"I shouldn't be telling you two all this." she said, suddenly full of regret, "You're both too young, and I'm only stirring up sleeping hornets, and what for? What's done is done. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." she said.
She closed her eves firmly this time, and we left. In the hallway Alanis paused and reached out to take my hand. I felt that if she hadn't, I would have risen like a hot air balloon and drifted away with my heart pounding like a funeral drum.
"Well?" she asked me. "Aren't you happy we came here? You found out all your family secrets. Thanks to me,' she added. "Aren't you happy?"
"No," I said.
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"You're just stunned a bit. You'll be happy about it someday. I'm sure."
I'm not, I thought. I won't ever be happy about it.
In fact. I was afraid that when we stepped outside, the wind would carry me off like a leaf discarded too soon and bewildered by the notion that it had to be something by itself, unattached and forever alone.
16 Locked in the Attic
.
"What the hell you two been doing?" Chad demanded. He was pacing in front of the entrance now and smoking a cigarette.
"Playing tiddlywinks with manhole covers,'" Alanis said and laughed. "That's what Granddad always says," she told me. She put her hands on her hips and leaned toward him. "We were talking with her great-aunt, like we said. Chad. The poor woman hasn't had a visitor for months and months and was starving for conversation. Ain't you got any
compassion for old people?"
He smirked. "'Since when do you?" he fired back at her and headed for his car. We followed.
"Since I decided to become a lady." she replied. "Now, a gentleman opens the car door for his female companions," she continued, folding her arms and stepping back from the automobile, "Just like Clark Gable in one With the Wind or something."
"Huh? My name ain't Clark Gable, whoever that is. Get in yourself," he replied.
"How uncouth," she told me.
I was still feeling too stunned and confused to fool around with Chad.
"I'm hungry," he said, flipping his cigarette behind him and getting into the car. He held up the money Alanis had given him, "This twenty is for gas. You got money for lunch?"
"As it happens, we do;" Alanis told him. "Stop at that Fast Freddy's Grill Burger joint that was on the right just as we entered town," she directed.
I had no appetite, but the two of them were famished. I nibbled on a grilled chicken sandwich and sipped a Coke. We ate in the car. Chad wanted to know what we'd talked about with "the old lady," but Alanis didn't reveal anything.
"Well, when we getting together then?" he demanded. "Tonight?"
"We'll see," she said, twisting her shoulder and dangling hope in front of his eyes. "Maybe if you're good."
"Ahhh," he said, pushing her away. "Just say when."
"We have to work on my granddad,'" she added quickly. "I've been grounded because of failing my first math, science and English tests."
I didn't know if that was true or not, but the explanation was credible for Chad.
"Well, if you're living with her in the big house, we should be able to meet in the basement anyway. What time?"
"We can't meet in the basement anymore. Her great-aunt found some alcopops down there and it's off bounds,"
"What alcopops? You had a party down there without me? That was true what I heard about Stuart Gavin?"
"No. silly, We took some from him and the girls and I had our own little girl-talk get-together. No boys allowed. Right, Jordan?"
He considered her stories, glanced back at me, then started the car. I didn't say a word for fear he would know it was all a big lie.
"So where we gonna get together and have our awn little party?" he asked.
"We might figure out a way to sneak you in after her great-aunt goes to sleep," she offered. "I'll call you. Stand by."
"Stand by? Where should I stand by? You playing me. Alanis?" he asked.
"Why would I do that. Chad? Don't you think I want to have fun. too?"
"I don't know," he said. "You better." he added. "I don't want to be made a fool,"
She glanced back at me and winked. but I was only half- listening to their chatter now. My brain was still reeling with the information we had just gathered. How desperately I needed to speak with Ian. I thought. Or my mother, but neither could hear me. Who could I turn to? Who would help me understand? How could I tell my father any of this? What would he say? Would he believe it, believe his mother was really Great-aunt Frances? How do you tell someone his mother isn't really his mother?
Either out of fear or frustration or maybe because of both, I started to cry silently. Chad and Alanis were into their own conversation, teasing each other again, listening to their music. Neither noticed me all the way home. As soon as we pulled into the driveway, her granddad, who was on the tractor cutting more of the overgrown grounds, stopped and turned off the engine. He sat there watching us for a moment, obviously poised to come at us as soon as we stepped out of the car.
"Let me do all the talking," Alanis told me quickly as we got out of the car. "Get outta here quick. Chad," she told him. "I'll call you."
"You'd better," he said, backed up, and drove fast down the driveway, kicking up stones and dust.
Alanis's granddad hopped off the tractor and started toward us. He was as angry-looking as he had been that day at school when he'd slapped her behind the head and pushed her into his car. He even frightened me.
"Where you been?" he asked halfway to us.
"We just went for a ride to visit one of my friends. It's the weekend, Granddad. We can have some fun," she whined.
"You're lying. Alanis, and you lied to Miss Wilkens. I'm disappointed in you going along with this. Miss Jordan," he told me. "That woman trusts you and you go and help make up stories and go someplace you ain't supposed to go."
I looked down quickly.
"We didn't lie," Alanis began. "we told her we--"
"Don't even start. Alanis. You might be pretty good at pulling the wool over other people's eyes, but you know you're not good at it with me. And besides. Miss Wilkens got a phone call from Tom DeMarco ."
I looked up quickly.
"That's right. His mother felt bad about things she said to you and she was worried. She called him and he called here and told Miss Wilkens everything. I never seen her so upset. She couldn't even talk. Where'd you go? Why'd you go visit his mother in a nursing home? What things did she say? Why is Miss Wilkens so upset she was crying? She never cries. No more of your lying. Alanis. What sort of mischief are you up to now? Doing such a nasty thing to that poor old lady. Go on, spit it out before I take a strap to you," he said without taking a breath.
I turned to her to see what she would say. Great-aunt Frances was very upset and was crying? This was terrible.
"I'm not lying! I don't know what you're talking about. Some old lady imagined things, that's all. We didn't do anything to anybody. You're always accusing me of things!" she screamed back at him. "No wonder my mother ran off. No one wants to live with you. I'll run off. too!"
Her granddad practically flew across the few yards between us and seized her at the shoulders, shaking her so hard that I thought her eyes rolled in her head. I stepped back, terrified. She looked like she might crack in two in his hands.
"You ain't running off. child. The only place you're going from here is some juvenile detention center. You lie, steal, drink my alcohol, smoke in school and now who knows what else. You're not just walking in your mother's footsteps. You're making your own and you're going down the same dark path to hell. Now, you go back into that house and you get your things and bring them back to our house right now, hear me? I told Miss Wilkens you can't stay there anymore, and she knows it. I don't want you having any more to do with this little girl either. hear?"
"I won't move back in with you. I won't! You hate me just as much as you hate my mothe
r!" Alanis screamed and tore herself out of his grip. She fumed, and then she turned and ran down the driveway,
"Alanis King, you come right back here. Now!" he cried. "I'm not fooling with you. I'll call the police and have them pick you up, girl. You'll go to a juvenile home," he shouted as she rounded the turn at the bottom of the driveway. She didn't stop. In a moment she was gone.
Frustrated. Lester Marshall shook his head, then turned to me.
"Best thing could happen to you is she keeps going," he said. "You better go let your great-aunt know you're back and okay. You better tell her where you were and what you and Alanis did to make all this trouble," he said. "You got her in a terrible state. She was trembling something awful. I'm mighty disappointed in you. too."
He turned and started back toward the tractor. I looked down the driveway, hoping Alanis would return. I needed her help with my great-aunt Frances. What was I going to say? I waited a little longer, but she didn't come back. After a few more moments, I headed for the house, so exhausted from my emotional ping-pang that I didn't know if I could even talk.
When I entered. I was immediately struck by the silence. The television wasn't an. and Great-aunt Frances wasn't in the living room. She wasn't in the kitchen or anywhere else downstairs. I called for her, but she didn't answer. What's more, I didn't see Miss Puss anywhere either. She could be outside, I thought and went to the rear door.
I stepped out and panned the yard, looking down to the lake. but I saw no one. There was just the dull whirr of the tractor Lester Marshall was driving out front. I called and waited, called and waited, and then went back inside.
Slowly. I started up the stairway. When I reached the top. I stopped and listened but heard nothing. Now more frightened than curious. I hurried down to her room and looked in, expecting to see her curled up in her bed with Miss Puss curled up beside her. She wasn't there. She wasn't in the bathroom or my room either. When I started down the hallway. I stopped and froze the moment I could make out Miss Puss curled up at the door to the attic. Why would she lock out Miss Puss? I wondered. There wasn't anyplace in the house she didn't permit the cat to go. Sometimes. Miss Puss even went into the bathroom with her.
"Where's Great-aunt Frances?' I asked Miss Puss, who lifted her head but didn't move. "Why did she leave you out here?"
Cautiously. I tried the handle on the attic door and found it was locked. It must be locked from the inside, I thought. Now more suspicious. I put my ear to the door and listened. I was sure I heard soft sobbing.
"Great-aunt Frances!" I called. I knocked on the door. "It's Jordan. Are you up there? Great-aunt Frances!"
I listened, but I heard nothing, no footsteps on the stairway, nothing. I put my ear to the door and did still hear her sobbing. Again I called for her. When I knocked again. Miss Puss rose and stepped behind me. She stood still, watching, as if she knew something. Her behavior made me even more nervous. I knocked and listened and called again and again, but Great-aunt Frances didn't respond. There was only the sobbing. I waited and listened, and then I went to my room. Miss Puss followed slowly, but she didn't come in.
I thought about going out to tell Lester Marshall about Great- aunt Frances crying in the attic with the door locked, but he was so angry at Alanis and me that I was afraid to ask him for help. Maybe Greataunt Frances will come down soon, I told myself and sat on my bed with my back against the pillows staring up at the ceiling. When I still didn't hear her after almost another half hour. I returned to the attic door. Miss Puss was nowhere around this time. Again, there was only silence.
I called to her but heard nothing.
Why won't she answer? I asked myself. I thought a moment, wondering if I had fallen asleep and not heard her come down. Maybe she had gone to her bedroom. I hurried back and looked, but she wasn't there, and neither was Miss Puss.
So frustrated I could cry. I returned again to the attic door and pounded it with my small fist.
"Great-aunt Frances." I screamed, "don't you want to start thinking about dinner with me?"
I listened and heard nothing, and then this time when I put my ear to the door. I didn't even hear the soft sobbing. Maybe she had come down without my having heard her, but she'd have gone downstairs and not to her room. I imagined. so I went downstairs, but she wasn't there. I did find Miss Puss in the living room, curled up below the sofa, as if Great-aunt Frances had been lying on it and watching television. The cat glanced at me, closed her eyes, and lowered her head.
I returned to the kitchen. got myself some cold apple juice and sat on the stairs listening attentively for any sign of her. I heard nothing and began to hate the silence.
I wondered about Alanis, too, and went out to see if she had returned. Her grandfather was working behind the house now. I ran quickly over to his house so he wouldn't see me. and I knocked on the door. I called to Alanis, but she didn't respond. and I didn't hear anyone moving about inside.
Were was she? Were could she go? I wondered and slowly returned to the main house. When I entered the living room. I saw that Miss Puss had gone somewhere else. I tried to keep myself from thinking about everything and even thought if I turned on the television set. Great-aunt Frances would hear it and come down from the attic, but she didn't appear. Bored and worried now. I turned off the set and went back upstairs. where I found Miss Puss again lying by the door.
"What is she doing, Miss Puss?" I asked. The cat stared up at me as if she, too, was thinking the same thing.
I knocked again on the attic door. The silence frightened me. Why wouldn't she respond? Was she so angry' at me for going with Alanis to see Mrs. DeMarco? That had to be it. She probably thought we had been sneaky. She's just mad and sulk, I thought.
"Great-aunt Frances," I called. "Please come down. I'm sorry if I upset you. Please," I begged. "We were just curious. We didn't mean to make any trouble. I'm sorry."
I waited and listened and knocked and called, but there was still no response.
"I'm going to stay here until you come down. Great-aunt Frances." I declared and curled up on the floor at the door beside Miss Puss. I. too, could sulk. I thought.
My head felt heavy. All that we had learned had left me dizzy and even a little nauseous. I was sorry I had eaten any lunch with Alanis and Chad. The sandwich had been too greasy. I closed my eyes and soon fell asleep. I had no idea how long I slept, but when I woke, the hallway was dark and Miss Puss was gone. For a few moments. I was very confused. I forgot where I was. Since I had fallen asleep right at the attic door. I realized that Great-aunt Frances hadn't come down or she would have discovered me. I rose, rubbed my eyes and listened. The house was deadly quiet. I put my ear to the attic door but heard nothing.
Not sure what I should do. I went downstairs. There wasn't a light on, of course. so I had to put some on. I went to the front and looked out. It was very dark because the sky was completely overcast. In fact. when I opened the door. I saw there was a light drizzle. It was cold, too, so cold it made me shiver quickly. I closed the door and went into the living room. where I sat and waited and wondered what I was supposed to do. Surely it's time for dinner, I thought and returned to the attic door to knock and call to Great-aunt Frances. She hadn't eaten lunch. She must be hungry, I thought.
"It's dinnertime. Great-aunt Frances. Are you coming down? What should I make? Do you want to put on any special clothes?"
As before, there was no answer. She's fallen asleep, I thought. She will come down when she wakes up, In sure. I went down to the kitchen and looked for something to make myself for dinner. Miss Puss appeared again, this time looking more alert and curious. I imagined she was hungry, too. so I poured some of the cat food into her dish and she went right to it. Then I found another box of macaroni and cheese and followed the directions. There was some bread and butter and some grape juice to drink.
Even though it tasted good. I felt strange eating alone in the silent house. Halfway through. I lost my appetite and dumped the rest of it in Miss Pus
s's plate. She smelled it, ate some, then left the kitchen. I washed everything and cleaned up. After that, I went to the living room and looked out the window. The world looked even darker to me. I felt as if I was shrinking under the enclosing blackness.
Without the television going or Great-aunt Frances moving about, and no one else here, silence fell like a stone curtain around me. I wondered if Miss Puss had gone back upstairs to wait at the door. I kept expecting Alanis, anticipating her bursting in and complaining about her granddad. I actually missed her company and hoped she would return, but the hours went by and I heard or saw no one outside. Every time I peered through the window curtain in the living room. I saw no one. Without lights and this far from the road, there was barely a glimmer.
It started to rain harder, and soon I heard thunder and saw a flash of lightning. It drove me back from the window. Ian loved to see lightning. He was in awe of the energy and loved to count the seconds until we heard a nimble or a roll of thunder.
I wondered how Great-aunt Frances felt about lightning and thunder. I half hoped that it would terrify her and drive her out of the attic and down to me. When was she going to come out? How could she stay in there so long? I wondered, and then I remembered what Mrs. DeMarco had told us about Great-aunt Frances being confined to the attic for months and months, even locked in it. Surely, if she had been able to stand that, she could stay up there now for a day. But why would she want to? And why wasn't she worrying about me? She couldn't be that angry.
The rain sounded like bugs hitting the windows. I could hear the wind sweeping sheets of it onto the porch and against the walls. The wind itself was whistling around the house, seeping in every crack. It was a real Indian summer storm. I cowered on the sofa, then decided to just go upstairs to bed. Sure enough. Miss Puss was sleeping at the attic door. I listened, put my ear to the door, knocked and called once more for Great-aunt Frances, but she didn't reply and I heard nothing. She must have gone to sleep herself I thought. Miss Puss was still asleep. My noise hadn't woken her.
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