by T L Swan
I nod. “Yes, pale pink.”
“Pale pink vibrator, anything else to add?”
“Underwear.”
“Anything about the vibrator that is identifiable?” He lifts his eyes to meet mine in question.
Good grief, I’ve had enough. “Regular size, regular shape. Pink!” I snap.
“I see,” he answers as he smirks.
I smile broadly at him as I raise my eyebrows. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing this is? This is every woman’s worst nightmare.” I rub my forehead as I giggle at this ridiculous turn of events.
He smiles. “Looks like you might have to return to your boyfriend—it seems his opposition has disappeared. Maybe he took it to get you back.”
I fake a smile. “You’re hilarious. I didn’t realise police do stand up.”
He laughs. “Trust me, in this job if you don’t laugh, you will cry.”
We walk back into the lounge room where I see Max sitting at the kitchen bench glaring at me. Oh crap, I forgot about him.
The other policeman comes back through the front door. “Two other apartments have also been robbed.”
I nod, relieved, it was just a crazy coincidence.
“I will be in touch if we find anything and a fingerprint team will be around to do the door handle but I’ll bet any money that they wore gloves so we will wait and see.”
I nod and smile as Max shows them out. I walk back into my bedroom and a creepy feeling oozes over me. Who would want a second-hand vibrator? Surely a criminal wouldn’t go home and use it on his wife … would he? Who knows, they are the dregs of society so it wouldn’t surprise me. A cold shiver runs up my spine as the disgusting thought rolls through my head.
Max walks back up to my door. “You ok, Tash?”
I slowly nod. “Yeah, sorry I’ve been a bitch tonight. I can’t handle all of you guys ganging up on me,” I reply softly.
He puts a reassuring hand on my shoulder. “Tash, we don’t try to gang up on you. We care about Joshua. He’s in love with you. We want him to be happy.”
My eyes tear up. “Can you stay in here in the spare room tonight. I’m a bit freaked out,” I whisper.
He nods. “What did they take from your bedroom that you’re not telling me?”
I shrug. “Nothing. I just wanted some privacy.”
He reluctantly nods and walks over to the door to leave, then he turns. “Tash.”
My eyes meet his. “Yes.”
“For the record, Amelie went to Joshua’s room that night, not the other way around. He was so upset about it he left without any guards and then nearly got killed by a hit man on the way home. He didn’t tell you this because he doesn’t want you frightened, not because he’s trying to keep secrets. He’s trying to protect you.”
I drop my head as I listen.
“We were all as shocked as you. Joshua tells us nothing, he only speaks to Cameron and Adrian. You underestimate him. He doesn’t talk about his private life to anyone.”
I nod with my eyes on the ground. “Thanks Max,” I whisper through my tears as the hard lump of hurt balls in my throat.
I wait for Max to come around to the front of the building to pick me up for lunch. How is it I have come to depend on Max? We have become friends by default. I have been forced to hang out with him and it’s strangely … comforting. He has been the only constant male in my close circle since Dad’s death. We walk in comfortable silence to his car.
“Joshua is leaving tomorrow night,” he says matter-of-factly.
I stop and look at him as I get to the door, and my stomach drops .
My eyes flick around to the two cars full of men watching us. I get into the car and slam the door hard.
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Ben called me this morning and asked me to come around for a meeting this afternoon.”
I chuck my bag onto the floor of the car. “And?” I snap as I flick my hair around my shoulders, annoyed.
“And I think, that if you are going to call him, you have twenty-four hours left to do it.”
I roll my eyes as I look out the window.
“Well, I wish he would go today, that’s what I think,” I snap angrily.
“No, you don’t. You think you have everyone fooled but I know what’s really going on here. You are pushing him away to protect yourself.”
I frown in disgust. “You know you are very opinionated for someone who is supposed to be invisible.”
He smiles broadly and I find myself mirroring his stupid grin.
“What’s funny?” I snap.
He shakes his head. “Nothing. I didn’t realise you thought you were hanging out with the invisible man?”
“Yeah, well I am. A very annoying, big-mouthed invisible man … who, actually, isn’t that invisible.” I sigh as we pull into the traffic.
We buy our lunch and eat in silence. My mind is racing a million miles per minute. Am I doing the right thing? What if I do really lose him? Oh god, please let me not lose him.
“What does Ben want to see you about?” I ask with a mouth full of food.
He continues chewing and shrugs. “I think I’m getting a finishing date.”
My eyes widen as I chew. “Finishing date.” I repeat as I wipe my mouth with my napkin.
“Pretty much.”
I frown. “What will you do?”
He shrugs. “Go back to America,” he says dryly.
“But I thought your romance was going well. She’s lovely. Are you just going to leave her?”
“It is going well. Too well, but I’m not allowed to stay here if I’m not employed. You know how strict Australian immigration laws are.”
“Oh,” I whisper. “Do you want to stay?”
He nods. “Yes, I would love to see how this goes. I haven’t liked anyone like this for a very long time.” He frowns. “I even like her kids.”
I chew as I think. It’s not that bad having him around is it? Maybe I could stretch this out a bit for him.
“Tell Joshua that I feel unsafe after the robbery and that you need to stay and guard me for a while.”
He wipes his mouth with a napkin as he frowns in question.
I shrug. “Why not? It’s not like he can’t afford to pay you?”
“But I thought you didn’t want to be guarded permanently?” he asks.
“I don’t, but I can put up with it if you get rid of the other dickheads.” I flick my head towards the corner.
His eyes flick over to the table of four guards sitting at the front of the restaurant waiting for us and he smirks.
“If he thinks you don’t feel safe he won’t leave me alone with you, he will want at least another guard left.”
“Fine, just one,” I sigh.
He smiles. “You know he will probably sack me anyway because he knows we get along well.”
“Tell him I won’t have anybody else and if he doesn’t like it then I will be scared stiff and it’s all his fault.”
He smiles. “You drive a hard bargain Miss Marx, but you know what? He might just fall for it.”
It’s six o’clock Friday night and dark, the building is dead silent and I am in the office alone. Max and the other guards are in their cars out the front of the building. I can see them from my window. I’m procrastinating because I don’t want to go home. Joshua leaves Australia tomorrow and I desperately want to see him. I want to say goodbye … Hello … I love you. Why am I doing this to myself? I stare into space for about the fourth hour today; my last appointment was two o’clock. I lean my elbows on my desk and put my face into my hands as dread seeps into my every pore. How am I going to stay away from him tonight? How in the hell am I going to find the strength to do this? I just want to talk to him … I miss him desperately. I want to tell him about this terrible person who has hurt me so deeply. I want him to protect me from him and I know he would be outraged if someone hurt me like this. But then I remember the cold reality that he is that person and I am t
he only one who can protect myself. He offers no protection, only hurt. I blow out a breath as I start to slowly close the programs on my computer, my computer pings and a YouTube tab comes up in the middle of my screen. I frown, what’s this? Don’t tell me I’ve got a computer virus now.
A curser flashes on my screen … huh. I watch in wide-eyed horror as a message starts to type on my screen.
Precious girl, please talk to me.
I bite my lip and my eyes instantly fill with tears as I realise that Joshua is hacking my computer. How long has he been sitting there waiting for me to close the programs? The cursor is flashing, waiting for a reply. I type.
Josh … I can’t.
I’m sorry.
I break into full-blown sobs and hold my hands over my mouth as I cry out loud and stare at the screen. He types again.
I love you.
Please see me.
I sob uncontrollably as the reality of this horrible situation crushes my heart. The cursor flashes again and I reply.
I can’t, Josh.
I’m not strong enough to be with you.
Just know that I will always love you.
Remember me.
X
I cry out loud as I grip my stomach in pain. The picture flashes and I click on it. Oh dear god, no. Not this … not this song. I try desperately to click out of it but it won’t let me, and the film clip of the song ‘Say Something’ by A Great Big World and Christina Aguilera starts to play. Every time I hear this song I burst into tears. Why is he sending me this shit? Is he trying to send me round the twist? I bang on the buttons but I can’t get out of it and I become hysterical as the depressing song blares through my office. In desperation to stop it I bend to the floor, grab the electrical cord and rip it out of the wall, and the computer goes dead … just like my heart. I slump to the floor and lean up against the wall and sob. He needs to leave the country … I won’t survive much longer.
Joshua
I sit at the airport staring into space as we wait to board my jet. I am utterly gutted. The silence that surrounds me is stifling.
I look towards the doors for the ten thousandth time in the last hour.
“She’s not coming mate,” Cameron whispers as his eyes hold mine.
I nod as I drop my head. “I know,” I whisper in monotone.
Adrian puts his arm around me. “You will feel better when we get back to LA.” He shakes my shoulder in a reassuring gesture.
I sit slumped in my chair as I nod sadly, I don’t even have it in me to speak. The blistering memory of the last time I felt like this poisons me from within, when I was nineteen and heartbroken, sitting in an airport just like this waiting for a flight to LA … trying desperately to escape her love … or lack of it.
Ben sits opposite us, and his eyes search mine. “Do you want a coffee?” he asks as he raises his eyebrows.
“Yes,” I reply.
He stands and walks over to the stewardess. “How much longer?” he asks.
“Not long,” she replies.
“Good,” he mutters under his breath as he storms through the double doors.
Natasha
It’s Friday and I have survived Joshua’s leaving the country … just. I don’t even know if you can call it surviving. I’m running on autopilot like a zombie. If I think, I will crack … it’s easier to function with no feeling … block the hurt … block the pain … if only I could block the memories. I’ve been listening to ‘With or Without You’ by U2 on repeat for days … it seems so fitting to my situation. I honestly can’t live with or without him, how am I going to do this? I’ve been throwing myself into work to try and get on with it. I just wish I didn’t have to come to this stupid jail anymore. My job is really starting to piss me off. I think I need a change. Coby Allender totally freaked me out on my last visit to the courthouse when he stared at me like his next meal the whole time—he’s a frigging scary son of a bitch. Henry has assured me I am in the safe room today and he can’t see me so I guess that’s a bonus. I wait in the observation room in a daydream, with a prison warden sitting next to me. Where is that spunky boy anyway? Jaxon … Jasper … Johnathon, what’s his name again? At least his annoying flirting keeps my mind occupied and off serial killers and my beautiful Lamborghini. I’m starting to think of Joshua with fondness again: six days … it didn’t take long. The door opens behind me and I keep my eyes firmly on the window in front.
“Swap seats,” I hear a husky whispered voice say.
I turn to see Mr Cheeky falling into the seat beside me. “Hey Doc. Did you miss me?”
I smirk at him and turn my eyes back to the window. “Yes, totally.” I frown as I try to remember his name.
“Jesten,” he smirks.
“Oh right, sorry. I’m hopeless with names,” I whisper so the other guard can’t hear me.
“Yeah, I noticed.” He smirks. “Most girls remember mine though. How come you don’t?”
I roll my eyes. “I see you’re still on yourself.”
He laughs out loud and raises an eyebrow.
We watch as the door opens and Coby Allender is led into the room—my blood runs cold just seeing the creep. I wonder if he really is a serial killer or is just so insane that he likes the game of fooling everyone into thinking he is. They still think he has an accomplice, but I’m not so sure.
“Are you giving me your number today?” Jesten whispers in my ear.
“Sshh,” I whisper. “I’m listening,” I reply as I keep my eyes firmly on the screen.
“This guy is boring. Listen to me instead,” he whispers back.
I giggle—this guy really is a dick. “No, I’m not giving you my number. I told you I’m not into you,” I whisper.
“Fuck off, all girls are into me.”
I giggle again. Total idiot. “Not me.”
“Do you always lie compulsively? Or is it just when you’re in the presence of greatness?” he whispers as his eyes stay on the screen.
I smirk at his ridiculous confidence. “No … only to losers. Aren’t you going out with short and slutty Barbie anyway?”
He burst out laughing. “Not that I know of.”
“Oh,” I smirk. “What happened to her?”
“I sort of told this other hot girl to think of me while she had sex with her boyfriend to piss him off, not realising it would also piss her off.”
I giggle as I shake my head. “You are an idiot,” I whisper.
“Yeah funny, she said that too.”
I have to admit this stupid banter really does get my mind off things. The interview begins and we fall silent. I sit riveted to my seat.
“Are we being watched today?” Coby asks he looks at the double-sided glass.
“Yes,” Henry replies.
“Is Natasha here today?” he sneers.
I frown. How does he know my name?
“It is none of your concern who is here as a witness today,” Henry replies calmly.
Coby smiles at the screen. “Natasha, dear, I have something of yours in my possession.”
I frown and Jesten leans over to me. “Don’t listen to him, he’s trying to mess with you. He does it to everyone.”
I nod as I swallow the lump in my throat. “Ok, thanks,” I whisper.
He smiles at the screen again. “It smells divine, Natasha.”
God, he’s creepy. I start to sweat as fear grips me.
“It’s pink and perfect. Tell me dear … was it a tight fit?” he questions.
Huh … what the hell? My eyes widen in horror as his sick eyes look straight through me.
“Tell me, how many orgasms have you had on that vibrator, Natasha? Do they feel good? Do they feel like cock?”
My face drops. Holy fuck. I stand in a rush and run for the door. Oh my god … it was him. He’s got it. How … how did he even know who I am? Who was in my apartment? I run into the hallway and feel Jesten’s arm around my waist.
“What’s wrong?” he whispers.
&
nbsp; My eyes are wide and before I can think what I am saying I blurt out. “My house was robbed last week and my vibrator was stolen and he has it.”
He frowns. “What?”
I nod frantically. “It was pink and he just asked me how many orgasms I had on it. What the hell is that about?” I snap.
“Jesus, stay in here. I will go and get someone,” he mutters.
“No, don’t leave me. What if he gets me?” I stammer as I grab onto his shirt in fright.
“He’s not getting you, Doc. Calm down.” He runs off somewhere.
I wring my hands in front of me and I ring Max’s number in a panic.
“Hello, Max, come and get me,” I stammer.
“Sure I’m out the front. What’s up?” he replies.
“Just wait there. I’m coming out,” I cry.
“Ok, what’s wrong?” he snaps.
I hang up in a panic.
I burst out of the bathroom and run straight into Jesten.
“Jesus.” He snaps as he grabs my arms. “Hey, calm down,” he whispers as he pulls me into an embrace.
My heart is racing as I am gripped with anguish. I am wrapped in his embrace as he tries to comfort my fear. My arms are wrapped around his broad back, he smells good, masculine, warm. I feel a frisson of arousal sweep through me and I pull back in shock as I frown.
He sweeps the hair back from my damp forehead and looks down at me … huh?
Henry comes through the door in a rush. “Natasha, are you ok?” he asks.
Oh god, embarrassment sweeps over me and I pull out of Jesten’s grip. I do not want all of these people knowing I have a vibrator.
“Can we talk in private please, Henry?”
He smiles sympathetically. “Sure dear. Meet me in the office at reception.”
I nod. “Ok, I just want to freshen up.” I walk into the bathroom and put my face into my hands. The James Bond movie has now turned into Quentin Tarantino … fucked up horror movie. I start to giggle uncontrollably. Even if I imagined this shit, I couldn’t fucking imagine it. I need a strong drink.
Jesten walks into the bathroom. “You ok?”
I smile, embarrassed. “Yes, sorry.”
He cuddles me and for some reason I melt into his arms again. What am I doing?
