by T L Swan
It’s a text from Joshua. I smirk and open it—it’s a movie. I frown as I hit play, and my eyes narrow at the screen. I smile as I see the camera wobble around and I see Joshua sitting on my bed smiling at me. I press pause and retrieve my earphones from my bag and plug them in so I can hear what is going on. My eyes flick to Joshua as I put the earphones in and he smiles broadly at me. Jeez, what’s so funny? I press play again and sit still as I listen to my drunken voice. Oh my god.
“I know, let me do a dance for you,” I slurr.
The camera goes to me. Holy shit, I look like a train wreck, my eyes widen in horror and I feel myself flush. I look up and Joshua has just taken a picture of my face. I fake a smile. “Very funny,” I mouth. He laughs and looks back down with his arms folded in front of him. I continue to watch the nightmare unfolding in front of me. Oh no, what am I doing now?
I hold my hand up to my mouth as I watch myself start to spin on the spot. I feel myself blush as I see what I look like. What in the hell kind of sexy dancing is that? Oh shit … it gets worse. I start to do high kicks in the air like a cheerleader on crack. I smile in embarrassment as I hold my hand over my face. This is woeful, no wonder the poor bastard ran this morning. He has been forced to watch this tape, damn technology. My eyes stay glued to the screen again as I take off my clothes and straddle Joshua. I lean in and kiss him and his hand reaches out from behind the camera and he feels my breast and then his hand runs under the rim of my underpants.
I watch myself bend and kiss him and then say the words, “I love you Joshua.” The film goes off. I sit and stare at the phone in horror, do I laugh or do I cry? Here I am trying to channel Kate Middleton when I am actually channelling Absolutely Fabulous and so much for playing hard to get … I told him I loved him. I look back up to see that Joshua and the others have gone in to see Gran. I walk in slowly and stand behind the group with my heart still racing. Everybody sits around Gran’s bed and makes idle conversation with her. She seems happy and is laughing. Joshua turns to see me and stands to give me his chair and I smile and take it thankfully. We stay with Gran for over an hour and then gradually one by one say goodbye. This is the part I hate. I have to wait for him to say something about seeing me—what if he doesn’t? We walk to the lifts together and shuffle in. I stand at the back next to Joshua and the others all stand in front of us jabbering about something. Joshua links his pinky finger with mine, and I find myself smiling at the floor. The lift gets to the bottom and the doors open and everybody exits. Joshua pulls me back into the lift by the finger and pushes the button. The door closes.
We stand still, held together by the smallest part of our body.
He bites his lip as he looks at me. “What are you doing tonight?” he asks quietly.
“Nothing,” I reply as my eyes search his.
“I’m thirty, seventy wanting to see you tonight,” he breathes.
I frown. “Thirty, seventy,” I repeat.
A whisper of a smile crosses his face as his eyes penetrate mine. “Thirty per cent of my brain wants to see you and seventy per cent of my brain tells me it’s a mistake.”
I smile as I bite my bottom lip. “Can I change the odds with a closing argument?”
“Perhaps,” he whispers as he raises a brow.
“What if I said I was going to make you coffee and dessert?”
He shrugs. “Thirty-five, sixty-five.”
I smile as my eyes hold his, our pinky fingers still linked. “We could spoon on my lounge again and you could kiss my neck as you cuddle me.”
“Seventy, thirty.” He raises his eyebrows.
I bite my lip and smile. I like this game. “We could take a shower,” I whisper. “You could wash me, I’m feeling very dirty.”
His eyes darken. “Ninety, ten, your way.”
I smirk. “I could wear my white nightie again and you can run your hands all over me as I tell you how much I missed you all day,” I breathe.
He smiles broadly as his eyes twinkle. “Were you on the debating team?” he asks as he cocks his head to one side.
I smile mischievously as I bite my bottom lip, feeling very proud of myself.
“You give a very good closing argument Miss Marx.” He raises a brow.
I smile as I pull back from his grip. “Yes and it was the white nightie that won me arguments back then too.”
“I don’t doubt it. See you in twenty.” He releases me and hits the lift button and the doors open.
I race home like a lunatic to try and smuggle in before he gets here my new clothes that I bought in my lunch break. I drop the groceries in the kitchen and throw the clothes into my wardrobe still in their bags. I run around and make my bed like a maniac. I thought I would have had time to come home to straighten the house up before I went to the hospital tonight but I got snowed under at work. I rush to the kitchen to wash up my breakfast dishes. It sure doesn’t pay to be slobby. I am just finishing the last dishes when I hear the key in the door. I smile, what a lovely sound that is.
Joshua walks in and smiles warmly at me. “Hi,” he says quietly as he puts his keys on my side table.
I smile shyly. “Hi.” Why does he make me feel so nervous?
He walks into the kitchen and over to me where he cuddles me from behind, kissing my neck. I put my hand up and on his cheek.
“How are you?” he asks softly.
I close my eyes in comfort. “Better now that you’re here,” I whisper.
“Hmm,” he sighs.
He pulls back and picks up the plastic bag of groceries on the floor. “Do you want these put away?” he asks.
I nod and smile. “Yes please.” I continue wiping up.
He puts a few things in the fridge and then he asks. “Why do you have this? Do you like protein now?” He frowns as he holds up a large jar of protein powder.
I shrug self-consciously. “I just thought you might like to stay for breakfast tomorrow … I mean, that’s if you’re not busy.” I look down at the floor in embarrassment. Do I sound as desperate as I feel?
He pulls my face up to his as he smirks. “Did you now?” He kisses me gently on the lips and I feel myself melt.
He takes out his phone and texts someone and then walks around and flicks the kettle on. “Would you like a cup of tea?” he asks.
“Yes please.” I smile. This is going well, so domestic. I sit on the lounge and flick the television on. I curl up on the single lounge that I always sit on.
He fusses around in the kitchen for a moment and he comes in carrying two cups of tea. “Why are you sitting over there?” he frowns as he sits on the double lounge.
I smile again. Let me rephrase that, this is going really well. Maybe he didn’t mean a word he said in the restaurant last night. I stand and move over to the chair and sit next to him, he pulls my feet onto his lap and he kicks off his shoes and takes a sip of his tea.
“Do you like your new job?” he asks as he blows on his tea.
I shrug. “It’s ok, I suppose.”
He frowns and his eyes flick to me. “Just ok?”
I hunch my shoulders. “Yeah, Gran got sick just after I started so I haven’t really been in a good place at work. I don’t know, I don’t feel like I have made a difference yet.”
He smiles sadly. “Oh,” he whispers. “Is that why you do your job, to make a difference?”
I raise my eyebrows. “Yes, I suppose.”
“Why did you stop working at the sexual clinic?”
I drop my head. “I just saw me and you in too many of my clients and it was messing up with my head too much.”
He frowns. “Me and you? What do you mean?”
I blow out a breath—how did we get onto this deep subject? Do I say this out loud? “Umm … I saw men everyday who were deeply in love with their wives but regularly slept with other women and I saw women everyday whose husbands had been unfaithful and they have never recovered from it and had absolutely no self-esteem.” I scratch the back of my head uncomfo
rtably and my eyes meet his. “It was just too close to home,” I whisper.
He drops his head as he thinks. “Do you think that that is what happened between us?”
I shrug. “I know it’s not how it happened and that there were crazy circumstances but …” I shrug, unable to articulate what I want to say.
“Tash, if I had thought we even had 0.5% of getting back together I would never have left your side.” He reaches over and grabs my hand and I squeeze it affectionately. “You know that don’t you?” he whispers as his eyes meet mine.
I smile as my eyes tear up and I am lost for words so I try to change the subject. “Tell me about this job you are doing.”
“Um, I did their programs years ago and stupidly signed a contract for the upgrade so while we are here we are getting it out of the way. It should take about six weeks or so.”
I nod. “So who is doing it with you?” I ask
“Four techs and Murph.”
I smile. “What does Murph actually do?”
He shrugs. “Nothing, just manage things. I don’t like to go anywhere without him.” He smiles shyly. “I don’t really like dealing with all of the management shit. I just want to be on my computer and not deal with anything or anyone else.”
I smile. “You are lucky to have him.”
He nods. “Yeah I know. Cam and Murph are good value.”
I smile broadly. “What about me? Am I good value?”
“You, my dear precious girl, are exceptional value.” He smiles as he picks up my foot and kisses the top of it and my heart fills with joy. Exceptional value, who would have thought? My god, Joshua Stanton … do you know your value?
Chapter 19
We lie in my bed contented and satisfied. That was close, how I held him off from sex I will never know. If he had pushed for it I would have caved. I told him that we were not being intimate, but the reality is I crave for it from him, ache for it. I don’t have it in me to not let him touch me and he is heaven under my hands. When I am here and in the moment with this man, nothing else matters. This is where I am supposed to be, with my love in my bed. Joshua has his head on my chest, my arms are wrapped around him as I gently run my fingers over his back, his hand is on my stomach and he intermittently kisses my chest as he lies close. Something is going on between us, I can feel it. There is a tenderness that I haven’t felt from him since my father died and god I’ve missed it. I’m exhausted, I need to go to sleep. I kiss the top of his head gently.
“Baby,” I ask.
“Hmm,” he replies.
“Can you be here when I wake up please?” I ask. I can’t help myself.
“Yeah ok.” He kisses my chest again and snuggles his head into my breast and breathes a deep contented sigh.
I am just drifting off.
“Tash,” he whispers.
“Mmm,” I answer.
“You didn’t give me your closing argument yet.”
I smile broadly and kiss his head again. “Joshua,” I whisper.
“Yes,” he answers.
“I missed you today,” I whisper.
I can feel him smile into my chest and I smile into the darkness.
“Do you want to know something else I did today Josh?” I whisper as I kiss the top of his head again and rub my hand over his short hair.
“What?” he answers.
“I loved you today.” I feel him smile and he kisses my breast as he links our hands together.
“You really should be on the debating team, Tash, you do give a great closing argument,” he sighs.
I smile broadly and after a few minutes of silence in the darkness I hear him speak.
“Goodnight Tash,” he whispers.
“Goodnight Josh.”
I wake to the sound of someone quietly knocking on the front door. Joshua answers it. “Thanks man. I will be leaving here in about an hour.”
“Ok, Max is downstairs. What do you want me to tell him?” a male voice replies.
“I want to speak to him so I will be down a little earlier.”
“Ok thanks.” The door closes.
Joshua walks back into my room with an overnight bag and a suitcase. He puts it on the chair at the end of my bed. He opens the drapes and I am blinded by the blazing light. “Are you making me breakfast?” He grabs my foot out from the bottom of my blanket and starts to twist my toes.
I frown as I rip my foot from his grip. “Mmm,” I groan.
“Up.” He smiles as he runs his stubble up my neck.
“Mmm,” I groan again. Why does he have to be so damn perky in the mornings?
“I mean it, you wanted me here in the morning. I am here, so get up.” He slaps my behind.
Oh god … so annoying. I lean up onto my elbows. “What time is it?” I frown.
“I have usually been in the gym for two hours by this time, lazybones.” He smiles.
“That’s great, coffee and eggs on toast,” I mutter as I flop back onto the bed.
He smirks and exits the room. I lie and try to wake up as I hear him fussing in the kitchen. Five minutes later he comes back in with a cup of coffee.
“Here you are.” He passes me the coffee.
“Thank you.” I smile. He leans in and tucks a piece of hair behind my ear.
“I have to work for the next four nights.”
I frown. “Huh?”
“The company’s computers we are doing the upgrade for need to be worked on after hours for the first week. I start at five and then will be working all night on them.”
I frown as I take a sip of my coffee. “That’s annoying,” I mutter.
“Tell me about it. I want you to stay at your mother’s while I am working,” he says matter-of-factly as he stands and takes his suit out of its bag.
I screw up my face. “Huh. What for?”
“I just do.”
“I’m just not,” I reply.
“Yes, you will be. Don’t start your shit,” he snaps.
I drink my coffee again. Here it comes, I forgot about this side of his personality. Hmm, funnily enough I haven’t missed it at all.
“I live here on my own, Joshua. I think I am safe.”
He shrugs. “I don’t care what you think, you are not staying here alone. End of story.” He turns and walks back out of the room.
I lie in bed as I fume. What the hell is this about? He is acting all boyfriendy when he has specifically told me that he doesn’t want to get back together. I would love to throw that in his face but I don’t want to push him and get the wrong answer. He’s so damn confusing.
I walk into the kitchen where he is making me breakfast. This domestic version of Joshua Stanton is simply delicious and I smile broadly.
He raises his eyebrows in question. “Yes,” he murmurs.
“A girl could get used to this.”
“Could she now?” he smirks as he puts my breakfast on the counter.
I cuddle him from behind. “Yes, she could.”
He turns to make his protein shake.
I sit at my breakfast bench. “Thank you,” I smile.
He smirks and takes a sip of his shake. “So will you go home with your mother tonight straight from the hospital?” he asks.
I take a bite of my food and shake my head. “No, I told you I am staying here.”
He raises his eyebrows. “And I told you that you are not.”
I chew my food and swallow so I can speak. “You are not the boss of me, Joshua. You can’t tell me what to do.”
He drinks his shake as he glares at me. “Seeing as I had my hands on the back of your head and my cock in your mouth for half of the night, I am the boss of you and you will do what I say.”
I glare at him, of all the nerve. The words booty call rattles around in my empty head. “Maybe tonight when that cock is in my mouth I just might bite it off,” I snap.
He smiles broadly. “Try it, see what happens to you.” He takes a drink of his shake. “And you won’t be here tonight, you
will be at your mother’s.”
I can’t help it and my face mirrors his stupid smile. “Stop it.” I shake my head.
“You stop it. I don’t want you here alone because I don’t want anything to happen to you while I am at work.”
I frown. “Josh, I have been here on my own for eight months since you left. Nothing is going to happen to me. Max takes care of me and if I get too scared he sleeps in the spare room.”
He folds his arms in front of him as he stares at me. “Really.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Really, and if you are going to make me have a bodyguard it is Max or nothing, the choice is yours.”
“No, I think I am going to swap Max with Ben,” he says in his best matter-of-fact voice.
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t you dare. I am not hanging around with Ben. No way in hell.”
“Well do as you’re told,” he snaps. He then walks into the bathroom and runs the shower.
I sit still at my kitchen bench and look at my eggs on toast as my blood starts to boil. All I want to do is yell you are not my boyfriend so shut up. But I need to keep calm and play the game, I want to win him back at all costs … this is going to be a damn tough assignment.
Adrian
The night before
I walk up the street towards the restaurant I am meeting Nicholas in. How did I let him ambush me like this? My security is trailing behind me and I am painfully aware of their presence. I’m proud to be gay but when I have people watching me on a date, or a brush off in this case, I feel uncomfortable. I guess everyone who has security trailing them everywhere feels like this. Joshua hates it probably more than me. Apparently at his dinner date with Tash the other night she cried at the table and he was mortified that they had security witnessing the whole nightmare. I hope they catch this maniac soon. We could all do with some much needed privacy. I blow out a breath in a nervous gesture. Nicholas keeps telling me there was something there between us on the last date and he wasn’t wrong … there was too much there. Too much sexual energy, too much intelligence and humour, too much yearning for intimacy and I know it can only end badly. He lives in France for heaven’s sake. I’m nipping it in the bud before it turns sour, as relationships always do for me. What I don’t like though is the way he has called me out on it. He obviously doesn’t get the brush off very often. Today when he rang me he was furious and told me if I don’t go out to dinner with him alone tonight he will come into the office and ambush me in front of whoever is there and he doesn’t give a fuck who hears what he has to say, those exact words.
