by T L Swan
I pull back to look at her face. “Joshua rang you. Did he tell you what happened?”
She smiles sympathetically. “Yes love, he did. Can you ring him? He’s distraught, Natasha.”
I screw up my face. “Did he tell you he slept with Amelie?”
She nods again. “Yes.”
My eyes flick to Bridget and Abbie.
“Natasha, you left him. He thought you weren’t coming back,” Bridget sighs.
“What! You’re on his side? You’re taking his side.” I frown as I pull out of her embrace. I need support, not a fucking lecture.
“No love, there are no sides. But I know Joshua has had just as hard a time as you and I understand. We all understand. He’s suffering too, Natasha,” Mum says as she rubs my arm.
I stand still in shock as my eyes hold hers. I can hear my heartbeat in my ears as my anger hits a crescendo.
“Get out! All three of you. Get the fuck out! You may condone my boyfriend playing up on me, but I don’t. And I never will.” I storm to the bathroom and lock the door.
I run the water as hot as I can stand it, get in and sink to the bottom of the shower as silent acid tears roll down my face and the distinct taste of betrayal burns my stomach and lines my mouth.
An hour and a half later I leave the steamy bathroom to find the girls all lying on my lounge watching True Blood. The girls are filling Mum in on the storyline, which she doesn’t seem to be getting. Hmm. I walk past them in silence and into my kitchen to make a cup of tea. Shit, I don’t have any bloody milk. I open the fridge to find it stocked with groceries.
“Who went shopping?” I yell from the kitchen.
“I did,” yells Abbie.
“Thanks,” I reply flatly.
“Does that get me out of the bad books?” she yells again.
I narrow my eyes. “Just,” I snap.
“Does anyone want coffee?” I ask.
“Yes I will. Milky Milo actually,” calls Bridget.
“Can I have one of those Latte Sachet thingys?” Abbie yells.
“I want a chai latte or do you have any lemon tea?”
I roll my eyes. “Fuck off, this isn’t a cafe. I’m serving coffee, plain fucking coffee! If you don’t like it leave.”
I hear them all giggle. Bitches.
Ten minutes later I walk into the lounge room with a tray of coffees, they all take them in silence and smile.
The thing is, I know that they know that I’m a donkey on the edge. But what they don’t know is that I am so on the edge, I don’t even care anymore. Anyone who messes with me tonight is going down.
“Where’s Max?” I ask.
“We gave him the night off to go and see his girlfriend. We are going to stay with you for a couple of days.”
I roll my eyes. “Can you keep your Joshua-sleazebag-loving mouths shut?”
They all stifle a smile and nod.
“Good, then fast forward it to the Alcide bits. Only Jo Manganiello can get me out of this funk. And nobody talk, I’m not in the mood to listen to your shit.”
The three of them exchange small smiles and lie back in comfortable silence.
I wake to the sound of the jug boiling and Mum talking to Max, toaster popping, and Bridget and Abbie talking about some boring subject on a way too high decibel. I blow out a breath. How is it that the rest of the world is just carrying on as normal when my world is literally crashing around my feet? I feel different today … I’m angry. So angry, at myself mostly. I am a psychologist and I ignored every warning sign. Went against everything I preach in order to hold a man that was never actually mine to hold. I was totally delusional. Joshua Stanton is not my happy ending, he is not my soulmate as I once previously thought. What a load of shit that term is … soulmate. I don’t even believe in that word anymore. He has bought me nothing but heartbreak and you know what? It’s time to grow up and get on with it. I need to pick myself up and dust myself off. My heart is safe as long as I am away from him … so that’s how I am going to keep it. I’m done. I get up and walk out into the lounge room.
“Hi love, how are you today?” asks Mum
I smile. “Better. Max, you don’t need to guard me anymore. Joshua and I are finished so I am not in danger of being stabbed or something equally ridiculous. I’m going to the gym. Go back to your girlfriend’s house,” I announce confidently.
He narrows his eyes at me. “Natasha, I am not leaving you unaccompanied until I get the go ahead, so you can forget the spoilt brat routine. I’m not copping it,” he snaps.
Abbie bites her lip to stifle a smile. “You should use that as a pick up line Max. It sounded totally hot.”
He shakes his head in frustration. “I agree actually Abbs.” Mum laughs.
“God … you girls are ridiculous,” he sighs.
Two hours later we have been to the gym. Max worked out with me so that was … different. I want to call into work to pick up my laptop. I have some patient notes to go over before the court case I am going to next week.
We walk through reception and I smile at our secretary. “Hi Belinda, I just need to get my laptop from my office.”
“Oh, you’re back already. I thought you were away till Sunday.” She raises her eyebrows in question.
I fake a smile. “No, got back last night.” I grab my laptop and am walking out of the office with Max when Nicholas Anastas walks out of Henry’s office. I stop dead in my tracks. Lordy lord he is one delicious man, once again I am stunned to silence.
His eyes light up when he sees me. “Hello … Natasha isn’t it?” I hunch my shoulders like a juvenile delinquent. Holy shit, he remembered my name.
“I was hoping to see you today.” He smiles
“You were?” I smile as my brain turns to mush.
“Yes, can I have a private word?”
My eyes widen. “Of course, come into my office.” Max frowns at me. “It’s ok Max, I know this man.”
Nicholas frowns at our exchange. “Why are you so heavily guarded?” he asks as we walk into my office.
I shake my head in embarrassment. “My boyfriend … ex-boyfriend is a little on the protective side.”
He nods. “Was that your boyfriend I met at the restaurant that day? Joshua Stanton.”
I nod glumly. “Yes that’s him.” Fucking scuzbuckett.
“Oh right. So you had another man with you, Adrian Murphy.”
I smile, oh my god I know where this is going.”
“Yes.” I can’t hold the smile that is splitting my cheeks.
He looks around in embarrassment. “I am going to America for a couple of weeks and I wondered if I could get his number off you. I thought we might hook up.”
I give him a resigned smile as I frown. How do I put this? “Umm, Adrian … isn’t really the kind of guy that hooks up.”
He frowns. “Sorry, that came out wrong, I meant catch up.” He raises his eyebrow as he contemplates asking me a question. “Not that kind of guy, hey?” he adds with a trace of a smile on his lips.
I smile broadly as I picture the beautiful Adrian. “Adrian is a romantic, he believes in love. Trust me, he doesn’t hook up with random people.”
I can almost see his brain ticking as he licks his scrumptious lips. His eyes hold mine with renewed determination. “So … can I have his number then?”
Hmm ok, I’m going to make Adrian a little hard to get. Right, what would Abbie do in this situation?
“Look I don’t know, he doesn’t like me giving his number to anyone. I get asked for it a lot.” I inwardly cringe, oh boy was that too cheesy?
He nods and passes me his phone. “Call him. See what he says.” I smile as I look at his hand outstretched with his phone in it. Determination in a man is so damn hot.
“No, I am not calling him on your phone because then you will have his number in the call register.” I smirk.
He smiles as his ploy to trick me is uncovered. “Touché,” he whispers as he raises an eyebrow. He passes me his b
usiness card. “Call him tonight and then call me back and tell me what he said.”
Hmm … so dominant. So bloody sexy. “Why don’t I just tell him to call you?”
“I’m pretty sure we both know if we leave it up to him I won’t be getting a call anytime soon.” He smirks.
I scrunch up my face in uncomfortableness. “I wouldn’t take it personally. He doesn’t call anybody back.” God … I should shut up now, I’m blowing it.
He nods. “Yeah I get it. I will speak to you tonight.” He smiles and leaves my office.
I blow out a breath that I didn’t even realise I was holding. If Adrian doesn’t go out with him, he’s crazy. That man is frigging hot. I regain my composure and leave my office. “Ready to go?” I smile at Max.
He nods and we leave the building. Suddenly cameras start flashing and two men start to scream. “Natasha Stanton, is your husband going to make a full recovery?” Huh?
“Is your husband still a sex addict, Mrs Stanton?”
What the hell? My horrified eyes meet Max’s.
“Is he still currently in rehab, Mrs Stanton?”
Max steps in front of me and holds out his arm to shield me, obviously much more accustomed to this than me. We make a run for my car with them chasing us. This is ridiculous, is this really what the world has come to? How could anyone be interested in this trivial nonsense?
“Is your husband a sex addict and a cocaine addict, Mrs Stanton?”
I get into the passenger seat of Max’s car and he speeds away. He looks into the rear-view mirror to check we are not being followed.
“Shit, that was intense,” I whisper to Max wide-eyed.
He nods. “I was wondering how long it would take for them to find you. Just make sure you don’t give them a reaction when they ask you any questions. It just amps the assholes up.”
“I would really like to answer their questions with yes he is a sex addict, possibly a cocaine addict and a total adulterer prick and I’m not his fucking wife, asshole. Not even close,” I snap as I throw my handbag into the backseat.
He smirks at me. “Tough.” He smiles.
I rearrange my cardigan and fold my arms as my anger rises again. I can’t believe I am now being followed, by his paparazzi. For his mistakes. This has got to take the cake.
“I am going to ring Joshua and tell him you need extra protection for a while.” Max mutters while watching the road, and the wipers come on automatically as it starts to sprinkle rain.
My heart sinks. I wish I could ring Joshua. I would dearly love to hear his velvety deep voice. I miss him … already. My sad eyes stare out the window—this is so unfair. He has made this painful bed for me and now unfortunately I have to lie in it … alone.
“You can tell him that you are the only bodyguard I will have, or he can forget it.”
Max’s eyes flick to me. “I’m not telling him that—you should ring him if you have something to say.”
I fake a smile. “Nice try Max, I am not ringing him. I am not texting him and I am definitely not thinking about him. If you don’t tell him that then I won’t have a bodyguard at all. I don’t care, it’s up to you.”
“Natasha, you have cost me my job already. Do not start pulling your two-year-old tantrums now, because I won’t stand for it,” he snaps.
I narrow my eyes as my temperature rises. Now even Max is pissing me off. Actually is there anything in the world that doesn’t piss me off? I nearly punched the screen on the treadmill today when it wouldn’t give me my calories burned. I have some serious anger issues going on. It will be better when I get back to work next week—I just need to keep busy.
Chapter 8
I’m cut. So deep that I can feel myself bleeding out, gasping for air … for life. If I was hooked up to a heart-rate monitor it would show the weakening of my heartbeat every hour, every minute without him. The sound of the beep would be getting softer beat by beat. I feel like a plant that has been starved of the sun, in total darkness. I don’t know how to not love Joshua Stanton. I have loved him for every minute of every hour of every day since I was a seventeen-year-old girl. He was my life, my every dream and until now I didn’t realise what an ingrained part of my psyche he was. I dream of him nearly every night. Horrible nightmares, ones where we are in the tunnel and he is being beaten to death and I am raped, or the other dream, the one where I am forced to watch him make tender passionate love to Amelie. It’s so real that I can see the sheen of perspiration on his body, hear his cries as his orgasms rip through him. Feel him quiver with need, kiss her lips as they both gasp for air. I don’t know which dream I dread the most, they are both horrific. But it’s the vision of Joshua and Amelie making love that haunts me throughout my working day. Are they making love right now?
I sit in my office staring out the window, lost in my own regret. It’s 7 am. I have been working ridiculous hours to escape the small talk of the girls in my apartment. Max is in the park, Ben has asked him to stay with me until the media circus dies down. Except now there are three other guards as well, and I don’t have a minute of privacy. I should just issue a statement saying we are not or never have been married, but I just can’t do it. It’s the final nail in my coffin that I don’t have the strength to hammer in. How did it get to this? I have been back at work for a week and my mind is far from being on the job. I still haven’t got a new phone—I’m too scared. Scared he will call, scared that he won’t. I can’t have him in my life, I know that. But the thought that he could move on with her tears my heart wide open.
I am dreading the weekend like the plague. I can’t even pretend not to be sad and I feel bad for the girls who are constantly trying to cheer me up and pull me out of this funk.
Now I have to call Adrian as Nicholas Anastas is on my case. He has come into work twice this week. He’s keen, I will give him that. My little hard-to-get act was very effective. Abbie is right, this shit actually works.
I feel sick knowing I have to make this call, I slowly dial his number. It rings.
He picks up. “Adrian Murphy.”
I panic and hang up as tears rush to my eyes. Who am I kidding? I can’t talk to Adrian, he’s Joshua’s best friend. I need to distance myself from everybody in his circle. Too bad, I’m making an executive decision. Nicholas can have Adrian’s number. I text it to him immediately from my work phone before I can second guess myself—the way I feel at the moment the bloody grim reaper can have his number.
Adrian
I sit on my deck chair beside Cameron as I feel the warmth of the sun dance on my skin. We both watch him glide through the water in silence. It’s 1 pm and Cam and I are on our second beer as we ponder how in the hell to keep him occupied for the weekend.
“How many laps can he actually do?” Cameron asks.
I shrug. “A lot, it seems. More than us anyway.”
Cameron smirks. “That wouldn’t be hard.”
It has been eight days since we lost Natasha and she consequently returned to Australia. Joshua has been a fucking nightmare. He’s training like a man possessed, his way of burning that extra energy, extra anger. He still can’t fly for another six days.
“What do you want to do tonight?” I ask.
Cameron shrugs “Has Ben finished the security tapes yet?”
“No, still no idea of what hospital that guy got his cast on at.”
“At least when we find the hospital we will have a name to track.” Cameron sighs as he lays back and closes his eyes as his face tilts to the sun.
“Didn’t you say you had to go into work today?” I frown.
He nods as he takes a sip of his beer. “I was just going into pathology to get some blood tests, but now that I’ve been drinking that’s not going to happen.”
“What are the blood tests for?”
Cameron shrugs. “Just routine stuff. Tell me Murph? What happens if this trip to Australia doesn’t go well? What then?”
I shrug. “The thought has crossed my mind. Tash wi
ll understand, she loves him. They were broken up, she can’t hold it against him … surely”
“You know, I’ve been thinking and the fact that Natasha has never slept with anyone else is going to work against him.” Cameron sighs.
I frown. “What do you mean?”
“You knew that, right?
“Knew what?” I ask.
“Natasha has never slept with anyone else. She waited for Josh for seven years.” His eyes hold mine as he takes another sip of his beer.
“What the fuck! What never? Not one person?” I frown.
Cameron shakes his head.
I close my eyes and put my head back against my chair in regret. “This is all my fault, Cam. I knew Amelie couldn’t be trusted and yet I never warned him. And now he’s lost the girl that actually really loves him.”
“You didn’t know the stupid prick was going to sleep with her.”
“How did that even happen?” I shake my head.
Joshua silences our conversation by swimming to the edge and taking the stairs of the pool. He dries himself and wraps the towel around his waist.
“Anyone want a protein shake?” he asks as he heads to the pool bar.
Cameron frowns at me. “As if. You freak.”
“What’s wrong with protein?” Joshua replies.
“Nothing if you don’t have taste buds,” I mutter.
He makes his shake and flops onto the deck chair next to me.
“Don’t you think you’re training a bit much? It can’t be good for you,” I say as I close my eyes and put my head back to feel the sun on my face.
“I tell you what’s not healthy. Being trapped in this fucking house like a stale bottle of piss,” he snaps.
Cameron gives him a sad smile as he reaches over and rubs his hand roughly through Joshua’s hair. “It’ll work out mate. No use worrying about it, stop stressing.”
“Why don’t you call Tash?” I ask.
“No. I need to see her in person. She will just hang up on me if I ring her.”
I smile. “She’s a ballsy little bitch … isn’t she?”
