And by us, I mean me.
Because as much as I’d like to deny it, I have feelings for Cage… big feelings. He could easily break me, far worse than anything Asher has done.
When he stands there, stoic and rigid, not budging, I try another tactic.
“I… I don’t want to be with you...” I stammer, struggling to get the lie out of my mouth. “You were a fun time… and you, uh… helped me clear my mind, but that’s it. Thanks for that,” I say, my eyes going to the floor because I can’t look him in the eye. “And thanks for playing the part and going to the reunion with me.”
We stand in silence for a moment, but I can’t stand this any longer. As I turn to go, he reaches for my hand, but I hide my face from him, tears already trickling down my cheeks.
“Tempest,” he pleads. “Don’t do this.”
The slight break in his tone is what sets my feet in motion. I’m a horrible person. I must be, because it would take a monster to break a heart as good as Cage’s.
“I need… I have to go,” I say, turning for the stairs. “Please don’t follow me.”
Chapter 28
Cage
I did follow her, from a distance, watching her until I knew she was safely inside her apartment.
But then, I walked away, letting her go.
Chapter 29
Tempest
“Well, you’re early,” Jenn says, walking in the back door and scaring me just a little.
I’ve been here for over two hours, but I don’t tell her that. “Couldn’t sleep.”
With a heavy sigh, Jenn walks around the workspace and faces me, hands flat on the stainless steel worktop. “Alright,” she says, drawing my attention up to her and away from the batter I’m working on… my fifth one of the morning because nothing is sticking. It’s like every good idea for a muffin has left the building. “Enough of this.”
“What?” I ask, looking around to see what she might be talking about. “I know I made two chocolate muffins yesterday, but this one will be different… ”
How? I’m not sure. I haven’t figured that out yet.
The only thing I’ve decided on is I’m calling it I’m So Lonesome Tonight, not because it has anything to do with the muffin, but because I’m so fucking lonely… and I literally could cry… or die. I’ve felt dead the past few days.
“No,” Jenn says, slapping the counter. “This.” She waves a hand in my direction. “You… moping around. It’s depressing and your muffins are uninspired. The names you’ve been giving them have brought the mood in the bakery down to Prozac level. Even the customers have started commenting on it.” She sighs, her beautiful eyes looking concerned. “Mrs. Dillon said she wasn’t coming back until your muffins stopped making her weepy. That’s a direct quote.”
“Please, don’t fire me,” I beg. My eyes go wide as I realize this may be her way of telling me she doesn’t want me working here anymore. I have been pretty hard to deal with lately. “I need this job…” I’m two seconds from getting on my knees. I’m not above begging. “I promise, I’ll do better. I was, uh, actually thinking of making a muffin with... pistachios,” I say, pulling it out of my ass, because I remember seeing some in the pantry and at least it’s not the same, sad chocolate muffins I’ve been making lately.
“I’m not firing you,” Jenn says, rolling her violet-blue eyes and smiling sadly. “I just… I’m worried about you. You’ve been worse this past week than after… you know,” she says, waving her hand in the air, and I do know. It’s true. I’ve felt sadder since the morning I walked out on Cage than I ever was after Asher.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jenn asks. “I know you said you didn’t, but maybe it would help.”
Stepping back from the counter, I brace my hands on it and let my head hang between my arms, sighing in defeat. Maybe I do need to talk it out.
“The muffins are sad,” I say, after a few moments, “because I’m sad… and I can’t get past it. I thought a clean break was what I needed, but the edge left behind is so sharp… I feel like I’m bleeding every time I breathe.”
“Asher?” Jenn asks, confusion in her tone. “I thought you were—”
“Not him,” I say, my eyes still trained on the floor at my feet. “I wouldn’t piss on his leg if it was on fire.”
“Then who?”
Lifting my head, I look across at her and realize she doesn’t know about Cage and I. The last thing I told her was that he was going to the reunion with me.
“Cage.” Just saying his name makes my chest ache.
She tilts her head in confusion. “I thought the two of you were just friends?”
I laugh, humorlessly. “That’s the lie I was telling myself, too.”
“So… you like him?”
Swallowing, I look away, rummaging through the feelings I’ve been digging through over the last few days—longing, desire, understanding. Each time I’ve tried to make sense of everything, I get lost in a deluge of memories. In a short amount of time, Cage became my best friend. He was understanding and supportive when everyone else in my life was judging me. He got me, made me stronger, and helped me be a better version of myself. He’s funny, smart, strong… so strong, yet sensitive when he needs to be. It’s all such a heady combination.
Everything I wasn’t looking for, but needed.
“I think…” I start, but stop, afraid of the words that are on the tip of my tongue. But if I can’t be honest with Jenn, who can I be honest with? Even though she’s my boss, she’s also always been there for me and never judged me, not even at my craziest. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I let the truth tumble out. “I think I love him.”
“Oh,” Jenn says, a little surprise in her tone and I hope I don’t regret confiding this piece of information. I’ve held it close to my heart, afraid it wasn’t real… or validated… but the longer I mulled it over—flipping it this way and that—the more I knew it was true. There’s also the lingering fear that maybe I can’t trust myself. That may never go away. But love is the only explanation for the way I’ve felt.
I spent hours overthinking the dream I had and why it bothered me so badly and the only explanation is that I love him. Seeing Asher with Mindy brought out rage, but seeing Cage with someone else, even in a dream, it crushed me.
I care what he thinks.
I want to be around him more than any other person.
I miss him the second he walks out of the room. Walking away from him was the most painful thing I’ve ever done.
I want him… so bad… so much.
“So, if you love him… what’s the problem?” Jenn asks, nothing but honest curiosity in her question.
“How do I know I can trust him?” Looking back up at her, she frowns. “Anna said he’s probably just a rebound. She told me not to fall into bed with the first guy who tells me I’m beautiful… I mean, I lived with Asher for eight years and I didn’t even know the man I was married to. I had no clue who he really was. How do I know I can trust myself?”
“Honey, listen,” Jenn says, sighing as she leans onto the table and reaches for one of my hands, forcing my eyes to hers. “You can’t be held responsible for Asher’s indiscretions. That’s all on him, but it doesn’t cheapen your love and it doesn’t make you wrong. You… you’re everything right in the world.” She squeezes my hand and I roll my eyes, brushing away a rogue tear. “You are,” she insists. “You’re kind, caring, thoughtful… you’re a hard worker and you’re passionate about your craft. You accept those around you for who they are. Don’t let Asher mess that up for everyone else. He’s a bad apple, but it doesn’t mean everyone else is… it doesn’t mean Cage is.”
Deep down, I know what she’s saying is true, but the doubts still linger.
“I don’t know how to get past this,” I confess, feeling exhausted. “He doesn’t deserve my distrust. He’s good… the best person I know. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to give him a chance to hurt me. I’m tired of
heartbreak.”
Jenn is quiet for a moment, but she finally lifts her chin up, confidence filling her tone. “Everyone in life has the possibility of hurting you. If you allow yourself to love and be loved, you risk being hurt. That’s just how it is. It’s the risk you take when you give your heart away. But if we never give it away, we never have the chance to find true happiness.”
We stand there in silence for a few minutes and I think about what she said. Loving people is risky, but what is life without love? I know these last few days without Cage have been horrible. I can’t imagine going my entire life without him… I need him, want him. And I know we were meant to find each other. Him moving to Green Valley wasn’t a mistake.
He’s not a mistake.
“What are you thinking?” Jenn asks.
I sigh, letting my heart do the talking. “I know Cage isn’t a rebound,” I tell her, feeling my heart stutter at the memory of telling him that. I was wrong… so, so wrong. “He’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. On paper, we probably don’t make sense… this big, badass cage fighter and me, a cardigan-wearing muffin maker.” I laugh, wiping away a tear that slips out, but it’s not entirely due to sadness. For the first time in a long time, I can see my life clearly. “But we’re good together.”
Now she’s the one wiping away a tear. “That’s good,” she says, patting my hand she’s still holding. “Because you deserve to be loved… with a deep, fiery passion.”
I know Jenn speaks from experience, because that’s the way Cletus loves her. It’s so complete and authentic. You can see it every time he looks at her. I think I’ve seen the same look on Cage’s face when he looks at me… how stupid of me to discard that—him, his feelings.
“Asher stole years from your past,” she continues. “Don’t let him steal your future too.”
* * *
The following day, after my next-to-last anger management class, I linger, waiting for Lana to finish talking to a couple other people. She’s helped me work through my anger, so I’m hoping she can help me with my newest issue.
“Tempest,” she says, walking up to me. “How are things going?”
“Good,” I sigh, nodding my head. “I mean, when it comes to the anger and self-control stuff… I’ve been doing much better.”
She smiles. “Good, that’s what I like to hear… and I just want to say, I’ve noticed a significant change in you. Next week is your last required session and I’ll be signing off on your completion letter back to the judge.”
“Thank you.”
“Was there something else you wanted to talk about?”
Feeling a little unsure, I consider just leaving, but Jenn’s words keep playing on repeat… don’t let him steal your future. What if Cage is my future? I don’t want to live with the regret of letting him go and never finding out. “This is probably going to sound crazy,” I start, hesitating for a moment. “But, how do I learn to trust myself again?”
“That’s a good question,” she assures me, setting me at ease with a thoughtful expression on her face. She’s been a great sounding board over the weeks I’ve been coming here. Getting a sentence to anger management classes was probably the best thing that’s happened to me… well, second best.
“I think the biggest thing is coming to the understanding that we’re all human and there is no one hundred percent guarantee that we won’t fail ourselves,” she finally says. “Or that other people won’t fail us. It’s going to happen, multiple times over the course of our lives.”
Sighing, she sits down in one of the chairs and pats the one beside her.
“And then,” she continues, “you’ve got to realize you’re stronger than you think and you can survive your mistakes.”
Now I’m sighing, but deep down, I know she’s right. Even after everything Asher put me through, I’m still here. And if I’m being honest with myself, I feel stronger now than I did eight months ago. I also feel so much more… me, like through the struggles and trials I’ve experienced, I’ve found myself.
“I know when you’re going through the pain… hurt, betrayal… it’s easy to be consumed by it. You think you’ll never recover, but then one day, you wake up and realize it doesn’t cut as deep… and you move on.”
I nod, giving her a small smile. “I think I’m ready for that,” I tell her… and myself.
She smiles, looking like a proud parent. “I think so, too.”
On my drive back to Green Valley, I decide to go straight to Cage’s once I get to town and apologize. It might not fix everything, but it’s definitely a step in the right direction. Besides apologizing, I just really, really need to see him.
It’s been almost a week since the reunion and even though I’ve been laying low—going to the bakery at ridiculous hours and straight back home after work—I thought I’d at least catch a glimpse of him… or he’d show up at the bakery after one of his early morning runs.
But he hasn’t.
I should be happy, right? I mean, he’s only doing what I asked him to do: not follow me.
But I’m not.
Driving down the main road, I slow when I approach Cage’s building, parking in the spot right in front of the window. From here, I can tell the downstairs is empty and all the lights are off, but that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s not home.
Checking my phone, I see it’s not quite time for Cage to go to work, so I hop out and walk up to the door. I knock once and wait. When he doesn’t show, I walk over to the window and peak inside. The place looks locked up tight, but I decide to knock once more.
And then on the window.
Nothing.
As I walk back to the truck, I turn to look at the upstairs window, but there’s no movement… no lights on, at least not that I can tell. Maybe he’s at the store? Come to think of it, I need a few things, so I turn the truck around and head to the Piggly Wiggly.
Once I’m in the parking lot, I know right away Cage isn’t here. I would recognize his truck in the parking lot, and I’ve made two sweeps up and down each row. I’m thorough if nothing else.
And a fucking stalker.
Forgoing a shopping trip for now, I turn the truck around and head back out to the main road, sitting at the turn-in as I try to decide my next move. I can’t just go back home now. I’m a woman on a mission and I won’t be able to rest until I’ve talked to Cage.
When my truck’s tires hit the gravel of the parking lot at the Pink Pony, I do another sweep, not seeing hide nor hair of Cage or the truck. But since I’m here, I go ahead and park.
“Hey, Tempest,” Floyd greets as I slide up to the bar. “What can I get for you?”
I look around and realize I’ve never been here this early. It’s kind of weird to see the dancers on stage with only a few people at the tables. “Running the skeleton crew, huh?” I ask, gesturing over my shoulder.
Floyd smiles and nods, using a bar towel to dry a glass. “Regulars.”
“Have you seen Cage today… by any chance?”
His expression shifts. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “He hasn’t worked all week. Boss said he’s off the schedule.”
My heart drops into my stomach.
“Did he say why?”
Floyd looks thoughtful for a second before answering. “Nope… not that I recall. He’s had Roger filling in for him.”
“You wouldn’t happen to have his phone number, would you?”
If I could only remember, Cage actually gave it to me, but it was in the middle of my meltdown and I could barely remember my name at the time, let alone ten digits.
Floyd glances around the bar, and then back at me. “I’m not supposed to give out personal information, but I know the two of you are friends...so—”
“I won’t say anything,” I tell him, making a show of zipping my lips and throwing away the key.
After a few seconds, he tosses the towel over his shoulder and walks to the back. When he comes back out, he has a folded piece of pap
er and he hands it to me.
“Thanks, Floyd. I owe you one.”
Once I’m back out at my truck, I climb in and grab my phone, unfolding the paper and dialing Cage’s number before I can chicken out.
Chapter 30
Cage
“Now, that’s what I like to see,” my brother, Viggo, calls out as he walks into the gym. I thought I’d be able to get some quiet time here, just me and the bags, but unfortunately, I was wrong.
I should’ve known better. Alone time in a big family is like a mythical creature.
“Don’t get so excited. I’m just getting in a short workout before I meet with my realtor.”
“I can’t believe you’re really leaving the city for a small town... in Tennessee, no less. I never pegged you for the type.” He stands on the other side of the bag and holds it for me while I continue my punches, working out the pent-up aggression that’s lingered for the last week.
“What type are you referring to, exactly?” I cut him a look, daring him to say something offensive.
“You know what I mean. Small town-type—seeing the same people and the same things every day, a slower pace, nothing exciting to do…”
My mind immediately flashes to Tempest, because I’d love nothing more than to see her every day and she’s far from nothing exciting, but I shut that shit down. No sense in pining over someone who doesn’t want me. But that’s the crazy thing… I know she does. She’s just fighting it.
“You’ve never been there, so you really shouldn’t be judging Green Valley. I like the pace and the people and I don’t have to be constantly entertained like you do. Where you are never satisfied, I’m actually quite content with my life.”
“Aww, my little bro is growing up.” He pretends to wipe a tear from his eye.
Stud Muffin: Donner Bakery Book #2 Page 25
