‘I love you,’ he said softly, his voice grating with emotion. He felt the tremor that ran through her, heard the sharp indrawn breath she took, and held her tighter, knowing it must be a shock for her to hear him say that. He had hurt her so much, seemingly thrown away her love, and it was a lot to ask her to believe him now, but he had to try. ‘I love you, Emma. I always have.’
‘Daniel, I …’
She stopped and swallowed. Daniel could see the uncertainty in her eyes and prayed that she would find it in her heart to give him another chance. He wanted to take her somewhere quiet and explain it all to her, but there was no hope of that right now. He sighed when the officer in charge came over and told him firmly that he needed to speak to him at the police station. It appeared that sorting things out with Emma would have to wait for now.
‘I’ll have to go,’ he told her huskily, smoothing a silky lock of her hair behind her ear. He dropped a kiss on her lips then smiled at her. ‘I’ll be back as soon as I can. Will you wait up for me?’
‘Yes.’ She gave him a wobbly smile, her eyes holding his fast for a moment before she turned away.
Daniel watched her walk over to Mike, who put a friendly arm around her shoulders as he led her to his car. He would have felt better if they could have sorted things out immediately rather than wait, but there was nothing he could do. As he allowed the officer to lead him to the waiting police car he sent up a silent prayer that everything would be all right. He just needed Emma to give him a second chance.
It was five a.m. before Emma heard a car turn into the drive. She ran to the window, feeling her heart leap when she saw Daniel getting out of a police car. Hurrying into the hall, she flung open the front door, seeing the lines that fatigue had been etched onto his handsome face.
‘I thought they were never going to let me go,’ he said as he stepped into the hall. ‘I must have gone over what happened a dozen times before they were satisfied that I’d told them everything.’
‘Come into the sitting room.’
Emma led the way, waiting until he had sunk down onto a chair before she went back to the door. She had spent the intervening time wondering what would happen when he got back. He had told her that he loved her but was it true? She longed to know yet now that the moment had arrived, she was suddenly afraid. What if Daniel hadn’t really meant it, what if it had been merely a reaction to the stress he’d been under? She wasn’t sure if she could cope with the disappointment of having her hopes dashed a second time.
‘I’ll make you a drink,’ she said hurriedly. ‘What do you prefer—tea or coffee?’
‘Neither, thank you. My stomach is awash with the foul brew that passes for tea at the police station.’ He gave her a gentle smile as he held out his hand. ‘Come and sit down, Emma. We need to talk.’
Emma bit her lip as she slowly sat down on the end of the sofa. She didn’t know how she was going to bear it if Daniel told her it had been the stress of the moment that had made him say that he loved her. People said all sorts of things they didn’t mean when they were under pressure, after all.
‘Emma, about what I said before—’ he began, but she didn’t let him finish, couldn’t bear to hear him say the words that once again would rip open her heart.
‘I understand, Daniel. Really I do.’ She gave a light laugh and saw him frown.
‘You do?’
‘Of course. You were under a huge amount of strain. It’s perfectly understandable if you … well, if you said something you didn’t really mean.’
‘So you think that I didn’t mean it when I said that I loved you?’
His tone was so devoid of expression that Emma found it impossible to guess what he was thinking. She shrugged, not wanting him to suspect how difficult this was for her. She loved him so much, had even planned to tell him that, but now she realised how foolish it would be. She simply couldn’t bear to put herself in the position of having her heart broken all over again.
‘I think it’s perfectly natural that you reacted to the stress of the moment. People say the strangest things when they’re under pressure.’
‘I see. And you’re not angry that I said what I did?’
‘Of course not! We’ve all said things we’ve regretted, Daniel. It’s part and parcel of being human, so please don’t worry about it.’
‘It’s kind of you to take that view,’ he said gruffly.
Emma frowned when she heard the roughness in his voice. He sounded upset but why should he be when she had offered him the perfect escape route? It was very strange but before she could work out what might be wrong, he stood up.
‘I think I’ll try and snatch a couple of hours’ sleep or I’ll be fit for nothing.’
He left the room before Emma could stop him. She followed him into the hall but he had already gone upstairs. She made her way to her room and lay down on the bed, fully clothed. She had done the right thing, she assured herself, given Daniel the let-out he’d needed. He didn’t love her and it would have been a mistake to let herself believe that he did. Tears trickled down her cheeks but she didn’t try to stop them. She needed to cry out all the disappointment and put it behind her if she was to get on with her life.
The sound of the door suddenly opening made her jump. Pushing herself up against the pillows, she stared at Daniel in surprise. ‘Daniel! What is it?’
‘I’m probably about to make a complete and utter fool of myself but there is no way that I can let this go.’ He came over to the bed and glared down at her. ‘I didn’t tell you that I loved you because I was under pressure, Emma—far from it. For the first time in a long while I was thinking clearly. Letting you go five years ago was the hardest thing I have ever done. Not a day has passed since then when I haven’t wished that I could have done things differently. I love you, Emma. That’s the plain and simple truth. It might not be what you want to hear but it’s what I need to tell you.’
He spun round on his heel and strode out of the door but there was no way that Emma was prepared to let him leave after making such a mind-blowing statement. She scrambled off the bed and ran after him, catching up with him on the landing. ‘Daniel, wait! You can’t come barging into my room and tell me that and then just. storm back out!’
‘Better I do that than commit another sin,’ he ground out, his eyes blazing into hers in a way that made a shaft of heat sear through her.
Emma felt her breath catch when she saw the expression in his eyes. It wasn’t anger that had driven him to such extremes of emotion, she realised, but desire, desire for her. Her hand half lifted in a gesture that could have been interpreted either way, as a rejection or as an invitation. Even she wasn’t sure what it meant, but then Daniel took a step towards her so that she could feel the heat of his body burning into hers, and her mind was suddenly crystal clear. She wanted him. Only him.
Her arms wound around his neck at the same moment as he reached out and hauled her towards him so that their bodies collided with a small thud, as though they had been struck by a mini-earthquake. Emma could feel the aftershocks rippling through her, tiny flurries of sensation that made her feel wonderfully alive. As her fingers buried themselves in the crisp dark hair at the nape of Daniel’s neck, she murmured softly—sounds, not words—because forming anything as difficult as a word was beyond her, but Daniel seemed to understand what she meant anyway.
His mouth found hers, his lips parting hers so that he could plunder her mouth, and she groaned. There was nothing gentle about the kiss, nothing tender. It was as though every scrap of raw passion had been distilled into this one kiss, so that she was breathless when it ended, her body throbbing, her mind numb, her heart awash with emotions.
‘Emma, my sweet, sweet Emma.’
His voice was hoarse as he gently laid her down on the carpet and started to undo the buttons down the front of her shirt. Emma would have loved to help him but her hands wouldn’t respond. They were locked around his neck, her fingers still buried in his cool crisp hair
, and they refused to let go. She just lay there as he finished unbuttoning her shirt and parted the edges, lay there still as he reached beneath her and unclipped her bra. It was only when he lifted her right breast free of the lacy cup that the spell was broken and she was able to move but even then her hands remained locked around his neck as she drew his head down, inviting him to suckle her.
She gasped as a wave of intense pleasure rushed through her when his lips closed around her nipple. There was no slow build-up of passion, no need for caresses or time. She wanted him, right there, right now, this minute.
He lifted his head and must have seen how she felt because he shuddered. Emma could feel the tension in his body as he stripped off her clothes then shed his own. He made love to her there on the floor, his body pressing hers down into the carpet, but even though everything was heat and passion, there was tenderness, too. And it was that more than anything else that convinced her that Daniel had been telling her the truth. He did love her. Her heart soared at the thought.
Daniel could feel his heart pounding as he slowly came back down to earth. Making love with Emma had always been the most wonderful of experiences and this time they had reached new heights. Propping himself up on his elbows, he stared down into her face, feeling his love for her swamp him.
‘Wow! I’m not sure how that came about but it was definitely something else,’ he murmured, buzzing her lips with a kiss.
‘It was.’ She smiled as she cupped his cheek with her hand. ‘A definite wow in my book too.’
‘I’m glad to hear it.’ Daniel laughed throatily. ‘At least I don’t have to apologise for not finding somewhere more comfortable.’
‘Oh, it’s comfy enough.’ She wriggled a little and his breath caught when he felt her body moving beneath his. Even though it was only moments since they had made love, he could feel himself responding. ‘Although I may need to check my backside for carpet burns.’
‘If you do find any, I’ll be more than happy to administer a little first aid,’ he assured her, grinning.
‘I’ll let you know,’ she told him, laughing.
Daniel kissed her lightly on the mouth then rolled to his feet. Although he could have happily stayed there all day, they needed to talk and they couldn’t do it there. He offered her his hand, unable to resist pulling her into his arms when she stood up.
‘I didn’t plan for that to happen, Emma, but I’m glad that it did.’ He raised her chin so that he could look into her eyes. ‘I know you think that I was under a lot of pressure earlier but I’m not under any pressure now and I still feel the same. I love you and that’s why I made love to you just now. I only hope that somehow, some way, I can make you believe me.’
‘I do believe you, Daniel.’ She gave a little shrug when he gasped. ‘You couldn’t have made love to me like that and not cared.’
‘No, I couldn’t,’ he agreed, his heart overflowing with emotion. He kissed her on the lips then led her to her room and gently steered her through the door. ‘We need to talk and I won’t be able to concentrate if you’re in that state of undress. Put something on and come downstairs. We’ll talk then.’
She didn’t say anything as she went into her room and closed the door. Daniel went back to his own room and quickly dressed, hoping he hadn’t made a mistake by suggesting they waited. Would Emma start to have second thoughts while she was away from him? He hoped not but even if she did, he would convince her that he was telling her the truth. What would happen then was up to her, of course, and his stomach sank at the thought that his future was hanging in the balance. He might love Emma with his whole heart and every fibre of his being, but he had no real idea how she felt about him.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
EMMA could feel her stomach churning as she made her way down the stairs. Now that the rush of euphoria had started to fade, she’d had time to think and there were a lot of questions that needed answering, the main one being that if Daniel had loved her five years ago then why had he let her go? Maybe he had been keen to further his career but surely he must have known that she would have supported him? After all, she had offered to give up her own dreams of becoming a surgeon so they could be together—how much more proof had he needed about her commitment to him? It was all very puzzling so it was little wonder her heart was racing as she went into the sitting room.
‘That was quick.’
He stood up and came over to her, taking her hand to lead her over to the sofa. He had switched on the gas fire and the room felt warm, too warm, in fact. Emma sank down onto the cushion, feeling slightly faint, although maybe it was the ambiguity of the situation that was causing her to feel like this rather than the temperature. She needed answers and she needed them now.
‘Look, Daniel, I.’
‘I know how difficult …’
They both spoke at once and both stopped. Emma bit her lip in an agony of frustration. They would get nowhere if they carried on this way.
‘You first.’ Daniel sat back in his seat and regarded her gravely. ‘What were you going to say?’
‘Just that I don’t understand why you pushed me away if you loved me, as you claim to have done.’
‘The simple answer is that I was afraid,’ he said quietly.
‘Afraid?’ Emma looked at him in confusion. ‘What of?’
‘Of hurting you. Of ruining your life.’ He stared down at the floor for a moment and his expression was bleak when he looked up. ‘Of you ending up hating me.’
Emma didn’t know what to say. She stared at him in silence, too shocked by the statement to dispute it. Daniel sighed heavily as he reached for her hand and linked his fingers through hers.
‘I decided it was better if I drove you away rather than run the risk of that happening, Emma. Maybe I was wrong but I did it with the best of intentions. I did it for you and I hope you will believe that.’
‘It’s hard,’ she said shakily. ‘You hurt me so much, Daniel. At the time I didn’t know if I would ever get over what you’d done, and now you tell me that you did it for me—’
She broke off, unable to disguise her scepticism. She hated to think that he might be lying to her but what else could she think? She had offered him her love and he had rejected it in the cruellest way possible. How could that have been to her advantage?
She went to stand up, not sure if she could sit there and listen to any more, but he pulled her back down beside him. His tone was urgent now, the look he gave her filled with desperation.
‘I’m not explaining this very well, so it’s no wonder that you’re confused. But what I said was true. Sending you away seemed like the only thing I could do to protect you.’
‘Protect me? From what? I loved you, Daniel. I wanted to be with you and told you that. Surely you must have known I was telling you the truth?’
‘Of course I did!’ He gripped her hand so hard that she winced and he swore softly, under his breath, as he released her. Standing up, he went over to the window and stood there, staring out across the garden. And when he spoke his voice echoed with so much pain that it brought tears to her eyes.
‘I knew you loved me, Emma, and that was what scared me, the fact that you loved me so much you were willing to give up your dreams to be with me.’ He turned and she could see the regret in his eyes. ‘I couldn’t let you do that, my darling. It was too great a risk, you see.’
‘No, I don’t see. I don’t understand what you mean, Daniel.’ She leant forward beseechingly. ‘I would have been happy to give up my plans to become a surgeon if it had meant we could be together.’
‘I know you mean that but can’t you see that it would have driven a wedge between us eventually?’ He came back and knelt in front of her. ‘You admitted only the other day that you would have regretted giving up surgery, so how long do you think it would have been before you’d blamed me for making that decision?’
She started to demur but he shook his head. ‘No, I’ve seen it happen before, Emma. It was the reason
why my own parents’ marriage failed. My mother was just starting out as a barrister when she met my father. He was in the diplomatic service, which meant he was posted overseas for long periods of time. It would have been impossible for Mum to pursue her career after they married so she gave up the law.’
‘But surely she must have thought it all through, weighed up the pros and cons before she made her decision?’
‘Of course she did, and I suppose she thought that being with Dad was more important than anything else.’ He shrugged. ‘Sadly, it didn’t work out that way. Mum became increasingly resentful about giving up her career. My childhood was one long round of arguments about it, in fact. It was a relief when I was sent to boarding school because it meant I didn’t have to listen to my parents fighting.’
‘It must have been horrible for you,’ she said quietly, and he shrugged.
‘It wasn’t a happy time. Mum was bored and frustrated, and Dad felt guilty because if it hadn’t been for him, her life would have been very different. The sad thing was that they really loved one another in the beginning but it wasn’t enough.’
‘And you believe it wouldn’t have been enough for us either?’ Emma said flatly.
‘No, I don’t think it would have been. I think that in time you’d have regretted giving up so much for me.’ He squeezed her fingers. ‘I knew how much surgery meant to you, you see. That’s why I discounted the idea of moving to Scotland to be with you while you did your training.’
‘You would have done that for me?’
‘Yes, willingly, if it had been the right thing to do. The problem was that I knew you would need to devote all your time and energy to your work. Surgery isn’t an easy option and I would have been an unnecessary distraction.’ He sighed. ‘That’s why I told you that my career meant more to me than our relationship. I wanted to protect you, Emma, and, if I’m honest, I wanted to protect myself as well. I couldn’t have stood it if one day I’d seen resentment in your eyes when you looked at me because you’d failed to achieve your ambitions.’
Summer of Love Page 29
