by T L Swan
“I’m training interns all week.”
“Oh, what do you teach them?”
“Fun stuff you wouldn’t understand,” he smiles into his coffee cup.
I smile. “I know what you’re doing,” I whisper.
He raises his eyebrows. “Really, what am I doing?”
“You’re being evasive. Making me talk first.”
He smiles and bites his bottom lip. I am so onto him. “Got something you want to say presh?” He raises his eyebrows and smiles. I roll my eyes at him, “What?” He smiles.
“You don’t think we should talk about last night?” I sigh.
“I said everything I needed to last night. I want you. You want me. Case closed.”
I frown at him. “Josh please, if we are to have a future.”
He cuts me off. “Have you changed your mind?” I frown. “Don’t you want this anymore?” he snaps.
“Of course I do, you know that I do. I need some truths from you first,” I breathe. He goes to speak but I hold up my hand in a stop signal gesturing for him to give me silence. “Please understand I can forgive anything and understand everything as long as I am told the complete truth. Honesty is imperative to me Josh. It’s a deal breaker.”
He nods and I can see him sum up the weight of my words. He narrows his eyes at me. “Can I have a truth of my own?” I nod. “Were you serious when you said you would move to America with me?” He licks his bottom lip in anticipation for my answer.
I smile. “Yes, but couldn’t we live six months in Australia and six months in LA?”
He shakes his head. “No, it won’t work. I’ve already thought of that.”
I frown. “Why not?”
“Because of my horses. The quarantine laws getting back into Australia are too stringent. I wouldn’t be able to do it. It’s either here or there, not both.”
I nod. Those horses are going to be the death of me. Everything about those fuckers and their vet spell unparalleled trouble. “Would you move to Australia for me?”
He smiles. “Yes, but I’m contracted in America for at least the next five years, so it would be impossible for me to move at this point.”
“But, after that, would it be up for negotiation?”
He puckers his lips and raises his eyebrows as he thinks. “Perhaps.”
“Josh, I need to be sure we are going to work, before I would leave my job and move to the other side of the world.”
“And how will you be sure? I don’t have a crystal ball, Natasha. I can’t promise you anything other than the fact I will look after you and try my hardest to make you happy.” His wide eyes search mine.
I melt into his gaze. “That’s enough Josh, that’s all any girl could ask for.”
He smiles and pulls me into an embrace where I am rewarded with a gentle sweep of his tongue through my lips. This man is just…beautiful. Everything about him melts my heart.
I pull back to look at his face. “Can you promise me monogamy, Josh?”
He smiles warmly. “Of course, what man wouldn’t be loyal to you? I’d have to be a fucking idiot to stuff this up now.” This conversation is going better than I expected.
“Can I have my truths now?” I ask. He frowns and releases me from his cuddle. He walks around behind the bench and places both of his hands wide on the bench and I know he’s feeling vulnerable. It’s a defensive tactic to have something between us. “Do you have feelings for that blonde from the club?”
He smiles and shakes his head in relief. “Definitely not.”
I nod, “How do you know her?” He swallows and looks down while he thinks. “Josh please. Honesty, remember.”
“Here’s the thing Tash, if I tell you how I met her, I face you getting the shits. If I don’t tell you, I know you are definitely going to get the shits. So basically it’s a no win situation. Promise me if I tell you, you are not going to kick me out.” I fake a smile. Shit, do I really want to know this.
I nod as my heart rate picks up speed. “Fire away.”
“The day I arrived in Sydney my friend Carson sent me around a house–warming present to the house.”
I frown. “Who’s Carson?”
“My friend from LA.”
I nod and frown again. “So how do you know her?” He blows out a breath, obviously hoping I will fit the puzzle together.
I frown again. “Am I missing something?” I ask.
He frowns and rubs his two hands through his hair. “She was the house–warming present.” Horror dawns. Oh fuck, this is worse than I thought. You could knock me over with a feather. I sit back on my chair as I process what he has told me.
“She’s a prostitute,” I gasp. He hangs his head and nods.
“I see.” My eyes must be the size of saucers. He comes around behind me and cuddles me. He’s right. I really want to kick his sorry ass out right now…deep breaths…deep breaths. Why did I promise to not get the shits when I so clearly have a reason to?
“So you can see I have no feelings for her and you don’t need to worry, baby.” He’s talking way too fast…deep breaths.
“How often do you see prostitutes, Joshua?”
He winces and goes silent. “Don’t call me that,” he whispers.
“It’s your name isn’t it?” I snap.
“Yes, but you only call me that when you are shitty if you haven’t noticed.” Hmm, I hadn’t noticed actually.
“Josh, I told you I won’t get the shits but I need to know what I’m up against here.”
“You’re not up against anything. You know I only care about you. Please don’t make any more of this than it is.”
I look at him deadpan. “Answer the question.”
“I don’t like to date, Tash, and you know I have a…high sex drive.” He swallows and is tripping over his words. “It’s not something I can control, the sex drive thing.”
“Why don’t you like to date?”
“You know why.”
“No, I don’t.” My voice drips with sarcasm. “Please elaborate.”
He starts to run both hands through his hair. I know he is feeling out of control of this situation.
“Women I date always get…attached and well… My heart is already taken…by you.” He reaches for me and I pull my arm away instinctively. I am not supposed to be getting emotional here…deep breaths…deep breaths.
I put my head into my hands. “How often?”
“Tash, please baby, it doesn’t matter. It is in the past.”
“Joshua! So help me. Answer the goddamn question or I am going to be wearing your balls for earrings.”
He stifles a smile and raises his eyebrows. “Really. Earrings?”
I do wide eyes at him. “Really. Don’t push it. I’m great with a butter knife.” I pull out the drawer. “And I have a few handy here you know.” He smiles again. “Please, Josh, just tell me. I thought we discussed honesty. I need the truth.”
He looks down and ticks his jaw. “At least once a week.”…FUCK… I was hoping for once a year.
I close my eyes and pinch the bridge of my nose. “We haven’t been wearing condoms. Am I going to get an STD?”
He looks mortified. “I’m always safe. You’re the only person I would ever go bareback with. How could you think such a thing?” I frown—is this the frigging twilight zone? He tells me he has sex with prostitutes all the time but I’m out of line for asking about STDs.
“So you have never had sex without a condom with anyone else?”
He shakes his head. “No and I don’t want to. Only you, who I can’t stand to be separated from.” He pulls me into his arms and goes in for a kiss but I keep my lips tightly sealed shut.
He pulls back. “You’re mad.”
“No,” I lie.
“Yes you are, I can tell.”
“I’m disappointed, Joshua.”
“Stop frigging calling me that, call me baby,” he whispers. I smile…why does he have to be so damn cute. “Isn’t that a song?�
� he smiles and blows out a breath.
“So you see my precious girl you have nothing to worry about. I will never see any of them again. They were all high–class prostitutes though.”
I frown. “Excuse me, idiot. There is no such thing as a high–class prostitute.” He nods quickly, realising he has said the wrong thing. “Josh, how in the hell am I supposed to keep you sexually satisfied when you are used to…you know…such variety?”
He tenderly cups my face and gives me a gentle loving kiss. “Tash, you are all I see…all I want, you mean everything to me and I have missed you desperately for seven long years. In fact I think I have fallen for you harder all over again. I fucking adore you. Give me a chance to prove myself. I am not going to fuck it up. I promise.”
I smile a weak smile. Ok, I can live with that…for now. I reach up and run my fingers through his stubble.
“I just feel out of my depth here,” I whisper. “I have no sphere of reference for this level of debauchery.”
“Thank god,” he whispers with his lips against my temple. “I can’t stand the thought of you with anybody else. It kills me.” Guilt hits me and I know I should elaborate. Should I tell him? No, he will think I’m an idiot. Actually I am an idiot, who am I kidding.
“Why do I have a bodyguard, Josh?” He frowns.
“Because if you want to be my girl you have to be protected.”
“Why?”
“You just do and I don’t want to fight about that. In fact I need to ask you another truth. How do you feel about my money?”
I pull back to look at his face and I frown. Of all the nerve. “I don’t want you for your money, asshole. How could you even think that?”
He smiles. “No, I mean, are you going to leave me because of my money?”
I frown again. “You think I’m going to leave you because of your money?” He nods. “Why?”
“I am a very wealthy man, Tash, and I live a very expensive life. I have been very careful not to expose you at all to it because I didn’t want to frighten you off.”
“How wealthy are we talking?” He shrugs. “Around about?” I raise my eyebrows.
“Nearly a billion.” What?
“Fuck off—you’re a billionaire?”
He winces. “Nearly,” he whispers. I stare at him open–mouthed. Holy shit, this is unimaginable.
“Joshua Stanton, you are a total mind–fuck do you know that?”
He smiles. “I’m your mind–fuck if you’ll have me.”
“That depends.” I smile as I cross my arms in front of me.
“On what.”
“On whether you’re going to show me how that I–love–you sex you mentioned last night goes.”
He smiles and kisses me. “Does it have a happy ending?” he whispers into my neck. I bite my lip as I smile.
“Yes but this time the happy ending is going my way.”
An hour later we are in the shower and Josh is soaping up my back with deep massaging strokes. My eyes are closed, I am leaning onto the glass and am deeply relaxed. In all honesty I just want him to myself for the day. Bang work I say.
“Can’t you stay home with me today?” I know I sound like a whiny kid but I don’t care. I turn and kiss him as I put my arms around his neck.
“No, you’ve already made me late.” He pulls my hips into his by my behind. He smiles down at me tenderly. I find myself returning the goofy grin.
“What?” I frown. He hunches his shoulders and bends to kiss me softly, his tongue swiping through my lips. He grinds his hips into mine and once again I feel his beautiful length against my stomach.
“Do you know how long I have dreamed of having you like this?” he whispers into my neck. I smile as I drop my head back to allow him greater access to me.
“Like what?” I smile. I know exactly what he means.
“Wanting me as much as I want you.” I smile again.
“How could you have ever thought anything else, you big dope?” He grabs me hard on the bum and I squeal with laughter.
“Big dope,” he growls as he bites me hard on the shoulder. “I will show you just how big I am.” I giggle as I hunch to escape his attack.
“Tash,” I look up at the serious tone in his voice. My eyes close at the contact of his lips to mine. “Hmm.”
“Our adult relationship starts today, ok?”
I frown at him, not understanding his meaning. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, to me, our relationship of being scared of being found out and unsure of each other is over. I want to start again.” Tears well in my eyes at the sincerity in his face and the meaning of the words. It’s true that I have felt torn, guilty and unsure about our relationship since the day it began. What we have is beyond beautiful, how could it be wrong? It’s impossible and, he’s right, we need to start acting like adults and take our future into our own hands.
“I would like that too,” I whisper as I lean in for another gentle kiss. With his lips pressed to my temple I hear the gentle words.
“I fucking adore you, precious girl.”
These words are very quickly becoming my favourite thing in the world to hear. Chicken soup for my soul.
Eleven o’clock and I am on my way home from the gym. I may as well try to lose the six kilograms I have stacked on since Mr Orgasmic came back on the scene. It does seem like I am naked a lot of the time lately. It’s only a matter of time before hail damage strikes. A song comes onto the radio. It’s a new track by Katy Perry called ‘Dark Horse’. I heard it the other day and it gave me goose bumps. The words are exactly the situation between Josh and me and, seeing as we are literally the dark horses of the family, a pubescent idea comes into my brain and I laugh at the thought. I stop off and grab a coffee and text the girls:
Five o’clock Oscar’s Coffee Catch up
They both reply immediately and I smile as I appreciate the two most beautiful friends any girl could wish for. I remind myself to ask them about their stuff tonight. I have been so self–absorbed lately I wouldn’t have a clue what’s going on with them or Jeremy or army guy. It seems every time we talk lately I’m rambling on about myself and my problems. I’m a bad friend. I didn’t even talk to Bridge at Mum’s the other night. I was too busy fighting with Mole Patrol to even notice poor Didge. I make a pact to myself to not turn into one of those bitches that only needs friends when she’s single. I hate those girls. I’ve had them as friends before. They get a new boyfriend and, poof, you never see them again—they drop off the face of the earth. I know I need my friends. They keep me sane and make me laugh. Mostly at myself.
As soon as I get home I download the song ‘Dark Horse’ and send it through as a message to Josh’s phone. I smile when I imagine him opening it. I frown as the thought that he might open it in front of someone crosses my mind—how embarrassing. Surely he wouldn’t be that stupid? It seems all this sexing up definitely wears a girl out and I shower and flop into bed for a well–deserved nana nap. No doubt the frigging nymphomaniac will hit me full throttle again tonight…not that I’m complaining.
I awake with the sound of the keys in the door and smile that my beautiful man has surprised me with an early visit home. I amble into the lounge room in my undies and singlet. To my horror the face I’m looking at is Bruce Willis, my new bodyguard. What the fuck. I scream and run back into my bedroom to cover up.
“Sorry, Natasha,” he calls out. “The delivery guy couldn’t get you and I was getting worried.” I chuck on some clothes and return to the lounge, fuming mad.
“Why do you have a key to my apartment?” I demand. He nods and moves to the side to allow a delivery man with a huge bouquet of red roses to step out from behind him. Oh shit, I’m a total bitch. I rub my forehead in frustration. The delivery guy speaks.
“Natasha?” I smile and nod. “Can you sign here?” He pulls out a delivery docket and pen. I sign and he passes over the biggest bunch of red roses I have ever seen and then disappears back out the door to re
trieve something else. I sheepishly look at Bruce, embarrassed by my rude outburst. I am not going to get used to this invasion of privacy—it’s doing my head in. The delivery guy returns with a big black gift box with a beautiful satin cream bow. I smile as I take it and put it onto the table.
“Thank you,” I smile and he disappears down the stairwell.
“Can you tell me your name please?” I whisper to the bodyguard.
“Max,” he smiles. “Sorry about barging in, I thought you might be in trouble.”
I frown, is this a joke? “What trouble could I possibly get into in my apartment, Max? I was having a sleep.” He nods, also feeling a little embarrassed. “Max, I don’t need a bodyguard. Josh has officially lost his marbles.”
He smiles and steps back. “Excuse me for talking out of line here, ma’am, but I have been guarding Mr Stanton for four years and if you are close to him, you are in danger, and you do need protection.”
“Danger, what kind of danger?” I frown.
He shrugs as he walks toward the door. “Speak to Joshua , Natasha. I can’t elaborate.” I frown as I close the door behind him. How very odd. Talk about dramatics. I turn to the table and pick up my roses—they are beautiful with the biggest buds I have ever seen. And the perfume…I inhale deeply. They smell divine. I put them back on the table to remove the card written in Joshua’s handwriting.
Yes, I want to play with magic
X
I jump up and down on the spot like a five–year–old. This is the first time in my life that I have received flowers from someone that I actually love. He wants to play with magic. He must have liked the song that I sent him. I clap my hands together in glee while feeling very proud of myself. He sent me roses. I feel like I am sixteen again, actually no I don’t. I feel like I’m seventeen since that was the last time Joshua made me feel like this. I turn my attention to the gift box. For some reason I feel nervous about opening it. He has never bought me anything before… it feels weird. I slowly undo the ribbon and inside is thick cream tissue paper. I slowly unwrap the contents. My heart stops. Inside is the most beautiful black satin corset, suspender belt, stockings and the briefest satin and lace underpants. They are stunning with a cream satin ribbon entwined through the lace around the top and bottom of the corset. Tiny cream ribbon bows are around the tops of the sheer thigh–high stockings and up the boning in the corset. My eyes drop back to the box and I pull out a gorgeous black evening dress that does up at the front with a trail of intricate black–ribbon bows. He’s dropped a pretty penny on these babies. I swallow a lump in my throat. Ok, so he wants to play with magic and I think I am supposed to wear these. A sudden thought sends panic through me. Shit. I grab my keys and run out the door. I had better get myself to that beautiful behind salon like now. And I don’t give a flying fuck if Max is following.
