by Leigh Lennon
My phone was on my kitchen table, and a text message from Clara appeared, telling me she was running late. There was no doubt in my mind I loved her, but right then, I became irritated, with the looming dread of sitting with Bodhi for a good twenty minutes on our own.
If my irritation wasn’t gnawing at me, it certainly began when my doorbell dinged. This was the last thing I wanted. Pulling the door open, I saw Bodhi in a pair of black slacks and a button-down shirt with a light jacket over his tall frame.
He extended his hand the second my face had come into view for him, and instantaneously, his ruggedly handsome darker features caught my whole body’s attention. At least in a pair of jeans, I could hide my hard-on.
“Hey, Jack.” He crossed the doorway and looked around. “Let me guess, C is late?” His little nickname for Clara didn’t bother me. It was cute. “Yeah, she’d mentioned she was under a deadline. She gets lost in her stories as though she’s a part of her characters’ lives, so it doesn’t surprise me. I almost texted her to remind her but didn’t want to overstep.”
I wasn’t sure how to receive this information. Should it hurt me he knew my girlfriend so well? They’d been together for seven years. I couldn’t say it didn’t sting, though, I think it was more of me not knowing Bodhi the way Clara had.
“Can I take your coat?” I asked, trying to avoid an answer to my own question from right before, because I was the host, after all. Being the end of October in the Midwest, the temperature outside had really dropped.
“Sure.” When he gave me his jacket, I couldn’t miss the tattoos cascading down his arm, starting well underneath his short-sleeved shirt.
“I see you have some ink.” Clara had a few tattoos on her stomach and back, but most wouldn’t see them unless she was either naked or wearing a swimsuit. Were the tattoos something they’d done together?
“Yeah, I sort of have an addiction to ink.” His little smirk was adorable, but I wasn’t expecting him to roll up his sleeve to show me a tribal tattoo. More so, I was privy to his bulky biceps. And they were fucking gorgeous.
“How about you? Do you have any?” he asked.
I let out a deep chuckle at the idea of me with tattoos. Cami, Dane, and I had discussed it at times, especially when Maggie was born, but we’d never taken the leap. Plus, I’d been told on many occasions that I didn’t look like the tattoo type. “Not sure tattoos are for me. I’ve been told I was too straitlaced. But one day, maybe with the right situation—I may do it,” I explained, moving to my kitchen to grab some drinks. “Hey, want a beer, some wine, a soda, water?” I pulled out my phone to check my flight information. I groaned at the idea I was leaving at six p.m.
“I’m not going back to work, so a beer is good,” he answered. I handed him one as I opened mine, and I imagined he couldn’t miss the scowl on my face. “You okay?” he questioned.
“Yeah, I have to fly to LA tonight. It pisses me off. But it’s the job.” I took a long swig. “By the way, I know this isn’t what you want to be doing on a Friday afternoon, but I appreciate you meeting with us. I’m very excited to meet Declan.”
He physically blanched at my words, but I refused to let it bother me. I understood. “Let me show you around the house,” I offered because I wanted him to understand that my home would be open to Declan. I didn’t want him to think I was moving both his son and ex-wife in anytime soon. “Just in case Clara and Declan come over for lunch or to watch a movie, I want you to know he’s safe.”
We both took the opportunity to swig a bit more of our drink than we would normally in one sip, but, fuck, this was uncomfortable on so many levels. My home had an open concept for the living and kitchen space. I extended my hand to the larger living room and then right off the door to a tall island separating the kitchen from the rest of the exposed room. Near the door, four white chairs sat around a white table with a very modern and clean style I liked. It was easy and minimalist.
A large set of windows lined the space behind with a hallway leading both right and left. He stopped at the windows that started waist high and led to the ceiling. “This is a great view,” he added.
Walking to my left, I didn’t have to go far. “This is my guest room.” He peeked in, and I wondered if this was where Declan would sleep if he stayed over. In my mind, I’d planned to move the guest room to the other side of the house where my home office was to be closer to the master, but that was a while away.
Moving back through the main part of the apartment, we crossed over the living space again and stopped at the first room on the right. “This is my office.” It had pocket doors and was set up with a small sofa and a large desk, free of all clutter. We passed the guest bathroom, and I pointed at the closed door in front of us. “This is my room.” The tour was essentially over, and I attempted to pass him, but in my narrow hallway, there wasn’t enough room for two male bodies unless I planned on getting all up in his space. I waited for him to turn since I couldn’t move, and when he didn’t, I shimmied sideways, giving us both room. He took in a large breath, and his Adam’s apple constricted when it was apparent he swallowed hard. This was uncomfortable and, more so, disrespectful to Clara. It was her worst nightmare come to life, me falling for another man when I was in love with her.
Not to mention, said man was her ex, who’d stolen three years of her life. When I passed him, the doorbell rang, and I almost raced to the front of my apartment, remembering the whole reason I was putting myself through this hell. When I pulled the door back, my gaze fell on her beautiful face, and I wasn’t irritated with her anymore, but filled with so much love for this woman.
I rested my eyes on the beauty in front of me. She was in a short black and white checkered skirt and a tight black top with black leggings disappearing into the top of her three-inch booties. Her hair was pulled up with a little curl of pink falling from her forehead. “Well, look at you.” My voice was a little more seductive than I’d meant for it to come out while Bodhi innocently watched us, and essentially how we interacted with one another behind closed doors.
“Jack, baby, sorry I’m late.” Her sincerity wasn’t lost on me. This girl was so passionate about her work, but there wasn’t anything more important than her son. She peeked her head around my body. “Hey, Bo, I’m sorry I’m late.”
I couldn’t see him but heard his reply. “I understand what it’s like for you under a deadline, C. I get it.”
Scurrying into the apartment, she dumped her purse by the side of the door. She stepped out of her heels, grabbing them with her hands.
“Hey, let me get you some wine, hon. The food is about to be delivered.” I texted the restaurant while pulling a chilled white from the fridge.
“Shit, Clara, he knows you well,” Bodhi jested, and it was nice to see the playfulness of their past come back into play. I never felt threatened by Bodhi. Maybe it was because I was equally attracted to him, but something about him put me at ease.
Clare playfully flipped Bodhi off, making herself comfortable in my space. “Hey, I’m going to go change.” I wondered what it was like for Bodhi to see this woman he probably still loved so at ease in my home, especially with a change of clothes handy in my room.
It took her less than two minutes to strip from her work clothes and change into a pair of yoga pants. Rounding the corner, she was shaking her hair free of her ponytail, and she was as much a vision to me in her comfortable clothes as she was in her fuck-me heels, and an idea hit me. She’d look mighty fine in her boots and nothing else.
“Do you have any specific questions for me, regarding my interaction with Declan?” I asked, twirling the fettucine alfredo on my fork.
His choice was the spaghetti and meatballs. Using his fork, he cut the gigantic meatball into fourths, then stabbed at a piece. He didn’t move it to his mouth because his answer was immediate. “I’m not trying to be an asshole, but my number one request would be to remember Declan has a father. I’m his father. And as you and Clara get closer, you
r role will change, but I will always be his father. No one else.”
The statement was said in the most neutral way. And if it had been written, I’d totally would have thought he was staking his claim to his son. But in his honesty, I could respect what he’d shared, but with the stance of Clara changing and her eyes narrowing on the man, she was about to tear him a new one. I waved her off before she said anything she couldn’t take back.
“I can respect your concern, Bodhi, but I’m not here to take over your spot. I promise you this.”
He gave me a little bro nod, something only a man could really decipher with the bob of his head. “Thanks, Jack. I appreciate it.” He began to devour one part of his meatball. I waited to see if there was more. Taking a swig of his beer, he started again. “I’m going to be honest, I’m not ready for you to be alone with Dec anytime soon.”
Clara’s face was a darker shade of red, than even a second before, but with a squeeze of my hand, she gave me a tight smile. “Okay, I agree. I think a relationship should be established. Anything else?”
He answered right away. “About overnights—I’d like you to work your way into that, like maybe once a week for the first month and then more as he gets comfortable with you. And please know, this isn’t my jealousy coming out. I don’t want him to be confused.”
“Okay, I think that’s fair.” With my attention on Clara, I asked, “You okay with that, hon?”
She gave me a tight-lipped, “Yeah, that is fine.” She took the reins of the conversation, asking, “Okay, Bo, what else?”
Her tone wasn’t low and controlled. In the time I’d come to love this woman, I knew her moods, and she was pissed at Bodhi’s commands. But, in his defense, I understood his fear.
“Yeah, just one more thing.” Again, he took a big gulp of his beer. “When you meet him for the first time, I’d like to do it on my weekend I have him. I want to be there.”
Clara threw her napkin, about ready to light into Bodhi, when my hand moved from her fingers to her knee. “I think it’s a good idea, Bodhi.”
He was married to this woman for four years and had to have seen the telltale signs of her anger, so he hightailed it after he finished his meatballs. The door was barely closed before her anger was directed toward me.
“What the fuck was that?” she asked. “You gave in to everything he asked, not even taking my feelings into consideration.” I extended my hand, and she stared at it. “Are you high? I’m mad at you, and you what? Want to cuddle?”
“Come here, foxy, please.” She reluctantly made her way into my space, and my arms wrapped around my angry but sexy as fuck woman. “Listen,” I whispered into her ear. “This was about him establishing boundaries he was comfortable with. It wasn’t about you and him. This was his fear that he’ll lose Declan. I’ve worked my share of divorce cases, and, fuck, I’ve seen it enough. At this point, he knows you two are over, and he’s clinging to the one thing he has left.”
Her face lifted to mine, her eyes softening. “Bodhi had to understand that I’m not the aggressor. In all the cases, if the other man or woman was a threat, the parent on the outside would dig in their heels. But for all the cases I worked where each side was respectful, it went a long way. At the end of the day, he has to know I’ll default to him, the dad.” She gave me a little smile, but instead of quitting, I continued. “And more so, when Bodhi begins to date again, I know you’ll want his girlfriend or boyfriend to be just as respectful.” As soon as my words hit her, a flash of anger entered her eyes. But the closer I looked, I realized it wasn’t anger but fear. The only thing I couldn’t quite decipher was if it had been a fear about Declan or losing Bodhi for good—at that point.
14
Clara
It had been a week since the lunch with Bodhi and Jack. Fuck, Jack’s words hurt. I never wanted Bodhi to live a lonely life, but I wasn’t ready to see him with another person like he was witnessing with Jack and myself. What was the reason for this? I didn’t want him back, did I?
I wouldn’t answer the question. But more than my jealousy over a fictitious future boyfriend or girlfriend—was my anger over being supervised by my ex when introducing Declan to Jack. It was pissing me off, and all morning, since I’d rolled out of bed, I’d been a demon to Jack.
“Foxy, what’s wrong?” I was sitting on my bed, my back against the headboard, typing on my laptop.
“Nothing. I’m just taking a little bit of time to jot down some ideas concerning Bryant and Savannah,” I answered. I hadn’t shared my characters’ journey with him as I had with Bodhi. But I hadn’t droned on for hours about my stories with Jack as I had with my ex. Every once in a while, when I was stuck, Bodhi had helped me map some of my writing blocks, teasing me by him saying maybe I should write a book, too. Opening up about my writing was scary to me because it was so personal, and I had shared it with Bodhi. I wanted to open up to Jack. I loved him and envisioned a future with him, but sharing my writing made me more vulnerable.
“Okay, do you mind if I make a couple of calls in your office before we leave to meet Declan and Bodhi?”
I didn’t move my eyes from Savannah’s sharp words to Bryant. I’d made her a little more passive-aggressive than my normal heroines because the asshole Bryant had taken her and her unborn baby in from the streets. As she was about to give him hell for his unkind words about her to one of the neighbors, I could sense Jack’s eyes bearing in on me. I popped my eyes up, a little upset because I was on a roll with this book. Plus, like Savannah, I was a little pissed at my own man.
“Jack? Is there a reason you’re staring at me?” With the bite of my tone, he didn’t have to ask me if I was mad again. It was evident.
“Clara, honey, what’s wrong with you?” I didn’t answer him, but I also didn’t return to my typing. “Foxy…” His tone was elevated this time. “Can you please talk to me, babe?”
I breathed in a cleansing breath. “I’m sorry, but I’m a little worked up over today. I’m mad we have to do this with Bodhi present. I don’t want to share Declan’s and your first encounter with Bodhi of all people.”
His smile calmed my raging bitchiness. “It’s one day, foxy. Then after that, you’ll have more time to share with both Declan and me.”
His sweetness extinguished my bitchiness. “How is it you know what to say and when to say it? Besides the fact that you are so much older than me.” He took my computer from the bed and then pulled me close to him, rolling over on top of my body.
“It’s easy with you, Clara Ashley. You know why?”
“Why?” I ask.
“Because I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”
His words penetrated my hardened heart. As he lowered my yoga pants and made love to me, I realized how I was the lucky one to find him. And Savannah and Bryant’s fight would have to wait for another day.
It was chilly but not anything this Chicago born wasn’t used to. With a puffy jacket, a hat, and an extra hat for Declan, in case Bodhi forgot, we were at the park just three blocks from my apartment.
Bodhi was twenty feet from us, near the playground, when Declan spotted me, taking off, his chant of every form of mother drawing everyone’s attention. Kneeling to be at Declan’s eye level, I hugged him, holding my boy tight.
“How’s my buddy?” I asked, giving him as many kisses and hugs as he would allow. When his personal quota was filled, I stood, bringing him with me.
“I missy ewe, Mommy.” In a very odd turn of events, he initiated contact with me by kissing my cheek. My eyes immediately shot to Bodhi’s, and his silent reaction was what would always connect us. Knowing he didn’t have to say a word to know what was in his heart. He was just as surprised by this, and with a smile on his face, there was a faint glimmer in his eyes. This had brought on a storm of emotions in him that only I could read.
I shot my eyebrows up, and as well as I knew him, he knew me. “Not sure.” It was his response to my silent question. “This is new, but I’ll take
it.”
“Me, too.” I squeezed Declan one last time, then turned to Jack. His brows were knit together in his own silent question as to what we were talking about, but I didn’t answer him, not here.
“Hey, Dec, remember Mommy was telling you about my new friend?”
He nodded his head, his attention now on Jack.
“Well, this is him. His name is Jack.”
“Hey, buddy.” Declan waved, but for Jack, a virtual stranger, it was about as good as it would get with my son. “I heard you like dinosaurs?” he began, pulling a bag to his level.
Declan did have a weak spot for dinosaurs, but he also knew a trick, and in his mind, his beautiful mind, he was most likely attempting to figure out what this gift meant. And it was one of the many things that made my son unique and wonderful.
He wiggled out of my grasp, and I returned him to the pavement. He stepped just a little bit closer to Jack but didn’t say a word. “Would you like to see what I brought for you?”
His sweet little face bobbed up and down, and Jack kneeled next to him. I brought my sight to Bodhi, attempting to understand what was going through his mind. What I witnessed on his face was a smile, but it was weak, at best, an absolute look of vulnerability, and it sent shivers of remorse down my spine.
But I didn’t have long to fixate on Bodhi when the shrills of laughter broke through the concentration I had on my ex. “Mommy, I want to swing with Dino.” He had my hand in his, pulling me toward the swings before I could answer. Looking back at Bodhi and Jack, I waved as I was swept away by my boy.
He detoured to a small slide. “Mommy, you catchy Dino, den me.” He was up on the top when Dino came sliding down. “Okay, now me.” He was a funny boy, sometimes being the most cautious but then teetering on more of a daredevil at times. I guess with the addition to his stuffed animal collection, it was the latter today.
