by T L Swan
Chapter 23
“Good morning presh. How did my girl sleep?” His velvety voice rasps down the phone line. I smile as I stretch and listen to the sexy voice on the other end.
“Hmm, fine thanks, where are you?” I say with my voice still husky from sleep.
“I trained this morning, remember, with Murphy and we are now having breakfast in a café.” I rub my eyes as I try to bring them into focus.
“That’s right, come home and come back to bed, baby. I don’t like waking up without you.”
I can hear him smiling down the phone line. “What time will you and the girls be at my house?” I roll my eyes. Josh’s friend is coming in from America today with his family to take his kids to the Great Barrier Reef. They have stopped off specifically in Sydney to see him and Josh has organised a lunch at his place for them. I don’t know who this friend is, but he must be important to Josh as he has been on my case about not being late since Friday. Abbie and Bridget are coming, as well as the usual boy crew.
“Is this my wakeup call?” I smile down the line.
“Yes. I want you at my house in an hour.”
I roll my eyes. “Not happening Stanton. It’s Sunday. I won’t be there until eleven.”
I can almost hear his eyes bulging. “No. I said I want you here early.”
I smile. “And I said I will see you at eleven.” I am so not going over there in an hour, tough shit as he would say. He stays silent and I smile. I’ve got him. He knows I am not going over before eleven and there is nothing he can do about it.
“Fine but so help me, if you’re any later than that…you’re going to cop it.”
I smile. “Oohh, I hope so baby. Copping it is my favourite pastime. You know I’m naked right now, don’t you?” I purr.
He smiles down the line and I can hear him walk away from the others. “Behave my beautiful slut, I want you here early so I can have you to myself for an hour before anyone else gets here.” I smile. I know that’s not the reason. He’s nervous about me meeting his friends. Their opinion must matter…a lot.
“Who is this friend Josh? And why is it so important I’m there early?”
“No reason. Just get here. I’m going. I will see you soon.” And he hangs up. He didn’t like the last question I threw him, hmm, interesting. Mr Stanton really is a confusing puzzle, one that I am having fun working out.
“And this is Natasha,” he presents me to his friend and his wife three hours later like a prized pig with his hand at my lower back. I smile, feeling uncomfortable. Ok, now I wish I had gotten here earlier as they arrived before me—awkward. Joshua is not impressed with us being an hour late but, in my defence, Abbie is having a crisis. She thinks she is falling in love with Tristen the army guy and was practically hyperventilating when we got to her house. We had to stop for emergency caffeine and a pep talk. Well that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If he wants to date a puppet he’s with the wrong girl.
I smile a nervous smile. “Hello.” I shake both of their hands. The wife is about thirty–two at a guess and stunning. I think she might be Italian or something. She has beautiful dark features and a figure to die for.
“This is Maria.” Joshua smiles. “And this is Sean. Sean and I play polo together and he and Maria are probably the only friends I have who are happily married.”
Oh. I frown. “Don’t you have any other friends who are married?” I ask.
He nods. “Yes plenty, but most of them hate each other.” We all laugh.
Sean gives me a warm smile and shakes my hand. “Lovely to finally meet you Natasha.” Oh boy, what does that mean? How long has he known I exist? I nervously look at Joshua who is smiling at me with a twinkle in his eye. I smile back and have an inkling I am forgiven for my lateness. Then I am accosted by three little girls who run around my legs as they chase each other.
“These are our children: Bonita, Francesca and Allegra.” I smile and shake the girls’ hands, yep definitely Italian judging by the names. They’re adorable and I can’t help but like them.
“You’re pretty,” says the little one.
I smile and hunch my shoulders. “Thank you.”
“Mummy says Uncle Joshua loves you.” I laugh out loud and Maria hushes the girls as she tries to control their giggling behaviour.
Josh rolls his eyes. “Are you giving away my secrets, Bonita?” He bends and tickles the little girl who has just divulged his information. She screams as she tries to escape. This is going well So they know about me and Maria thinks he loves me. Maybe this day won’t be so bad. Cameron walks around to the backyard, looking like what the cat dragged in. He looks dreadful and Abbie winces as she sees him. “You look terrible. What time did you go to bed?”
He looks at his arm where his watch should be. “Far out, I left my watch there…um…” He scratches his head. “I haven’t been to bed yet.”
Josh smiles and shakes his head. “You’re hopeless.”
Cam smiles at Sean and then shakes his hand. “Hi Sean.” He then looks affectionately at Maria.
“How’s the best sort in America?” He walks over and kisses her cheek and she slaps him on the arm.
“You, Cameron, are a flirt,” she teases.
“You love it Ree.” What the hell? How does Cameron know these two so well? I had no idea; maybe I should be nervous. Did he bring them here to judge me? Why in god’s name was I so late? I might kill Abbie later for that one. I don’t know what to talk about so I decide to go and help Abbie and Bridget who are supposedly hard at work helping in the kitchen…as if. I walk in the door to find Bridget lying on the bench and Abbie lying on the lounge and Adrian sitting at the bench eating a carrot.
“So why is this a problem?” Adrian asks.
Abbie rolls her eyes. “I told you he’s in the army.”
He frowns. “What does he do in the army?”
“Special forces,” she says deadpan.
Adrian fans his face. “Mmm that’s hot. What is it about Special Forces that gets the imagination going?”
“I still don’t get it, what’s wrong with that?” Bridget asks.
“There is no way in hell I am going to be a war widow Bridget. Even if he doesn’t get killed he will be away most of the time. I need a man in my bed not on my mind.” We all nod.
“This is true,” Adrian says. “However, imagine how hot the homecomings would be.”
Cameron walks into the kitchen looking like death warmed up. “I’m so fucked. I’m sneaking off to bed. Don’t tell Josh, he’s on entertaining crack or something. He’s killing me.”
We all laugh; it’s true Josh is on entertaining crack and we are his crack whores. Ben walks into the kitchen.
“Josh wants you all to go out and socialise.” Everybody groans and I smile. It is becoming increasingly apparent that Josh bosses everybody around like he does me. Even Cameron does what he says.
Sean and I are sitting by the pool. The girls have been having a ball this afternoon. Tash has had the music on and they have been having dancing competitions which Adrian and Cameron have been forced into judging. I look at Cameron and laugh—he really does look like shit. It must have been a total bender for him to be this bad. He usually is ok the next day. And to think I am making him help me entertain. I smile. I’m evil. Then I look at Natasha who is now piggybacking Francesca around and pretending to gallop like a horse. With a few wines under her belt she has loosened up and is finally being herself.
“She’s beautiful, Josh.”
I nod. “You have no idea.”
“What is going to happen when you move home?” he asks.
“She’s coming.” I take a drink of my beer. He nods as he listens.
“This is the girl you have loved all along—right?” I nod and I smile at him. Apart from Cameron and Adrian, Sean is my closest friend. We never go out together drinking or anything like that. We play polo and train in the gym together but if I see him it’s usually with his wife and kids. We have a no
rmal friendship. The kind of friendship I don’t get from my party friends. He tells me the truth and doesn’t want anything from me in return. He’s had money all of his life and is not seduced by its trappings or impressed by easy women. He’s had his time doing that and it holds no interest for him at all anymore. I respect his opinion most out of everybody because he says it like it is—nothing is sugar – coated with Sean. And when you have most people sucking up your ass constantly it’s very refreshing, although sometimes a little harsh. His parents, wife and I all get on very well and we do spend a lot of time together. They all breed horses as well. He’s a good husband and father, the kind of husband I want to be—devoted. I don’t know why any of my other friends even bother getting married as they sleep around all the time.
“Forgive me for intruding but isn’t she your cousin?” I rub my hand through my hair. Fuck, when did I tell him that? He must sense my horror. “You told me one night when you were drunk.” I nod, feeling more than stupid. I told him that when I didn’t think they would ever meet and now they have. God, how must this look from an outside perspective?
“Do me a favour and keep that on the down low will you?” I ask.
He smiles and nods. “Of course, you have my word.”
“This is a fucked–up situation isn’t it?” I sigh, he nods and stays silent.
He looks at me as he takes a drink. “Tell me Josh. How is this going to go? Have you thought about this? I mean really thought what this will mean for her.” I take a swig of my beer as my eyes wander to Natasha who is dancing with Francesca by the pool and I smile.
“Yes, I am fully aware she will have to move to America to be with me, but she wants to. She offered first.” He narrows his eyes as he listens.
“How much do you love her?” he asks as he takes another drink.
I break into a full smile as I shake my head. “Man, the sun sets with her. I’m done. This is all I want, all I’ll ever want. The last seven years have told me that.” He listens and I can see him thinking as he watches her dancing with his daughter. I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to speak and when he doesn’t I ask the question. “Spit it out. What do you want to say?”
“I just don’t think.”He stays silent. I frown as I try to work out what he is saying. “I just think I love Maria too much. I couldn’t let her sacrifice so much to be with me.”
I frown as I try to work out his meaning. “What do you mean?” I ask.
“She has to give up her job, her family, her friends and her country to be with you.”
“I know but I told her after five or ten years we could come back here.”
“Are you really prepared to take motherhood from her, Josh?”
I frown. My eyes shoot to Natasha who is now wading in the pool with Bridget and the three girls. “Josh, you know you two can’t have children together, right?” My heart drops.
“What do you mean?” I ask, panicked.
“Josh, it’s cross breeding. You can’t do it. The children will end up sick.” My eyes widen as I take in the information he has just given me. My eyes flick to Natasha again. Why in the hell did I not think of this before? Fuck!
“Look, I don’t know man. It’s none of my business. But you had better be sure before you strip her of everything is all I’m saying.” He looks at me deadpan and takes another swig of his beer and I know he is completely serious.
Maria comes over and grabs Sean by the hand. “I’m stealing my husband Joshua.” And with that she drags him away. I sit still, stunned to my core. I am so fucking stupid. My heart drops as I watch Natasha’s uninhibited laughter, like she doesn’t have a care in the world. She deserves better than I can give her—all the money in the world cannot replace motherhood or her family. I close my eyes and consider the serious ramifications for her if we stay together. In years to come I know she will regret the choice to give up a family to be with me—any one in their right mind would. I’m not worth the sacrifice. Not with my baggage. She should be with someone like…Christopher. He can give her what I can’t. He still loved her and they weren’t even sleeping together. Pain lances through my chest as I realise she is better off with someone else, someone for whom she would not have to sacrifice. Someone who I know would look after her. Someone who loves her as much as I do. Her words come back to haunt me. I had to save you from yourself, baby, you were going to give everything up to be with me and I loved you too much to let you do it. I put my head in hands as I think.
I honestly don’t know if I can do it. I’m not strong enough to walk away.
Am I?
On the way home I am holding Josh’s hand on my lap. “Are you tired baby?” I ask and his eyes flick to me and he frowns. “You hardly ate any dinner and you’re so quiet.”
He smiles a shy smile at me. “Yeah, I guess I am.” He picks my hand up and kisses the back of it. His eyes are then on the road and he is deep in thought again. What is he thinking about?
“Do you think your friends liked me?” I ask nervously.
He smiles broadly at me. “There isn’t a person on earth who wouldn’t like you, Tash.”
I smile. “Except for your mother,” I tease.
He bursts out laughing. “Yes, she is the exception.” He rolls his eyes. We get home and I get into the shower and Josh stays in the kitchen and puts the kettle on. Twenty minutes later I get out of the shower wondering where my shower buddy got to, fully expecting him to be asleep on the lounge. I look up the hall from my bedroom and I see Josh pacing in the lounge room with both hands linked on the top of his head. He does that when he is upset. I’ve seen him do it before. What’s the matter with him? What is he thinking about? He seems worried about something. I stand in the hall watching him. I have to say he’s acting strange. I walk out as I continue drying my hair.
“Josh, what’s wrong?” His eyes search mine. “Are you sick?”
He pulls me into an embrace and kisses the top of my head. “I love you Natasha, you know that, don’t you?” I smile and nod as I kiss his chest—what is this about?
“I love you Josh, you know that, don’t you?”
He smiles nervously and nods. “Sit down presh, we need to talk.”
“Ok what about? Are you going to take me to pound town my beautiful Lamborghini?” I raise my eyebrows as I go to drag his shorts down but he stops me. His face drops and he looks like he is about to burst into tears.
I frown. “Josh, what is it? You’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”
He swallows and goes to speak but nothing comes out and he closes his mouth again.
“I, I just have a head… headache that’s all,” he stammers. I smile a big smile at him.
“You big dope, why didn’t you tell me? I will get you some aspirin.” I jump up and return with a glass of water and his tablets and he pulls me down onto his lap and cuddles tightly.
“Bed baby,” I demand. “I can’t stand seeing you like this.”
As I lay in bed four hours later I am achingly aware that Josh is wide awake next to me thinking about something. I can hear his mind ticking from here. Something has happened today, something that has upset him. Maybe he spoke to his mother on the phone and is upset about it or maybe his friends didn’t like me. I don’t think that is it though. I can’t put my finger on it but being a psychologist sucks sometimes. I wish I couldn’t read people so well or try to analyse why they are thinking so much. He said he had a headache and I should just believe him. Unfortunately a tiny voice deep down in the pit of my stomach is telling me something is seriously wrong with my beautiful man and it’s a problem that he doesn’t want to share with me. Maybe tomorrow will bring new light.
I woke alone this morning, no note left from Josh and it is now four o’clock in the afternoon and I haven’t heard from him at all today, which is very unusual. He hasn’t left while I slept since we started seeing each other seriously and it has left me feeling uneasy all day. I called him to see if his headache was alright but he didn’t answer or c
all me back He has usually called me at least a couple of times or texted me long before this. I walk outside to my car in between my patients to try and find Max. I find him sitting in the park.
“Hi, Max.”
He smiles and nods. “Hi, Natasha.”
“I was wondering if you know if Joshua is at work today.”
He looks uncomfortable. “I believe so ma’am,” he nods. Hmm what in the hell does that mean? He’s obviously not sick, yet he hasn’t called me back. Maybe he’s getting cold feet about our relationship. I try to calm my nerves and the sick feeling in my stomach. I hate depending on someone so much and we have come too far to be playing games now.
“Thank you Max.” I march back inside with renewed purpose and ring Adrian who answers on the first ring.
“Hi, Tash.”
“Hi,” I snap. “Can you put Joshua on the phone please?”
He stays silent and after a minute whispers, “Sure, baby, I will get him.” I hear him hold his hand over the phone and walk into Josh’s office. “It’s for you.”
