by Sarah Picson
In the sitting room, Robert eased himself into a seat beside Jane. She didn’t register his presence; he could have been anybody. His fingers found hers and it was then that she looked at him with those passive, grey eyes. Those eyes that used to blaze with fury when they argued. He would have done anything to see that fire in her eyes again. He held up the photo of Abi he’d brought with him.
‘Our daughter, Abi. She’s growing up fast.’
He hadn’t expected any recognition, but his heart sunk as she regarded the photo much as she regarded the patch on the carpet.
‘It’s her birthday soon,’ he said, lowering the photo. ‘She’ll be fifteen. A proper teenager.’
He pushed out a hollow chuckle.
‘I’d like to do something special for her, but I don’t know what fifteen-year-olds like to do on their birthday and to be honest I’m not sure she’ll even want to do anything with me.’
He peeled back his fingers from hers and clenched them into a ball.
‘We don’t talk much and whenever we do it turns into an argument. I’m not sure…’
He broke off, a hollow feeling invading his chest. He sighed deeply and rubbed his forehead; glad that the painkillers had taken the edge off his migraine.
‘I’m not making a good job of it, to be honest, Jane,’ Robert whispered. ‘I could really use your help.’
But Jane was studying the sunlight dancing on the lawn outside the window. Robert sunk back into his chair and gazed out of the window too, sharing the silence with her.
~
Later that week, as Robert pulled his car onto the driveway after another long day at work, his stomach howling at him with hunger, he was surprised to see Ellie’s car parked there. It was almost nine o’clock. He felt a stab of irritation and wondered if she’d arrived late again and was making up the time. After her ungrateful attitude last week when he’d stopped to help her start her car, he wasn’t pleased to find her still there.
Entering the house he froze mid-step, as giggling and chattering floated out from the kitchen. Usually, Abi was in her room and Moira had some soft music playing on the radio when he got home from work. Robert hung up his coat and poked his head into the kitchen. There, leaning over the island on their elbows, were Abi and Ellie side by side, wide grins on their faces. Moira was on the other side, holding up a wooden spoon and in full flow.
‘So, I said to him, Leonard, I’m just not the bridge partner for you. He’s the worst player there and I’m stuck with him because I’m new.’
‘What are you going to do?’ asked Ellie.
‘I’ve bribed Edna with a bottle of gin. If she partners Leonard next week, then I get to partner Terence. Now Terence has fabulous teeth and plays very well, so I’ll enjoy him smiling at me when we’re winning all evening.’
They dissolved into giggles as Moira flourished the spoon about in triumph.
Ellie saw him first. The smile slipped from her face and she immediately stood up straight. For a moment, he was sorry he had that effect on her.
‘Evening,’ he said, strolling in.
Abi grunted in response and picked at something on the kitchen top.
‘Robert,’ Moira said. ‘You’re just in time for dinner.’
‘You haven’t eaten yet?’
‘The maths session has only just finished, so we thought we’d wait for you,’ Moira said. ‘We knew you’d have to come home at some point.’
‘It finished very late,’ Robert stated, darting a stern glance at Ellie.
Ellie flinched, telling him that she knew exactly what he was inferring about her timekeeping.
‘Ellie arrived early and they’ve been hard at work all evening,’ Moira said. ‘Aren’t you pleased?’
Robert felt three pairs of eyes on him. The kitchen suddenly became incredibly warm; he loosened his tie and cleared his throat.
‘Yes.’
‘I’ll leave you to it then,’ Ellie said. ‘Well done, Abi. We made some great progress tonight.’
Abi burst into a grin. Robert watched the transformation on his daughter’s face and turned to Ellie.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
Her eyes widened at his words, but then she smiled: a shy smile. Robert realised she’d never smiled at him before and something about the way her face softened and her eyes sparkled made his pulse quicken.
He turned away to face his daughter and immediately screwed his eyes up as he noticed the shiny glow of his daughter’s lips and the thickness of her eyelashes.
‘What’s that on your face?’
Abi glared at him, pink circles staining her cheeks.
‘It’s makeup, Dad.’
‘You’re too young for all that.’
‘I am not and Leonie says I’m getting really good at putting on mascara.’
Her arms knotted in front of her as Robert opened his mouth to reply but he didn’t have the chance to respond.
‘You should stay for dinner, Ellie,’ Moira called, from where she was bending over the oven.
Robert’s attention swung Moira’s way, a grunt of surprise catching in his throat. In the doorway, Ellie’s head snapped round, catching Robert’s eye.
‘I should be going,’ she said and stole away into the hall.
‘Maybe if you asked her, Dad, she might stay,’ said Abi, fixing him with an intense stare.
Moira also gave him a look as she began to serve dinner.
‘You want her to stay?’ he asked.
‘Yeah,’ Abi said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Robert hesitated. He looked to Moira.
‘We’ve got plenty to go around.’
‘Is that right?’
‘Yes,’ Moira said. ‘Besides, when was the last time we had anyone over for dinner?’
‘Dad, she’s going to leave if you don’t hurry!’ Abi cried.
Muttering to himself about being ambushed, Robert caught Ellie just as her hand was clasping the front door handle.
‘Miss Saunders,’ he called.
She glanced back at him.
‘Please, call me Ellie.’
He stuffed his hands into his pockets.
‘Ellie…’
As his mouth hung open, his mind went blank. His insides felt scratchy and uncomfortable under her curious gaze.
‘Have you had your car seen to?’ he asked, blurting out the first thing that popped into his head.
‘No, it’s been starting fine this week.’
‘Don’t get complacent. You need to get that car seen to.’
‘That rust bucket, you mean?’ she said, a deep crinkle appearing between the gap in her eyebrows. Robert opened his mouth to argue the point, but she swung the front door open. ‘Good night, Mr Finch.’
Robert felt a sharp twist in his stomach as he remembered why he’d been sent after her.
‘Dinner,’ he called, as she stalked down the steps.
She came to a halt, her slender neck rising out of her shirt collar to look back round at him.
‘Dinner?’
‘Moira’s made plenty.’
Ellie tilted her head to one side and studied him as if he had just started speaking an entirely different language.
‘Has she?’ she said.
‘Yes,’ he said, pulling his hands from his pockets and spreading his palms up to the ceiling. ‘Would you like to stay?’
There was a long pause as she continued to study him.
‘For dinner?’
‘That’s right.’
‘Thank you, but…’
‘You’d be welcome.’
The words hung in the air between them. He watched her hesitate, but he could also see a spark of temptation too.
‘Moira’s a great cook,’ he mumbled. ‘Abi’s really keen for you to stay. She’s the one who sent me out here.’
‘I see.’
He found himself wondering what her personal circumstances were and if she had someone to get home to this evening.
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‘Are you sure?’ she asked.
‘Yes,’ he said, with a firmness that surprised him. ‘And please, call me Robert.’
‘Okay, Robert. That would be lovely, thank you.’
Robert nodded and breathed in her light, floral perfume as she walked back into the house.
~
Sat at the dining room table, Robert attacked his dinner like a man who hadn’t eaten for days. Moira did most of the talking at first. She told them about the flats she’d viewed that week and about the gossip circulating around the bridge club.
Robert only half listened to her, instead he thought how strange it was that the woman who had been so rude to him just weeks earlier, was now sat in his house eating dinner with them.
His ears pricked up when he heard Abi contribute to the conversation. She was like a different girl to the one he knew; upbeat and chatty, she glowed whenever Ellie directed a question her way.
‘What is there to do at the weekends around here, Ellie?’ Moira asked. ‘A young lass like you must struggle with a night life. As beautiful as Thistleby is, it’s rather quiet.’
‘Well, I’m not that young and I don’t go out very often,’ she said. Robert stole a glance at her but she refused to look in his direction. ‘There are some great coffee shops in the village and I go running at White Willow Lake whenever I get the chance.’
Something stirred at the back of Robert’s mind at the mention of the lake.
‘Running? Oh my, the coffee shops sound far more comfortable to me,’ Moira said, with a chuckle.
‘You told me about that lake, didn’t you?’ Robert said.
Ellie looked blankly at him.
‘Did I?’
He nodded.
‘Yes, the first time we met.’
A pink blush crept up her neck.
‘No, she didn’t,’ Abi said.
Robert opened his mouth to disagree with his daughter and mention his meeting with Ellie in the bar, but something about the way Ellie seemed to be disappearing down in her chair made him stop.
‘Maybe I got that wrong,’ he said. ‘I like to cycle and I’m on the lookout for some local routes. Would you recommend it?’
‘Definitely,’ Ellie said, sitting up straight, the corners of her eyes crinkling as she smiled at him. ‘It’s a short drive north of town. There’s a beautiful lake in the middle and a huge forest surrounding it, with long, remote trails that go on for miles and miles.’
‘Maybe we could try it at the weekend, Abi?’ Robert asked.
‘Okay,’ she said.
His eyes widened and an unfamiliar warmth flooded his chest.
‘So, my girl’s catching up in her maths, is she?’ he asked.
‘Dad!’
‘She shows a lot of promise,’ Ellie said. ‘We’re almost up to date with the curriculum from last year and it helps that she’s got a great attitude.’
A frown creased Robert’s face.
‘If she’s not up to date yet maybe we should consider two tutoring sessions a week?’
‘Dad!’ Abi moaned.
‘I’m not sure that’s necessary,’ Ellie said.
‘How can you be so sure?’
Ellie placed her knife and fork neatly on her plate.
‘I believe Abi needs to learn to enjoy maths and then it will become easier for her. I think we have a good routine at the moment but too much too soon might threaten that.’
A frown tightened across Robert’s face, but he didn’t say anything, he merely nodded.
‘I hope everyone enjoyed that,’ Moira said, jumping up from her seat and collecting the plates.
‘It was delicious,’ Ellie said.
‘Thank you, Moira,’ Robert said, draining the last of his wine. ‘Time for homework, Abi.’
Abi grumbled as she left the room, leaving the three of them to clear the table and it struck Robert how much he’d enjoyed the meal. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten with Moira and Abi; too often he chose to have his dinner late or take it into his study, but this was what he should be doing more of, he thought to himself. He’d spoken more to Abi in the last hour than he had done all week.
Moira shooed Ellie out of the kitchen when she offered to help with the dishes and that left Robert to walk her to the door. Leaning against the wall, he watched as she pulled her jacket on and was gripped with a sudden urge to reach out and tug on the bun at the nape of her neck, so that her hair flowed down her back like a shiny waterfall, the way he remembered it from the bar.
He took a step backwards as she turned to face him.
‘Thanks for tonight.’
‘No problem,’ he replied. ‘Abi seems to be thriving under your tuition. Thank you.’
‘I’m glad. I didn’t mean to dismiss two tuition sessions a week so strongly. If it’s something you’re both serious about, I’d be happy to discuss it further.’
Robert shook his head.
‘No, no, I took your point. What you said made sense. I’m always happy to take a bit of advice when it comes to my teenage daughter.’
He gave a wry grin and scratched at the back of his neck as Ellie’s long eyelashes blinked up at him in surprise. He gestured towards the door.
‘See you next week then.’
‘Yes, see you then.’
As the door shut behind her, Robert felt part of him crumble inside with shame. He twirled his wedding ring around his finger and went to take refuge in his study, but the pressure pushing down hard on his chest refused to abate. He threw himself into his chair and thumped his fist down on the desk so hard that the photograph in the silver frame wobbled and fell. He exhaled sharply at the tinkle of broken glass.
Robert picked up the frame and grasped it to his chest, not caring that shards of glass were digging into his skin. Under his breath he apologised, over and over again, until his voice was hoarse and his mouth was dry.
Chapter 15
Ellie’s feet hit the ground at a brisk pace as she enjoyed her Saturday morning run at White Willow Lake. As was becoming usual these days, she’d slipped out of the house before Dominic had stirred. He’d been sprawled across the sofa in a heavy sleep, stale beer fumes from another night at the pub rising off him like early morning vapour.
Ellie had come to realise that it wasn’t hard to avoid someone if you tried hard enough. When she wasn’t at school, she often spent a night on Jenny’s sofa or would tuck herself up in their spare room at the cottage. She knew she was living in limbo, but the thought of uprooting the life she had been building for years and starting all over again was overwhelming: she felt sick at the thought of it and had no idea where to begin.
Pushing herself on, faster and faster, Ellie pounded out her frustration on the path snaking around the lake until she couldn’t think of anything except the harshness of her breathing. It was the perfect place to clear her head and settle her thoughts. The sky was a piercing blue and the air was still and crisp; the only movement was the soft ripple of the water as the late September sun shimmered on the surface of the lake. Apart from one solitary dog walker, she hadn’t seen anybody else. It was utterly peaceful.
Ellie’s thoughts drifted to Thursday night and the surprise she had felt when Robert had asked her to stay for dinner. She could tell he had been uncomfortable and at first, she hadn’t wanted to accept, but the opportunity to avoid going home had been stronger than she’d realised when she’d heard herself accepting the invitation.
All through dinner Ellie had been aware of Robert’s assessing eyes on her and she still didn’t know what to make of him. On one hand, he was so formal and serious, but on the other hand, she was convinced there was a kindness there that he locked away. She’d noticed it on Thursday when he’d been speaking to his daughter, even though Abi only seemed to reply to him in short, monotone sentences.
Ellie was intrigued by their complicated relationship and her thoughts turned to the photograph in his office. Ellie was convinced the woman was Abi’s moth
er: the long limbs and delicate features were a sure sign, but where was she?
The boisterous call of birds overhead broke her train of thought. She squinted up at them diving and soaring between the treetops and assumed the sound of the bell up ahead was much further away than it actually was. When Ellie brought her attention back to the path and began moving over to one side, the speeding bike was suddenly upon her and she realised in alarm that she was moving into its path.
In a scuffle of skidding and screeching, the bike stopped dead; the back tyre rising up as the cyclist almost went over the handlebars. The front wheel struck Ellie’s leg as she tried to move out of the way. She lost her footing and fell backwards, landing with a grunt on the ground.
There was a moment of stillness when only the heavy breathing of Ellie and the cyclist could be heard.
‘Are you okay?’ asked a gruff voice.
Scratched and sore from the fall, she wiped her grubby hands on her t-shirt. Her leg throbbed a little and it was red from the impact, but apart from the shock of suddenly being on her bum, there was no damage done.
‘I’m fine,’ she groaned, as she hauled herself to her feet.
‘I rang my bell as I came round the corner,’ the cyclist said, irritation in his voice now. ‘Didn’t you hear it?’
It wasn’t until the cyclist removed his helmet that Ellie recognised him. He wasn’t wearing his glasses and his hair was a sweaty mess, sticking down flat on his head. There was a faint red line across his forehead where the helmet had been tightly positioned.
‘Oh, Miss Sa.…Ellie. Are you sure you’re okay?’ Robert asked, concern crinkling his eyes up.
Ellie nodded.
‘Yes. I was in my own little world and should have been paying more attention.’
Robert rested his bicycle on the ground and took a long swig from his water bottle. He looked so different. She took in his strong jaw, long nose and light smattering of stubble across his chin. With snug cycling gear on, Ellie found she couldn’t stop staring at his impossibly broad shoulders.
‘I was probably going too fast,’ he admitted. ‘I haven’t seen another person yet, so I assumed I was the only one out here.’
‘It’s the best time of the day to be here. A little slice of solitude before everyone else wakes up,’ said Ellie.
