by Sarah Picson
‘After I visit your mum, I’m meeting my new boss for a quick drink. I’ll be back later this evening.’
Abi’s noodle box landed with a thud on the floor between them.
‘You’re doing work stuff?’
‘It’s just a welcome drink. I won’t be out late and we can unpack over the weekend.’
‘That sounds like fun,’ Abi muttered under her breath.
Sharp prickles bristled up and down Robert’s spine as he pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes.
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Nothing!’ she shot back at him, untangling her long limbs and jumping to her feet.
‘Where are you going?’ he called, as she clattered out of the kitchen.
‘To call Lana.’
Robert let out a deep sigh and began tidying up the empty boxes strewn across the floor.
~
Robert almost missed the turn-off for Thistleby Care Clinic. His foot hit the brake and he turned onto a narrow gravel lane, barely wide enough for two cars. Trees overhung the lane from either side, creating a thick canopy above and as the building came into view, Robert found himself craning his neck forward as he peered out of the windscreen. Its vast white walls, with dark damp patches licking the bottom, sat beneath an imposing grey roof with a dozen spindly chimneys perched on top. Narrow, latticed windows scowled down at him as he parked his car.
The slam of his car door sent birds bursting out of the top of a nearby tree, causing Robert’s pulse to speed up. With hunched shoulders, he strolled to the edge of a lawn, that stretched out in front of the clinic as far as the eye could see; a few figures were sprinkled in the distance, not moving with any purpose, just wandering in the shadow of the stern building.
Robert breathed in deeply, trying to settle himself as the familiar, intense rush of a million overwhelming emotions threatened to topple him over. It might be a new clinic, but the feelings were the same.
He stepped into the reception area to be greeted by a smiling woman behind a high desk.
‘My name is Robert Finch. I’m due to meet Doctor Plummer.’
‘She mentioned you were coming. I’ll let her know you’re here.’
As Robert finished signing in, he heard his name.
‘Mr Finch?’
He turned to see a bright-eyed woman in her fifties approaching him.
‘Doctor Plummer?’
‘Yes. Nice to meet you. Will you come this way?’
He followed her up a flight of grey stairs to the first floor.
‘Jane arrived yesterday and seems to have coped very well with the journey.’
‘Good.’
‘Let’s go to my office first and then you can visit her. She’s in the sitting room.’
Robert nodded, a pressure pushing down on his chest. It was getting stronger the further into the building they went.
In her office, Doctor Plummer shuffled in behind a messy desk; piles of identical beige folders surrounded a laptop in the middle like a fortress. A faint smell of stale coffee rose up from three half-empty mugs hidden in amongst the paperwork. She indicated for Robert to take a seat across from her.
‘I’ve read Jane’s extensive case notes. May I begin by offering my condolences. Such a tragic thing to happen to a young woman with her whole life ahead of her. I understand you were involved in the accident yourself?’
Robert clamped his teeth together as cold fingers curled around his heart and squeezed.
‘Yes.’
‘Doctor Marshall informed me that there’s been no significant improvement over the last seven years.’
‘That’s right.’
A soft sigh escaped the doctor’s lips. Robert looked away from the sympathy shining from her eyes.
‘I examined Jane when she arrived. She seemed slightly agitated by her new surroundings, but it didn’t last long.’
‘Good,’ Robert whispered.
‘As I’m sure Doctor Marshall explained, this is a long-term care facility specialising in patients with traumatic brain injuries. Our goal here at Thistleby Care Clinic will be to keep Jane as comfortable as possible and provide her with regular, mild stimulation.’
‘What kind of stimulation?’
‘We’ll talk to her on a daily basis about her environment, why she’s here and current affairs. We’ll also see if she responds to simple, repeated instructions over time. Doctor Marshall tells me that you visit regularly and I would recommend bringing in family pictures to show her or a favourite book to read to her. We’ve even found that using scents can trigger memories, which can be useful, although we don’t want to overstimulate her, so we’ll be cautious. I do believe this kind of low-level stimulation can only be of benefit to Jane.’
‘I see.’
‘Despite the damage to her neuronal axons and brain tissue, caused by the bruising and bleeding she sustained from the accident, I am convinced that Jane understands some of what goes on around her. She showed clarity in her vision for a short period of time when I spoke to her and I understand she is awake for long periods of the day, which is a good sign. I believe that together we can create a comfortable environment for Jane to live in here,’ Doctor Plummer said. ‘I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been for you since the accident and I understand you’ve moved a long way to be close to her here. She’s lucky to have you, Mr Finch.’
A smile creaked across Robert’s face. Doctor Plummer didn’t know he was an impostor. He opened his mouth to shout it out, to hear it bounce and echo off the walls of her office, but then he closed it, clamping it shut as she smiled at him from across the desk.
~
With heavy feet, Robert followed Doctor Plummer’s directions to the communal sitting room after their meeting. Reaching a set of double doors, he peered in through a high, square window. An army of stiff, upright armchairs was scattered throughout the room; long, floral curtains framed the windows, dropping down into puddles of fabric on the floor; vases blazing with colourful flowers sat on every surface. Despite the room being almost full of people, it seemed devoid of life; only the staff in their white uniforms moved about with any purpose
Robert didn’t see her at first, but then he spotted Jane tucked away in a corner. Her face was smooth and expressionless, her tawny-brown hair, with tinges of grey at the temples, hung limply around her shoulders and her soft eyes studied a spot on the carpet.
Robert felt a shudder rip through him. No matter how hard he had searched since the accident, he had never come close to seeing the mischievous sparkle that had lit up those eyes when he’d first met her at university.
They’d both been first-year students; he’d been studying architecture and she’d been a veterinary medicine student. Living in the same halls on campus and drinking together in the student bar, he’d been attracted to her gentle laugh, her limitless ambition and her wicked sense of humour. It had all been so easy back then, when they’d decided to move in together in their second year, living off takeaways and studying late into the night.
A few years out of university and they got married, only to discover Jane was pregnant with Abi shortly afterwards. Looking back now, Robert recognised that it had marked a shift in their relationship. They should have made a great team; they were both organised, diligent, with a fierce love for their daughter, but the endless cycle of feeding, changing, bathing and lack of sleep while working long hours trying to establish themselves in their careers, put a strain on everything. A strain that was made worse by the fact that perhaps the spark that had set their relationship alight at university hadn’t been as brightly lit as Robert had initially thought.
‘Sir?’
Robert heard a voice in the distance disturbing his memories.
‘Sir? Are you coming in?’
A female member of staff was holding open the door for him. He blinked.
‘Yes. Thank you.’
He crossed the room and lowered himself into the empty chair opposite Jane.
‘Jane? It’s me. Robert.’
Her head moved a fraction. Crow’s feet splayed out at the corners of her eyes and her lips were chapped.
‘I heard you coped well with the journey, Jane,’ Robert said, reaching across and patting her knee. ‘Well done.’
She raised her eyes, but her gaze was devoid of recognition. He’d experienced a whole gamut of emotions pouring out of those eyes in the years he’d known her: curiosity, irritation, warmth and something darker in those final months before the accident. But now there was nothing.
‘Doctor Plummer seems efficient. I think you’ll like it here. We’re living in Thistleby. It’s really quite beautiful. Much quieter than we’re used to. I hope it won’t be too dull for Abi, or Moira for that fact, she leads a busy social life.’
Robert felt his throat close up as a burning sensation prickled behind his eyes. The move had stirred up old memories that he’d worked hard to keep buried over the years. There was nothing he could do or say to change what had happened, all he could do was be here for Jane, to visit her and talk to her. That’s all he could give her now, but it never seemed enough.
Robert took a deep breath and forced himself to continue.
‘Abi starts her new school on Tuesday. She’s nervous that she won’t make any friends, but I know she will. The school has a good reputation. I visited it over the summer and I think you’d approve.’
Chapter 7
Ellie’s brain was swimming in a fog of confusion. She tried to replay what she’d seen over and over again in her head to make sense of it, but all she could see was Scarlette in her silk dressing gown and all she could hear was Dominic calling out her name.
Ellie clamped her hand over her mouth and sobbed. Hot tears flowed down her cheeks, her breath shallow and rapid, as the shock of discovering that Dominic might be having an affair ripped through her body.
Had she convinced herself that Dominic wanted the same things as her? Had she pushed him into proposing? Had she been nagging Dominic so much about the wedding that it had driven him into the arms of another woman? The onslaught of questions would not stop buzzing around her head.
Ellie slipped her hands into her hair and tugged hard as she recalled how electric she had felt the night Dominic had proposed to her. She had instantly forgiven him for the predictable proposal at The Bell & Whistle, his mates jeering him on from the bar, but could she forgive herself for the desperate gratitude she had shown him that night?
Sliding her engagement ring from her finger, she held it over her handbag and let it drop. It fell to the bottom with a dull thud.
Ellie dragged herself from her car and approached a familiar terraced house. She rang the bell, wrapping her arms around her while she waited, shivering despite the warmth of the afternoon. Jenny answered the door, surprise jumping onto her face.
‘What’s happened to you? You look terrible.’
Ellie allowed herself to be pulled inside.
‘I need a drink,’ she whispered.
‘A cup of tea?’
Ellie shook her head.
‘No, not a cup of tea.’
Jenny scrutinized her for a moment.
‘I see! Let me get Bea sorted and then we’ll do something about that drink, okay?’
Jenny pulled up a chair for her in the kitchen and Ellie sank down onto it. A squeal of excitement and a scampering of small feet brought Bea charging in from the back garden straight onto Ellie’s lap, her thin arms entwining up around her neck. Sighing deeply, Ellie breathed in the fresh smell of the little girl and buried her face in her soft hair, her chest tightening as she wondered how she’d ever let go.
Jenny rustled up a simple meal for them, but Ellie pushed the food around the plate with her fork.
‘You’ll need to line your stomach if you want to go drinking with me,’ Jenny warned her. ‘Eat up, my cooking’s not that bad. I’ve called my mum to look after Bea, she’ll be here in half an hour.’
Ellie shovelled some peas into her mouth, but she could barely taste them. Finally, Jenny pushed her out of the kitchen.
‘Go and get yourself a shower, grab a dress from my room and put some makeup on. Off you go,’ she ordered.
~
After a hot shower, Ellie pulled out the first dress she could find in Jenny’s wardrobe and slipped it on; midnight-blue, sleeveless and knee-length, the dress was too big for her, but she didn’t care. Pulling a brush through her hair, the repetitive strokes soothed her nerves until her phone rang. Her hand tightened round the handle as she saw Dominic’s name flashing on the screen. Grabbing it, Ellie switched her phone off and dropped it into her handbag.
After a quick chat with Jenny’s mum, the two friends walked the short distance to Thistleby High Street. As the sun began to drop in the sky and their heels clipped along the pavement, Ellie told Jenny what had happened that afternoon.
‘Something didn’t feel right, so I knocked on the door.’
‘And?’
‘And, and it was…’ Ellie clenched her jaw. ‘It was her.’
‘Her?’
‘The barmaid from The Bell & Whistle! Her face was caked in makeup and she was wearing this thin, silky dressing gown.’
‘Is she running a bloody brothel?’ Jenny exclaimed.
‘Then Dominic called her name and, well…he wasn’t calling for a pint, put it that way!’
Ellie’s hand rushed to her mouth as yet again she replayed it over in her head.
‘That pig! How could he do this to you?’
‘I’m such an idiot,’ Ellie whispered.
‘Of course, you’re not.’
‘I can’t believe I didn’t suspect a thing. I mean how long has he been seeing her for? What if there are other women? I just don’t know…’
‘Slow down,’ Jenny said, her arm sliding across Ellie’s shoulder.
‘There I was going on and on about the wedding and all he was probably thinking about was when he could next go and see her. I could see it at the engagement party, Jen, for him it was just another night down The Bell & Whistle and I saw the way he looked at her.’
‘Oh, Ellie.’
‘I thought he loved me,’ Ellie cried, coming to a sudden standstill. ‘I mean, I stupidly thought we had something special, but now I don’t know what to think.’
‘Come on. You’re out on the town with your bestie now, where shall we go?’
‘Anywhere but The Bell & Whistle,’ Ellie grunted.
‘How about the new wine bar, The Olive Tree? I’ve heard it’s about as different to the bloody Bell & Whistle as you can get.’
Ellie let her friend guide her through the door of The Olive Tree; people were sinking in deep, sumptuous sofas, while others sat at tall tables with spindly legs. Jenny scoured the busy room and finally spotted some empty seats at the bar. With the soft lighting, gentle background music and low hum of conversation, Ellie felt the tight knots in her chest begin to loosen as she hopped up onto a stool.
‘What do you fancy?’ asked Jenny. Ellie shrugged her shoulders. ‘How about a cocktail?’
Jenny grabbed the cocktail menu and waved it at the barman to get his attention. Ellie placed her hands on the bar and stretched out her long, ringless fingers. Jenny giggled with the barman as he placed two tall drinks down in front of them. Ellie stared at the swirling red and orange colours in her glass.
‘Sex on the beach,’ Jenny said, with a grin. ‘Drink up!’
Ellie did as she was told. Ice cubes clinked in the bottom of the empty glass as she placed it back on the bar seconds later. Jenny eyes widened as Ellie held up her empty glass to the barman.
‘We’ll have the same again, please,’ she said, in a confident voice she almost didn’t recognise.
‘Look at you,’ Jenny said. ‘It usually takes you half the evening to get through a cocktail, not half a minute.’
Ellie’s fingers drummed the bar as she waited for her second drink to be served. She downed it in one, while Jenny and the b
arman watched on. She wiggled her head, feeling her long, golden hair moving across her back and let out a deep sigh. It was like having a shot of relaxation in the arm.
The barman was slower to serve her third drink even though the bar hadn’t got any busier.
‘He’s cute, don’t you think?’ Jenny whispered, following the barman with twinkling eyes. ‘Lovely bum. He keeps looking at you, you know.’
‘Jen!’
‘Oh, don’t get all high and mighty on me, a woman is allowed to look.’ Ellie narrowed her eyes. ‘Doesn’t mean you’d act on it, Ellie.’
‘Only the bad ones would, you mean?’ Ellie said.
‘Oh now, come on.’
‘I’ve been a fool,’ said Ellie, slumping over the bar. ‘What’s wrong with me?’
‘Nothing is wrong with you.’
‘But he’s cheating on me. Who does that? Proposes to his girlfriend and then goes off with….,’ Ellie said, her voice trailing off. ‘Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I got it wrong. Maybe I didn’t see what I think I did. Maybe there’s an explanation.’
She raised her head to look at her friend, but Jenny’s mouth was set in a hard, thin line.
‘It all seems pretty damning evidence from what you’ve told me, Ellie. You’re too good for him.’
The earth seemed to lurch beneath Ellie’s stool and a wave of nausea heaved up from her stomach into her mouth.
The barman put another cocktail down in front of them.
‘You’ll be okay,’ Jenny said, rubbing Ellie’s back. ‘Be thankful that you found out before it’s too late and you married the loser.’
‘But up until a few hours ago I had my whole life planned out. I knew exactly what my future looked like and now I have no idea about anything. He’s gone and ruined it all,’ Ellie whispered, shaking her head.
‘After this, we’ll go back to mine. I’ll make the sofa up and we can watch movies and eat our body weight in chocolate. You can stay as long as you like, until you’re ready to go home.’
‘Home. What a joke,’ Ellie growled.
‘I’m just popping to the little girl’s room,’ Jenny said, hopping off her bar stool. ‘Don’t drink that too fast.’
