15 July 2017 – London, England
Sam sat across from me in silence, the sunshine dancing on the Thames behind us. Large speakers blared out; it was London Bridge’s Summer of Love. This was meant to be fun.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked, stroking his arm, trying to rescue him from his thoughts.
‘Yeah, just thinking.’ He smiled, leaning his head onto my sun-kissed shoulder.
‘Don’t hurt yourself,’ I quipped, kissing his fluffed-up hair. He tickled my ribs, lifting his head back up to take a sip of his beer. I watched him cast his eyes back out across the water. Armies of tourists lined the riverbank, arms extended for the perfect selfie. Couples cuddled each other as families licked ice creams. I had watched them all week, waiting for Sam to visit. And now he was here. Less happy than in my imagination.
‘About?’ I asked. Sam’s stressed-out hospital weeks were sending him further into himself.
‘It’s just, sometimes, I can’t imagine living here any more.’ Sam must have felt me stiffen as he quickly added, ‘but then, I’m not the imaginative one.’ He smiled, the warmth of his grin reflecting onto my own. I was desperate for him to move down to London; that was always the plan. That was what he’d said he wanted. That was the reason I was here, surrounded by people but so often feeling alone. Holding him closer, I nestled in the crook of his neck, placing a light kiss on his clavicle.
‘That’s okay,’ I whispered against him. ‘You’ll love it when you get here.’
‘You think?’ He tilted his lips towards my forehead. I could hear his heart beating in my ear.
‘I know,’ I assured him. ‘And until then, I’ll imagine for the both of us.’ I grinned, savouring the sky as it turned from blue and white to orange and pink, a painting of our future so close we could almost touch it.
Chapter 27
5 September 2020 – Sydney, Australia
‘You can let go now,’ I said into the warmth of his shoulder, nervous that my make-up might make a mess of his white kaftan. Tim pulled away, sincerity written on every inch of his face.
‘You’ve done a great job, Jessica, incredible, even,’ he said, as I let his words warm me from the inside out. ‘We couldn’t have done it without you.’ For a moment he looked worried at the thought of doing just that, his Carlo still nowhere to be seen even though my Sam had shown. But soon I’d tell him that he didn’t have to. That I wasn’t going to take my job at Art Today Australia after all. That I was ready for something different, something new.
‘Need a cab?’ Tim looked over my shoulder in the direction of the voice that had spoken, grinning from ear to ear. I turned to see Joshua standing there, his casual shirt now a little more undone. ‘Sorry for interrupting,’ he added to Tim, who was already pushing me out of the door and in his direction. I’d had no idea Joshua was still here; had he been waiting for me? I scanned the room in search of Sam even though I knew he was long gone, back home to Jamie though his words were left with me: you know I’ll always love you.
Following Joshua into the taxi, my feet felt like they were floating across the ground. The champagne was only partially responsible.
‘You did amazingly, Jess,’ Joshua said as I gazed out of the window, watching the late hour of the night turn into the early hours of morning, just like the exhibition we had left behind. ‘Want to do anything to celebrate?’ Joshua’s words faded into the distance as the coastline was slowly illuminated by the promise of sunrise. Like the colours of the sky, morphing before me now, I wanted this night to stretch into the morning, for the warmth of this success to stretch on for days. There was only one thing I wanted to do now.
‘Are you sure?’ Joshua replied, obviously not sure it was a great idea, given how much I’d drunk. But before he could object I was waving him off and winding my weary feet onto the Bondi to Coogee coastal path, content to savour the slow walk home.
Heels now in hand, I put one bare foot in front of the other as I watched the sun start to show, scattering glitter across the great expanse of ocean before me. I watched as the burnt orange of the sun started to emerge from the vast mystery of the sea, bringing the work of Leo Todd and the other artists of our collection to life right before my eyes. I had helped make tonight happen. I’d impressed Sam, Tim – I’d impressed myself. I embraced the early sunrise, holding Sam’s sentences closer still. This was the Sydney, the new start I’d been chasing. A new day had finally arrived.
My mind woke up, but my body remained dead. I reached for the bottle of water on my bedside table, right where the photograph of Sam and Jamie used to sit. I took a sip and sighed; it had been a great night. In quick succession, I ran through the highlights: the turnout, the friends, the interviews, that moment with Sam, the sunrise. This was one of those rare times where the hangover was probably worth it; last night was a blast.
Forcing my feet to the floor, I stood up, pulled on a hoodie and threw the now drained water bottle into the bin. Turning the door handle to exit the room, for once I hoped Sam wasn’t waiting for me with pancakes in the kitchen. I wasn’t in a fit state to see anyone. I wasn’t in a fit state to eat pancakes. I’d speak to Tim next week about staying on with the exhibition; my steady wages would finally get me in a place nearby. And I’d be around to see how things worked out – or didn’t – with Sam and Jamie. I was already starting to see the real Sam revealing himself, the old Sam coming back to me. Finally, it felt like everything was how it was meant to be. Walking down the corridor, I heard the familiar sound of feet pacing and knew I wasn’t alone.
‘Jess, can you get through to Sam?’ a frantic-looking Jamie asked as I entered the kitchen-living room. Believe me, Jamie, I’ve been trying to. I thought back to last night again, Sam’s words still ringing in my ears, champagne pounding in my head. Had he even come home? For a moment I felt bad; Sam was almost a married man. The looks, the touch, that sense, that sentence, it all ran on repeat in my mind. But didn’t Jamie deserve to know the real Sam too? No one could wear a mask forever. I was just encouraging it off a little sooner. One day she might even thank me. I looked at her, perfect in her skin-tight black jeans and black tank top. Just look at her. Even with worry sketched across her forehead she was the kind of girl who would always be okay. And I was starting to think I’d be okay too, more than okay.
‘Um,’ I replied, guilt shooting through my body. I tried to bury it as quickly as it came. ‘I haven’t tried, want me to give him a call?’ Jamie nodded, panicked. Sam had headed home before me last night but I couldn’t remember seeing him on the sofa when I finally returned home. Come to think of it, I couldn’t remember much after my magical moment at all. ‘I’ll try now,’ I assured her, hitting Sam’s number, half hoping he wouldn’t pick up on the first ring. It would be too brutal for Jamie to take right now. Within moments, Sam’s answerphone clicked in. I looked to Jamie and shook my head.
‘Damn, his phone must be dead,’ she said, placing a glass of fresh orange juice in front of me.
‘Thanks.’ I smiled. A pang of empathy crossed my chest as Jamie paced the kitchen floor. I’d been met with Sam’s answerphone a thousand times before when he was lost in the depths of Nottingham’s A&E. ‘I’m sure nothing’s the matter.’
‘It’s not that, J.’ Jamie had adopted Sam’s nickname for me by proxy. Each time she said it, it made me feel just a little bit worse. ‘He’s surfing but we’re supposed to be meeting our sommelier for the wedding later. He was going to go straight there and I’ve just got called into work. He never checks his phone.’
I nodded in sympathy. She was right. He didn’t. I’d had no end of evenings waiting with two place settings and a cold dinner while Sam worked. But what could either of us say? I know I didn’t want a doctor boyfriend who left someone dying because he was dying to see me. I would have thought Jamie of all people would understand. Sam used to say I would too if I had his job. Jamie placed her left hand to her forehead, blinding me with her rock. I could see why she didn’t wear it all the t
ime; she’d have one arm muscle bigger than the other.
‘J?’ She paused, as if weighing up whether this was a good idea or not. She opened her mouth to speak and then closed it again. Maybe I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets? I looked down at my drink, preparing myself for whatever she was going to say next.
‘You don’t think you could… go instead, do you?’
I looked up from my orange juice. Huh? Go where, with who?
‘You wouldn’t have to go for long, I just don’t want him to wait and worry when I don’t turn up.’ She began to pace again. ‘God, if only he’d charged his phone for once. They’re called mobiles for a reason!’
I looked at Jamie, worry lines etched around her eyes. Had they always been there? I forced my blurry eyes to look a little closer, trying to work out whether I was the cause of them or whether my jealousy of her had clouded any imperfections that had already been there when we’d first met. Right now I didn’t want to think about it. All I wanted was to bask in that sunrise, to prolong the moment of knowing I was exactly where I needed to be.
‘You want me to go meet Sam and this sommelier?’ I had heard the term before but couldn’t conjure a picture in my mind. Jamie stopped pacing to look down at her phone.
‘Yeah but only for a bit. You don’t have to try all the wines, if you don’t wan—’
‘Wine?’ I interrupted; I couldn’t hack pancakes, but hair of the dog was the oldest hangover cure in the book – that much I’d learnt from Devon. And a post-surf Sam had always been refreshing. And for some bizarre reason I felt like I was doing Jamie a favour. I had no idea how long this high was going to last but after all the lows of the last few years, I was sure as hell going to ride it.
‘I’ve got the day off today, it’s no bother,’ I said, wondering for the umpteenth time why being around her made me say things like ‘no bother’ and ‘quite the day’. Jamie didn’t seem to notice, too occupied with staring down at her blank screen. ‘I’ll go and meet him, tell him you’ve been called into work and maybe try a few wines for you. I’ve had… some experience in that department.’ It was true; of all of the things I was good at, wine was up there. ‘It would be my pleasure.’ I hoped she didn’t know how true that was. The truth was, she had had me at ‘Sam’. I had to find out what last night meant, what all of this meant, what would happen next.
‘Thanks.’ Jamie smiled, her stance softening as she moved across the room to embrace me before half running towards the doorway to get her scrubs on. Before she disappeared, she turned. ‘You’re a real saviour, Jess.’
Walking into The Argyle to meet Sam felt like a dream, perhaps because of all the residual champagne in my system, but most probably because of its iconic building: an 1820s style warehouse, all exposed brick and cobbled floors, nestled into the heart of The Rocks. Donning my shades, I navigated my way across the sandstone courtyard, through the impressive high archways and across the timber floor, all in last night’s designer heels. With little time to get ready, I had thrown on the same sky-blue dress as yesterday morning, managing to look a lot better than I felt, which, right now, wasn’t saying a lot.
After last night, the thought of adding more alcohol to the mix between Sam and I felt dangerous and desirable all at the same time – but this week was about taking risks. A handful of hipsters looked up from their drinks as I tottered by, finally feeling the part. Others sauntered up one of two wooden staircases that disappeared out of sight. Jamie had told me to stay on the ground floor. Coming to stand by one of the restaurant’s many bars, I pulled up a high stool and looked up to the beamed ceiling and smiled; it was so romantic. All I had to do was wait. It was something I’d got pretty used to doing, but somehow it felt like the end was now in sight.
‘Can I get you a drink?’ An impeccably well-dressed woman behind the bar asked, as I peered back through my sunglasses.
‘No, that’s okay, I’m waiting for my boy—’ I paused. ‘Friend.’
‘No worries.’ She smiled. And there weren’t any. Sam thought he was coming to meet a stressed-out Jamie and instead he had me. Just like how last night’s admin had made way to Sam joining me at the gallery. This was another perfect opportunity to show him how carefree, fun-loving and undeniably perfect for him I could be, and the universe was now doling them out for free. My long overdue payback. Even though I was still struggling to remember scraps of last night, I knew I’d finally become the kind of ambitious professional he’d always hoped I’d be. Someone with their shit together, someone like…
‘Filling in for Jamie?’
Not again. Sure enough, I turned to see the bearded face of Joshua beam out from behind his own set of Wayfarers. I’m not sure how I was still surprised by these run-ins.
‘Filling in for Sam?’ I asked, not wanting to know the answer.
‘Yeah, his phone died but he needed to go and meet someone from church. He asked me to come and tell Jamie.’
He wasn’t coming. Again. I wondered if he had known it was me who was waiting for him, whether the result would have been any different.
‘Oh well, no harm done,’ I said. ‘Should we get back then?’ I felt silly and overdressed and ready to just go home. My headache was really starting to kick in, stale wine now swirling in my stomach. Maybe I could continue to ride my exhibition high after a really, really long sleep? Joshua looked my sundress up and down, the same way he had over the breakfast table yesterday, and smiled.
‘Looking like that?’ He pulled out a stool beside mine and sat down. ‘Hell, no.’
‘But I…’ I began, looking around the room for a reason to excuse myself.
‘Excuse me?’ Joshua took off his Ray-Bans and gestured to the barmaid. ‘Myself and my fiancée are here for our wine-tasting.’ He looked over to me and smiled. ‘Sam.’ He extended a hand, which the woman behind the bar simply ignored. ‘And this is my fiancée, Jamie.’
I smiled nervously; even the thought of pretending to be her made me feel out of place, like mutton dressed as lamb. Not that vegan Jamie would consider dressing like either.
‘Come this way.’ Together we followed the woman into a discreet side room with a table in the centre laid out with a dozen glasses and wine bottles to match. ‘Take a seat.’ She gestured towards the sturdy wooden chairs. Joshua pulled one out for me and held a supportive hand out as I sat down. The lady looked at me – with irritation or envy, I couldn’t tell.
‘Here at The Argyle,’ she began, ‘we like to offer an intimate tasting free from our own opinions.’ Her tone was wooden, her shift far from over. ‘This brochure will tell you everything you need to know about the wines and I’ll be just on the other side of the door should you have any questions.’ She said the final sentence with a slightly raised eyebrow as if to say: so no funny business. She wasn’t to know that Joshua was my ex-boyfriend’s fiancée’s older brother and that ‘funny business’ was not on the menu today. I nodded eagerly in agreement and watched as she left the room, closing the door behind her. We were finally alone. Except, sadly, the wrong ‘we’. Not that Joshua was going to know I cared.
‘So, future Mrs Sam,’ Joshua began; my heart sank. ‘White or red?’
‘White?’ I suggested; no one wanted to look like they’d been face deep in blueberry pie on a date. Not that this was a date. Joshua poured wine into two glasses, one more generous than the other. Just like the waves on our first surfing lesson that had once seemed so large, I wasn’t sure the wine looked as inviting without Sam by my side.
‘Trying to get me drunk, Sam?’ It was a sentence I’d said a thousand times before. If we kept this role play up, I’d need a bigger glass.
‘I’m on my bike,’ Joshua explained, shedding his role as my ex-boyfriend as I finally caught my breath. ‘I’ll have to watch what I drink.’
‘Look, I know those cycling proficiency test things tell you not to drink but if you just go slow on the cycle path…’
Joshua raised his eyebrows at me. ‘You think I ride
a pushbike, don’t you?’
‘I… don’t you?’
‘Jess, I ride a motorbike,’ he said matter-of-factly. ‘I’ve told you that.’ Had he? I scrambled around in my mind for this hidden information. It was unfortunate that most of the time we’d spent together I was trying to save myself from drowning, or trying to find out more about Sam and Jamie. ‘Sometimes I think you don’t listen to me.’ He smiled and shook his head.
‘I listen to you.’ My objection was laced with laughter, trying to keep things light. Just maybe not very closely when Sam and Jamie were around. ‘I love to listen to you.’
Joshua reached a hand to mine. ‘I’ll give you a lift home tonight.’
‘I don’t want to drink all this if you’re not drinking,’ I argued, actually telling the truth; my stomach churned.
‘That’s okay, just have a sip if you like…’ Joshua began, but I was too busy gulping down glass number one. Hair of the dog; it was worth a shot, right?
‘Wow, this is…’ I pointed to the glass as Joshua opened bottle number two. ‘The one.’
Chapter 28
‘Ding, ding, ding, ladies and gentlemen – we have a new winner!’
Joshua laughed out loud. Was I drinking too much? I was drinking too much. Again. At least this morning’s hangover was nowhere to be seen.
‘You said that about the last one.’ He laughed; he was wearing his Ray-Bans again after I had told him for the thousandth time he looked good in them. We had dissolved into laugher as the woman who had welcomed us had popped her head around the door to check on us to find us on our third bottle of red and wearing our sunglasses inside, an arm each slung over one another like the Blues Brothers we weren’t.
The Spare Bedroom: A totally heartwarming, funny and feel good romantic comedy Page 21
