by L. S Bethel
“Queen Prija, I would hope you would not hold my people accountable because of my actions and those who came before me. I believe what is coming is much greater than all of these things.”
“What is coming has nothing to do with Kah Mah, and it would be a failure of my leadership to allow Xian to put that trouble on us.” Kang-Dae’s anger was so strong Serenity could almost feel it. She squeezed his hand in an attempt to keep him calm. Turning to her, she could see the frustration. Without speaking she silently reminded him of the importance of staying calm.
“You may not be the same arrogant king who thought to impose his will on all those around him, but it is clear to me you are of the same stock.”
‘Hell no.’ Serenity was not going to let this woman try to shame Kang-Dae. She wanted to let loose on her, but just as she had done before, Kang-Dae reminded her not to give in to her anger, with a light squeeze. He shifted his eyes to the queen, and then back to her, giving a subtle shake of his head.
Kang-Dae released her hand and dropped to his knees shocking everyone in the room and leaving Serenity flabbergasted. She had never seen him take such a position before and judging from the reactions of everyone in the room it was just as unheard in Kah Mah as well. She fought against the need to pull him back up, hating to see him humbling himself in such a way.
“On behalf of myself and those before me. I plead with you Queen Prija for forgiveness. I would never ask or try to force you to return as a nation of Xian for I know you are a strong and moral people who have earned your independence. On the contrary, it is us that needs you now. Though we have no right to ask, I do so in hopes we may start again as allies and equals.” For the first time since their arrival, Queen Prija looked as though she had no idea what to do next. She was completely caught off guard, but beneath her shock, there was also disappointment, frustration.
‘She wanted to make us look like the enemy,’ Knag-Dae had said the other night. Serenity realized now that he’d been right. Kang-Dae’s actions today jeopardized her plan. She hadn’t invited them there to entertain any deal they had. She’d brought them to show her people an enemy, an enemy they could stand against without remorse.
“Queen Prija, may we talk alone?” Serenity blurted out. Kang-Dae didn’t lift his head but turned his eye toward her. “It’s okay,’ she whispered so only he could hear. Queen Prija hesitated for a moment before dismissing everyone, including Kang-Dae. Kang-Dae hadn’t liked that and tried to linger holding on to her hand but she reassured him with a smile. Patting his hand, she nudged him on. Reluctantly, he exited leaving the queens alone.
Chapter Thirty
Tense silence was all that was between the women as the seconds went by. Serenity didn’t have a plan for what she was about to say but she felt she needed to speak with the woman, queen to queen.
“This isn’t about your people’s pride or some feud from years ago,” Serenity said. Queen Prija crossed her legs and leaned back against her throne. “The deal was more than fair, and it would help your people. You do not seem the type to turn away from something that would benefit your country, especially not over some disagreement you weren’t even there for. The only way this hurts you is if you already chose who to support in this war. The reason you know about Katsuo’s attack is because he’s already come to you. Am I right?” Queen Prija didn’t look away but held Serenity’s gaze without shame.
“I do what is best for my country as always.” Serenity wanted to grab the woman by her hair. “You are right. The grievances of the past matter very little to me, but the fate of our future is everything. I’m afraid that that future cannot involve Xian.”
Serenity took a moment to collect herself and think of her next move not wanting to speak in anger. “Do you know why we came?” The question seemed to throw the composed queen. “I mean do you know why we chose to come to you and not anyone else? Yes, you had the resources, but you aren’t the only place we could go to for that.” The Queen remained quiet. “They call me a seer, and not because of any superstitious beliefs. I do see the future.”
“Then you should have known this endeavor would not succeed,” Queen Prija said simply.
Not bothering to respond to that she continued. “My vision led me specifically here. I didn’t understand at first, but now I think I get it. I think I understand what I saw.”
“What was that?” she inquired, not seeming the least bit interested.
Serenity could tell she didn’t believe her. Whether she thought she was lying or crazy was not clear, but it wasn’t the first time Serenity had been in this position. She decided to let her vision speak for her. As she explained her dream, Queen Prija never changed her expression, but she continued to listen. When Serenity got to the part about the large figure in the distance and waking up speaking the word ‘echang’ her demeanor changed. Serenity saw her stiffen and she no longer looked so indifferent.
“I thought it meant we could help each other, but now I think it was a warning for you. Our country’s fates are tied. If we fall, you will too. None of what you’ve done will protect you.” Serenity didn’t know where this was coming from. Her heart was pounding, and she fought to keep her voice from trembling. She still hadn’t figured out the meaning of that dream, but she was desperate. The Queen’s gaze shifted slightly before looking back to Serenity.
“I appreciate your concern for both our countries, but my concern is only for mine. I cannot be frightened into risking my people’s lives based on the word of a stranger.”
Serenity didn’t bother hiding her frustration. “Fair enough,” she sighed. She turned to leave when she remembered something else in her dream. “He asked you for something didn’t he, something you refused to give him? Something precious to your people?” This time she could not hide her shock. The way she clutched at her throne was a dead giveaway that Serenity’s assumption had been correct.
“Next time, he won’t ask.” Serenity told her before bowing and moving toward the door.
“Queen Serenity,” she called out to her. Serenity paused at the door.
“Your husband may not be as understanding about this. I hope he will not cause any issues while you are here.”
“My husband will not know about any of this until we’ve left,” Serenity assured her. “You all are about to go through a lot, I don’t think I need to add to it.” Not having anything else to say she left the room, leaving the queen to ponder over her choices.
Later that night, she felt like she’d failed as queen and seer. She lay with her head on Kang-Dae’s chest, careful to avoid his injury from his match. “I’m sorry I brought us here for nothing,” she lamented. Kang-Dae kissed the top of her head.
“It is not your fault. If she is too stubborn to help, we’ll go somewhere else,” he reassured.
“Satori’s going to have a big laugh about this,” Serenity mused bitterly. Kang-Dae gave her a comforting squeeze.
“Not if I have his mouth sewn up,” he offered jokingly.
“Would you?”
“I will even let you hold the needle.”
“You know I’m bad at sewing,” she reminded him.
“All the better.” Serenity snorted before burying her face in his chest as she laughed.
“Can we go home now?” She asked once she recovered. Briefly frozen after hearing Serenity use the term home to describe the palace for the first time, he felt his chest tightened. Serenity appeared to realize what she said because she too stopped moving. Kang-Dae feared she had upset herself and would begin to head back to a depression.
“We’ll leave tomorrow.” He said, hoping to distract her. She slowly nodded before snuggling back into him. He gently stroked the soft curls until she fell asleep. Kang-Dae listened to her steady breathing, finding comfort in her peace, a peace he hadn’t had for a while. He’d not slept through the night in weeks. He was always on edge, fearing any moment she would fall back into despair. He was trying his best to keep her content, but he felt it wo
uld never be enough. He could never fill the hole in her heart left by the loss of her family. The weight of it was like a shadow that constantly hounded him, ever-present. He only ate when he was with her, and then it had become a chore as the taste of food was no longer appealing. Other than trying to make up for Serenity’s loss he found no pleasure in anything he’d used to, too distracted with intrusive thoughts. The moments he did sleep they were filled with nightmares that only reminded him of what plagued him during the day. He kept this all to himself, never wanting Serenity to see the toll being taken on him. It was his burden to bear, it was his responsibility, it was his penance for failing to fulfill his vow.
Chapter Thirty-One
The men were prepping the ship while Serenity waited by the shore, her back facing the ocean. Staring at the place in the distance she couldn’t help feeling disappointed with the way things had turned out. “The people of Kah Mah can be just as stubborn as Xianians,” Amir said. “You must not blame yourself for how things turned out.” Serenity gave a sad smile.
“I know, I just wish we could have helped each other.”
“You did all you could. This will not be our end. I do not believe this trip was not without purpose. A seed was planted, it just might take some time to sprout.” Comforted by his wise words Serenity felt a little better.
Kang-Dae made his way up to her telling them that the ship was ready. Amir went ahead to board. Kang-Dae grinned before reaching for her, preparing to carry her on board as he did before when the sound of a loud shout caught their attention.
Military leader Su emerged from the tree line a group of soldiers following behind him. Serenity fear gripped her as the men came forward. Had Prija decided to take this chance to remove Kang-Dae and gain Katsuo’s favor? She cursed herself for not reporting what she knew to Kang-Dae the night before. Amir came rushing back hoping to de-escalate whatever this was. Su walked up to them. Both Kang-Dae and Amir stood in front of her blocking her from his view. Scowling at Kang-Dae, Su turned to Amir and spoke. Amir’s expressions shifted from caution to surprise and finally relief. Su handed something to him, speaking once more. He looked past both men to Serenity and gave a subtle nod to her before cutting his eyes at Kang-Dae and returning to his men.
“What did he say?” Serenity asked. Amir released a light chuckle and smiled.
“The queen wants to give us something as a sign of good faith.”
Su’s voice rang out and the men parted revealing a trail of carts and wagons. “Queen Prija says this will be Kah Mah’s first shipment. From now on their docks will be open to us for trade.” Serenity and Kang-Dae shared matching astonished expressions.
Amir handed Serenity the book he’d received from Su. “She also wanted you to have this.” Serenity’s eyes widened and her jaw dropped as she took it in. There on the cover was a drawing of a young girl standing alone in the middle of a village facing off against a giant, malevolent looking elephant.
Back on the ship, Serenity was flipping through the book for the tenth time. “How many times are you going to go through that book. You can’t read it.” Kang-Dae mused.
“Amir told me what it was about. Plus, there are pictures.” Kang-Dae joined her on the bed laying his head shoulder.
“Why did the queen want you to have this?”
“I may have tried to scare her into accepting our deal using my visions,” she admitted with a hint of shame.
Kang-Dae lifted his head and stared at her incredulously. “What? I was desperate,” she said defending her actions.
“Anyway, that word I said that night, ‘echang’ Amir says it’s the name of a demon that takes the shape of an elephant. This story is about a group of villages that becomes terrorized by it. To appease it, they give it everything it asks for, but every time it returns it wants more and more, and if they don’t give in to it, it vows to destroy everyone. Eventually, one little girl convinces everyone and all the surrounding villages to stop giving in to him and fight back. Together they were able to cast him out.”
“Interesting story,” Knag-Dae said flipping one of the pages.
“Su told Amir the book belonged to Prija when she was a child. I think my dream was meant specially for her. It was the only way she would believe me and want to help.”
Kang-Dae lifted himself up, to look into her eyes. “You amaze me every day,” he praised. A slow shy smile spread across her face. She leaned over and pecked him on the lips. Kang-Dae’s eyes darkened slightly and his eyes fell to her mouth. Suddenly nervous, Serenity turned her focus back on the book.
Amused by her shyness Kang-Dae smirked. He threw himself in her lap making her gasp. He pulled her arm to his chest and held it there.
“Tell me the story again.” He demanded closing his eyes making her laugh.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Serenity opened the door to Kang-Dae’s study. It was empty but she knew it would be. After they returned from their trip, he’d been busy. Everyone had been waiting eagerly for his return to get his help and input on various things. At the moment he was off talking to Hui about some theft. She wanted to use his calendar to prepare for any other events or important days that might be coming up. After this Gi thing, she didn't want to have to deal with any other type of event for a while. She searched his shelves but didn't find one. She went into his drawers. “Ha,” she exclaimed when she saw it. She looked over it and was surprised to see only one date marked. The last time she’d seen it there had been a lot more. Realizing this was not the same calendar, she moved to put it away but stopped when she noticed what the marking said. One of the characters looked like the character for moon. Serenity realized this was where he marked the day for the blessed moon. She felt herself growing mournful as memories of that night resurfaced. Not wanting to head down that road of sorrow, she put it aside and pulled out what turned out to be the calendar she was looking for. She started looking at it, noting the Gi’s celebration day and another festival which if memory served her was held in the city by the citizens, which was a relief. When she was done, she went to put both calendars away but stopped when she noticed something. Putting both calendars out on the table side by side she examined each one carefully. The date marked for the blessed moon didn’t look right. The marking placed the date much earlier than it had been. She started counting in her head trying to get her days right, but it still didn't add up. The calendar had the moon date three weeks before the night she tried to return. Her blood ran cold.
‘This couldn't be right.’ she did the math again carefully counting up each day trying to remember how many days she’d been in a depressed stupor. Even if she added a few extra days to account for her unreliable mental state it didn't match up. Had they gone on the wrong day? The annoying emotion of hope began to rise once more, though she tried to fight it. She was just beginning to come to terms with everything. She didn't want to end up disappointed again. She did the math again and again and each time getting the same answer. She pulled out her old study book of common characters. As she originally thought, the character she was looking at was for the moon. A sickening feeling stirred inside her. This must have been a mistake. Kang-Dae Must have gotten the dates mixed up.
‘How?’ she thought herself. It was clearly marked. Her breathing picked up. She thought back to his behavior in those days, his avoidance, the guilty look in his eyes she mistook for sadness. His inability to look at her that night. Tears filled her eyes. “no,” she whispered to herself shaking her head. She did the math again this time trying to recall what happened on the real night of the blessed moon. A memory surface that shattered her heart. She remembered him kissing her under the moon, how he’d pushed her to the brink where she’d wanted to give herself to him completely. The moon had looked so beautiful that night, so big and brighter than usual. She recalled how upset he’d been when he first saw her outside staring up at it, as if he were afraid of what she would see. Serenity began to feel nauseous. He’d lied to her and the night she sh
ould have gone home was the very night she’d realized she’d completely fallen for him.
Serenity walked back to her room in a daze. She didn't let anything show as she moved through the halls, not wanting to alarm her guard. She did her best to keep her emotions at bay until she could make it to her room. Once she was inside, she collapsed against the door. She wept silently on the floor in agony. She couldn't comprehend any of what she’d learned. How could she had been so wrong about someone? How could she allow herself to get fooled so badly? That nauseated feeling was growing within her. She feared she would throw up soon. She sat there crying, replaying every touching and meaningful moment they'd had together. They were false, meaningless, a front he put on to distract her and trap her in this place. She wanted to scream out, to rage, break everything in her sight. She wanted to confront him and demand an explanation. ‘No,’ she thought to herself. She couldn't let him know she knew. If he was capable of such deception, she had no idea what else he was capable of. Was he her only deceiver? Had her mother in law and Jung-Soo known as well? What about Amoli? Was there no one she could trust? It was too much. She felt like she was going to implode. God help her, she couldn't do this. To be betrayed by someone she’d trusted so completely, the pain she was feeling was indescribable. Anger, hurt, confusion and regret rained heavily on her. She lay on the floor arms, around her knees. She wanted desperately for this to be a dream, a horrible one and soon she would wake up in Kang-Dae’s arms, comforted by that familiar warmth and safety she'd always felt with him. What was she going to do now? How was she meant to live with the one who almost destroyed her with his lies?
