She left, but not before promising we would see each other again.
When she had gone, I stood staring at the closed door, feeling once more lost and abandoned. My pants remained unfastened, leaving me exposed both literally and figuratively, and increasing my sense of complete vulnerability to this girl that so casually walked in and out of my life.
I had never felt so helpless or out of control. Never realized how easily another person could lift me up then drop me into an emotional hole I felt I could never climb out of. It was a moment of personal epiphany.
Even today, whenever I find myself behaving too proudly, whenever I start to believe there is nothing on this earth capable of harming me, I remember that moment at my front door, and I am once more humbled.
CHAPTER 3
Despite my personal fears to the contrary, true to her word, Andi and I did see each other again. Over the next couple of weeks we saw each other several times. Sometimes, she would bump into me at a store or on the street, other times I got a phone call asking me to meet her somewhere. She never gave me her address or phone number, and she did not permit me to schedule future dates. Our meetings were always at her convenience and usually a complete surprise to me. Once, she even came to my apartment while I was home and just knocked on the door. On each occasion the result of our meeting was the same. We would eventually end up at my place, Andi would sit me down on the couch or lay me back on my bed, orally bring me to climax and disappear immediately afterwards. With each successive encounter I grew more and more uncertain as to who received more from our relationship. The sexual gratification seemed very one sided on my part, yet with each coupling Andi appeared just as eager for my culmination as I was. I became plagued with the eerie feeling that Andi was feeding on me. I did not realize at the time how closely that approached the truth.
The few friends with whom I dared broach the subject of my relationship with Andi seemed only amazed at my good fortune and appalled that I should question such an ideal arrangement. The subject of gift horses was brought to my attention on more than one occasion.
Still, I could not shake the disturbing feeling of wrongness about Andi. The idea of severing our relationship however, never seriously entered my mind, as on some level I think I knew I had already fallen in much too deep for that to be an option.
But, I felt I needed to do something. I couldn’t just pretend everything was perfect the way it was. I decided the next time I saw her I would confronted her; let her know that I wanted more than just the hit and run relationship she had dictated so far. As it turned out, after making this decision I did not have long to wait. Andi came to my apartment that evening, and, as she attempted to push me onto the leather sofa, pulling at the zipper of my jeans, I grabbed her hands and stopped her.
“No,” I said.
She ignored me, pulling her hands away from mine and reaching once more for the fastenings of my pants.
“No,” I said again, catching her wrists and remaining on my feet despite her not so subtle urging to sit back into the couch.
“No?” she asked, momentarily puzzled. “I thought you enjoyed this.”
“I do. But tonight I want more. I want all of you. Do you realize I’ve never even seen you naked? I want you naked. In my bedroom. Now.”
An expression of anger crossed her face. A mere flicker of ferocity which she controlled immediately. It came and went so quickly, I could not be sure I had actually seen it at all. Then her smile returned and she amiably agreed that we were ready for a more intimate experience together. Her acceptance of my request was so genuine I almost convinced myself I had only imagined her earlier displeasure.
But I did not imagine it. Andi did not like to be challenged when she wanted something, and I had challenged her that evening. Fortunately, mine was a minor offence and she decided to let it pass.
Andi grabbed me by my shirt and dragged me into the bedroom, as if the idea had been hers all along and I was the one reluctant to go. She pushed me toward the bed and playfully ordered me to strip. When I had done as she ordered, she reached behind her and pulled down the zipper of her dress. The light yellow material of the sundress she wore that night slipped from around her body and puddled at her feet, leaving her standing in only her white bra and panties. These two items soon followed the dress, revealing to me for the first time her glorious body.
My first feeling was relief. I had been harboring the ridiculous fear that Andi had never undressed in front of me because of something she wanted to hide from me. That perhaps she had suffered some disfiguring accident. Or worse. I actually considered for the briefest of moments that Andi might turn out to be a man; that the clothing was a necessary cover to hide her true gender. But I need not have worried. As she stood in my room and displayed herself to me that night, I could see she was perfect. Awe and desire filled my heart and mind now, effectively drowning out the ability to think about anything but the glorious sight in front of me.
Andi’s body was as delicately beautiful as her face. An artist’s porcelain rendering of the female ideal, created not to be sullied by touch, but merely to be worshipped at a distance. Slender and waif-like, yet still erotically desirable, she stood in front of me, unmoving, watching me closely and waiting for me to respond to her offering. I merely stared, drinking her in, afraid to shatter the moment with a word or motion. I gazed at the pale pink nipples of her small round breasts and the fragile ripples that outlined her ribcage under her skin. From there, my eyes followed the sloping curve that led to her tiny waist and flat stomach, then moved down to trace the swell of her hips. A wispy golden mound of pubic hair grew between her shapely thighs, trimmed into a tiny triangle, but so fine and pale blond it was almost invisible. Her limbs were long and muscular, defined, but round and feminine in their lines.
Andi’s flawless marble-white skin appeared almost translucent in the dim lighting of the room, as if a hot, white light shone through from somewhere deep inside her. The shadows of my bedroom seemed unwilling – or unable – to touch her.
When I made no immediate move toward her, Andi held her arms out to her side, displaying herself as if making a point. You said you wanted me naked in the bedroom. Well, here I am. She did a quick pirouette, then let her arms drop as she faced me again.
“Are you disappointed?” she asked, placing her hands on her waist and throwing one hip out vampishly.
In response to her question I lunged forward, lifted her up in my arms and carried her to my bed, reveling in the feel of her bare skin pressed against mine. I lowered her onto the mattress carefully, as if she might be as fragile as the china doll she resembled and break into a thousand pieces if I carelessly dropped her. Then my hands, lips and tongue began an exploration of every inch of her, burning the sight, feel, smell and taste of her indelibly into my memory.
I made love to her with equal measures of uncontrolled passion and quiet tenderness. Our coupling moved from gentle caresses to an animalistic intensity and back again. Andi, never content to play the passive role in any circumstances, responded to each escalation of mine with her own wild ferocity, meeting my growing desire with her own. At times, her needs set the pace and she moved faster or slower depending on the moment as she focused on her own physical desires, clinging to me and carrying me along in her lost moments of pleasure. Other times, she merely held me close and encouraged my own efforts; a small smile playing about her lips as her hands caressed the length of my body and she pulled me closer against her. She gave her body to me with abandon, without any hint of physical reservation.
At the heights of our passion, Andi closed her eyes and made a small moaning sound. It was barely a vocalized sigh, but it was a joy for me to hear because of what it represented. For the first time since I had known her, Andi had dropped the walls that protected her from the rest of the world and surrendered to an instant of sheer pleasure. It lasted for the barest fraction of a second, but it told me, at least in that instant, she was completely content be
ing in that bed with me. She had let her shell of absolute control crack just a bit and she had let herself be happy.
With me.
With that thought urging me on, I surrendered to my own pleasure. I built toward my climax and, as she lay beneath me, Andi felt the tension grow in my movements. She rolled me over onto my back so she could straddle me from the top and with hard, quick motions of her hips she rode me toward orgasm. My body responded helplessly to her and soon I was pushed to the point of no return.
Andi leapt off of me a moment before I came. She took my swollen member into her mouth and with her hands and tongue urging me along, it was too late for me to stop. I ejaculated, the muscles of my body tightening and releasing violently, again and again, then slowly succumbing to more gentle waves of pleasure. As before, Andi held me in her mouth until I lay completely spent and drained, releasing me only when she had assured herself that I was completely finished.
I had been with other women before Andi, and while I was no stranger to oral sex – in fact I enjoyed it quite a bit – the prevailing attitude of my dates regarding the taste of semen generally ranged from neutrality to downright disgust at the idea of my ejaculating in their mouths. I had never before encountered Andi’s level of desire and raw need. I did not know how to respond to it.
Andi crawled off of the bed and began to gather her clothes from the floor. I remained where I was, still enjoying the relaxed aftermath of our lovemaking. I watched her as she dressed, a little disappointed as she covered the glorious secrets of her body that I had only just that night been allowed to witness. I wanted her to stay and lie in bed with me a little longer, to let me look at her and bask in her closeness just a bit more. But from the short time I had been seeing her, I already knew asking would be pointless. Andi came and went as she pleased, regardless of my personal wishes.
As she pulled the zipper up on the back of her dress she glanced toward me and smiled fondly. Too curious not to, I asked, “Why did you pull away at the end?”
She blinked and looked a bit surprised by my question. “I’m sorry if it didn’t feel good the way I finished. I tried to be quick so you wouldn’t lose the moment.”
“No, it felt wonderful. I just…. Why didn’t you let me stay inside you? Are you afraid of getting pregnant?”
In answer, she laughed. “I could have let you climax inside of me, but it seemed to be such a waste. Do you love me?”
She changed topics so blindingly fast I could not answer right away. Such a waste? What an odd statement. Then my mind belatedly fastened on the question she had asked. Do you love me?
The question shocked me, not because I didn’t know how to answer it, but because I realized immediately that I did: Of course I loved her. That I knew with certainty. How could I not? I knew almost nothing about her. Neither her past nor her present. I did not even have her phone number. She decided when and if we would see each other and I could only wait for those precious encounters. It was as though my entire life consisted solely of my time with her and everything else was simply existing in stasis.
I paused before I answered, however, making myself think carefully about what I was feeling. Was this truly love, or some blind obsession? And ultimately, was there really a difference? Did it matter? The outcome was essentially the same.
No it didn’t matter, I decided. I knew absolutely nothing about Andi with any certainty, except for this one fact.
“Yes, I love you,” I said. I hated the simplicity of those words; that they could not tell her the depths of what I felt for her. They were not enough, but they were all I had.
Andi crossed the room and stood over me in my bed. She leaned in close and kissed my forehead. The kiss drifted down to my cheek, and finally settled lightly on my lips. Her hand stroked my jaw and she gazed at my face for a long moment. Her dark eyes held me trapped in their depths as they did each time I looked into them. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Lover,” she said to me, then kissed me one more time.
She straightened up and walked out of the room.
“Wait! What’s tomorrow?” I shouted at the empty doorway, hoping she could still hear me.
“You’re taking me out on a date,” she called back.
I heard my front door open and slam shut. She was gone.
CHAPTER 4
The following night, I was showered, dressed and waiting at five o’clock. Had I known better, I would not have bothered being ready quite so early, but I did not yet know Andi’s time constraints.
The sun did not set until almost seven thirty. Twenty minutes after dark, I received a phone call from her. I was sitting on the couch trying to kill time watching some mindless sitcom on television when my cell phone rang. I jumped to my feet and had to run into the bedroom where I had left my phone sitting on my dresser.
“Hello?” I said, puffing, a little out of breath from the short run across the apartment and the adrenaline burst of fear that the phone would stop ringing before I got to it.
“Hello, Gregory. Are you ready for our date?”
“Absolutely!” I told her. “Where are we going?”
“Meet me at Angeline’s,” Andi said, naming a local sandwich and ice cream shop on the south end of the city. “I have a craving for some ice cream.”
As soon as I hung up, I reassessed what I was wearing. I had already shaved and even spent a little longer than usual getting my hair looking just right. As far as clothing, not knowing where we were going to end up, I had opted for my standard jeans but added a nice button-up dress shirt and my black dress shoes to make the outfit a little more respectable. An ice cream shop sounded pretty casual though, so I kicked off the dress shoes and replaced with them my cleaner pair of tennis shoes. Everything else still looked like it would work. Satisfied with the overall look and not wanting to waste any more time second guessing myself, I locked up my apartment and jogged out to my car.
The drive across town took only about half as long as it normally should have and I was fortunate not to cross paths with any of the local police officers during the trip. I was usually a very safe driver, but I was in a hurry to get started on my first official date with Andi.
Angeline’s was located in the business district of the city, squeezed between a card shop on the east side and an electronic gaming store on the west. It was a narrow space for a diner, but the owners made it work. Five small booths lined one wall; red vinyl bench seats surrounding white Formica tables that were designed to seat couples, but that could accommodate four people if they were very friendly. The opposite wall was a sandwich counter, behind which a small grill and a fryer had been installed for preparing the two or three hot items listed on the menu. At one end of the counter, closest to the door, was the cash register, and at the opposite end was a glass-enclosed freezer area holding a wide variety of ice creams and frozen yogurts on display for walk in customers. The whole presentation was topped off with large, black-and-white checkerboard tile flooring and too-bright, fluorescent lighting overhead.
Pulling open the glass front door, I saw Andi was already inside seated at one of the booths toward the back. I stepped inside and moved to join her.
Andi stood up as I approached and I put my arms around her. This time she returned the embrace, slipping her hands around my waist and briefly resting her head against my shoulder. “Hey,” I said, still holding her close. “You look great.” And she did. She had on a sheer, pale blue, button-up top that served to show off rather than hide the black, lace bra she wore underneath. Baggy white shorts, cinched around her waist by a woven gray belt, covered her loosely to just above her knees. Her hair was different tonight, too. Rather than allowing it to fall freely down across her shoulders, she had pulled it back into a long ponytail that gave her more of a fresh, youthful appearance. I found it endearing, and flicked at it playfully.
“Hello, Gregory,” she said, smiling. She stepped back a pace, disengaging from my embrace and casually settled herself back into her seat.
A
s I slid into my side of the booth, a young brunette wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and a gaudy pink apron with “Angeline’s” emblazoned across it appeared beside our table and handed us two single-page, laminated menus.
“Hi,” the waitress said with a little bounce and a flash of white teeth. “My name is Kayla.”
Kayla looked about seventeen, too young to be attending school at the college. I figured she was probably one of the local girls trying to earn a few dollars to help pay for college later. Or maybe just trying to get enough money to buy a couple of cute outfits she had her eye on for the summer.
“I’ll grab you some water and give you guys a couple of minutes to look at our menu,” she said, then paused as though reconsidering before leaving. “Unless you already know what you want?”
“I do,” said Andi, setting her menu aside. “But my friend will probably still need a moment.”
“Um, yeah,” I said, quickly scanning the menu to see if anything immediately recommended itself. Nothing jumped out at me. “I’ll need a little more time.”
“No problem,” said Kayla. “Wave me down when you’re ready, or I’ll come back in a bit and check on you. Take your time,” she said over her shoulder as she turned and walked away. She walked behind the main counter, then disappeared into a back room. Except for one other couple three booths away from us and a family at the counter ordering ice cream, the diner was empty. Kayla probably had very little to do when things were this slow and she most likely preferred to not do it out of sight of the few customers present.
I looked over the menu again and decided on a club sandwich and a side of fries. “So what are you having?” I asked Andi, after telling her my decision.
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