by Ellie Mack
She turned and nearly fled down the hall to the bathroom. I wanted to tell her that wasn’t it, that I wasn’t upset by her remark. I was too excited about the song, but she didn’t let me get that far.
I spent the day cleaning our small apartment, packing up things I didn’t need to either toss or donate. I had a new energy flowing through me, and it was exhilarating.
It was a grueling night. It had been a long day filled with interruptions and aggravation. Karma couldn’t let me enjoy that one little bit of joy for even a day. By the time I started my shift at the bar, I was in a sour mood. The evening was just one bit of trouble after another. I walked to the bar between sets, rolling my neck to ease the tension. “Make it a double, John."
“Hello, Roxanne. You look amazing. Been a long time.”
I knew that voice. My heart skipped a beat.
CHAPTER 27
Could this day get any worse? My jaw clenched unconsciously as my back stiffened. I had to take a deep breath before acknowledging him. I leaned down resting my elbows on the bar as John pushed the glass towards me.
I turned my head, glancing to the side to confirm my suspicions. My insides cringed. I was so tired of dealing with crap hands that fate seemed to be dealing me.
“I heard that you were singing down here, thought me and the guys would take a road trip and check it out.”
“You brought your posse. Guess you were too chicken shit to face me alone?”
“’Course not. It’s just more fun to road trip with friends. Hey look, I know you were hurt back then, but I think we should let bygones be bygones. You can be my squeeze again, ‘kay Babe?”
The last encounter I had with Chad Ramsey was the day I presented him with the evidence of his cheating, a videotaped “performance” with Christy Bingham in his piece of shit car. He tried to act as if it wasn’t what it seemed and it was obvious that it was exactly what it looked like, two teenagers having sex in a car.
I didn’t want it to escalate, but ended up kicking the side of his head, bouncing him off the locker, and leaving him in a pool of his own blood and urine. Yeah, I took a cheap shot to the groin for good measure. I chalk it up to female hormones. Not something I am proud of or will ever live down, but this rat deserved far worse.
“Excuse me?” I turned towards him.
“We had some good times together. I heard that your fiancée died and that you are all alone now. Thought we should rekindle things.”
“Go to hell, Chad.”
I turned back to my drink and slammed it in one gulp.
“Aw, come on Roxy. Don’t be like that. We were young teenagers. We’ve both grown since then.”
“I’ve grown. Don’t know about you. Don’t want to know.”
I nodded to John for another. He obliged, but gave me a look of concern. Cocking my head, I knew full well that he understood the ‘do you not see what hell I am dealing with? Pour the glass!’
“I have. Working at the shop, got a nice little house, need a beautiful woman to make it home.”
“Good luck finding one.”
He reached for my arm turning me back facing him as I lifted my glass.
I set the glass down, turned fully towards him, every cell tense. If he had ever paid one bit of attention to me as a person, he would have known to back off right then. However, Chad wasn’t the brightest bulb in the shop. He was still all about Chad. Even if he wasn’t, I didn’t care to find out. “What are you doing?”
“I came all this way to see you. The least you could do is talk to me.”
“I talked. I didn’t ask you to come. Now remove your hand or I will.”
“I didn’t come her to fight with you, dammit. I came to get you back.”
“That’s not going to happen, so you and your posse can leave.” I walked briskly to the stage not looking back at Chad.
“Let’s change up the last set,” I directed it at Johnny D. “I want to lead with Your Cheating Heart, then Blame it On Your Heart, You’re No Good, Have Mercy, then we’ll wrap it up with Heartless and end with Baddest Blues.”
“Roxy. That is completely changing the entire set. What gives?”
I inhaled sharply. “You see that guy standing at the bar in the red shirt next to John with the stupid expression?” I nodded in the general direction.
“Yeah, I see him.”
“That asshat cheated on me and made a laughing stock of me in my hometown.”
Johnny’s whole countenance changed. His eyes narrowed, his jaw clenched, and he could have bit nails in half. “Guys, we gonna change it up.”
I took the microphone in my hand, walking to center front as the house lights came up with me in the spotlight. “Everyone enjoying the night so far?”
The applause was deafening. Cheers and whistles came from across the room. “Make sure to tip your waitresses. These gals are working extra hard for you tonight.” I pulled the stool to the center. I always liked to start seated. “Got a special guest in the house. This next set is dedicated to a man who taught me what heartache is all about. A man who drove home the emotions that fill my songs. Give it up for Chad everyone!”
A few claps sounded, but a lot of murmuring as heads went together across the room looking for this person. I wouldn’t want to be him when I ended and the women in the room know who he is.
I smiled at him as he tensed at the bar before motioning to Johnny to begin. The lyrics poured out with ease if not with a touch of venom.
“Your cheatin’ heart, will pine someday, and crave the love” I emphasized love and held the note “you threw away. Then time will come, when you’ll be blue. Your cheatin’ heart . . . . will tell on you”
Sandman put a few extra riffs in between the stanzas. I waited for my cue, pacing the floor before turning back to the audience.
“When tears come down, like falling rain. You’ll toss around then call my name. You’ll pace the floor, and long for me. Your cheatin’ heart . . . will tell on you.”
It wasn’t but a few seconds to get a drink of water, before the guys moved right into “Blame it On Your Heart”. Our version was soulful, mourning, wails, not the upbeat country version that Patty Loveless sang.
Johnny led with his masterful keyboard.
After a great solo bit on keys, I belted it out at the top of my lungs,
“Are you headed for a heartache, Oh yeah. Gonna get a bad break, oh yeah. YOU made a bad mistake, oh yeah. You ain’t never gonna find another love like mine. Someone gonna do you like you done me honey, and when she does, it won’t be funny.”
Sandman did a slide on guitar, all the way down the strings before the transition.
“You’ll need some sympathy, but don’t be calling me. Hey! Blame it on your lying cheating, cold dead beating, two time double dealing, mean mistreating, rotten heart.”
“Yeah, blame it on your lying cheating, cold dead beating, two time double dealing, mean mistreating, rotten heart.”
Chad had moved to the table with his friends. I recognized most of them from school. Chad was fuming.
“This next one comes from a singer that many of you may not know, Linda Ronstadt. It was one of my Mom’s favorites. She used to sit in the porch swing with me and my sister and sing Blue Bayou to us, but around the house when she was cleaning, she would belt out this number when she thought of our father. She passed away not too long ago from cancer and I miss her terribly.” I looked up to heaven. “Love you, Momma.” I nodded to Johnny.
“Feeling better now that we’re through. Feeling better ‘cause I’m over you. I learned my lesson, it left a scar, now I see how you really are. You’re no good, you’re no good, you’re no good, baby you’re no good.”
The lyrics were simple, but to the point.
“I’m gonna say it again, you’re no good you’re no good, you’re no good baby you’re no good. No, no, no.”
I saw Tara walk past Chad as he grabbed her arm. He stood, arguing with her for a moment before Blake, our bouncer
moved towards him. He suddenly lifted his hands in the air, sitting down in his seat. Tara shot me a look that showed she was concerned.
I finished the song, repeating the same simple stanza another three times, getting the audience to join in.
“Well, it seems we got a lot of folks in here tonight familiar with heartache. Let’s say we lighten the mood a bit. This one was one that we heard every time we visited my grandparents. Grandpa loved the Judds. I think he had a crush on Naomi.”
We kept most of the country style and I loved the guttural parts when I got to cut loose. This was one of the songs I would sing when I was younger, pretending to be on stage. A Moment of pride shot through me realizing that I had in fact accomplished one of my childhood dreams of being on stage.
Just before the last song, our most requested song ‘Baddest Blues’, I had to acknowledge Chad one more time. “Give it up, everyone, for Chad. He’s been a great sport.”
The spotlight shone on him as the house applauded, sort of.
“Don’t be mean now, we’ve all been there. We were all stupid teenagers before. We’ve made stupid mistakes before. We’ve had our hearts broken a few times. The key is to learn from it and not let it kill our souls.” I waited for them to settle down. “Then, there are those tragedies that change us forever. They leave a chasm in our soul so wide, we don’t know if we can ever get back.”
I nodded my cue and began
“My baby left me.”
I was in the zone. It was perhaps, one of the best performances I had given. The stress of the day had fallen away, I connected deeply with each song in the set. It wasn’t just a set to me though, it was my life played out in song.
It was a chance to express my grief, my pain, and all of my sorrows. During that last song, I realized that Luke was gone forever. I cherished the tine we had together, but he was gone. I had to move on. Looking at Chad I realized that I had been stuck there for far too long. I could at least be civil to him long enough to tell him thanks for that.
When I closed out the last line, I had to take a deep breath before saying goodnight to the audience.
I made my way down the side stairs, taking a couple of deep breaths. Chad stood as I moved towards the table. I acknowledge the guys with him, smiling as I shook their hands. Chad was impatient. He was agitated.
“What the hell? I come here to make peace and you make fun of me?”
“No, Chad, I didn’t make fun of you. Thank you for coming by. You made me realize some things I needed to let go of. Thanks.”
“Hey, I ain’t done with you yet,” he grabbed my arm as I turned to leave.
Everything that was in me, all of the good feelings from before, the peace about letting Luke go, the decision to let the past with Chad go, it all broke into a million shards.
In one move, I had Chad on the ground, my fist raised above his face ready to strike. “I said thanks. Now leave.”
“What is wrong with you, bitch? I should prosecute you for assault.”
Just then, Devon stepped forward. “As I see it,” he flashed his badge to Chad and his friends. “You assaulted the lady, and she was reacting in self-defense. If you’d like to proceed with those charges, I can take you to the station.”
As he spoke, he moved me slowly off Chad while keeping his arm around my shoulders.
Chad got to his feet, angrily rolling his shoulders and pulling his jacket on. He headed straight out the door with his friends on his heels.
“You OK?” Devon squared me to face him.
“Yeah, I’m fine.” It was a lie. I was shaking with rage.
He escorted me to his car, putting me in the front seat. I didn’t have the energy to argue. I was afraid if I said anything, I would get violent with him since I had a lot of pent up frustration with him as well.
“Stay right here. I’ll drive you home. I’m just going to touch base with Tara.”
He disappeared inside. I noticed Chad and his friends lingering beside his truck. It was one of those huge four-wheel drive extended cab trucks. He saw Devon help me in the car and as soon as Devon was inside, he came stomping over to the Cadillac. I locked the power locks just seconds before he jerked on the handle.
He stood outside the car, pounding on the glass, cussing me out. “You’re going to regret this, bitch!”
Then all of a sudden, he had his hands in the air, backing away towards his car. Devon had his gun drawn, moving towards Chad. He moved to where Chad was right against the hood of his truck, his hands spread on the truck.
It was impressive watching Devon operate. I could see his military training and his confidence in his role as a police officer and detective. He had an agility and grace to his movements that made you feel safe.
Before my thoughts wandered down that path again, I turned from the window, staring at my boots. They seemed safe. I was still shaking inside, but the anger was dissipating.
Within a few seconds, Devon got into the driver’s seat, mumbling about Chad as he threw his car into gear and squealed the tires pulling out.
I didn’t say a word. I could see the lines of tension that furrowed his brow, the way he gripped the steering wheel in such a tight grasp made me wonder if I should be worried about his driving.
“Ugh! That really pisses me off. The nerve of him to show up and expect you to go crawling back to him.”
I nodded agreement, but didn’t speak.
“If you would press charges, I could drop a bug in McKenzie’s ear. Everybody knows that he posted videos of you and other girls on his porn site. All we need is just one person to come forward and we could bust his ass. I’m not exactly sure how long you and . . .”
“What?!” I turned to him in horror cutting him off. My eyes wide, feeling my stomach instantly begin to churn. “Everybody knows?”
He clammed up, tight lipped, staring at me. “I, uh, thought you knew.”
“Oh God, Oh God, Oh God.” I rocked in the seat, my arms crossed in front of my stomach that was threatening to empty its contents. I remember every kinky thing I did with Chad. Some of it I enjoyed, but some I wasn’t comfortable with. “Have you seen them?”
He turned his attention back to the road in front of us.
“Oh no you don’t. You do NOT have the right to remain silent.” I turned towards the glass, my fingers covering my mouth as I could feel the saliva building up. “You’ve seen them. Oh God! Pull over.”
Before the car had come to a complete stop, I jumped out and ran down the ditch and across into the vacant lot, we stopped by. The incline of the slope was steeper than I expected. I ran until I tripped on a chunk of concrete that I didn’t see in the dark. I caught air as I was hurled forward, seeing another pile of debris straight ahead. “Noooo!”
Ooomph.
I landed mostly on my hands and knees, scraping my cheek over another chunk of concrete, catching my knee on another, and scraping my hand over what felt like a razor, but with my luck was probably a piece of rusty rebar or something.
The contents of my stomach ejected itself before I landed, making my landing even more disgusting in the splatter of my own vomit.
“Unnggghh!” The smell of partially digested pizza and scotch hit my nostrils, causing another wave of nausea. I pushed up onto all fours, hearing a sucking sound as I lifted out of the mess, wretching again. At least this time it wasn’t on me.
“Hey! Are you OK?” Devon raced towards me.
I tried to answer, but another wave hit me. I felt a trickle down my forehead. Geez! How did I get vomit in my hair? “Ugh!” I swiped my hair from in front of my eyes, trying to get my bearings and see if there was a water faucet anywhere in the rubble.
“Roxy! Oh my God you’re bleeding.” He ran up to me, turning his head away gagging as he got within reach.
“Sorry. I got it all over me when I fell.”
He ran back to his car and opened the trunk.
I looked down at my hands that were smeared in blood. My knees looked like raw h
amburger, with blood trailing down over my leather boots. My skirt had a long tear on the side, and my shirt. . . I looked down at the tailor fitted cornflower blue top that I had just purchased the day before. It was ruined. Aside from being covered with my own vomit, it was ripped across the seam that ran from my bust nearly down to the waist.
My hair was matted, and falling in front of my eyes. “Ewwwww.” I tried swiping it back, aware that I was smearing blood and vomit into my hair. It wasn’t helping. I inched to the side, trying to get out of the pile of rubble, stumbling on loose concrete and falling again. This time I landed on my butt. As I landed, my head jerked back into a piece of still standing brick wall. “Ooooow!”
I was suddenly tired. Devon was running back from his car holding a bottle of water and a towel. That was nice of him to think of getting me some water after I threw up. It was the last conscious thought I had before darkness overcame me.
CHAPTER 28
“Beep beep. Beep beep.” The incessant noise continued.
Something that sounded like TV static played in the background, while unclear conversation bounced back and forth on either side of me. My head throbbed.
I had told myself before, I needed to lay off the drinks, but this time I meant it. I never wanted to feel like this again.
“Beep beep, Beep beep.”
Suddenly something was squeezing my arm, slowly contracting. I gasped!
The conversation stopped. I couldn’t open my eyes. Why can’t I open my eyes?
“She’s waking up.” The voice came from my left side, within reach. I lifted my hand shakily to touch whoever it was that was there.
“It’s OK, Roxy, I’m here. You hurt your head but they stitched you up.” Tara clasped both of her hands around mine. I could hear her whispering to someone, “Go get the nurse and tell her she’s awake. No! Just go.”
