by L. S Bethel
“No, it’s fine. I can figure it out. Besides, this one is for you, so I don't want you to see it yet.” Amoli stopped in the middle of her stitch.
“For me?”
“Yeah, just in case you miss me.” Amoli’s eyes welled up with emotion.
“I will,” she told her. “I will miss you.” The Queen looked up from her writing and gave her a warm smile.
“I'll miss you too.” The Queen stood and walked over to her. Amoli eyes widened when she hugged her. Amoli was too dumbstruck to react at first. The Queen pulled away. “Okay that’s enough of that, you're not going to make me cry today,” she declared with a sniff. The Queen went back to her writing. Amoli went back to sewing, in her mind wishing her Queen would never leave.
Chapter Eighteen
Jung-Soo was watching the soldiers train. They wielded their swords decently, but Jung-Soo expected better. On the brink of war, there could be no weaknesses. He had volunteered to check on the forces at their largest fort closest to the city. He told himself he had come to make sure their forces would be ready once the war finally began. He wanted to believe he came for selfless reasons, but the truth was he needed the time away. The royal couple was on better terms. It was apparent as soon as he saw them. As relieved as he was that they were doing better it didn’t lessen the longing he had. Every not so secret look between them, the small touches they gave one another reflexively, even watching them agree with one another, was becoming hard to see. He just needed to take a few days to himself to get his head clear and purge these useless and burdening feelings. The sound of a gong hit his ears. Down below in the courtyard, two men were screaming and aggressively pushing each other. Jung-Soo headed down to see what was going on.
“You dare disrespect our Queen like that?” A young recruit shouted.
“She never should have been Queen in the first place. She is a foreigner who has bewitched our King.” The younger man shoved the older one so hard he stumbled. Bellowing out a cry the older soldier raised his practice sword and charge at the recruit only to face plant in the dirt. Jung-Soo moved his foot back as he looked down on the older soldier.
“You should be training, not fighting,” he chastised. The embarrassed soldier jumped to his feet ready to attack the one who'd caused his fall, but he faltered when he saw Jung-Soo. Lowering his hand in respect he apologized.
“Sorry sir, it will not happen again.”
“Since you have the time to talk politics, I'm sure your swordplay is more than efficient?” Jung-Soo questioned.
“Y-yes, sir,” the soldier stuttered, refusing to meet Jung-Soo’s gaze.
“Show me.”
“Sir?”
“Attack me,” Jung-Soo said firmly, still not raising his voice. The man’s eyes widened. He tried to decline, bowing down to Jung-Soo claiming he could never harm a superior officer, but Jung-Soo would not let up.
“This superior officer is giving you an order. Are you not willing to obey?” he chided. The soldier weighed his options. He took in Jung-Soo’s empty hands and returned his gaze to his face still trying to determine if he was serious. Deciding he meant what he said he finally took his sword in hand. He stood without moving for a long while, clearly uncomfortable.
“Attack,” Jung-Soo goaded. The man let out a yell before charging at him. Jung-Soo avoided him easily and put his foot out, effectively sending him face down in the dirt once again. This time when the man got up his lip was bleeding. The soldier spit blood into the dirt before pulling himself up. His anxiety gave way to anger. He took his sword in hand again, but instead of charging he waited, thinking up his best course of action. He circled Jung-Soo slowly, purposely. Jung-Soo remained still not even following him with his eyes. Heavy footsteps from behind him told him to move and as soon as he did the soldier almost ran past him but Jung-Soo caught him by the back of his shirt. Yanking it hard it caused the soldier to fall backward, his head bouncing on the ground. Jung-Soo put his foot on his chest leaning all his weight onto it. The man began to wheeze. He tried to push Jung-Soo off, but he wouldn't budge.
“Next time focus more on your skills and less on useless gossip.” Nodding frantically the soldier was trying desperately to catch his breath. Jung-Soo held his position a few more seconds before finally releasing him. He stared at the soldier with a cold glare as he scurried away living his dignity behind. It wasn’t until he was gone that Jung-Soo noticed that a crowd had formed and had watched the whole thing. One look from Jung-Soo had them all scrambling to get back to training.
As Jung-Soo left the courtyard he silently reprimanded himself. He probably should have handled that better. There were always going to be ignorant men who believed in the worse of others, even their rulers, no matter what. He’d heard more than a few unkind words spoken about Kang-Dae over the years, but he never took it to heart. But hearing ill words being spoken of Serenity stirred up something in him and he felt a need to defend her. That voice returned taunting him, letting him know that even away from the palace she was still affecting him.
Chapter Nineteen
Serenity was being chased. No matter how fast she ran she couldn’t lose the dark shadow coming after her. She refused to look back, too fearful to even gaze at the ominous figure. She raced towards her old home where she had grown up. The closer she got to the house the slower she seemed to go, and she could feel that malevolent shadow getting closer. She let out a whimper as she struggled to get her legs to move faster. The shadow was almost upon her now. Her heart pounded as the dark feeling at her back increased. Just when she was sure that horrible darkness would catch her, a hole opened up in front of her. She stumbled into it before she could stop herself, falling into the unknown. But as quickly as she fell, she landed even faster on something soft. Looking around she was surprised to see she was sitting atop a large pile of something purple. Reaching to investigate what she had landed in, her attention was drawn up. A wisp of the darkness lingered over the edge, waiting.
Serenity opened her eyes, chasing away any lingering feelings of sleep. The darkness in the room did nothing to calm her already racing heart. The memories of that awful darkness were still fresh in her mind. As she began to waken a bit more, she registered Kang-Dae’s arms around her. She focused on the warm feeling of being in his embrace, allowing him to chase away her fears even in his sleep. Despite that, she was tempted to wake him and share her dream, but she stopped herself. ‘What if he took it as a bad omen?’ Serenity did not want to give him any more reason to stop her from returning home. She lay there trying to convince herself the dream wasn't a warning. It couldn't be. She tried to hold on to the fact that in the dream she had been fine. She had managed to avoid the shadow in the end. Still, the most chilling and worrying part of the whole thing was the fact that she had never made it back home.
***
Kang-Dae was in a mood, anyone who crossed his path could tell. His counsel avoided him, and the servants were quick to do their tasks and run away. He rubbed at his throbbing head. He was sure these headaches were being brought on by stress as they were occurring regularly now. Between Serenity's anticipated departure, Katsuo’s boundary-crossing, and feeding a nation, he was feeling overwhelmed. On the surface, Serenity and he were the epitome of a happy couple. Though the moments they shared were genuine, the looming presence of what was to come was always there, making every single second they spent together bittersweet. He continued to enjoy his time with her, but it took effort to act as though everything was fine. For her sake, he tried to hide all the things keeping him up at night. Often, he found himself lying awake watching her wishing that things could be different. He felt like dropping to his knees before her every time he looked into her eyes.
Serenity unceremoniously burst into his study and preceded to drag him out of his chair. “I still have more to do,” he tried to protest but she would not hear it.
“You are done. You’re tired and you're hurting,” she said in Xianian to emphasize her seriousness,
leaving him no room to argue. He allowed her to pull him out of the room. Every step was like a knife in his head. The steady pounding only growing worse. Serenity led them to their chambers. She sat him on the daybed by the window. Grabbing the pillow in her hands she sat and placed it in her lap while ordering him to lie down. Obediently, he complied placing his head on the pillow. Immediately, she began rubbing at his temples in an attempt to ease away his tension. The tension in him slowly dissipated as the pain begin to dull. He wanted to sigh out in relief.
“You can't do this. No more working yourself so hard. You'll work yourself death.” To him, the notion seemed almost preferable. “You have to take care of yourself. Everyone needs you strong,” she told him. He let out a low sound of agreement. The minutes passed as they sat there silently until Serenity started humming. The sound was so beautiful and melodic he almost immediately began to fall asleep. He said something to her in Xianian that he couldn't stop himself from saying.
“I don't know what that means,” she said.
“Study,” was all that he said, earning him a light pinch. With a small smile, he turned into her wanting, needing to be as close as possible. He needed her kindness and warmth, more than ever to face what was ahead.
Chapter Twenty
Jung-Soo had returned from the fort only after a couple of days. He claimed it was because he wanted to report back as soon as possible but Kang-Dae knew the real reason. The time was almost upon them he did not want to miss it. “Has everything been arranged?” Jung-Soo asked in his usual nonchalant way.
“We will leave in two days. The council has been informed she will be visiting relatives for a short time,” Kang-Dae answered keeping his voice neutral despite the sick feeling he had inside.
“Is that all?” Jung-Soo pushed. The question ‘will you be alright’ was hanging in the air. Kang-Dae stared ahead. “My feelings will be irrelevant,” he said finally causing Jung-Soo to look at him. His voice was heavy, filled with obvious grief, but there was still something else underneath, something Jung-Soo had yet to place. The duo sat in contemplating silence, each dealing with their own woe, preparing for what was to come. To think, just a few months ago their thoughts were only on the kingdom's plights, how they longed to go back to such a simple time.
***
Serenity sipped her tea as she tried to keep her emotions in check. Her mother in law had invited her for one last meeting before her departure. The mood was somber and there were hardly any words spoken, but just being in her company was comforting. Her mother in law didn't pry or force the conversation out of her. When they did talk, it was about mundane things. It helped keep her heavy heart from overwhelming her. However, she knew she couldn't leave without telling the woman what her support meant to her. “Thank you,” she said suddenly. The Queen dowager stopped in the middle of bringing her cup to her lips. Really wanting her to hear her, Serenity spoke Xianian.
“I am grateful for all the kindness you have shown me and to have met you. I could not have asked for a more wonderful mother in law.” The Queen dowager slowly put her cup down. She made her way over to Serenity, taking Serenity’s hand in hers, she used the other to cradle her face. “You are the most wonderful daughter a mother could ever hope for. Even if it was for a short while I'm glad to have had you as a part of my family.”
The dowager embraced her, and Serenity returned the hold eagerly as she did her best to hold back her tears. Why did it feel like she was leaving one family for another?
That night Serenity barely slept spending most of the night watching Kang-Dae. She thought of every moment they'd had together, how they’d grown from their first meeting. From the first day, he’d been her protector, a light in the midst of fear and darkness. Serenity never could have anticipated falling so hard for him back then. Past Serenity would have been scolding her for her stupidity and she couldn't blame her. The way her heart ached at the thought of saying goodbye now, only proved she’d been correct in her assumption that it would make things much harder for her. Knowing that, she felt she couldn't make herself regret it, not when he’d also brought her so much joy. She softly touched his hair taking a strand behind his ear, allowing her thumb to linger on his cheek. Leave it to her to find the one in an impossible land. ‘God please give me the strength. Give him peace in his heart and keep him safe. Keep them all safe,’ she prayed.
Unbeknownst to Serenity, Kang-Dae was wide awake, enjoying her little ministrations physically but dying inside. The knot in his stomach was so big it hurt. ‘Could he go through with this?’ The urge to open his eyes and beg her to stay filled him for the millionth time, but he held back. She’d made herself clear. She would never willingly make Xian her home. He was in no way ready for what was to come but he would have to endure it and face the consequences.
***
The council and court watched as the King and Queen prepared to depart along with Jung-Soo and the Queen's handmaiden. Satori thought it was strange that she did not bring her guard. Though he found a lot strange with the whole situation. Satori was questioning the so-called existence of these relatives he’d never heard of before. They still hadn't been told from what land she'd hailed from. He took a glance at advisor Min, who was staring at the King oddly. Was it disappointment? Something was going on. The man had never explained the bruising on his face once he reemerged after claiming to be ill. The King was hiding things. Ever since that woman arrived, he not only lost his power, he lost the King's ear and now the right to be involved. It would be best if she didn't return. Perhaps he would make that prayer when he visited the temple. If gods be good, they would grant his wish.
Kang-Dae helped Serenity on up on her horse. They did not bring a carriage wanting to be inconspicuous as possible. That was part of his excuse for not bringing any of their guards. No one could know about what they planned. The only ones he allowed were already in the know about Serenity’s origins. His mother had wanted to go with them, but he denied her. He still needed someone he trusted to maintain things in his absence. He didn't want anyone trying anything. She'd been disappointed but understanding. The two women had shared an emotional goodbye that he had to look away from. His guilt was eating up at him once more. Serenity wanted to give her guard a proper farewell, but without explaining to them what was going on, it was impossible. Instead, she told them she would see them soon. He saw how hard it was for her to pretend she would return. She'd still hugged each of them to their shock. Arezoo had been the most uncomfortable. Kang-Dae thought maybe she was suspecting something. He pushed for Serenity to leave just in case. Serenity glanced around the palace for the final time, the place that had started to feel like home to her. She would miss the views, the peace, the quietness of it all. The gates opened forcing herself to look ahead she trotted behind her husband leaving behind her Queenly title.
Chapter Twenty-One
The first day was a bit light, filled with conversation and a little joking between her, Jung-Soo, and Amoli, though sometimes the younger woman became too flustered to speak. Kang-Dae did not join in as much. His solemn demeanor wasn't surprising, but she hoped they could pretend a little so her final days wouldn't be so sad.
When they had stopped for the night, he held her so tight it was uncomfortable, but she didn't complain because she was feeling the same desperation he was. Instead of getting him to loosen his grip, she returned it just as fiercely. They didn’t speak, neither knowing nothing could be said.
***
Serenity dreamt she was wandering around an empty house. She kept calling out for her mother and father, but no one answered. As she searched each room looking for traces of anyone, pictures began to line the walls. She didn’t pay attention to them at first, too concerned with finding her family. As she ran frantically downstairs shouting for her mother, she came to a stop. On the mantle of the fireplace was a wedding picture, only instead of her parents, it was of her and Kang-Dae. She was wearing a modern white wedding dress while he wore the same red w
edding attire he had when they were married. She picked up the picture, careful not to knock down the red vase that was housing a single purple flower next to it. She held the picture as she continued searching for her family. More and more pictures kept appearing only they weren’t pictures of her family, but people from Xian. She passed a photo of the Queen dowager with Serenity as a young child sitting in her lap. In another, Amoli was wearing a beautiful gold sari. Her hair was incredibly long, almost flowing to her knees. Serenity was hugging her from the side, dressed in her dark green prom dress smiling brightly for the camera. A photo of a stone-faced Jung-Soo in front of a police station while Serenity gave the bunny ears sign behind his back caught her attention. It was an exact copy of a picture she’d taken with her brother after he graduated from the police academy. Serenity passed the window not even noticing that outside were the palace grounds. Serenity began to call out to her family louder. She was home, but where was everyone. Why was she alone?
The next day the mood was positively somber. No one joked or even spoke. Serenity spent most of the time trying to hold back her tears. She kept telling herself she would feel better when she saw her family. She had to believe that the pain wouldn't be too much once she was back with them but the way she was feeling she knew that wouldn’t be the case. Her dream from last night was also on her mind. She couldn’t figure out what it could mean. Was it telling her she was unconsciously replacing her family with those around her? Was it just voicing her deep fears of choosing between them? The empty house had put her on edge. Why was her family not there?
