and down the ridge in his pants made him hiss as I teased him through the fabric.
“Zara,” he warned, his breaths not as controlled as they’d been a minute or two before. “You want me to come in my jeans? Because that’s what’s going to happen if you keep doing that. I’ve been hard as a rock watching you eat breakfast naked, so I’m going to need very little encouragement to blow my load.”
It gave me a thrill he was also unhinged, that his calm and collected exterior wasn’t a true representation.
“Oh?” I giggled, my hand slipping under the waistband and gripping his cock.
No underwear.
Mmmmm, well that was a surprise.
“Zara.” His fingers wrapped around my wrist stopping me. “If you want to play a game of control, I’m good with that. But only after I make sure we’re not disturbed.”
His eyes dared me to tell him I was leaving, for my mouth to say words we both knew would be lies, but I couldn’t. And more importantly, I didn’t want to.
I wanted to be in that room with him.
To go into that shower.
To get lost like I had through the night and into the early hours of the morning.
“I’ll meet you in the shower.” My hands gave him one last tug, his restraint around my wrist having loosened as he waited for my response.
He groaned, planting his hands on my hips and stopping me from turning around and heading to the bathroom like I’d planned. “I’m glad you changed your mind. Now let me make sure we won’t be interrupted.”
Zara
I eventually made it home sometime in the late afternoon.
Unsure if Belle was still home—I’d texted her and told her I was fine but wasn’t coming home for a few hours—I unlocked the door and crept into my apartment. Not sure why I was sneaking into my own home like I was robbing the place, but I winced at each creak and sound like it was the worst thing ever.
Okay, so maybe I wasn’t as clueless as I pretended to be as to why I was sneaking. But as much as I loved my sister—and knew the confrontation was inevitable—I wanted to bask in the feel-good glow a little longer.
“Have fun?” She smirked, perched on the edge of my bed like she’d been patiently waiting. “Because it’s almost four o’clock and I’ve been unable to concentrate on anything since two. Oh, and Mom wants you to call her too. Even she agreed it’s very unlike you to be out so late and not at least call. But we both approve of you having more fun.”
“You called Mom?” I sighed, wondering why being tattled on by my younger sister still made me nervous. “Belle!”
My hope that my sister had been busy with audition prep, or visiting Hayley, or even just doing Belle things had been shot to pieces. Not only was she not occupied with any of the aforementioned but she had actively given up waiting in her own room and called my mother. She’d also taken up residency in mine to squash even the slightest possibility I’d sneak in without her seeing.
“Pfft, I didn’t call her because of you. And I didn’t even mention Lincoln.” She rolled her eyes, smirking. “She was working a difficult case and I wanted to make sure she was okay.”
“Is she?” I asked, giving up my attempt at tiptoeing, tossing the heels I’d slipped off my feet onto the floor. “I know she was helping a young mother move out, and they had to do it while her husband worked the nightshift.”
“Yeah. I could never do her job, but I’m glad these people have someone like Mom helping them.” Belle hugged my pillow.
Our mom was probably one of the mos
t altruistic people I knew. Not only had she been a social worker for our entire lives, but she went above and beyond to help people. Even if it meant working late, or hiring movers at a premium rate because it was out of regular business hours and paying for it entirely out of her own pocket.
“Good, I’m glad it all went well.” I grinned, resolving to give her a call when my head was in a better place.
“Great, now we’ve got that settled, you can get back to telling me all about Lincoln. Your redirect might work for you in a courtroom, Zara, but I know all your sneaky tactics.”
“You know, I don’t have to tell you anything.” I chuckled, folding my arms across my chest.
She gasped, a mix of real horror with added drama. “Why would you be so horrible to me? I thought you loved me.”
“I can still love you and not divulge every detail of my life. Especially my personal life, Belle.” I tried in vain to argue, knowing there wasn’t much point. Not only would Belle find a way to weasel it out of me, but she was likely to call Lincoln herself. I hadn’t forgotten she still had his number. But more importantly, a part of me wanted to share it too.
The buzz was so new and exciting, I wasn’t sure I’d ever really felt it before. Not when it came to a man anyway. I’d experienced a similar thrill when it came to my work—when I’d gotten my promotion, when I closed on a really big or pivotal case. But when it came to my relationships, it had all been tempered. I’d been happy of course, excited even. But not to the levels where things just felt different. Like the air vibrated around me, and everything just seemed more colorful.
Belle sighed dramatically, throwing herself onto my bed. “Just tell me. You’ve been gone almost an entire twenty-four hours. I can’t even remember the last time you slept over at a guy’s place, let alone spent a night and a day with him.”
I joined her on my bed, flopping down beside her with slightly less drama. “He is really great, Belle.” The smile crept on my face even though I tried to fight it. “He’s funny and charming, but so incredibly sweet too. And a night wasn’t even close to long enough.”
Without any more coaxing from Belle, I spilled the details of our short but eventful date. Everything from our ride to the gala in his fancy rented car, to meeting the real Edwin, to both of us realizing we’d been fighting a very real and hot attraction. My skin prickled, reliving my own excitement as I spoke of how he kissed me and then pulled me into the bridal suite at the ballroom. And how I couldn’t say no to going back to his hotel and spending the night. I even told her how I’d grouched at him half-asleep and demanded he get me coffee and bagels. And rather than laugh at me and call someone else to meet my demands, he went out and got them himself. Coming back with a bounty that was more than I’d asked for, making me feel so special and wanted.
“Oh my god!” Belle’s hand flew to her mouth. “You’re in love with him.”
I laughed, shaking my head at how ridiculous that was. “Belle, we were together one night and I barely know him, I’m not in love with him. Besides, he’s leaving. He might not have told me when, but the fact he lives in Boston hasn’t changed in the last few days. He will eventually leave.”
The words felt bitter in my mouth, and even though they’d been the same ones I’d been telling myself, I hated hearing them out loud. That didn’t make them any less true though, even if I was positive I was not in love with him.
“So?” she scoffed, turning toward me like I was the one who was being stupid. “And it wasn’t just one night. There was the coffee when you first met, and the dinner with Nate, and when he came to our apartment and brought us creamer.”
“Brought you creamer,” I corrected.
“Me, us, he was here, wasn’t he?” She giggled. “And you had the perfect opportunity to blow him off. You could’ve sat with Edwin, given Delia a piece of your mind—I hope she got old with saggy boobs, I want more details on her later—but you didn’t. And come on, but a rich, good-looking, local guy wouldn’t be a hard sell for most women.”
She had a point.
But Lincoln wasn’t the kind of guy you could replace, even though I knew I eventually would have to.
“You love him, Zara. Or are falling in love with him. Which you would totally see if you stopped trying to audit every single thought you had.”
I hated when Belle was right.
More than that, I hated when I was wrong. And while it didn’t happen often, I was fairly sure it was one of those times.
Love? Yeah, I wasn’t sure that was it, but there were feelings that were deep, complicated and entangled. The kind of thoughts that knotted your insides and warmed your skin like the sun in July.
Shit.
Shit.
Shit.
“Shit,” I cursed, annoyed at myself. “He’s leaving, Belle.”
I had successfully gone twenty-eight years without falling in love and when I’d finally found someone who was perfect, he was going to leave. Worst thing was, I didn’t even know when. It could even be tomorrow, and then what? “Long distance relationships don’t work out. Not when you have two career-driven and highly independent people. I’m literally setting myself up for heartbreak.”
In a perfect world, he’d tell me his trip had been indefinitely extended. We’d have all kinds of time to work out what we were doing and how we felt about each other, and if my feelings were only one-sided. But I was holding a ticking time bomb, with no idea when it was going to explode, and I didn’t want to make a fool of myself when it was more than plausible he didn’t feel the same way.
Of course, I knew I wasn’t just a good-time, that he’d obviously had some sort of feelings for me too. But having the “what does this all mean?” and “where is this relationship heading?” talk when you weren’t even officially dating was ridiculous. Who did that? I’ll tell you who, no one. Because if you were stupid enough to initiate those kinds of conversations when you’d only spent one night together, the other party would be crossing state lines before you’d even finished the question.
“So, what are you going to do?” Belle asked, wrongly believing I had the answer.
My hands scrubbed the front of my face, that blissed-out feeling disappearing faster than I’d wanted. And to think, less than an hour ago my biggest problems were deliciously tight well-worn muscles and a lock that could’ve used some WD-40.
“Obviously, I can’t see him again.” I sighed, knowing I’d fallen too far, too fast for anything good to come of it.
She turned, her brow raised in question. “So you’re going to avoid him, take the coward’s way out? Wow, never thought I’d see the day.”
“I’m not taking the coward’s way out,” I argued, even if I wasn’t exactly convinced. “But seeing him and prolonging the inevitable is stupid. Besides, it’s better this way. Then he can finish his work without the added distraction.”
Belle laughed, flipping over onto her stomach and poking me in the ribs. “You’re so noble. Making all these decisions for the greater good, especially for him.”
“Maybe I am.” I shrugged, knowing he wouldn’t be the only one who’d benefit from the time and space. I’d barely even looked at work all weekend and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a Saturday and Sunday to myself. Not since graduating, and not something I should be planning on continuing if I wanted to make partner.
“Just don’t blow him off, okay? He seems like a nice guy, and who knows what can happen. At the very least, call him and tell him on the phone you aren’t seeing him again.”
She had a point, and while it was easier to just disappear into thin air, it wasn’t exactly practical either. He not only had my phone number, but knew where I lived, as well as a sordid array of other personal information I’d word vomited whenever I seemed to be around him. If my plan had been to go quietly into the night, I’d screwed that right up.
I nodded, agreeing that a call was probably the best way to do it. Lord knows I couldn’t trust myself to see him. Too worri
ed he’d touch me or hell, even just look at me and I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from kissing him. He’d become a habit alarmingly fast and one I didn’t want to break even though it was hazardous to my health. The Surgeon General would definitely not recommend, the graphic warning of the impending heartbreak should’ve been printed on his beautiful and breathtakingly gorgeous face.
“I’ll call him,” I promised, the tightness in my chest making me uncomfortable. “But if you ever call me a coward again, I’m going to burn your box of old Broadway Playbills.”
“Zara!” Belle gasped. “You wouldn’t dare!”
“No, I wouldn’t. But you should be nicer to your older sister.” I pulled her into a tight hug. “Now get out of my room. I have some sleep to catch up on and am going to attempt to get some work done.” I wasn’t holding out hope for either of those things, but it was fun to pretend.
Pretend like I had it all together and I wasn’t dreading that call. Or that I wasn’t disappointed and sad that I’d probably never see Lincoln again.
I’d done it.
Called Lincoln, telling him how much of a good time I’d had. How much I’d enjoyed our amazing dates, but all good things came to an end—blah, blah, blah—and I wished him the best for the future.
It hadn’t even been that hard, my voice not wavering from the confident, light and conversational tone I’d been hoping for, the emotions I felt kept locked down as I delivered my—slightly rehearsed—speech.
Of course, it had probably been easier since the entire—and brilliant—delivery had been left on his voicemail, but that hadn’t been my intention.
I’d called, fully prepared to speak to him, but it seemed fate had other ideas. Instead I got his sexy—probably hadn’t been his intention—voice recording telling me he was unable to take my call but to leave a message and he’d get back to me as soon as he could.
Which was what I did.
I’d done exactly as the man had instructed, leaving him a message with the disclaimer that it didn’t really require a call back as we were both really busy, but I hoped he enjoyed the rest of his stay. And if that hadn’t been enough, I signed off by telling him to say “hi” to Nate.
