by Jamie Craig
It had been easier to stave off the urges after hearing the fear in her voice when Josh brought him up. She couldn’t even say his name. Sara. Didn’t want to see Cam.
Because she thought he would hurt her?
He loved her. The only thing that had gotten him through the past two years without her was having Josh at his side, having someone with him who loved Sara as much as he did, who was as determined to get her back as he was. It was inconceivable that she could ever doubt Cam or his intentions. The one thing they had always treasured was how much they understood each other, without having to speak or offer explanations.
The bastards who had ripped her away from them had destroyed far more than he had imagined. The vengeance that had burned in his gullet since finding her surged anew.
When the door opened, he was sitting on the floor next to it, his head buried in his hands. He didn’t look up, but instead blinked away his tears and asked, “Is she asleep again?”
“Yeah.” Josh slid down the wall, sitting beside him. “It didn’t take her long to drop off once she laid down.”
“Once you laid down with her, you mean.”
“Yeah. I guess you heard everything.”
Cam snorted. “She was screaming down the building, Josh. It was kind of hard not to.”
“I mean the parts she wasn’t screaming,” he said softly.
His head was pounding. “For what she was saying, she might as well have been.”
Josh put a comforting hand on Cam’s thigh, but otherwise, they weren’t touching. “We just need to give her some time.”
Time. Two years of their lives, dark and desolate and desperate, should have been enough. All his Pollyanna comments to Josh before she’d awakened, that she was alive, that all that mattered was she was with them now, made Cam want to retch. It wasn’t all that mattered. It was so far from all that mattered that he couldn’t see it anymore.
“How can she hate me?” he wondered aloud. His voice was rough from the tears that still wanted to come. God, he was so fucking tired of crying. He had actually believed it was all behind them now. “How could she ever think I’d do anything to hurt her?”
“She doesn’t hate you, Cameron. Not really. Somebody who looked like you hurt her very badly, and right now, the very large part of her mind dedicated to self-preservation can’t tell the difference. They’ve conditioned a certain reaction from her that has nothing to do with you,” Josh pointed out. “I know how much this must…hurt…”
“Do you?” He finally lifted his head, meaning to glare at Josh in fury, but the first sight of his lover’s swollen face tamped the rage. Sara hadn’t been the only one crying inside. Cam took a deep breath and tried again. “She asked you to hold her, and what did she ask from me?” His voice grew bitter. “‘Don’t make me face him.’ Yeah, you really understand what I’m going through right now.”
Josh’s cheeks turned a bright red, and his eyes flamed. “Do you think I’m happy about this, Cam? Do you think every second in there wasn’t killing me? You belong in there. More than I do. And we both know it. How do you think it makes me feel to soothe her to sleep, knowing the entire time that you’re out here, hurting just as much as she is? Knowing there’s nothing…nothing I can do…”
Cam gripped Josh’s arm, heedless of his strength. “Help me get her to understand. Don’t let her shut me out.”
“You know I’ll do everything I can,” Josh said, the anger suddenly gone from his voice. “I think making her understand I’m not leaving you, and that you helped with the rescue, is a step in the right direction. The safer she feels, the easier it’ll be.”
“She was fine with me when she was asleep. She knew me then. She let me hold her without a problem.” With a fresh burst of hope, he reached for his wallet and tossed it into Josh’s lap. “You go get something for us to eat. I’ll go back inside and slip in next to her.”
Josh grabbed his shoulder and pushed back against the wall with surprising strength. “No. Are you crazy? If she wakes up and you’re in there, it’ll ruin everything. She’ll panic and she won’t trust me anymore. I promised her she wouldn’t have to see you. It’s horrible, but there it is. Right now, we have to do our best not to upset her further, or give her any reason to doubt me.”
In his heart, Cam knew he was right. Somehow, the thought doubled his pain. “So you can see her, and I can’t. You get to hold her, and all I have are memories. You get to talk to her, and I get to remember her screams.” He sagged against the wall. “How? Tell me how I can do this, Josh. Because I don’t have the foggiest clue.”
“Maybe for now, I’ll worry about taking care of her, and you focus on finding out who did this. Whoever it was, they have a shapeshifter working for them. Or maybe they’re all shifters. And they know what you look like, apparently well enough to trick the person who knows you better than anybody.”
So caught up in his own hurt, Cam had completely forgotten about how such conditioning could’ve been possible with Sara. Another shifter. It was hard to believe that in their small numbers, one would turn against another in such an awful way, but it was the only explanation for what had happened to Sara. For what purpose, though, remained a mystery.
Josh had given him exactly what he needed, just like he had every time over the past two years when the need had arisen. The ache was still there, and there it would remain until he could hold Sara, and kiss her, and tell her he loved her without seeing terror in her eyes, but he could ignore it if he concentrated on the one emotion burning even hotter. His anger.
Settling his hand over Josh’s, Cam squeezed it, grateful when the other man tightened his fingers and returned the gesture. “Do you think she’s really going to be all right? None of this is worth it if they’ve stolen her spirit from her.”
“I think she’s going to be all right. I do. I saw a few hints of her old self, and she does know who I am. That’s definitely a step in the right direction. She’s going to be herself again, someday. She is.” He picked up Cam’s wallet. “If you promise to stay out here and wait for me, I’ll go get some food and take care of everything else.”
Cam shook his head. He hadn’t even been able to get away from the door; without Josh around to stop him, he couldn’t promise he’d be able to stay away from Sara, even if it was in her best interest. “We look like shit anyway,” he said. “Unless you’re starving, I say we wait. Let her sleep.” He paused. “We have to get another room for me. And move my stuff out.”
Josh pushed himself to his feet slowly and then offered his hand to Cam. “Why don’t you go get your room and I’ll get your stuff? She’ll probably be asleep for a while, if you don’t want to be alone. I don’t think she’s had any real rest in a very long time.”
Cam accepted the help to his feet. He didn’t want to be alone, but the thought that Sara might wake up and find herself without even Josh around was even more painful. Tugging on Josh’s hand, he pulled him against his body and held him close, kissing the soft spot below Josh’s ear.
“Only for a few minutes,” he said. “Just enough for you to tell me whatever you can about how you found Sara. She’s been alone for too long. I don’t want her to be alone again.”
Josh leaned against him for a moment. “I don’t want her to be alone either. But I hate to leave you, too.” Taking a deep breath, he stepped away. “So we better hurry.”
Cam nodded and watched him slip back into the room. There had been plenty of purpose over the past two years, months spent in resolute searching as they fought to find the woman they both needed, and there was still purpose now. The hunt for whoever had done this. The need to return Sara to health. But for the first time in two years, he was floundering. They were a family, him and Josh and Sara. They had always worked best together. In fact, Sara’s forced absence had only driven Josh and Cam closer.
Now it was different. Josh and Sara on one side. Cam on the other. For the first time, he was terrified his worst nightmare might come true, in s
pite of Josh’s assurances to the contrary.
He could lose both of them.
His steps were heavy as he headed toward the lobby.
Chapter 5
Josh paused to watch Sara sleep, Cam’s bag hanging heavily over his shoulder. She didn’t stir, but she looked different than before. This was a deep, but healthy, sleep without the weight of sedatives. She looked small and lonely on the large bed, nothing visible except her lax face. She needed Cam, whether she knew it or not.
Reassured she’d be fine, he stepped into the hallway as Cam returned from the lobby.
“Were you able to get a room close by?”
Cam merely nodded and walked several feet down the hall. There was one room between them, but Josh supposed they were lucky he wasn’t on an entirely different floor. Cam wordlessly unlocked the door and took the bag from Josh’s shoulder. Josh waited for him to say something, anything, but his eyes were distant. He just dropped his bag and collapsed on the corner of his single bed, hunched over with his forearms on his knees as he stared at the carpet between his feet.
“I’m going to have to check on her, but I’ll come back when I can,” Josh promised.
Another nod. “Take as much time as you need. The important thing is Sara knows she’s being taken care of.” Cam paused, passing a weary hand over his eyes. “If you’re okay with it, I think I’ll drive back to Delta this afternoon. The sooner we have our stuff, the better.”
Josh blinked. “This afternoon? I know we agreed you should go pick some things up, but I didn’t think you’d be leaving so soon.”
“What else am I going to do? Sit around and wonder what you two are doing?” He shook his head. “This is better. If I’m not here, I’m not…tempted.”
I can’t do this by myself. But he knew even if it were true, it wouldn’t be enough for Cameron right now. Josh hesitated at the door, the need to go two different directions leaving him frozen. Sara needed him, but Sara was asleep, her body desperate for rest and quiet. Cam needed him, too. He shut the door behind him and joined Cam on the bed.
Though he didn’t lift a hand, Cam leaned until their shoulders touched. The simple contact bolstered Josh’s flagging spirits. “I’ll probably be gone until tomorrow,” Cam said. “You should start looking for a short-term lease as soon as you can. Tell people it’s a corporate rental and use my business name instead of any of ours. That should make it a little harder for us to be found.”
Josh nodded. “Are you going to take the car or get a rental?”
“I’ll take the car. We don’t want people back home wondering why I might be in a rental if they see me.” He finally looked up; Josh would have sworn the lines around his eyes had deepened in the last hour. “A shifter hurt her, Josh. We can’t trust anybody, not even the people in Delta.”
Josh heard how lost Cam felt. The people in Delta weren’t just his neighbors; they were his family. He had grown up with them, Sara taught their children, and they stuck together. Somebody had betrayed the implicit trust in their small, but strong, community. Cam didn’t need this blow on top of everything else. Cam needed to know that despite everything, he wasn’t alone. He would never be alone.
Josh tilted his head and pressed his mouth against Cam’s in a soft kiss, his hand sneaking up to grip Cam’s shirt so he couldn’t pull away.
Cam didn’t so much respond as he sighed into the caress. Beneath his hand, Josh felt a ripple shudder through the other man’s chest, and then Cam reached to cup the back of Josh’s neck, holding their mouths together. It never moved beyond a tender exploration, but when the kiss finally ended, Cam leaned his brow against Josh’s.
Josh ran his hand over Cam’s hair, down his neck, and over his shoulder, pulling him closer. There were so many things to say, so many things Cam needed to hear, but he didn’t know where to begin. So he kissed Cam’s chin, his jaw, his cheek, his neck, and gently pushed him backwards.
The soft breath flowing over Josh’s skin was the only sound Cam made as he tentatively returned the caresses. The hand that had gripped the back of his neck now skimmed over Josh’s back, mapping out the flex of each muscle as he moved down Cam’s body. Even when he was beyond reach, Cam simply shifted his touch to Josh’s arm, pulling just enough to coax him more fully onto the bed.
Josh sat up on his knees, freeing his hands to push Cam’s shirt out of the way and unzip his pants. He knew he didn’t have anywhere near enough time to do this right, but he wasn’t going to stop now. He ran his palms down Cam’s muscled chest and over his ribs, seeking out as much contact as he could get. His gaze darted to Cam’s, trying to gauge his reaction, but the other man’s eyes still seemed distant, his touch tentative.
“Oh, Cam,” Josh breathed, before leaning forward to draw his mouth down Cam’s body.
The stomach muscles contracted beneath his lips, and a sound that was half-whimper, half-cry was strangled from Cam’s throat. When Josh glanced up his body, he saw Cam squeeze his eyes shut, the lashes wet, but still, no words came. He only reached to curl fingers into Josh’s hip, dragging his body across the shiny surface of the comforter and toward Cam’s turned head.
Josh settled on his side next to Cam, their legs entwining. His hands were still busy seeking out Cam’s warm skin while he peppered Cam’s face with soft kisses. Cam clutched him tightly, turning his head to seek out his mouth. This kiss was much deeper, longer, tinged with desperation as salty as Cam’s skin.
Cam took him by surprise by pressing Josh back into the mattress, rolling on top to grind their hips together. Without stopping the kisses, his hand snaked between their stomachs, searching for the button of Josh’s jeans, and as soon as the denim was out of the way, he pushed down the waistbands of their underwear in order to grasp both cocks in one, trembling grip.
Josh lifted his hips, his cock sliding against Cam’s smooth shaft. He welcomed Cam’s weight pressing him against the mattress, feeling almost comforted by the new position. But he didn’t need to be comforted; this wasn’t supposed to be about him. He wrapped his arm around Cam and thrust forward, building friction between their bodies.
With ragged breaths, Cam broke from Josh’s mouth, staring down at him in unabashed need. “You and Sara are all I have. I can’t lose you.”
Josh didn’t look away from the intensity of Cam’s gaze. “You won’t, Cameron. I need you too much.” He kissed the corner of Cam’s mouth. “And she does, too.”
Cam tightened his hold on their cocks, though his strokes remained long and slow. “You’ll tell her how much I love her?”
Josh nodded. “I’ll tell her. I won’t let her forget you, Cam. I won’t let her forget everything you mean to each other.”
“To both of you.” He captured Josh’s lips in a lingering kiss, whispering against his mouth, “Family. All three of us. Together no matter what.”
“Family,” Josh agreed. “No matter what.” He reached between their bodies, his hand covering Cam’s, encouraging him to quicken his pace. The added pressure against their cocks prompted a sigh from both of them. “Hurry back. I’ll worry while you’re gone.”
But Cam seemed to be done with talking, his mouth hungry as it returned to Josh’s. His thumb passed over the wet tips on each stroke now, slicking the shafts just enough to allow a swifter tempo. It was almost frantic, accompanied by the uneven jerks of his hips. When his body stiffened, his come splashing hot on Josh’s belly, Josh almost lost the rhythm for his own release.
The orgasm wasn’t earth-shattering; Josh received the most satisfaction from seeing a spark of light return to Cam’s eyes. Cam fell forward, stealing one more moment of intimacy, one more spark of warmth before they were forced apart. Josh held him, enjoying the warmth of his breath against his cheek.
But Josh couldn’t stay and enjoy it. He gently freed himself from Cam’s embrace and rolled off the bed. Cam didn’t move at first, even as Josh wiped his stomach clean and zipped his pants.
“I’m not going to stay in Delta long,
” Cam said. Sitting up, he pulled off his shirt and used it to clean away the come on his hand and chest. “Just long enough to get what we’re going to need and maybe talk to a few people.”
Josh wiped his hand over his face. “What we’re going to need? Cam, what do we need? How do you decide what we need when we don’t even know what the hell we’re doing?”
“But we know what we’re doing.” Rising to his feet, he grabbed the back of Josh’s neck and pulled him close for a hard kiss. “We can’t take Sara home, so we’re bringing home to her. Make me a list. I don’t want to forget anything.”
“So if you forget something it’s my fault?” Josh teased. “Who are you going to talk to while you’re there?”
Cameron seemed to have found a new resolve and tossed the shirt aside as he headed for the bathroom. “I thought Sammie Jo first. She knows more about shifters outside of Delta than anybody I know. Maybe she can point us in a new direction.”
“Sounds like a good start,” Josh agreed. “I’ll wait until you get out.”
Cam nodded and shut the door behind him. Josh stood in the middle of the room for a second, trying to pull his thoughts together. Bringing home to her? How can one narrow a home, a life, down to just enough to carry in the back of a car?
The phone in his hip pocket rang, distracting him from his task. At first, he wanted to ignore it, but few people had his cell number—and most of those were friends or family he needed to contact anyway. The familiar name on the caller ID almost made him smile.
“Hey, JD.” He thought it was a little early for her to call, but knowing JD, she might not have gone to sleep at all the night before.
“Josh? Oh, I was worried about you.”
Josh frowned. “What? Why?”
She paused. “I just meant that I tried to call you last night. At home. But there was no answer. It’s not like you to stay out all night.”
“Why were you trying to call? Is something wrong?” It wasn’t unlike her to call him once or twice a month, but she rarely called their home number.
