I took a deep breath, shook myself out and went to lock up my gun.
As I went back out to eat and finish my beer, we didn’t talk and the silence was deafening. My skin prickled as though her eyes were on me and there were scathing judgements on the tip of her tongue. I never knew why one of my greatest fears was the time I stopped assuming and finally knew that Amber hated me. But it played on me like nothing ever had before.
I didn’t even put the TV on. The only noise in the house was the scratching of her pen, the clacking of her typing, or her shuffling papers. But it was oddly comforting. Knowing she was in the place, as hostile as it seemed to be, was a comfort and I felt myself relax a little even as I was tensing for a whole other reason.
3
Amber
I heard his door open and pulled my other book back to me.
“Did you forget something?” I asked, for a minute acting like I would with Patrick.
“What?”
I looked up at him then and saw he was in a completely different suit than I’d last seen him in. This one was dark blue with a white shirt, matching navy tie, and brown dress shoes. He was doing up cufflinks as he walked out of his room, giving me a funny look. And that did not distract from the fact that he was completely gorgeous. Him with his damned chiselled cheekbones, his perfect eyebrows, that strong jaw, those lips that barely ever rose and yet I’d still imagined what they’d feel like against me on far too many occasions.
“Did you not go to bed?” he asked, looking out the window like he just had to check that it was actually the next morning.
I followed his gaze and saw that the first hint of dawn was sneaking up the sky.
“Bugger,” I muttered and looked at my page. “What time is it?”
“About half seven.”
I nodded. “Great.”
“So you haven’t slept?” he asked, with his nonchalant ease.
“No, Kit,” I huffed. “I haven’t slept. I don’t seem to do that anymore.”
I took my glasses off and rubbed my eyes. Now he’d pulled me out of my research, I felt exhausted but my mind was wired. I knew if I went to bed then I’d just be lying there replaying everything. And Dannie and Brent were going to make a lot of appearances.
The day before, I’d showered and put away my clothes before I’d fallen onto the bed and slept like the dead for six hours. Then I’d dived into study. I ignored calls and messages from Dannie, Farrah and Brent – not that there were many – and I think I’d let my phone run out of batteries somewhere along the lines. Oh well, the only people who used it that I might have wanted to talk to were my parents and I didn’t really want to talk to them just then anyway.
“Wi-Fi?” I heard myself say.
“What?” he asked.
I shook my head. “Do you have Wi-Fi?”
“Uh…” He paused and looked around. “Yeah, Nico set it up though. I’ll get him to send you the…” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and held a hand up to me. I watched the corner of his lip quirk. Almost. “My bad, dude. But I need Wi-Fi–” He shook his head. “Get some coffee in you, will you? Amber needs the Wi-Fi details.” Kit nodded. “Great. Thanks, man.”
He hung up and looked at me. Which of course, meant I looked anywhere but at him.
“He’s got a client to deal with but said he can drop past about lunchtime and set it up?” Kit said as he walked into the kitchen.
I nodded, sure I probably could have done it myself. But whatever worked for them. “Thanks.”
“If you need it sooner–”
“No. I’m good. Just figured I’d need it at some point.”
He nodded. “Coffee?”
I picked up my mug and wondered when I’d finished it. I opened my mouth to say thanks, but then realised that maybe I should hold off on the caffeine if I planned to sleep at all sometime that day. And I did need to sleep. But I also wanted to avoid my problems some more. Coffee it was.
I got up from the table and slid my mug across the counter to him. “Sure. Thanks.”
I pulled myself onto his far too tall bar stools and watched him work, taking the time to let myself stare at him unashamedly. His jacket lifted and his suit pants pulled against his arse as he moved and I let myself appreciate it in a way that thirteen year old me and sixteen year old me hadn’t really been able to do. Not that I remembered his arse being quite that tight.
God damn, but he made my knees weak and my imagination run wild. I might not have experienced as much as other girls my age, but I’d read plenty of smutty romance before my thesis took over my life. So I could imagine with the best of them. In fact I was pretty sure Kit Grayson would make a stunning romance hero in a book one day – if I ever finished my thesis and had time to do non-uni-related things.
“Donald can let Nico in if you need to get some sleep,” Kit said as he turned.
I freaked out so badly I slid off the stool.
I managed to get my feet under me in something that hopefully looked like I’d been intending to do it, rather than just falling over because this guy, so far out of my league, had a serious effect on me.
“Uh, sure. I don’t know yet. I’ll see how I go.”
He nodded as he passed me my mug then stepped back and leant against the opposite counter. “Were you going to be around for dinner…? Or…?”
I snuck a look up at him. I don’t think I’d ever seen Kit looked unsure and awkward before.
I’d seen him dark. I’d seen him brooding. I’d seen him smouldering. I’d seen him cheeky. I’d probably seen every side of the Chaos that there was. Except this one. This one was new. I wasn’t so disillusioned by his amazing arse that I thought he was asking me out. He was obligated to make small talk. So, he was making small talk.
I pushed my glasses up and looked at my coffee. “I didn’t have plans.”
“Okay. Well, get anything up you want. They’ll charge it to my account–”
I looked up at him quickly. “Oh, no. I couldn’t–”
He nodded, that cheeky almost-smirk in place. “Yes, you could. Your brother loves telling me I have too much money. Consider this an investment. Anything you can charge to my account, do so.”
I blinked at him. “Um…”
“Please, Amber. Hawk would want you taken care of while you’re here.”
“About that…?” I started.
He took a sip of his coffee and I wondered how you could drink coffee sexily. “What about it?”
“I’ll look for another–” I stopped as he shook his head and pushed off the counter behind him.
“Mi casa es tu casa. As long as you want. How much longer have you got on your degree?”
“Uh, something like three years minimum…?”
He shrugged. “Three years minimum, then. I’m not just bragging when I say I can afford it, Amber.” His eyes twinkled far too enticingly, something primal in there, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t doing it on purpose. “But it would also be my pleasure. Anything that can make your life easier, I’d be happy to give you. No expectations, just a favour to Hawk and you.”
What would make my life easier was for him to be less sexy. Was for him to stop popping up in my deepest, darkest, most debased fantasies where he did things to me I don’t think I’d ever let anyone to do me in real life. But I couldn’t say any of that. And Kit was being serious anyway.
Thirty-year-old Kit wasn’t like twenty-two-year-old Kit. I mean, he was. But there was this weird adult vibe about him I was pretty sure I’d never find. He legitimately cared about his best friend’s little sister and I had to appreciate that as much as I appreciated his arse. And to be honest, any amount of not having to look after myself would be great. I was on a two week sabbatical from work, and I wasn’t looking forward to going back. If I lived with Kit until I finished my thesis, then I wouldn’t have to work and I could actually focus on study. I could sleep without worry that I was wasting precious t
ime off.
“Thanks. That would be…” I forced myself to look up at him, but it only lasted a second. “That would be amazing. Thank you.”
“Sister of my brother,” he said again.
“What does that mean?” I asked quickly before I lost my nerve.
He looked me over casually, like he was trying to construct his answer properly. “Hawk’s like a brother to me, my life is nothing without him in it. You’re not just his actual sister, but his favourite person in the whole fucking world. So like I’d do anything for him, I’d do anything for you.”
“Anything,” I couldn’t stop myself saying.
He nodded, no bluster, no joke, all serious. “Anything.” His eyes slid behind me to the window.
I decided not to go near the whole sexual implication I could go with there. “You’d die for me?” But bordering on sassy was apparently still within the parameters. I was so proud of myself.
The corner of his lip twitched and then he smiled as his nose twitched like he was trying to stop it. “Yeah. I’d die for the both of you. No questions. Fuck,” he huffed as he ran his hand through his hair, “I almost died for Hawk plenty of times.”
Something twisted in my gut as I watched him. Then he looked back to me and I looked away again.
“It’s not quite as dramatic as it sounds.”
My eyes snapped up with a question.
“That I’d die for you. Spending years putting your life on the line for other people.” He shrugged. “It becomes second nature after a while.”
“Oh.” I wasn’t going to pretend to myself that I hadn’t hoped it was just as dramatic as it sounded. “No. Of course.” I cleared my throat and turned away to the table.
I started shuffling papers on the table like I had a purpose.
I had no right to even want more from Kit. I’d never had that right. He was my older brother’s best friend, he was dark and dangerous, and he’d been damaged long before he went away. I was nothing and no one to forget for any length of time that I’d be anything other than a favour for Patrick.
I was the nothing and no one who had just walked in on her boyfriend under her best friend only the morning before because she was the freak who was still a virgin at twenty-three. Even if I somehow found myself in any zone remotely sexy and one that wouldn’t bring down the wrath of my older brother, Kit wouldn’t want a twenty-three-year-old virgin. He wouldn’t want a girl who couldn’t keep a guy for longer than a few months. I’d been geeky and nerdy enough before he’d left; I was ten times worse now.
Every woman I’d ever seen Kit with was tall, leggy, exotic, stunning, with a dirty streak that matched his own. I didn’t think I could summon tall, leggy, exotic, stunning, or dirty if I had the Idiot’s Guide and a life-time of practise. Let alone the whole combination.
“Okay. I’ll leave you to…whatever it is you do…” Kit said, just cementing in my mind that this whole book geek thing was never going to be sexy for him.
I nodded. “Sure. Secure good and all that.”
I heard him make a noise and turned to see a faint smile on his face. “Yeah. I’ll do that.”
I gave him a small smile that for once didn’t feel like I had to force it because it was expected. “Bye.”
“I’ll see you later, Amber,” he said with a nod.
I snuck a look at him as he walked out and breathed out heavily.
“God,” I breathed. “This is simultaneously the worst idea and the best idea you’ve ever had.”
It was going to be fine as long as I remembered he was out of my league. If that didn’t work, I’d remind myself he was off-limits. If that didn’t work, I’d go take a look in the mirror and remember why he’d never be interested. And if that failed, then I’d just be my usual level of weird and awkward around him.
“Yeah, that’ll work,” I told myself as I sat down and went back to my research.
I must have once again got lost in it, because the next thing I knew I heard an unfamiliar voice.
“Ah. Hi…”
I looked up from my papers and my breath hitched. “Hi…” came out as some choked breath.
In front of me was the dorky geek of your dreams. He was thin and lean, but probably almost as tall as Patrick, not as tall as Kit. He wore glasses and his scruffy blond hair fell into his eyes. He wore a totally geeky t-shirt under his undone hoody that made the geek in me squeal in excitement, and tan chinos with red Converses. He had a satchel slung over his shoulder and rubbed his arm as I looked at him.
“Amber, yeah?” he asked.
I nodded. “Um. Yeah. Nico, I assume?”
He nodded. “Yep. I hear you need Wi-Fi.”
“I do. Thanks.”
He gave another awkward nod and took a step forward. My phone was charging in the kitchen and it chose that moment to go off. Nico looked at me suspiciously for a moment, pointing over his shoulder back to where my phone was with a question on his face. Yeah, it was the Doctor’s TARDIS materialising…
I nodded and bit my lip against a smile. “Guilty.” I pointed at his shirt, where a Storm Trooper was looking at a line-up of a whole lot of robots from different fandoms; Bender, a dalek, R2D2, C-3PO, even Wall-E was there. “I love your shirt.”
He grinned widely before he looked down at it and holy hells the guy was hot. “Thanks. Chaos got it for me last Christmas.” He looked back up at me and I knew I hadn’t been imagining things.
Nerd boy was hot. Not Kit-level hot. But he had the addition of that geeky charm that I could totally relate to.
“Did he have any idea what it meant?” I asked, fighting a smile.
Nico shook his head. “No fucking clue.”
I snorted. “Why am I not surprised.”
“What do you need set up?” he asked.
“Uh, laptop and phone I think?”
“E-reader? Tablet?”
I nodded. “Good thinking. I’ll grab them.”
He grinned and I decided I liked Nico; he was someone I knew how to deal with. Geek I spoke. “I’ll get started on your laptop?”
I nodded as I hurried off to my room to grab my e-reader, after a few minutes of hunting around for it and finding it had fallen under the bed. By the time I got back, Nico was looking over my spectacular mess on the table. He flicked his eyes up to me and pointed at it.
“This shit is heavy,” he whistled.
Here was a guy who obviously appreciated the geek in a woman.
He is also off-limits, I reminded myself.
Nico hadn’t trained with the others – he’d been a replacement tech guy, fifty points to the house of your choice if you can work out what happened to the first guy – but he’d become just as close with Patrick as Kit was. Older brother’s mates were off-limits. It was like an unspoken rule. Unless you were in a trashy romance and then you could have whoever the hell you wanted.
I brushed my hair back. “Yeah. It’s…like quicksand. One step in and I’m deep.”
He chuckled. “I get it.”
I looked up at him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “I’ve lost count of the times Chaos has to literally pull me off the computer to sleep or eat. I get sucked into a whole new world.”
I smiled at him. “Me too.”
I passed him the e-reader and he did whatever he needed to do, his long fingers flying nimbly over the screen much faster than mine ever could. It was damned mesmerising. Finally he passed it back with a smile.
“I’d best get back. Tank vowed to wipe the floor with me in our sparring session and I should be suitably wary.”
I knew enough about the boys to remember their codenames better than their first names, even if I hadn’t met them. “He’s likely to?”
Nico snorted. “Tank would wipe the floor with The Rock.”
I breathed out. “Ah.”
“Yeah. But we have mandatory sparring. Chaos doesn’t want us going soft.”
&n
bsp; “Sensible.”
Nico crooked his eyebrow at me. “I live behind a screen. I haven’t needed combat in…fuck, years.”
“And when the baddies break into your office?”
“Then I’ll tell them I’m not the droids they’re looking for and hopefully distract them for long enough that Chaos or Hawk can come and kick some arse.”
I sniggered. “Sounds like a legit strategy.”
“Much, you’ll find, like camping,” he quipped as though it was second nature, but I knew what he was referring to.
“Ah, no. I think you’ll find that immoral.”
He looked at me like he wondered where I’d come from. “What would you know about it?”
“I know that a spawn point is sacred, dude. Don’t desecrate the spawn point.”
“Fuck,” he chuckled, twisting like he was going to walk away. “Hawk never said you were cool.”
I laughed. “That’s probably because he doesn’t think I am.”
Nico waved a hand at me. “Wanker’s not all that.” He checked his watch and swore again. “I’ve gotta cruise. Aces to meet you. I’ll see you later, I hope?”
I nodded. “I hope so.”
He grinned, gave me a nod, and hurried out.
See, I could talk to men. They just had to be my own kind.
I checked my phone and found it had enough battery for me to call my boss and quit. I wasn’t looking forward to it, but he knew how stressed I’d been with my thesis so he’d understand.
I hoped.
4
Kit
When I walked in at around three, Amber was sucking on a pen and I had a very traitorous moment.
“Hey,” I said.
She looked up and there was a flash of something that passed over her face. I was almost convinced her eyes had widened and she’d caught her lip in her teeth at the sight of me. I told myself it wasn’t there. I’d seen nothing. It couldn’t have been there. Especially because a moment later she was avoiding looking at me again. And her tone was totally nonchalant.
Chaos & the Geek (Grace Grayson Security Book 1) Page 4
