“You mean harsh, as in finally accepting someone into your life, making them fall in love with you, and then dumping them?”
“Okay, I get your point. But she didn’t leave. She’s sitting on the bench across the street.”
“It’s a public bench,” I say. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to see the captain.”
Turns out some paperwork was filed incorrectly about a call we went on last week, so me and the other guys from Squad have to clarify things. It takes longer than expected, which is fine by me. I’m not in any hurry to leave today.
I don’t want to see her. I’m trying to move on. It’s hard. Even with a girl as great as Holly Greene, who’s pretty and funny and amazing by most standards. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t pull the trigger. Every time I looked at her, I wanted her to be Emma. Every time she touched me, I felt guilty, like I was cheating on Emma. Cheating on a woman I’m not even dating. But in my mind, the fact that I’m in love with her was enough to make me feel that way.
I take my time getting ready to leave. In fact, I’m the last one from my shift to go home. But when I exit the garages, I find I didn’t take long enough. Emma is still sitting across the street.
I have two choices here. Ignore her or talk to her. I’m mad at her, but not mad enough to be a total douchebag. So I cross the street and stand in front of her.
“I deserved that,” she says. “What you said to me in there. I deserved it.”
I look at the ground. “Why are you here, Emma?”
“Did you hear about the call the other day? At my school?”
“Yes. Did you know him?”
She nods, looking like she’s trying to hold back tears. “It was Jordan. Becca’s husband.”
“Oh, shit,” I say, taking a seat on the bench next to her. “I’m sorry to hear that. They told me he pretty much died on the way to the hospital, but the doctors still tried for over an hour to revive him.”
“It was horrible,” she says, examining her hands. “There was so much blood.”
“You were there?”
“Yes. And I felt completely helpless.”
“There’s nothing you could have done,” I say. “There’s nothing anyone could have done. Not even if a skilled physician were there when it happened. He was gone as soon as he hit the floor, Emma.”
“I’ve done nothing but think about it for the last thirty-six hours,” she says. “He wasn’t doing anything dangerous. He was walking down a hallway and slipped and fell. How screwed up is that? One minute he and Becca were getting married and now she’s planning his funeral. He was a teacher. He was supposed to be one of the safe ones. I can’t help feeling I was wrong. That I’ve been wrong all along. About everything. I was so stupid. I just … I just …” She starts crying.
I want to take her hand so badly. I want to comfort her. But I don’t. “It’ll be okay.”
“Can you let me finish?”
“Sorry. Go ahead.”
“I …” She looks at me, tears streaking her mascara.
“You what?”
“I just … love you, that’s all.”
I’m not sure I heard her correctly. I narrow my eyes at her. “You what?”
“I … I love you, Brett.”
I lean back. “That’s what I thought you said.”
“I tell you I love you, and that’s all you’re going to say?”
“What do you want me to say, Emma? As I recall, when I said the same thing to you, you walked out of my life.”
“I was wrong to do that. This whole thing with Jordan was a wake-up call. I want to go back to how we were before any of that happened. Those were some of the happiest weeks of my life.”
“But what about next time? Are you going to run out on me every time I have to go into a fire?”
Her eyes close, and she takes in a deep breath. “I’m not going to lie to you. It’s going to be hard, but being without you was even harder.”
“Yeah, I saw that, with all the dating you’ve been doing.”
She looks guilty. “I don’t know what to say. I was trying to get you out of my head. I didn’t do anything with them, I swear. When I was with them, I wanted them to be you. I was a fool.”
“I was trying to get you out of my head, too.”
She nods. “I know. I saw you with that pretty woman with the flowers.”
“I didn’t do anything with her,” I admit. “I couldn’t.”
“See? That proves it. We belong together.”
Part of me is jumping up and down in joy. She’s saying everything I’ve longed for her to say. But another part, the cautious part, is worried she’s going to break my heart again. Break Leo’s heart. Not to mention Evie’s.
I get up, thinking it’s just too easy for her to say she wants me back. I’m not convinced she means it. She’s sad that Jordan died. She wants to feel better. That’s all this is.
“I have a lot of thinking to do. I’m not about to jump into anything. I won’t be your doormat again.”
She sighs. “So that’s it? Just like that you’re tossing us aside?”
“About as easily as you did that day in the hospital.”
“Don’t do this, Brett. Please.”
“How do I know you won’t get spooked again? I can’t take that chance.”
“I won’t get spooked, I promise.”
“How can you make that promise after what you’ve already done?”
“I just know I can.”
“How, Emma? How do you know?”
“Because I’m ready.”
I run my hands through my hair in frustration. We’ve been through this before. “What are you ready for?”
She looks at me with tears in her eyes. “I’m ready to forgive my father.”
Suddenly, everything changes. “You are? Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I was wrong about him and about you. All of it.”
I can’t believe what I’m hearing. She wants to forgive her father. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted for her. “Say it again.”
She looks up at me, confused.
I take her hand and lean closer. “Say it again, Emma.”
Her lips quiver. And then she says it. She says it, and my heart explodes. “I love you.”
I pull her up and into my arms. “I love you, too.”
I wipe away her tears, then I kiss her. I don’t care who sees. I kiss her the way I love her—hard and with passion.
“Come home with me,” she says. “I need you like I’ve never needed anyone.”
We start walking, and everything looks different. The sun is higher in the sky. The people on the sidewalk are happier. The trees lining the street are greener. I may be six-foot-one and two hundred and ten pounds of pure muscle, but I feel like leaping in the air and clicking my damn heels together.
“Admit it,” I say, wiggling my pinky finger. “What you really need is this.”
She turns crimson.
I laugh. “Missed my dirty talk, did you?”
She pulls me along, walking faster. “I missed everything about you.”
Neither of us can stop smiling. By the time we get to her bedroom, I’m so hard I can barely control myself. We rip each other’s clothes off. I tell her all the things I want to do to her.
“I promise I’ll never leave you again,” she says when I climb on top of her.
“Move in with me,” I say, wanting to get the most out of her promise.
“Wh-what?”
“You heard me.”
“I can’t do that, Brett. We just got back together.”
“Are you going to leave me again?”
“No.”
“Then what’s the issue? If we’re going to be together forever, you may as well move in with me.”
“It’s so sudden. I’m just not sure—”
“Not sure of what? How much you love me?”
She shakes her head. “No. I’m sure about that. It’s just … it’s a lot.
”
I stare her down and smile, wiggling my cock against her. “You know you want to.”
“How would it work?” she asks. “I’m not saying yes, but there’s my mom. And you have Bonnie.”
“I’ve actually thought about this. I have a plan.”
“You do?”
“Sure. What else did I have to do when I was sitting at my window, pining for you?”
She smiles smugly. “You were pining for me?”
I pinch her nipple, and she squeals. “You and Evie could move in with me and Leo, and Bonnie would move in with your mom. Evie could take Bonnie’s room, and Enid could move into your old room, that way she’d just be a window away from Evie. We’d still need a nanny, who’d be right across the street.” I rub her belly. “You never know when we might need her for more than just Leo. We could all have dinner together twice a week. More if you want. But definitely on Sundays. Bonnie and Enid are already friends, and neither of them has a significant other, so it makes sense. We’d all live happily ever after as one big family. It would be perfect.”
She rises on her elbows and stares at me with a slack jaw. “Wow. You really have thought this through. I’m not even sure I know what to say to all that.”
“Say you’ll think about it.” I lean down and take her nipple into my mouth.
She arches into me. “I’ll think about it.”
“Good.” I run my tongue down her body, across her stomach, and all the way to her warm, wet center. “Now don’t mind me and my pinky as we do everything we can to convince you.”
She moans as I get to work trying to convince her over and over and over again.
Chapter Forty
Emma
I’m nervous. I haven’t been here in years. Even then, I wasn’t here for him. My mom dragged me.
“I don’t remember where it is,” I say.
“That’s okay. I know,” Brett says, holding my hand.
“You do?”
He nods. “I might have said hi to your dad on a few occasions.”
“Really?” I smile. “Thank you.”
“He’s right around the corner from my mom.”
“Can we stop and see her too?”
“She’s right up here.”
We stand in front of the parapet that holds his mom’s name, and I think of how much I would have liked to know her and how proud she would have been of her son.
I look around at all the people here, paying their respects. I know most of them are tourists. It makes me feel guilty that people who don’t even know any of the fallen have come here to honor them when I haven’t even made an effort.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
I thread my fingers through his. “Yes.”
We walk along the wall, looking at the names. There are so many. Three hundred and forty-three firefighters lost their lives that day, but thousands more died as well. Thousands who, like Jordan did a few weeks ago, simply got up one morning and went to work like it was any other day. Thousands who had no idea it was the last morning with their husbands, wives, or children. Thousands who had jobs like bankers, lawyers, and insurance agents. Safe jobs, yet they died anyway. Just like Jordan. And I wonder if any of them had daughters like me who blamed them for leaving.
“Here we are,” he says. He studies the single white rose wedged into my father’s engraved name. “You didn’t tell me today was his birthday.”
Even though I haven’t been here since the dedication, I’m aware of the white roses. Several years ago, a memorial worker started putting the flowers in the names of people who had birthdays that day. It was one more way to honor them.
“Why do you think I wanted to come today?” I ask.
“I was wondering why you wanted to wait a few weeks.”
“I wanted to do it right. Give him a real birthday present.”
“I have a feeling that getting your forgiveness is better than every Christmas and birthday present he’d ever gotten in his entire life.”
I run my hand across his name, tracing every letter with my finger. “Do you think he knows I’m here?”
“I like to believe he does.”
Tears flow down my face. “If he knows I’m here, he also knows I haven’t been here for many years before now.”
“I’m sure he understands, Emma.” He drops my hand and backs away. “I’ll sit on that bench and give you a minute.”
I touch his name again. “I’m so sorry, Daddy. I thought I was coming here to forgive you for leaving me. But there is nothing to forgive. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m here because I need you to forgive me. Forgive me for blaming you all these years.” I glance around at the vast memorial. “If it weren’t for you, there would be a lot more names here. Because of you, a woman might be giving birth to her first child she never would have had, a couple might be celebrating an anniversary that never would have come, a father might be walking his daughter down the aisle at a wedding that never would have happened. Because of you, many people got to live. How can I be mad at you for that?”
I look over my shoulder at Brett, who gives me an encouraging smile. “I almost threw away one of the best things that ever happened to me. If you know everything, you know about Jordan. Becca told me last week that she wouldn’t have given up a moment with him, even if she’d known what was going to happen. Mom says the same thing about you. I love him, Daddy. I’m scared, but I love him. If anything happens to him”—hot tears fall from my lower lashes—“maybe you could take care of him for me.”
I stand here, letting the tears fall until I find my voice again. “Brett once told me that Evelyn is here because you’re not. Do you think that’s true? I wish you could meet her. She’s just like you. Strong and feisty. You should have seen her in Germany. I’ve never been more proud.”
I touch the soft petals of the rose. “Happy birthday, Daddy. I love you. And I hope you can forgive me. Do you forgive me?”
A gust of wind comes out of nowhere, blowing hair across my face. Was that …?
I turn around to see if Brett felt it, too. But he’s no longer sitting on the bench. He’s down on a knee looking up at me.
“What are you doing?”
He takes my hand in his. “I want to marry you.”
I’m in shock. “We’ve only known each other for five months.”
“You’re going to let time dictate when we get our happily ever after? I knew Amanda for years before we got engaged. And now I understand why. It was because I didn’t know. But with you, I swear I knew the first day we met. So why wait? Why waste another minute apart when we can be together? Life is short. We both know that. I want to leave lipstick messages for you every day. I want us to take Evie and Leo to Disney World. I want to cram as many memories as we can into whatever time we have left, whether that’s fifty days or fifty years.”
I try not to look, but it’s hard not to notice the people gathering around. My hands shake. This is all happening so fast.
“I was here yesterday,” Brett says, still down on his knee. “I stood right where you’re standing and told your father I wanted to marry you.”
I find it hard to control the flow of tears. “You asked my dad?”
He nods. “And then I asked your mom and Evie.”
My eyes widen in surprise. “What did they say?”
He looks to my left. “You can ask them yourself.”
I wipe my eyes to clear my vision. Mom and Evelyn are next to a tree, holding each other’s hands. Evelyn looks about ready to jump out of her skin.
“Getting the two of them in this deal will be an amazing gift,” he says. “I’ll have a mom again. And Evie—I can’t even begin to tell you how much I already love her. In fact, if you’ll let me and she doesn't mind, I’d like to adopt her.”
The waterworks start again when I realize he’s going to give me everything I ever wanted.
He drops my hand to pull a ring out of his pocket. It’s made of beautiful rose-gold with a perfect
ly round diamond. “Evie helped me pick it out. Sorry, this one doesn’t crap Cheerios.”
This man. I laugh through my tears.
“Emma Lockhart, will you marry me?” His eyes tear up. “You’ve already become my best friend. I’m asking you to up the game and become my life partner. The mother my child deserves. My happy ending. Maybe we can get married right here, so our parents can be there. I know you’ll be sad that your dad can’t walk you down the aisle, but maybe this is the next best thing. I have no idea if they will allow it, but I have a feeling if we put our heads together, there’s nothing we can’t accomplish.” He holds the ring out to me. “I’ve always said when you know, you know. What do you say, Emma? Do you know?”
I can’t help the smile that overtakes my face when I realize just how much I want this. I want everything he said. I want him to be the father of my child. My future children. I want to help him raise Leo. I want him to be my happy ending.
I turn and put my hand on my father’s name. “I’m getting married, Daddy!”
Brett sweeps me into his arms and kisses me before slipping the ring on my finger. Bystanders clap and cheer as Evelyn runs over and hugs us both.
“Does this mean I get to call you Dad?” she asks.
Brett looks at me with raised brows, his eyes filled with hope.
“Yes,” I tell her, my smile reaching all the way to my tear-blurred eyes. “That’s exactly what it means.”
Epilogue
Brett
Twenty-five years later…
“Happy anniversary!” people shout as I walk my lovely bride onto the rooftop terrace.
Emma’s hand covers her heart in surprise. “Brett, you didn’t.”
“I did, and this isn’t the only surprise I have in store for you this evening.”
We make our rounds, being sure to greet everyone. Bass and Denver are here with their wives. We’ve remained close friends over the years, even though we’ve all moved on to different firehouses. Leo is here with his wife and kids. Evie is here with her husband and daughter. Our son Billy and his fiancée showed up, despite the fact that they’re getting married in just a few days. Even Jay is here, or should I say Captain Tiffin of Engine 58 in Lower Manhattan.
The Men On Fire: A Complete Romance Series (3-Book Box Set) Page 87
