by Jan Drexler
“They’re out doing chores. I’m sure they’ll be happy to help.”
Andrew tied the horse to the hitching rail. “Do you have many things?”
“Only what we talked about. My bed, a dresser and my blanket chest.”
Her voice sounded small. Flat. He should say something to make her feel better. Andrew glanced at her. She looked toward the barn, and he was struck again by how similar her profile was to Lily’s. An uncomfortable thought drifted into his mind, that perhaps he had fallen in love with Lily because she had reminded him of Bethany. He shook his head to send that thought running. Lily and Bethany were two very different women. Bethany was his friend and nothing more.
“Today is a special day, isn’t it?”
Bethany nodded, still looking toward the barn. “I was just thinking how I would like Mamm to be here today.” She turned her gaze toward him. “But you don’t have your mother here, either. Did you tell her about the wedding?”
“I wrote to her, but I haven’t heard back. She wouldn’t be able to come, anyway. She’s needed in Iowa to take care of my grandmother.”
“Oh.”
“Bethany, I’m glad you said you would marry me.” He let his mouth ease into a smile. “I know it isn’t easy for you to step into Lily’s shoes—”
“I’m not stepping into anyone’s shoes, Andrew.” Bethany frowned. “If you think I’m going to be just like Lily, then you need to think something else.”
“I know you’re not Lily.” Andrew’s face heated. That idea was preposterous. “I just meant that you’ll be doing the things she did.”
“But in my own way. I won’t cook like she did, and I won’t wash clothes like she did. I’ll probably even sew your trousers in a different way.”
“I know that.” Andrew stepped back. At least he knew that now.
“I’ll be your wife and Mari’s mother, but I will never be Lily. That needs to be clear before we marry.”
“I know.” Andrew swallowed. He was repeating himself. “I won’t expect you to be anyone but yourself.” He sat on the top step of the porch and patted the spot beside him, inviting Bethany to sit with him. “Let’s talk for a minute.”
She hesitated, as if talking to him was going to interfere with her busy morning, but she sat. Then she leaned over and pulled a grass stem, sticking the pale green end in her mouth. The simple habit took him back to other summers, long ago, when they would both chew on the sweet ends of the grass stems while fishing on a hot afternoon. He pulled his own strand, tasting the sweet freshness. The fragile new growth of the grass.
Talking around the stem in his mouth, he said, “Are you sure about this wedding? You don’t regret saying you’d marry me, do you?”
Bethany wove her grass stem between her fingers. “Daed asked me the same thing this morning. I told him I was sure that this is the right thing to do.” She unwound the grass stem. “But I’m nervous, and I wish the day was over.”
“Ja. Me, too.”
“How is Mari?”
“She’s fine.” Andrew tried to forget the way Rose had talked incessantly of Lily during breakfast, as if to turn Mari’s love for Bethany into a betrayal of Lily’s memory. “She wanted to come see you this morning, but when I told her you were coming to live with us, she was happy.”
“And Rose?”
Andrew rubbed his beard. “I won’t lie to you. This is hard for her to accept.”
“But she’ll have to, right?”
Frustration vented itself in a sigh. “She’ll have to.” Aaron closed the gate of the pasture next to the barn, heading toward the house when he saw Andrew. “She won’t have a choice.”
Bethany’s belongings were loaded quickly, and Aaron rode home with Andrew to help unload.
“The wedding is only a couple hours away.” Aaron grinned and gave Andrew a slap between his shoulder blades. “Are you nervous?”
Andrew shook his head as he pulled the horse to a halt by the kitchen door. “Not nervous, but I’d like it to be over so we can get back to normal.”
Rose and Mari watched them carry the heavy blanket chest through the kitchen and up the stairs. Aaron started down the hall toward the front bedroom with his end of the chest, but Andrew stopped him. “This way,” he whispered, heading down the hall to the opposite end of the house.
When they set the blanket chest down in the little room over the washing porch, Aaron closed the door. “Are you going to tell me why we’re putting Bethany’s things in here instead of the front bedroom? And why all the secrecy?”
“This is Bethany’s room. It’s the one she chose. Rose doesn’t need to know we have separate rooms.”
Aaron crossed his arms, leaning against the door. “So Nathaniel was right. You two won’t really be husband and wife.”
Andrew eyed Bethany’s oldest brother. Aaron had always been a tease when they were younger, tagging along whether he and Bethany wanted him or not. But he had grown tall in the last few years and was acting like Bethany’s watchdog.
“We will be husband and wife. We are getting married.”
“But you won’t be living together? Whose idea was this?”
“Both of ours.” Andrew stepped closer to Aaron, and lowered his voice. “If I don’t get married and provide Mari with a mother, Rose will take her back to Iowa. I’ll do anything to keep that from happening.”
“So you will marry my sister, even if you don’t love her? What kind of marriage will that be?”
Andrew ran his hand over his face. The room was hot and closing in. “Bethany and I are good friends. We like each other. We’ll have a good marriage.”
Aaron snorted and walked over to the window. He propped open the sash, letting in some fresh air. “It sounds awfully convenient, but not right. Have you really considered how this will affect everyone else?”
“It isn’t convenient, Aaron. Not at all.” Andrew sat on the blanket chest, his pounding head in his hands. “But will you keep this to yourself? Please?”
“Daed knows?”
Andrew nodded. “For sure he does.”
“I’ll keep quiet, then. Just make sure she doesn’t ever regret marrying you.”
“I won’t.” Andrew wiped the sweat from the back of his neck. “Don’t worry.”
* * *
Before the worship service was half-over, Bethany’s lips were dry, and her heart was pounding. She couldn’t faint. She wouldn’t faint. Not while she was sitting here on the front bench of the women’s side in front of everyone.
She and Andrew had had their final talk with Bishop before the service began, while the congregation had sung the familiar hymns. Sitting in Daed’s bedroom on the kitchen chairs one of the boys had brought up that morning, she and Andrew had answered Bishop’s questions. But if anyone asked her now how she had answered, she wouldn’t be able to tell them.
Finally, the last sermon was over, and Bishop signaled for her to come up front, along with Andrew. She stood next to him, the back of her dress damp where it touched her skin. As Bishop turned a page in his Bible, the slight breeze fanned her face.
Bethany barely heard Bishop’s voice as he asked the first question, but when he reached the end of it, she nodded. “Ja.”
Next to her, Andrew’s firm voice echoed hers.
Bishop went on to the next question. “Do you solemnly promise—”
Bethany’s mind raced. Could she promise? What promises was she making?
Then Bishop’s voice broke through her thoughts. “—and not separate from each other until the dear God shall part you from each other through death?”
Death. Andrew and Lily had been parted through death. Would she have to survive Andrew’s death, or would he be forced to bury a second wife? She shuddered, as if a chill wind had just blown through the house.
Andrew had stated his answer. H
is promise to stay with her until death. Bethany’s stomach churned.
“Bethany?” Bishop waited for her answer. Everyone waited.
She felt the trickle of sweat reach the small of her back. “Ja, I do.”
Then it was over. Other women served the food while she and Andrew found their seats at the corner table. The couples table. Dave and Dorcas had stood up with them, and Dave sat at Andrew’s side while Dorcas sat beside Bethany. Dorcas was preoccupied with watching her twins as they fussed in the arms of some younger girls, who had claimed their care for the afternoon, and Bethany was thankful for that small blessing. She didn’t feel like talking to Dorcas, or anyone else. Her head pounded.
After the meal, folks visited while the children played in the shady yard. Out in the pasture, the men and boys were playing baseball. When Dorcas had left the table to feed the twins, Dave went to join the game, but Andrew fidgeted next to her.
She leaned close to him. “If you want to play ball, go ahead.”
Andrew glanced at her, then out the door. “You don’t mind? I don’t want to leave you alone on your wedding day.”
Bethany forced a smile. “I won’t be alone. I’ll sit out in the shade with the other married women and listen to them complain about their husbands.”
Andrew’s shocked look made her laugh. “Do they really complain about them?”
Bethany leaned against the wall behind their bench, finally relaxing. “Not in our church, they don’t. Elisabeth Stoltzfus and the other ministers’ wives won’t allow it. So don’t worry, and go ahead and enjoy yourself. It’s your wedding day, too.”
“I’ll get you a glass of lemonade before I go, that way folks won’t talk as much.”
Andrew’s hair was damp with sweat, his eyebrows puckered with...what? Worry? Concern for her? Bethany smiled at him, his face as familiar as her own brothers’ faces. It wouldn’t be a bad life, living with Andrew. The future was nothing to worry about.
“Lemonade sounds good, and I’m ready to go outside. It’s too hot here in the house.”
The kitchen was quiet. The dishes had all been washed and almost everyone had gone outside. Andrew poured a glass of lemonade and made a show of putting extra sugar in her glass and plenty of ice. He handed it to her, then was out the door, jogging toward the field and the crack of the baseball hitting a bat.
Bethany sipped her lemonade. The glass was too full to try to carry it outside yet, so she leaned against the shelf next to the sink and let the breeze that puffed through the open window cool her damp skin. She took another sip of the sweet drink, then held the cold glass against her cheek.
“I think the wedding happened quickly. Too quickly.”
The voice came from outside the window, where some of the older women were sitting near the house.
“I thought so, too. As soon as Andrew told me he was marrying again I knew it was wrong. And less than a month since my Lily’s passing.”
Bethany set the glass on the shelf. She recognized Rose’s voice. Move away from the window, she told herself. Don’t listen.
“You don’t think Bethany is in the family way, do you?” said another woman. Bethany didn’t recognize her voice.
“How could she be?” That was Viola Schwartzendruber. Elisabeth Stoltzfus often needed to remind her not to gossip. “Andrew only came home a couple weeks ago.”
“Andrew needn’t be the father,” Rose said. “It’s a marriage of convenience. She needs a husband and he has the idea that she would make a better mother for Mari than I would.”
“What are we talking about?” Elisabeth Stoltzfus’s voice broke through the conversation, coming from the direction of the back porch. “For sure, there isn’t any gossiping going on, is there?”
Bethany dared to peek out the window. Elisabeth was striding toward the group with a firm smile on her face. All the women in the circle below the window closed their mouths, unwilling to admit anything to Elisabeth, but Rose didn’t know that she was a minister’s wife.
“Join us, Elisabeth,” said Viola. “Have you met Rose Bontrager? She is Andrew’s mother-in-law.”
“We were discussing the wedding,” Rose said as Elisabeth sat with them. “My son-in-law didn’t waste any time in taking a new wife, did he?”
“I think Andrew and Bethany know what they’re doing,” Elisabeth said in her quiet, steady way. “They have put the needs of your granddaughter before their own feelings, and with a beginning like that I’m sure God will bless their home.”
“But I think that Mari will do much better if she returned to Iowa with me.”
“Are you sure of that?” Elisabeth’s question probed. “Isn’t the best place for the child in a home with her father, and now a new mother?”
“But I love her.” For the first time, Bethany heard a note of desperation in Rose’s voice.
“For sure, you do. You want the best for her, I understand that. I have grandchildren, also. But sometimes it’s difficult to let our children be their parents, isn’t it?” Elisabeth paused and glanced toward the window. She smiled at Bethany, then patted Rose’s hand. “I know Andrew and Bethany are happy you’re here. I also know it is a blessing for you to have this time with Mari.”
Bethany moved away from the window, thankful for Elisabeth’s presence that stopped the gossiping women. Could they really think she was expecting a little one, and that’s why she and Andrew had married so quickly? She shook her head. No one who knew her would believe that, and time would prove the rumor false.
Hearing a sound from upstairs, Bethany went to check on Mari. Rose had put her in Aaron and Nathaniel’s room to take her nap, but that had been more than two hours ago. Bethany opened the door. Mari was sitting in the bed, her face flushed and eyes wide as she looked around the strange room. But when she saw Bethany, she held out her arms, her face crumpling in a cry.
“Shh, Mari, don’t cry.” Bethany sat on the bed and took the little girl onto her lap.
“I was alone.” Mari sniffed.
“I was downstairs, and Mammi Rose is outside in the yard. We didn’t leave you alone.”
“Where is Daed?”
“He’s out with the men. They’re playing ball in the meadow.”
Mari stuck her thumb in her mouth and leaned against Bethany.
“Are you thirsty? There is some lemonade in the kitchen.”
“Too sour.” Mari spoke around her thumb.
Andrew had said that Mari had quit sucking her thumb several months ago but started again when Lily passed away. Bethany would help her stop again, but not now. Not until their family was settled. She rocked Mari a little, wondering if she was going to go back to sleep.
“Are you my mamm now?”
Bethany stopped rocking and held Mari close. Of all the things that happened this day, this was the moment they were all leading to. The reason to put up with the gossip and Rose’s disapproval. Elisabeth had been right. Nothing else mattered except for this little girl.
“Ja, Mari. I’m your mamm now.”
Mari sat up, pushing out of Bethany arms, then put her hot palms on Bethany’s cheeks, pulling her face closer. “Does that make you happy?”
Bethany smiled, even as tears filled her eyes. “Happier than anything.”
“Will Daed be happy? And Mammi Rose?”
Kissing Mari’s forehead, Bethany sighed as she drew the little girl close again. “I hope so. I do hope so.”
Chapter Six
After being married for a week, Andrew and Bethany finally fell into a routine. They rose at the same time each morning, meeting in the hallway outside Mari’s bedroom door. He would give her a nod, then head out to do chores, while Bethany started breakfast for them all.
Rose was often in the kitchen when they came down, drinking a cup of coffee. She would give them a curious look, as if she was estimating how lon
g their marriage would last, and Andrew was always glad to escape to the barn.
Thursday morning was no different. Bethany followed him down the stairway. He gave Rose a nod as he headed out to do the chores. Behind him, he heard Bethany’s greeting.
“It’s another fine morning, isn’t it?”
“If you think so,” Rose answered in her tight, clipped voice.
Andrew went on to the barn, happy to get away from Rose’s sour mood. It seemed the longer she stayed in Indiana, the unhappier she became. She should make other plans soon, and then he and Bethany could start their lives together. With Rose in the house, he felt like he was plowing the same field over and over, but never making any progress.
But the question of where Rose would go and what she would do still remained. He couldn’t send her back to Iowa, and she had no other friends or family that he knew of.
Thinking back to one of the sermons from Sunday, the one from Preacher John Stoltzfus, Andrew thought of the text of John’s message. It was from Hebrews and spoke of following peace with everyone. As soon as John had read the text, Andrew had felt its weight. He was guilty of not following peace with Rose. He wanted to avoid her rather than mending the breach that Lily’s death had caused. Mari’s happiness and safety were more important, weren’t they?
By the time he got back to the house, Mari was awake and dressed. She ran to meet him at the door as he kicked off his work boots.
“Does Dinah miss me? Can I see her?”
Andrew lifted Mari and kissed her cheek. “Dinah is happy and healthy, and she gave you some good milk this morning. I’ll take you to see her after breakfast, unless your mamm has something else for you to do.”
“I’d rather that she stays inside today,” Rose said, not turning from her task at the stove. “I’m making her a new dress, and I want her to try it on.”
Bethany shot a glance in his direction, but he shrugged. “You can see Dinah another time. Maybe after dinner.”
“That would be fine,” Bethany said, but Rose interrupted her.
“You know that is Mari’s nap time. If you take her to the barn, she’ll be cranky and won’t sleep when she comes back in.” Rose set a dish of scrambled eggs on the table next to a plate of hotcakes. “Did you warm the syrup, Bethany?”
