Uniting the Souls

by Annabella Michaels

  Her eyes widened, but then I saw them shutter. “It doesn’t matter,” she said.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, knowing I wasn’t going to like her answer.

  “I mean nothing would come of it anyway. He probably flirts with everyone to try and get a better tip,” she said, waving her hand in the air like the conversation was over.

  I hated the cynical tone in her voice because I knew that wasn’t my sister. That was her insecurities talking; the insecurities that that cheating bastard, Tommy, had given her. I wasn’t a violent person, I believed in talking through your issues, but in that moment, if her ex-husband had been standing in front of me, I would’ve decked him.

  “Now, enough stalling. Tell me about the party you went to,” Aysha said.

  I clenched my jaw at her obvious attempt at changing the subject. I wanted to argue with her, but then I saw the pleading look in her eyes and I knew it wasn’t the right time. I’d brought her there to enjoy herself and have fun and I wouldn’t spoil that for her. We would, however, be revisiting the conversation eventually.

  I told Aysha about the crowd of fans outside the club and some of the funny stories that had been passed around among my friends. The waiter brought us our food and Aysha mostly kept her head down, but I did see her dart a look at him as he set her plate in front of her. His smile broadened, displaying a row of perfectly straight white teeth and he winked at her boldly. Aysha’s gaze dropped back to the table, but I could see a slight grin on her lips as the waiter walked away. I was glad that she had seen the man’s reaction for herself, but I kept my face blank as she looked my way.

  “I miss dancing. Please, tell me you did some dancing. Let me live vicariously through you,” Aysha pleaded dramatically.

  My mind immediately flashed to the night before when I’d sat, watching Matt and Isaac out on the dance floor. The way they’d moved together had been natural and fluid as if their bodies were made for each other. The heat between them could be felt from across the room and when they finally kissed, I’d felt like my body was going to go up in flames.

  I swallowed hard as I realized I’d been quiet too long and Aysha was staring at me through narrowed eyes, her head tilted to the side as she studied me like a bug under a microscope. It was time to come clean. I’d never been able to hide anything from my sister because she knew me better than anyone else in the world and besides, if things went the way I was hoping they would go with Matt and Isaac, then I would have to tell her about them eventually anyway.

  “I did dance just a little,” I told her, trying to figure out how to explain my infatuation with two men.

  “You’ve met someone,” she said with a growing smile and I shifted in my seat nervously.

  “Well, sort of,” I said slowly. “The thing is, I’ve actually met two men.” Aysha’s face crinkled in confusion and my palms began to sweat.

  “Wait, you’re seeing two guys at the same time? Do they know about each other?” I could hear the touch of disappointment in her voice and I knew she was comparing it to her own experience with her ex.

  “It’s not like that,” I rushed to explain. “The three of us…we all like each other.” Aysha leaned back in her chair and eyed me for a moment as she let my words turn over in her head then she leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table and folding her hands under her chin.

  “Okay, tell me about them,” she said simply, as a small smile lifted her lips.

  I stared at her, stunned by her easy reaction to the news. My sister had always been very open-minded and my biggest supporter, but I’d figured the news that I was getting involved in a ménage would’ve thrown her just a little.

  “You seem to be taking this very easily,” I said and Aysha laughed.

  “Hudson, you’ve always done things your own way; moving to L.A., starting your own practice, and it’s worked out for you each and every time. I don’t see any reason for this to be any different. You’re a smart guy with a good head on your shoulders and I know you wouldn’t rush into something like this without giving it some serious thought first,” she explained.

  “You’re right. I have thought a lot about what it would be like to be with both of them and it just feels right, you know?” Aysha smiled at me knowingly and I could see the excitement in her eyes.

  “Don’t get too excited though. It’s still very early and I’m not quite sure how they each feel about it yet. We have a lot of things to work out and there are many things we don’t know about each other yet,” I cautioned her.

  “Okay, I get it. I’d still like to hear about them though. I’ve never seen you look the way you did when you were thinking about them earlier. It has me intrigued about who these men are,” she said.

  I felt so much love for my sister right then and I relaxed as I spent the rest of our meal telling her everything I knew about Isaac and Matt. She thought they sounded like amazing people and said she couldn’t wait to meet them someday. I wanted that too, I just hoped we made it that far. I worried that in the light of day, they may be second-guessing what had happened between us.

  Aysha took Nicholas to the bathroom while I paid the bill and I smiled when I saw the waiter’s name, and his phone number written on the receipt along with a note. To the beautiful woman seated at my table, I’d love the opportunity to take you out and get to know you. If you’re interested, please give me a call. I held the receipt out to her as we climbed in the car and she immediately opened her mouth to object, but I cut her off, folding her hand around the thin strip of paper.

  “Don’t say anything right now. Just promise me that you won’t throw it away, okay? Even if you never call him, let it serve as a reminder that there are perfectly nice men out there who find you attractive and want to get to know you. Not every man is a sleaze ball like Tommy,” I said, hoping she’d finally start to believe me.

  I breathed a sigh of relief as she took the paper and folded it carefully before sliding it into her purse. I leaned over and kissed her cheek. I knew how difficult it would be for her to take that first step towards trusting people again, but she was a wonderful woman and she deserved to be happy. I smiled as I pulled out of the parking lot and started heading towards the movie theater. Maybe it was time for both of us to find some happiness.

  I checked the time on my watch and then leaned against the small counter in my kitchen as I drank my coffee. I had a few minutes before I needed to leave to catch the L train into work. I’d spent all day Sunday feeling as if I were in a daze. I worked on autopilot as I cleaned my apartment and did laundry. I tried to relax and read, but my thoughts constantly returned to the night before and I found myself reading the same paragraph over and over without taking any of it in. My body was sore, but every twinge and ache served as a delicious reminder of what had happened between me, Matt, and Hudson.

  I’d always wondered what my first time having sex would be like. I’d hoped that it would be with someone who liked me and would do their best to make it good for me, but never in my wildest dreams had I imagined anything as good as my night with those two men.

  There’d been an instant chemistry between the three of us from the first time we met. It had continued to smolder each time we were together, but the night of the party, that slow burn had ignited into a fiery passion that I was surprised hadn’t left my body in a pile of ashes.

  However, it was so much more than just desire between us. It was also the looks that had been exchanged. The way we all seemed to feel the need to reach for one another, keeping the connection between us. The gentle, caring way they’d taken care of me, making sure my first time was nothing short of amazing. I’d never experienced anything like it before and I craved more.

  I’d always been kind of a loner, keeping to myself both at school and at home, but with good reason. I’d only ever had one person I was really close to, but even he hadn’t known all my secrets. Although I think he suspected, especially there at the end. I pushed the thoughts away, not allowing myself
to go down that dark path.

  Once I’d started living at Agape House, I’d learned to accept help from others, to trust in other people. For the first time in my life, I’d begun to let my guard down. Once I began working there and I was in the position of helping others, I’d opened up even more, spending time with the kids and making friends with the other staff members and volunteers. I’d slowly begun to realize that I wasn’t the introvert I’d always thought I’d been. Given the right environment, I was actually quite outgoing and friendly.

  Still, with all my newfound friends, I’d never felt fully connected with any of them. Even Matt who knew me better than anyone else at the center was held at arm’s length. Although I’m not sure if that was more on my part or his. Probably a combination of the two. The other night had changed all that though. I’d seen deeper inside Matt than ever before and it had given me the confidence to hand over more of myself.

  At the center of it all was Hudson, whose open honesty had kept the three of us tethered, binding us in a way that made me feel safer and stronger. When I was lying there, Matt inside me and Hudson hovering above my head, I’d felt safer than I ever had in my life. It was as if when I was with those two men, nothing and no one could touch me. I’d never felt that level of security, ever. I knew that after that first taste of it, I’d never be able to let that feeling go.

  I just hoped my two lovers had felt the same. I had no experience when it came to those kinds of things. For all I knew, sex was always that powerful and what had seemed earth-shattering to me, had been normal for them. I sighed as I poured the last of my coffee into the sink and rinsed out my cup. I guess there was only one way to find out, I needed to get to work so I could see them.

  “Isaac! Hey, man, we’re just about to start a game. You in?” someone called out as I walked in the door of Agape House.

  I looked up and saw Troy standing near the front desk, a basketball tucked under his arm. Troy had shown up at the center nearly six months before, battered and bruised from a father who refused to have a gay son. The bruises had all healed and after many sessions with Hudson, he had finally started to show his true self. Beneath the quiet, scared kid who had arrived at our door, was a fun-loving, outgoing, adventurous young man.

  “Don’t you need to catch the bus soon?” I asked, checking the time on my watch.

  “No school. It’s a teacher in-service day,” he answered. I chuckled at the broad smile that spread across his face, remembering how excited I used to get when there was no school.

  “Okay! Let me just put my stuff up and check in with Matt, then I’ll play,” I told him. I started down the hallway towards my office, but stopped in my tracks when Allison spoke up from her desk.

  “Matt’s not here yet. He wasn’t at breakfast and I haven’t heard from him,” she said.

  My stomach twisted in a knot. I couldn’t remember Matt ever being late. He was always the first one to arrive at the center, often before the kids woke up. He’d told me once that it was because it was quiet and he was able to get some of his work done so he could spend more time with the kids before they had to go to school. I always thought it was sweet that he wanted to make sure he had breakfast with them and saw how they were doing before they left for the day. The fact that he hadn’t done so that morning, especially since there was no school, had me feeling concerned. I hoped he wasn’t sick.

  “I’ll check my messages, see if he called,” I told Allison.

  I told Troy I’d be right back and then I walked down the hallway, frowning at Matt’s dark office. I stepped into my office and put my messenger bag in my bottom desk drawer then hung my jacket on the coat hook on the back of the door. I sat down at my desk and saw the light flashing on my office phone, alerting me to three new messages. I pushed the button quickly so I could listen to them, hoping one of them was from Matt.

  My shoulders sagged with disappointment when none of the voices were his. I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket just to be sure I hadn’t missed a message or call, but there was nothing. I hoped he wasn’t sick, but then I brushed the thought aside. If he weren’t feeling well, he would’ve called either me or Allison already to reschedule his appointments. Maybe he just had car trouble or an early appointment he forgot to mention.

  I rolled my eyes. It wasn’t like it was late in the day, just late for Matt. The man had a life outside of the center, I reminded myself. He gave so much of himself and if he wanted to take the morning off, that was his prerogative.

  Feeling better, I grabbed the T-shirt and shorts I kept in my cabinet and changed into them so I wouldn’t get my work clothes all sweaty, then I hurried down the hall to shoot some hoops with Troy and his friends. It felt good to let loose and have some fun with the kids. They kept me laughing with their antics throughout the entire game and soon enough, the tension began to seep from my body, replaced with warm, limber muscles and the exhilaration that came with my blood rushing through my veins.

  The game ended and there was a lot of friendly razzing from the winners. I was happy to see that no one got their feelings hurt and seemed to understand that the teasing was done in good-natured fun. They were a great group of kids and I liked that they all got along and had fun together. I ran to my office and grabbed my good clothes then I went to the employee bathroom and used the shower there to clean myself. I got dressed and grabbed a water and an apple from the kitchen then headed to the front of the building.

  “Hey, Allison! Have you seen Matt yet?” I asked.

  “No and he still hasn’t called either. This isn’t like him at all. Do you think we should be worried?” The look on her face told me how concerned she was and I had to admit, I was really starting to get worried. Matt never missed work and if he needed to take a day off, he would’ve called to let us know. Something wasn’t right. I could feel it in my bones.

  “I’m going to try and get ahold of him. I’m sure everything’s fine,” I assured her, trying to convince myself that it was true.

  I walked quickly to my office and checked both phones, but there were still no messages from Matt. Everything from the flu to a car accident raced through my mind as possible reasons for him to miss work without calling.

  Then another possibility occurred to me and a feeling of unease rippled through me. What if Matt had gone home Saturday night and decided that being with me and Hudson had been a mistake? What if I’d done something wrong and he decided I wasn’t good enough? I was glad that I’d waited to be with the two of them, but a part of me cursed my inexperience. He’d seemed like he enjoyed it, but Matt was a good guy, could he have been pretending to avoid hurting my feelings?

  I quickly dialed his number, holding my breath as it rang. Once, twice, three times before finally going to voicemail. I tapped my fingers on my desk nervously and without giving it any thought, I called Hudson.

  As it began to ring, I remembered that he was probably with a patient and that I shouldn’t interrupt. I went to hang up, but then he answered and just the sound of his voice calmed me and I was able to take a deep breath.

  “I was just thinking about you,” Hudson said.

  “You were?” I couldn’t hide the surprise in my voice. I still had trouble believing that a man like Hudson would be interested in me. Hudson chuckled into the phone and the sound made goose bumps break out all over my body.

  “I think you’d be surprised how much of my day is spent thinking about you and Matt,” he informed me.

  “I think about both of you all the time too,” I admitted quietly. I was pretty sure I could hear him smiling through the phone and I felt the beginnings of a smile forming on my face as well.

  “So, it’s not that I’m not thrilled to hear from you, because I am very glad you called, Isaac,” he assured me. “But is everything alright?”

  “I’m not sure,” I answered.

  “What’s wrong, baby?” he asked and my eyes itched when I heard the endearment.

  “I don’t know. Matt never showed u
p for work today and he’s not answering his phone. I thought maybe he just had an appointment and was running late, but he never called. It’s just not like him at all. Matt hasn’t missed a day of work since I’ve been here and I’m starting to get really worried,” I said in a rush.

  I heard what sounded like a door opening and then muffled voices as if Hudson had covered up the phone with his hand as he spoke with someone. A second later he was back.

  “I’m coming to pick you up. I should be there in about ten minutes. Do you know where Matt lives?” he asked. I felt bad for taking Hudson away from his work, but I was also relieved to know that he would be there soon and would help me figure out what was going on.

  “I’ve never been there, but I know his address. I’ll watch for you,” I told him.

  “Try not to worry, Isaac. I’ll be there soon and we’ll go see him together and make sure he’s alright.” Hudson sounded so sure and it helped calm my frayed nerves.

  I grabbed my phone and my jacket off the back of the door, rushing down the hall to tell Allison we were going to check on Matt. She seemed relieved that we were handling it and asked me to let her know once we found him. I promised I would and then I went outside to wait for Hudson. It didn’t take long before I saw his black SUV pulling into the parking lot and I hurried to climb into the passenger seat.

  “Thank you for doing this. I’m so sorry to bother you, but I was worried and I didn’t know who else to call,” I explained as soon as I shut the door. Hudson turned to face me and his eyes held so much kindness that I felt myself melting.

  “Don’t apologize for reaching out to me, ever. I’m glad you called me, I want to be here for you whenever you need me,” he said and I could hear the sincerity in his voice. My breath hitched as he leaned in and kissed me. It was gentle, sweet and full of promises.

  “Thank you,” I whispered. I’d never had anyone I could rely on except Matt, but even with him, I hadn’t felt comfortable calling him unless it was work related, until recently. I was hoping that Saturday night had been a turning point in our relationship, but now I wasn’t so sure.