by Aidan Thorn
Kyle still could not find it in himself to call that man Dad.
“No of course not, she’s in love,” Emma said, “Or at least she thinks she is.”
“In love? Who with?”
Kyle had been distracted by the death of his mother and Zoe barely spoke with him, or even spent any time in his company even at the best of times. He’d barely noticed that she hadn’t really been around over the past few days or that she was making more of an effort with the way she looked.
“I don’t know, she’s been going out a fair bit. I got a look at a young lad through the window the other night when she left. Her phone beeped, she rushed outside and when I looked she was getting in the car with him.”
“Didn’t you stop her? We don’t know anything about this lad. Who the fuck is he?”
“Kyle, she’s seventeen, this isn’t her first boyfriend and it won’t be her last. You may not realise this but your little girl is a young woman now. She’s only a couple of years younger than I was when we first met.”
Kyle let that realisation sink in for a moment. He’d missed out on so much of his daughter’s life, only seeing snippets of it in between deployments. He’d always known that would be the case, but as he felt her drifting further from him for the first time he felt regret.
“But we don’t know this guy?” Kyle repeated in a futile manner.
“I know, and we didn’t know any of the other lads she’s dated, and I doubt we’ll know the next one.”
Emma smiled at Kyle, telling him it was OK to be concerned but they had to let their little girl grow and live her life. He smiled back and took a mouthful of the curry Emma had made.
“I bloody well hope we don’t,” Kyle said.
“Don’t what?”
“Know the next one,” he said. “Can you think of anyone in our circle that you’d be happy with her dating?”
“Good point, well made,” Emma said.
They both smiled.
Zoe and Ryan had barely spent a waking moment apart since their not-so-chance meeting.
“What’s the matter?” Ryan asked.
He stood behind the bar of the Bear and Stag. He’d had a couple of customers earlier in the evening but now he was alone with Zoe. She was propped on a stool on the other side of the bar and had a glass of rosé that Ryan had poured from a miniature.
“My parents just said we’re going back to Leeds after the funeral, that’s three days from now.”
Ryan looked disappointed.
“Look, that doesn’t mean it’s the end of us,” he said. “Leeds isn’t that far and I’m not sticking around here forever, you know that. We can visit each other. We’ll find a way.”
Zoe smiled, a small smile, she didn’t want Ryan seeing quite how pleased she was with the words that had just come out of his mouth. He liked her, he really liked her and he wanted to be with her. She stood from her stool and walked over to the pub doors. She slid the heavy bolts shut and turned to face her man.
“What are you doing?” Ryan asked.
“There’s a flat above this place, right?”
“Yes.”
“And it’s got a bedroom.”
Zoe walked back over to the bar and behind it.
“Yes,” Ryan replied, catching on.
Zoe took Ryan’s hand and led him through the back of the bar towards the staircase.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
Zoe responded by taking the first couple of steps and guiding Ryan along behind her.
The flat wasn’t the most romantic of settings but neither Ryan nor Zoe cared or had even noticed. They were tearing clumsily at each other’s clothes as they entered the bedroom, leaving them in a trail on carpet that had been laid in the 1970’s, about the same time that the sheets were changed on the bed. Ryan was hard before he was halfway up the staircase. As the pair collapsed onto the bed Ryan felt for Zoe with his hand before thrusting a couple of times and buckling onto Zoe spent.
“Fuck, fuck, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I just got carried away,” Ryan said embarrassed into a dusty pillow.
Zoe hugged him tight to her.
“Don’t worry,” she said. “We’ll go again. When you’re ready.”
She kissed Ryan on the neck and stroked down the length of his back.
Chapter Sixteen
The Bear and Stag had its usual no customers on the night before Violet Gordon’s funeral. Ryan was watching Netflix on his phone when Graham came through the doors with his regular entourage of Ian and Jimmy. Ryan knew they’d be coming, it was a Monday. On Mondays Graham and his crew used the back room to distribute their gear to their dealers. There would be a steady stream of lowlifes through the doors for the next couple of hours. Ryan had seen Zoe during the day and told her it was best to stay away from the pub tonight. She’d protested at first as they only had a couple more nights together, but he’d insisted and agreed to call her when he closed up. She said she’d sneak out and meet him.
Usually Ryan kept himself to himself when Graham and his crew used the pub as a base for this sort of thing—he just wanted them in and out without incident, which wasn’t always guaranteed. A couple of times he’d been called on to clean up blood and teeth while Ian and Jimmy dragged someone outside and dumped them in the street. Ryan didn’t know the ins and outs of how Graham did business, and didn’t want to, but he guessed people had to pay Graham for the privilege of selling his gear. If they didn’t have the cash, they tended to end up in the street. Tonight, Ryan was feeling brave; Graham had set him up with his own niece, he must have liked him.
“Evening gents,” Ryan called. “What can I get you?”
“Three bottles of Heineken,” Ian called back.
Graham and Jimmy didn’t even look at Ryan as they continued through the bar and into the back room. Ian stopped at the bar to collect the order and Ryan felt his face flush at having been so familiar in his tone. He clipped caps off three bottles and put them on the bar top. Ian took all three in one giant hand.
“The boss wants to see you, bolt the doors and come through.”
“Um sure, ah no worries. I’ll be right in.”
Ian walked from the bar, pushed at the door to the back room with his free hand and disappeared inside. A thousand thoughts rushed through Ryan’s head as he made his way to bolt the doors, and none of them good. Had Graham found out Ryan had been sleeping with his niece? Was that not permitted as part of his introduction to her? How could he know? Ryan felt that same urge to run that he’d felt that morning over a week ago when Graham had arrived outside his home. But he didn’t, he couldn’t—he was thinking of his mother.
“Come on soft bollocks, we haven’t got all night.”
Ian had reappeared in the doorway to the back room and was gesturing Ryan towards him.
The back room was set up for functions, but there hadn’t been one in there in all the time Ryan had worked at the pub. Judging by the disco light rig and book of karaoke songs that sat next to it, there hadn’t been one in over a decade. There were a couple of congratulations banners still on the walls and windows and lumps of Blu Tac on bare bits of wall where other banners had been fixed in the past.
“Sit down,” Graham said.
He pointed at the chair across from himself at the table. Jimmy was sat next to him while Ian stayed standing, close to the door.
Ryan did as instructed.
“So, how are things going with my niece then, lad?”
There were no clues in Graham’s tone as to whether he knew something and was pissed off about it, or whether he was just enquiring out of interest.
“Things are going great, Mr. Gordon. She’s a great girl and we get on really well.”
“It’s Graham, lad, don’t call me Mr. Gordon, makes me feel old.”
“Sorry, Graham.”
“So, it’s going well then?”
“Aye, like I said, she’s a great girl. I’m
really grateful to you for making the introduction.”
“You haven’t told her about that, have you?” Graham’s tone held a note of menace as he quickly snapped the question.
“Oh no, just like you said, I’ve not mentioned anything about you, Mr…Sorry, Graham.”
“Good.” Graham relaxed back into his chair again. “You fucked her yet?”
Ryan didn’t know where to look or how to answer. His face flushed and his eyes flashed on all three men. Jimmy’s face cracked first, a huge grin and then a laugh.
“I…um…I…”
Ryan stumbled over words that wouldn’t come. If he’d been standing, his legs would have gone from under him.
“He fucking has, boss. He’s fucking shagged her,” Jimmy said laughing.
“Relax, Ryan lad. We were all young once. Lad in your position, I’d have wondered what was wrong with you if you hadn’t, to be honest,” Graham said.
Ryan still didn’t know where to look or what to say.
“Look, I’m glad you’ve both been having a good time. Fuck, the girl needed some cheering up, she’s had a face like thunder since she got here and what with her grandma dying and all that, it can’t have been fun for her. So thank you for showing her a good time.”
“No worries,” Ryan managed, not sure if that was an appropriate response when you’d just been outed as having sex with a violent criminal’s niece.
“You know she’ll be heading back to England in a few days, right?”
“Yeah. We’re going to stay in touch and visit as much as possible. She’ll be off to Uni next year, she’s going to apply to Edinburgh—that’s not too bad a trip for me and in the meantime we’ll just catch up when we can.”
A smile spanned Graham’s face and it wasn’t pleasant. This had gone better than even he could have imagined.
“Edinburgh Uni, hey? My niece is such a bright girl.” The second comment was aimed at his two cronies.
Ryan smiled back, so this had just been a chat out of interest, an uncle with an interest in his niece.
“Right, here’s what I’m going to need you to do,” Graham said. “Do you have your phone?”
“Sure,” Ryan said tapping his jean pocket.
“Take it out.”
Ryan’s confusion at the instruction was clear on his face, but he complied.
“Now type her a message,” Graham said. “‘It’s been fun. But I’m done. Have a nice life.’”
Ryan looked at Graham with a nervous grin but his laugh caught him out.
“Do it.”
Graham was no longer friendly.
“But…I don’t want to finish things with her, I like her.”
“Aww that’s sweet. I don’t remember asking you that though. Just fucking type the message and send it.”
“And if I don’t?”
Ryan knew the answer before he’d even asked the question, but hearing it focused his mind.
“This isn’t a choice thing, you either send that message or Ian there breaks every bone in your body before sticking a bullet in your head. He’ll then go and pay your poor sick mother a visit, tell her exactly how you died and repeat the process.”
Graham left the words in the air for a moment to sink in before adding, “Now, send the fucking message.”
Tears welled in Ryan’s eyes and his hand shook.
“I can’t do it, you want that message sent, you’ll have to do it.”
Ryan held his phone out to Graham.
“If I have to type that message, all that stuff I just said would happen, it happens anyway. Send the fucking message.”
Whether Ryan typed it or Graham did, the result would be the same. Graham knew that, he just enjoyed the torture.
Ryan tapped into his phone.
“There—done,” he said in a whisper.
“Show me.”
Ryan held out the screen to Graham so that he could see the sent message. Graham snatched the phone from Ryan’s hand and threw it towards Ian. Ian made no attempt to catch the phone which hit the floor in front of him. He brought his heel down on it four or five times to make absolutely sure it was broken and then picked it up and put it in his pocket.
“Now, Ian here is going to take you somewhere nice and quiet for a few days. And if you’re not a total wanker about it, you’ll get to walk away and pretend it was all a dream,” Graham said “Understand?”
“I can’t go anywhere for a few days, what about my mum?” Panic etched Ryan’s tone as he considered the consequences of what had and was about to happen.
“Don’t you worry about her, we’ve got her covered. It’s just a couple of days, that’s all.”
Ian moved in and dragged Ryan from his seat, holding him by the collar as he shoved him out of the room.
Chapter Seventeen
“What’s the matter with her now? We don’t need this shit today.”
Kyle asked his question of Emma as she stood in the doorway to Zoe’s bedroom and intentionally loud enough so that Zoe would hear. Kyle wore a black suit and held his tie in his hand ready to put on at the last moment He hated ties, but the occasion called for it. He’d considered wearing his formal military dress, but thought better of it. He didn’t care that it would bother Frank, that was the appeal, but he knew today his mother wouldn’t want them at each other’s throats, and so the simple back suit and tie was for her. Emma wore a black dress, more office than evening—respectful. Zoe was yet to emerge from under the cover of her duvet.
“I don’t know,” Emma replied to Kyle in a more hushed tone. “I’ve been trying to raise her and she won’t budge. She just keeps bursting out into sobs. I’ve tried to go in and comfort her, but she just yells at me to leave her alone.” Emma lowered her tone further, “I guess it’s something to do with this boy she’s been seeing, maybe because we’re leaving tomorrow—I don’t know.”
Kyle was on edge. The funeral car would be picking them up in less than half an hour. He hated the thought of the three of them sat alongside Graham and Frank with no chance of getting away. The journey would be short, just a few minutes, but that didn’t matter to Kyle. He’d do it, today was about his mother, but he didn’t have to be happy about it. His patience worn to breaking he stepped past Emma and into Zoe’s bedroom.
“Kyle,” Emma called in an attempt to stop him.
Kyle wasn’t listening. He grabbed at Zoe’s duvet and ripped it from the bed. His daughter lay curled in a ball with a blotchy face and clutching her mobile phone tight to herself.
“There’s going to be a car here for us in less than thirty minutes, now get your arse out of bed, get a shower and get dressed. Today isn’t about you, it’s about your grandmother. I know you don’t care about me, or your mother, but show some respect and act like an adult for your grandma’s sake.”
Kyle didn’t give Zoe a chance to respond as he walked from the room without even waiting to see if she moved. Emma gave her husband a look as he stormed past her that said that probably wasn’t the best way to handle it. She moved into the bedroom, it was time to roll out good cop with their daughter. Emma sat on the bed and rested a calming hand on Zoe’s shoulder.
“Come on darling, let’s get you ready and you can tell me all about it.”
Downstairs, Kyle sat with more nervous energy than he’d experienced at any time on deployment. His daughter was playing up, the brother and father he hated would be turning up at any moment and he was about to see his mother put into the ground. In this moment he felt that life probably couldn’t get any worse. The doorbell rang, and his heart sank as he stood to go to it.
A man in top hat and tails stood at the door. Four beautiful black horses stood proud in front of a carriage on the street outside. Inside the carriage lay a coffin that could barely be seen for flowers. Kyle was grateful for that, he wasn’t ready to see the coffin, not just yet. Behind the carriage a stretched black car sat idling. Kyle didn’t look at it, he co
uld see the shapes of his father and brother sat inside, but he didn’t want to look on their faces any longer than he had to.
“We’re ready when you are, Sir,” said the man in hat and tails in a soft, well-practiced voice.
Kyle nodded before turning back into the house and calling for Emma and Zoe.
Zoe came down the stairs first. Her face was still raw with tears. Emma was a pace behind her and held a comforting hand on her back. As Zoe stepped into the cold outside the man at the door handed her a tissue, which she took without acknowledgement. Kyle made to follow, but Emma held him back.
“It is about the boyfriend,” she started in a whisper.
“Boyfriend? They can’t have been going out more than a month, if that.”
“Wait,” Emma said. “Look, she’s very upset, apparently he sent a text last night ending things between them. She’s been trying to contact him but he won’t answer.”
“Well, it’s for the best, we’re going back to England tomorrow and it would have fizzled out anyway.”
“We both know that, but she’s seventeen years old, Kyle. To her this was love, she can’t see beyond it. Do you remember being a teenager in love?”
Kyle shrugged his acknowledgement.
“Exactly,” Emma said. “So, let’s just go easy on her today, OK?”
“OK.”
Zoe had barely made it to the front gate before her parents were out of the house. Kyle picked up his pace and caught up to his daughter. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder.
“I’m sorry about what’s happened and how I reacted this morning,” he said. “I’m just very upset about what we have to do today, and I let my emotions get the better of me.”
Zoe looked up to her father with wet eyes. She didn’t say a word, she just grabbed at his hand and removed it from her shoulder, before picking up her own pace to walk ahead of him to the car.
Kyle turned to Emma as if to ask, what more can I do? Emma caught her husband’s hand and squeezed it tight and nestled in close to him.
