Abby nodded. “He stopped bothering me when I was eleven, though I never found out why. I was just relieved. I’ve spent my whole life trying to deal with what happened...with the way it makes me feel about Christmas. I’m an adult, Nick. Why can’t I handle this?”
The sympathy in his eyes grew. “You’re beating yourself up over this. Now that I know what happened, I think I understand you better.”
“What do you understand?”
“You’re a beautiful, smart, hard-working woman who doesn’t deserve to have this pain locked within her any longer. When they come, tell them how you feel. Show them they don’t have a hold on you any longer.”
A cloud of contentment soothed over her raw senses, and she allowed her hands to slide upward, for her arms to twine about his neck.
“Thank you, Nick.”
“What for?”
Abby smiled softly. “For listening to me. No one has ever listened to me talk about this the way you have.”
“I’ll be here to listen to you whenever you need me,” he whispered.
He brushed his lips against hers, then took them in sudden passion, staking a claim to her that she’d never released to any man before. Untamed needs, long dormant, opened within her. She pressed against him, urgent and ready for whatever he could give her, prepared to give him everything.
Nick tore his lips from hers, and nuzzled her ear. “You’re so damn sweet, Pixie. I can’t get enough of you.”
She shivered with excitement as he kissed her neck, trailing gentle touches as he pressed her close. Her nipples prickled with arousal, aching with a need to feel his touch.
Nick knew an excitement he’d never felt before. She’d opened her secrets to him. Desire pounded through his blood, bringing him to instant, hot arousal. He wanted her more than any woman on earth. Now. This minute.
As her hands plunged into his hair and her lips met his again and again, he cupped her breasts. Her answering gasp spurred him to more intimate touches. The sounds of Abby’s excitement gathered his need like a hot ache deep in his loins that demanded to be appeased. But even though Nick wanted to take her this minute, he wanted her satisfaction to be as complete and raging as he knew his own would be. He needed to make sure that when he made love with her, she wouldn’t be frightened.
Slowly he released her lips and let her go.
“Nick,” she whispered.
“I think I’d better go now,” he said softly. “Or I won’t leave at all.”
The ache in her heart grew to full bloom. He wanted to give her time to back away. Now might not be the time and place to make love.
He reached up to caress her face with his fingers and placed a gentle kiss on her lips. “I’m not going to push you into anything you’re not ready for.”
She wanted to scream that she was ready, that she wanted the heat and passion of his body to blot out the horror of what she’d told him. Instead she stayed silent. He dropped his hands away and she followed him downstairs.
After he retrieved his coat, she hugged him, trying to convey her thanks for his understanding without kissing him. “Thank you, Nick, for listening to me. For understanding.”
He brushed her hair back tenderly. “You’re welcome.”
Words battered at her lips, quivering to get out, to explain, to ask him what he thought. Before she could ask him to help her finish decorating tomorrow, he said, “Come to my place tomorrow night and bring some of your decorations.”
“What?” she said, unsure she’d heard him correctly.
“Bring your extra decorations. My apartment is a little dull. It needs some elf magic to liven it up.”
She couldn’t help grinning. “Okay. You’ve got a deal.”
With a gentle kiss to her forehead, he turned and left. Like fairy dust he disappeared, and with him she suspected, he had taken a little more of her heart.
12
Bright sunlight spilled through heavy snow clouds, throwing a sparkling, diamond-like glitter across the white mountainside behind Nick’s apartment.
He opened his bedroom window and the snap of a bitter December breeze caressed face like icy fingers. Taking in the morning, he let it sting his nose. Fresh. Invigorating. He sighed.
Deena had died two years ago. He couldn’t escape that fact anymore than he could deny the snow outside. This year he was determined to face his grief in a new way.
Before Deena’s death, Christmas had been his favorite time of year. Since then, the wonder of winter snow had left him as cold as the air outside. Yet this time something was different.
The snow represented a clean, new outlook on life. Colorado had produced a fluffy white blanket several inches deep, and looking at it gave him a new hope and a knowledge that his heart had started to mend. Like a blind man given the gift of sight, he knew more than relaxation had altered his view. Abby had changed him from the inside out, making everything he saw and touched more distinct.
His pain hadn’t dissolved entirely, because now he had Abby’s anguish as well as his own. He couldn’t care about her and not experience the hurt she’d kept inside so long. He also needed to let Candace know she didn’t control his life. How could he tell Abby to face her aunt and uncle with the truth when he hadn’t been straight with Candace?
Time to come clean, Claussen.
The phone rang, drawing him out of his reverie and to the bedside table.
“Come to dinner with me tonight.” Candace’s voice was laced with blatant seduction.
Nick glanced at the clock as he sat on the edge of his bed. He would be late to his morning Santa stint at this rate. “I can’t.”
She heaved a sigh. “I’ve come all this way and now you can’t see me?”
“I’m sorry. A friend needed me.”
“A female friend?” she asked, her voice steely.
“Yes, a female friend. Maybe we can get together for dinner tomorrow night.”
“What about tonight?”
“I’ll be helping restock the store. By the time I get done it’ll be late.”
Silence greeted him. Finally Candace said, “So that’s what you’re calling it these days? Restocking?”
He’d give Candace points for bluntness. One of the things that had drawn him to her in the first place was her no-holds-barred temperament.
Ashamed of his own two-faced attitude, Nick said, “I’m restocking the store, then Abby is helping me decorate my apartment.”
There. He’d said it.
He waited for the explosion, but none came.
“I see.” The edge in her voice left no doubt about her thoughts. “You could have told me sooner you’d acquired a new girlfriend.”
Candace made it sound like he’d brokered a new deal or sold some stock. He lay back on his bed, an ache building between his shoulders. Could he call Abby his girlfriend? He couldn’t be certain, but once Candace made up her mind about something, that was it. “I should have. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You and I had a relationship—”
“I know, I know. No feelings, no involvement. Just great sex.”
The crude words shamed him, even though they had always said they had no commitment and could date others. He’d let this progress for too long. “I’m sorry, Candace. I should have broken it off with you before I came to Russel.”
“And you think having sex with someone new is going to make all your problems go away?” Her tone was laced with sarcasm.
Impatience peppered him. “No.”
He heard a rustling on the other end of the phone. “I need to see you tomorrow night. It’s very important.”
“All right. Tomorrow night at La Maison at the mall at 7:30.”
“Certain little Abby won’t mind?”
“She won’t mind.”
But on the way to the mall, Nick wondered what Abby would think. Granted, she had no claim on him and he didn’t have a hold on her. He’d felt a bond growing between them, but how could he define it? Yes, he wanted to be her lover. He wa
nted to take her to a place she’d never experienced and erase horrible memories that had made Christmas a living hell. Determined, he decided this Christmas, Abby would have a reason to celebrate.
Abby's happiness and apprehension mixed into one noxious soup as she stood at the front counter of the bookstore with Becca. She’d told Becca about her aunt and uncle flying in tomorrow. She wanted to tell Becca about what had happened all those years ago, but revealing secrets to Nick had stirred enough rotten memories for a lifetime.
“I wanted you to know if I’m acting strangely, that it’s just because they’re here,” Abby said to Becca. “I have no idea what will happen.”
Becca put down the message pad she’d scribbled on and turned to Abby. “I’m glad you told me.” She touched Abby’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “You know you can talk to me anytime.”
“Thanks. Now all I’ve got to do is get through this Christmas.”
“Maybe it won’t be so awful. You can handle it.”
“How can it be anything else?” Abby tucked her hair behind her ears. Weary, she sighed. She’d been fighting a headache and a feeling of lassitude. It had been a long day, with the store a flurry of activity. “Besides, I shouldn’t have given in to my aunt.”
Becca leaned against the counter and crossed her arms. “Sometimes we don’t react to situations in a way that’s best for us. They took you by surprise this time. Next time they won’t.” She smiled and nodded toward Nick, who stood on a ladder toward the back of the store restocking a shelf. “Looks like you’ve got someone by your side who could help you through this visit.”
Nick had first infuriated her with his defense of her aunt and uncle, but once he’d understood the circumstances she couldn’t have asked for a more supportive friend.
No. Friend didn’t describe him accurately.
During their morning shift as Pixie and Santa, he’d thrown her looks that said he remembered how close they had come to making love last night. The expression in his eyes had gone way beyond friendship into something hotter and more primal. If she kept thinking about him like this, she’d be a goner. Plain and sickeningly effortless.
“What are you thinking?” Becca asked with a knowing grin.
“He’s been great.”
Becca’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “I’ll bet he has.”
Abby groaned. “Don’t start.”
Becca chuckled. “Sorry. I couldn’t resist.” She sobered. “Look, it’s none of my business. I just want you to be happy.”
Smiling, Abby said, “No offense taken. I don’t know where this is going, but I’m not getting hurt by imagining there’s more to it than there is.”
Becca’s smile was rueful as she headed away from the counter. “Just don’t let your destiny pass you by while you’re being cautious.”
Abby ruminated on her friend’s advice as she finished closing the store and restocked shelves with Nick.
The contented feeling within Abby seemed related to the quiet. She didn’t fool herself that being alone with Nick made all the difference. The soft melody of a choir singing Hark the Herald Angels Sing, rang through the mall speaker system, and they hadn’t extinguished the lights on the tree. Surely the festive mood added to her serenity far more than a handsome man at her side.
She was part way up a ladder when her stomach growled loud enough for Nick to hear. She’d skipped lunch.
He laughed and glanced at her as he put a row of Dean Koontz paperbacks in neat rows. “Dinner time.”
“I forgot my lunch this morning when I ran out of the house.”
“Slept late?”
“Forgot to set the alarm last night.”
A salacious grin traced over his lips, and the sight of it started a tell-tale tingle in her belly. “Must have been distracted.”
She smiled at him, but lost her grin when her headache increased. “Yeah. I think it was the satin sheets. They’re so great I didn’t want to get out of bed. That’s the real reason.”
Nick waggled his eyebrows but said nothing, and she managed a laugh through the ache in her forehead. She’d stepped up the ladder again and started to shelve a paperback when the book slipped from her fingers. She reached for the falling book and almost lost her footing. Gasping in fright, she grabbed for the rungs to keep from falling. Startled, Abby leaned her head on one of the rungs.
“Abby?” Nick’s concerned voice penetrated her floating world.
She heard him descend his ladder, and before she knew it, he climbed up behind her.
“Are you all right?”
His warm hand at her waist gave her security. She opened her eyes, feeling stupid. “Yeah, I’m fine. I have a headache, but it’s no big deal. I didn’t eat lunch.”
“Quitting time. Come on.” He urged her down, and when she reached the floor, Nick turned her about and held her close. Brushing his fingers through her hair, he cupped her face. She saw concern mixed with deep consternation in his eyes.
“I’m fine,” Abby said, surprised by the anxiety she saw creasing his face into a frown. “I shouldn’t have tried to reach for the book. It’s my own silly fault.”
“You could have been hurt,” he said gruffly.“I’ve got some fruit in the back office. I want you to eat it before you drive home. Better yet, leave your car here, and I’ll drive you home.”
His take-charge attitude might have rankled at another time, but she had to admit she felt tired and her stomach cried for food. “All right. You’ve got a deal.”
Looking surprised by her acquiescence, he slung his arm around her waist as he led her to the office. Once inside, he urged her to sit down.
After rummaging in a lunch sack he produced an apple. “Eat up.”
Sighing, Abby did as told. As she crunched the red fruit, she licked the juice from her lips. Sensing his gaze, she looked up. Nick leaned against the desk, his arms folded, gaze intent on her mouth. A flash of pure female satisfaction darted through her when she read the message behind his stare. His concern was there, but hidden under that worry lingered desire. Abby couldn’t deny she liked how he looked at her. She might be hungry, but she found his attention more gratifying than the tart apple.
“Don’t you know it’s rude to stare?” she asked, throwing in a smile.
He blinked, but kept his gaze steady. “You look like you feel better.”
“I do. Guess food was all I needed.”
He granted her a lopsided smile, as if only half of him believed her. "Maybe I should take you home. You look tired and your aunt and uncle will be here tomorrow night.”
Abby groaned. “Don’t remind me.” She finished the apple with a flourish and tossed the core in a trashcan by the desk. “I’ve got a few things to do around the house. But you’re not getting out of decorating your apartment that easily.”
Nick’s grin returned. “You can give me the box of decorations, and I promise I’ll do it myself.”
“No way.” She shook her head. “I don’t trust you.”
“You think I’ll hurt your decorations?”
“No. You don’t have a clue how it’s done.” She winked at him. She stood slowly, finding her legs in working order and the last remnants of her headache disappearing. “You need my expertise.”
When she stood, it put her close to him, and Nick dropped his arms to his sides. “Yeah, if I want my apartment to resemble a storefront Christmas display.”
“Jerk,” Abby said, smiling. She reached for her coat, but Nick got there first, snatching it off the coat rack and holding it for her.
“Such nice things you say to me,” he grumbled as she put her arms into her coat.
“I’m getting you back for your Grinch-like attitude toward Christmas decorations.”
“It’s a part of my charm.”
“Huh.” Abby pulled from his grip. “Get moving or we’ll never finish your apartment this evening, and we’ll have to do it tomorrow night.”
“We can’t.”
Hi
s words seemed sharp, and she turned toward him. “Oh?”
“I’m having dinner with Candace.”
“Oh.” She realized the single syllable sounded lame, but no other words would come to mind.
“She said she has some news for me. I also need to tell her something.”
Apprehension filled her veins, replacing the companionable warmth of moments before. “You’ve decided you want to get back with her.”
“No,” he said quickly, almost forcefully. “Why did you think that?”
Abby shrugged and sat on the desk, taking the spot he’d vacated to help her with her coat. “I saw the way she kissed you when she came by the store. She’s in love with you.”
Nick made a scoffing noise. “No she’s not.”
It didn’t take much for Abby to understand the problem. She was jealous. Jealous that this woman had put her stamp on him, had felt his kisses and caresses.
“Do you still care about her?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I was attracted to her for all the wrong reasons. I think I believed if I connected with a woman who just wanted a casual relationship, then I wouldn’t get hurt when she said goodbye.”
“How can you do that?” Abby said, leaning back against the desk. “Detach yourself from lovemaking like it doesn’t matter?”
Nick stepped close, and his legs touched hers. “I didn’t want to feel. But I think I’ve found something that makes me want to feel again.”
His voice held steady, but she saw it in his eyes. Honest desire, growing and heating. He wanted her.
As Abby felt the hard press of his legs, the hunger to put her mark on him accelerated. Ever since they’d kissed last night, she’d wanted more from him.
His gaze locked and held hers, becoming a bright, smoldering warmth that took her breath and made her tremble. He nudged her legs apart and moved between them so he towered over her.
She’d challenged him. Maybe she’d meant for him to come to her again. To make that next step all his doing. Nick settled his arms around her waist and tugging her gently until his hips pressed against her stomach.
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