Pushing into the bookshelf with my entire body, I slowly got it to give way and crack open into the tunnel. Rika must’ve caught on to what I was doing, because she followed my lead and leaned into the shelf, Alex taking a cue from her.
Once we got it open enough, I pushed them through. They dived inside the secret passageway, but I didn’t. I gripped the edge of the “door” and pulled it closed again.
“Banks, what are you doing?” Rika cried out. “Banks!”
“Just go!” I shouted. I needed to get to my brother before Kai did.
I raced back through the foyer, hearing someone pounding on the door, while I heard the locks twist. Instinct told me to open the front door for them, but then I spotted blood on the floor, trailing down toward the kitchen.
They’d hurt him. Or kill him. I ran—down the hallway, behind the stairs, and into the dark kitchen.
The glass doors stood open on the other side of the island, and rain whipped in the wind caught in the funnel of the enclosed garden. Trees bent to nearly breaking point, and one of the doors banged against the wall.
Where are you?
All of a sudden, I was grabbed from behind and hauled back, an arm wrapping around my shoulders.
I gasped.
“You don’t love him, do you?” Damon asked, something wet touching my temple. “Because I’m about to make you a widow.”
A widow? I opened my mouth to speak, but then my hand brushed his other one hanging at my side, my fingers grazing the cold, steel barrel. A cry stretched my throat.
I turned my head, seeing blood matting his hair and dripping down the left side of his face. “Damon, what do you want?” I whispered.
And then I heard the front door whip open, echoing through the house, and I closed my eyes. “Please,” I begged. “Please, don’t. Please, just leave. Run.”
“I raised you better than that,” he bit out, spinning me around and gripping my shirt at the collar. “It was supposed to be us, Nik. Just us.”
“If you just wanted me, we would’ve been gone when you got out of prison last year,” I said, hearing Kai and the guys charge through the house. “What do you really want?”
Anger burned through his eyes. He glared at me, but I caught something else flash for a split-second, too. As if he was ashamed of the real answer.
He dropped his voice, replying, “I just want it to be how it used to be.” His eyes fell, but then he raised them again, the ice back in his stare. “And if I can’t have that, then I’ll make damn sure no one will ever be rid of me.”
He pushed me backward, and I stumbled, turning around. Gripping my shoulder, he forced me through the open doors and into the courtyard.
Fuck, what do I do? My instinct told me to fight. Turn around, attack, and then run. But that wouldn’t stop him or Kai from getting hurt.
What the hell would I do if it came down to one or the other?
“Get your fucking hands off her!” I heard Kai shout.
Damon whipped me around, putting me in front of him with an arm around my shoulders again. The icy rain drenched our clothes, and I blinked through the downpour, seeing Kai, Michael, and Will race into the courtyard.
Kai’s eyes fell to my brother’s hand, and I knew he saw the weapon.
“You won’t hurt her,” he told him. “I know you won’t.”
“I’ve been hurting her for eleven years.” Damon tightened his fist on the back of my shirt. “There’s not much I wouldn’t do.”
Kai remained still, his anger faltering. He wasn’t sure if my brother was bluffing, but he wasn’t certain he wasn’t. Not enough, anyway.
“Where are Lev and David?” Kai asked me.
“He tied them up in the basement.”
“And Rika and Alex?” Michael burst out.
“I sent them through the passageway.”
Kai turned to Michael. “The house down the hill. Go!”
Michael bolted back through the house, and I let out a breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding. I still didn’t know where the other two masked helpers of Damon’s were at. Hopefully they bolted.
“Hey, man.” Damon’s tone turned gentler. “Missed you.”
I assumed he was talking to Will, who, for once in his life, didn’t look happy. A slight snarl curled his lips, and his glower was fixed on Damon like nothing had been forgotten or forgiven.
Kai took a step forward, calling out over the rain, “Why go through all this?”
“Because this is my home,” Damon replied. Then he pulled me back into his chest. “And so is this.”
“She’s not your pet,” Kai argued. “Or your property. She never was.”
“I gave her everything.”
“You treated her like a dog!” Kai bellowed, his worried eyes flashing to me. “You hurt her.”
I swallowed the massive lump in my throat. I knew Damon treated me badly, even though I hated facing that fact. I’d just made excuses for it. He’s not well. He’s alone. He needs someone he can trust.
I loved him. What was I supposed to do? I could make him better. Right?
But if the sacrifices only come from one side, it’s time to face the truth. He was hurting me.
“She tenses when I touch her,” Kai told him. “It’s subtle, and it’s only for a moment, but it takes her off guard, like she’s not used it.”
Did I do that?
“She’s got a great imagination, but I think she’s even better at taking care of business,” he went on, holding my eyes now. “She’s going to be in charge of things someday, and even though I don’t know what exactly, it’s going to be great.”
Tears welled in my eyes.
“And I even like her in men’s clothes,” he said, softening his voice. “As long as they’re mine.”
Then he raised his eyes, telling Damon, “Just let her go, man. She’s not going to hurt you. She loves you. And you love her.”
I could feel my brother’s shallow breaths behind me as he backed us up a step, still resisting. “The only ones who can hurt you are the ones you love.”
I closed my eyes.
“Choose,” he said.
I opened my eyes, and he spun me around, looking between me and them. “He can survive without you. You know that.”
He meant Kai didn’t need me. Damon did. That’s what he wanted me to believe, but it wasn’t entirely true.
“So can you,” I replied. “You just hate seeing us survive without you.”
His gaze narrowed, and I knew I had him. But before he could say anything, Damon was pushed on the ground, and I was shoved away.
I watched as Will jumped on top of him, knocking the gun out of his hand and swinging his fists like he’d been waiting a year for this. I guessed he had, after all.
“You fucking prick!” he shouted, grunting as he punched. “You’re nothing! Nothing without us!”
The next thing I knew, Kai grabbed my arm and pulled me back, and I spotted Michael, Rika, and Alex running through the kitchen and back outside to us.
“His friends ran off,” Rika told me and then turned her eyes on the action.
I spun around, seeing Will still completely losing it.
“How could you go so far?” he burst out. “I’m going to fucking kill you.”
He gripped my brother’s throat in one hand, holding him in place, and hit him with the other.
Damon wasn’t fighting back. He just squeezed his eyes shut, blood streaming out of his nose and down his face as Will attacked him again and again.
“When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.” His voice shook as he grunted. “Fuck it all, and fuck you.”
Then, all of a sudden, he hooked Will in a headlock and pulled him down, restraining him. Then he flipped over, taking Will to the bottom as the latter just kept hitting him, throwing punches, thrashing, and growling from the bottom. Damon just sat there, his forehead bowed into Will’s chest, breathing hard and taking the hits.
“Stop them,” I begg
ed Kai. “Please.”
But he just stood there, letting Will get his revenge.
Blood matted Damon’s hair, trickling down his face with the rain. He gripped Will’s shirt and buried his head, trying to shield himself but not trying to stop it.
He knew he deserved this.
Will threw him off, stood up, and swung back his leg, kicking Damon in the head. I turned away.
I knew what he was doing, just letting Will punch him. If he was in pain on the outside, he wouldn’t feel it on the inside.
I bowed my head, staring at the raindrops hitting the blades of grass as the fight went on and the sounds of grunts and hits filled the courtyard.
Too long.
And then I heard nothing. Slowly raising my eyes, I saw Will sitting on the ground next to Damon, his hands behind him, propping him up and breathing hard.
Damon laid on his back, his knees bent up but unmoving.
Slowly, he started to turn over, and with shaking limbs, got himself up on his knees and sat there on his heels, looking like he barely had enough strength to hold his head up. Water cascaded down his face, making his black hair hang over his eyes, and I knew I couldn’t ever not love him. Bleeding, broken, lost, and alone, he was back up, wasn’t he? He would always be able to take whatever anyone did to him. Twist it. Turn it. Swallow it.
Kai approached, and I followed. He knelt down, staring at my brother.
“We didn’t choose Rika over you,” he told him calmly. “Or Banks.” He leaned in, his tone firm. “You left us.”
Will watched Damon out of the corner of his eye, anger still raging through his eyes but they glistened, too.
Kai stood up. “Where is the body?”
Rika and Michael inched closer, and I watched Damon take a deep breath. “Gone,” he said.
Kai bent down and grabbed the top of his head by the hair. “Where?”
Damon raised his eyes, almost amused. “You didn’t kill her.”
I stepped toward him, and Kai let him go, straightening.
“What?” I asked.
“She was fine when you and Kai left the hotel.”
“How do I know you’re telling the truth?” Kai demanded.
“Because she was breathing when you left, wasn’t she?”
“Well, where is she, then?” I asked. She’d need money at some point. It was too long for no one to have seen or heard from her.
“I need proof she’s okay,” Kai told him. “I still hurt her.”
“No, she was hurting us.” Damon pushed himself to his feet, struggling to square his shoulders. “And you stopped her. End of story.”
“So, she was fine when I left the hotel?” Kai challenged him. “Was she fine when you left the hotel?”
Damon held Kai’s eyes, giving nothing away as the silence stretched between them, and I knew…I just knew…
She was dead.
That night wasn’t over when Kai and I left The Pope.
“Kai!” Alex shouted. “Oh, my God, hurry!”
We all spun around, spotting her inside the house, across the kitchen, and looking down the hallway.
She turned her worried eyes back to us. “Where’s the fire extinguisher?”
We all shot off. Running back into the house, I raced through the kitchen, feeling Kai’s hand take mine. We left Damon outside, and I knew that he’d run. A big part of me hoped he would.
Alex stood in the foyer, looking toward the sitting room, and Michael, Rika, Kai, and I rushed up to her, seeing the black drape crawling with flames. A small tree had crashed through the window, glass and rain covering the floor.
“The candles,” Kai breathed. “Shit!”
I glanced at the floor, and sure enough, the fallen tree had knocked the candles onto the floor, causing the drapes to catch fire.
Kai pointed at Will. “Closet!” And all of them, including Michael, ran back down the hallway, swinging open the closet door and diving inside for the extinguishers.
I raced into the sitting room, seeing the flames spread up the curtain, and then I noticed the shanais hanging on the wall next to the window.
“Rika!” I called, running over and grabbing one off the wall.
The heat of the flames stung my eyes, and rain hit my arm as I reached up again, pulling another sword off the wall. I choked on the tears stuck in my throat.
He’d already lost the dojo. I couldn’t let this happen again.
Rika worked with me, pulling everything off the wall and tossing it to one of the couches.
“No!” I heard Kai yell. “Banks, stay back!”
He ran in and grabbed my arm, yanking me behind him. “Put out the rest of the candles!”
The flames spread across the valance, and I rushed over to blow out the other tapers just in case the wind blew any more onto the floor.
Michael and Will ran in, Michael darting his horrified eyes toward us.
“Rika!” he shouted.
And I twisted around. A piece of the fabric hanging above, consumed in flames, spilled down, hanging by threads. She followed his gaze, looking up, and he shot off, hurrying for her. Suddenly, the gold rod broke, spilling down from the wall, and everything went in slow motion. The drapes, ablaze, came crashing down, and everyone reached out for her, but just then, she was grabbed by the shirt, hauled backward, away from the flames, and sent tumbling to the hardwood floor at the center of the room. She crashed onto her back, wincing out of fear or pain, I wasn’t sure.
And I looked up and saw Damon. I hadn’t even seen him enter.
Rika blinked a few times, the wind knocked out of her as Michael dived down and pulled her up.
“Jesus Christ,” he gasped, holding her face. “You okay?”
She seemed stunned, just trying to catch her breath. Then she looked over, and so did I, Damon standing there with his jaw clenched.
Everyone was momentarily frozen, piecing together what the hell had just happened, but Kai turned back to the flames, and pointed the nozzle at the window. He and Will sprayed the extinguisher up, down, and over, the bright, hot flames quickly turning to smoke, Will coughing as the fire was put out.
I exhaled, trying to catch my breath.
They set the tanks down, all of us just stood there, tired, confused, angry, or whatever. I looked over to Alex. She had a hand on her chest, breathing hard, while Michael stood in front of Rika, both of them not saying anything.
Will fell down on the couch, resting his head in his hands, and Kai…Kai turned his eyes on Damon finally.
“You think we won’t call the police?” he threatened. “You should’ve run.”
“I’m not running,” Damon said, staring at the wall. “Call them.”
I swallowed, pain stretching my throat. I knew Kai was looking at me. What could I say? Please, don’t.
My father won’t let Damon go back to prison. He’ll send him somewhere where he can’t embarrass him again, and he’ll keep him there, out of sight, for however long it takes for Damon to get a hold of himself.
If I were Kai, I’d know Damon deserved to suffer. I’d know what I needed to do for the safety of my friends and family.
But I wasn’t Kai.
I closed my eyes, my chin trembling. I was too close to the situation. My heart couldn’t bear to see him suffer anymore.
“Rika?” Kai said, coming up to me and threading his fingers through mine. “Michael? Will? You guys do what you need to do. I can’t deal with this now.”
He pressed his lips into my temple. I couldn’t ask any of them to just let him go, but I was grateful Kai stood with me.
No one spoke, and I opened my eyes to see Rika look away from Damon. There was anger in her eyes, but also conflict.
And confusion. He had just saved her from getting hurt or worse.
And what had he whispered to her before the guys showed up?
“Don’t get confused,” Damon told her. “I’m not a good guy. Call the police.”
Michael turned, looking r
eady to hit him, but Rika pulled him back. “Get the fuck out,” she growled to Damon. And then she turned away, breathing so hard her anger looked ready to spill over.
Damon cast me a look, and there was so much I wanted to say.
But we both knew he had to get out of here before she changed her mind.
He walked out, and I heard the front door swing open, the sound of the rain pouring in.
What if I never saw him again? Damon was all I had for so long. Everything was new now. My home, my days, even my clothes…I exhaled, pain twisting my stomach.
I ran out of the room and out the front door. “Damon!”
Tears streamed down my face, and I could barely see him through the blur in my eyes. But I saw his dark form stop and slowly turn around. Blood had dried around his eye, but the rain had washed most of it away.
“Did you ever love me?” I asked.
He slowly approached me, staring hard. “Love is pain, Nik,” he told me. “It’s never felt good.”
“Not even my love?”
He dropped his eyes, shaking his head. “I don’t want to hurt you. Anymore,” he added. “That’s all I know.”
He backed up slowly, finally turning around and walking down the long, dark driveway until he disappeared into the night.
I just stared after him, into the empty darkness. It’s never too late.
Banks
Present
The October wind howled outside, making the otherwise quiet house creak under the pressure. It had to be about three in the morning, but I wasn’t making any move to check my phone. Kai and I sat on the bed, me in between his legs and resting back into his chest as he sat propped up against the headboard. I fiddled with his fingers, threading mine in and out of his. Today was Halloween.
“Do you feel it?” I asked quietly.
“What?”
I took a deep breath, filling my lungs and closing my eyes. “It’s like everything is starting.”
An enormous weight had lifted off my shoulders when Damon walked out hours ago. I wondered where he went and if he was safe. I worried that he doubted how much I loved him.
But I didn’t realize how much I’d dreaded him, too.
At least part of me.
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