“So good,” I said and took another bite, once again groaning, this time for dramatic effect.
“I guess,” Whitney said. “I mean, you don’t even sound that satisfied when Trent kisses you.”
I nearly choked on my pizza. After I managed to swallow the mouthful of food I had, I set my plate down and coughed. My eyes watered as I reached for my bottle of soda and took a long drink.
“Oh, my God. Whitney!” Abby laughed, her eyes wide.
“What?” Whitney shrugged and gave me a sly grin. She took a small, delicate bite of her pepperoni and mushroom pizza.
“You’re terrible,” I said, but I couldn’t contain my laughter.
Thankfully, no one else offered any commentary on the subject, and we ate in silence for several moments. Though, now my thoughts were back on Trent. What was he doing right now? Did he miss me as much as I missed him? I promised to call him later, but I didn’t want to be rude and leave Ellie’s party to go call my boyfriend.
“So, is anyone else completely terrified of graduating?” Tonya asked.
“Nope. I can’t wait,” Gina said.
“Same,” Abby said with a nod.
“Seriously?” Tonya lifted a brow, her expression skeptical. “Think about it. Once we graduate, what happens next? College? Jobs? Moving out? It’s all so scary.”
“I know what you mean,” Ellie said. She wiped her fingers on a napkin. “It’s like we’re all supposed to know what to do with ourselves, and I’m sorry, but I don’t know the first thing about being an adult.”
“Duh. That what Life Skills class is for,” I said.
Everyone laughed. Ellie tossed a wadded up napkin at me.
“Ellie’s right,” Tonya said. “I have no idea what I want to do with the rest of my life, and everyone is expecting me to figure it out so I can check some stupid box on a college application.” Shoulders slumped, she held her plate in her lap.
I frowned. “You can always go to college undecided,” I said. “Take a bunch of classes, then figure out what you want to do.”
“That’s what I’m doing,” Gina said with a shrug.
“For what it’s worth, I haven’t even though about college,” Abby said. “I’m not sure I even want to go.”
“Really?” I asked her, shocked.
She nodded. “Don’t you dare tell Mom and Dad,” she said, her face stricken with fear. “They think I’ve been applying online.”
“My lips are sealed,” I said.
“What about you, Chloe?” Tonya asked.
I shrugged and tore off a piece of pizza crust. “When my mom was alive, we talked a lot about college, but now… I don’t know. I have no idea what I want to do, either.”
“I’m skipping college,” Whitney said. “Maybe I’ll go to trade school or something. I could be a pretty cool hairdresser, I think.”
Ellie nodded. “I’d considered cosmetology school, too, but I’m not sure.”
“You should become a personal stylist,” I said to Whitney. “You’ve got a great fashion sense, and you love to tell people what to do.” I smiled sweetly.
Whitney laughed and stuck her tongue out at me.
“Nick and I have talked about applying to the same colleges,” Ellie said, then sighed.
“That’s great,” I said, setting my plate on the floor beside me.
Trent and I had talked about college before, too. He said he’d go with me, if that’s what I wanted. I was still undecided about that, though. Not him going with me, but college in general.
If I didn’t go to college, what would I do? Get a job? I didn’t have the money to travel like I wanted. I doubted Aunt Beth and Uncle Dean would let me keep living with them if I wasn’t working or going to school.
I could always move in with Trent. He’d be more than okay with that idea. Sean probably wouldn’t care, but then that meant I’d be in the same house with Jax, too. And that was not a good thing. Unless Trent and I got a place of our own…
“You know what I really want to do?” I said, glancing around the room at my friends.
“What?” Ellie asked.
I shifted so my legs were extended in front of me, and I leaned back against the chair that was behind me. “I want to get married. Buy a house. Have kids. Adopt a dog,” I said. “I know that’s so old-fashioned, but… I don’t know. I guess I want the life I never had growing up.”
“Awww.” Whitney leaned over and gave me an awkward side hug.
“I think it’s sweet,” Abby said.
“So do I.” Ellie grinned.
“There’s nothing wrong with wanting those things, Chloe,” Tonya said, her hand resting on mine for a moment. “Someday, I want to get married and have kids, too.”
I smiled, grateful for their support. Trent had already offered me everything I wanted—all I had to do was tell him yes. But now it might be too late, and the future I so desperately wanted was slipping away.
We finished eating and cleaned up the mess; then Ellie’s mom came out of her room to surprise Ellie with an ice cream cake. We sang to her loudly and horribly off-key, but she smiled the whole time.
Ellie blew out her candles, clapped, and let out an excited squeal. Then she hugged me. “I’m so glad you’re here for this,” she said.
“Me too.” I hugged her back, squeezing tighter than normal. “Happy birthday,” I said.
The rest of the night was spent playing loud music, dancing, watching bad horror movies that scared us silly, playing video games, and gossiping. It was the most fun I’d had in a long time. My face hurt from smiling, and my stomach ached from laughing so much.
Gina fell asleep first, followed by Tonya, then Abby. Whitney wasn’t too far behind them, though I wondered if she was actually sleeping or just pretending. It was hard to tell with her sometimes.
“Tonight was so much fun,” I said around a yawn.
“This has been the best birthday ever,” Ellie said. “Come here. I want to show you something.”
I carefully untangled myself from the pile of blankets that was my temporary bed and tiptoed out of the living room. Ellie led me out a side door and into an enclosed porch. Cushioned chairs and a small, square table sat in the middle of the porch. In the far corner sat a hot tub.
“My parents have started going to marriage counseling,” she whispered and curled up in one of the chairs.
“That’s good, right?” I sat in the other chair and tucked my feet beneath me.
“I hope so. Their therapist told them to make a purchase that they could both enjoy, something that they could use together to decompress. That’s what they picked.” She nodded at the hot tub. “They’ve never used it.”
I scrunched up my face.
“I have no idea if they’ll work things out or not, but I know I can’t keep living here after high school. It’s so tense all the time.” She hugged her knees to her chest. “Nick and I are looking at colleges upstate.”
My eyes widened. “You’ll be leaving Keene Valley?”
“Yeah, probably.” She rested her chin on her knees and looked at me. “Aren’t you?”
“Are you kidding?” I laughed with disbelief. “I’ve spent months trying to get back here. I’m not leaving.”
She gave me a sad smile. “Well, the colleges we’re looking at aren’t too far away. I can still come home for breaks and maybe on the weekends.”
I nodded. Still, the thought of not seeing her everyday was upsetting. I’d finally found a place that felt like home, a place where people loved me, where I had friends and a life. And in a few months, everything would be changing. Again.
“Even if we’re not in the same town, we’ll still be friends,” Ellie said.
“I know.” I smiled. “Can I tell you something?”
“Always,” she said.
I took a deep breath and clutched the arms of the chair. Telling her this was probably a mistake, but I needed to get it off my chest, and Ellie, even when she didn’t have all the informat
ion, always offered the best advice.
“I kissed Jax,” I blurted before I lost my nerve.
Ellie straightened, her eyes wide. “What? When? Does Trent know? Oh, my God, Chloe!” She dropped her feet to the floor and twisted in the chair so she was fully facing me.
“Friday night.” I rubbed my hands over my face. “It all happened so fast.”
She waited patiently for me to say more.
I swallowed hard, forcing the memory of kissing Jax to the back of my mind. “I’m not sure what happened, really. I mean, I’ve spent a lot of time with Jax, y’know? He’s funny and sweet and…”
“Do you love him?” she asked.
“No.” I shook my head. “I like him. A lot. But I love Trent.”
“Does he know?” she asked, her tone sympathetic.
I nodded. “He walked in and caught us.”
Ellie gasped and cupped her hand over her mouth.
“He was so angry, and I don’t blame him. We’ve talked, and he says he forgives me, but I feel awful. I have all this guilt now. Like, I took this wonderful amazing thing Trent and I had, and I ruined it.” Tears pooled in my eyes.
“You didn’t ruin it,” Ellie said, patting my arm. “You said Trent forgave you, right? He obviously loves you a lot. So, take his forgiveness, don’t kiss Jax again, and everything will be fine.”
If only it were that easy. “How do I forgive myself?” I asked.
Ellie frowned. “You just have to,” she said. “You’re only human. I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like to be surrounded by that much hunky, male testosterone.” She giggled. “If all you did was kiss him, you’re a lot stronger than any other girl in the world.”
I rolled my eyes.
“Seriously though,” she said, “if you love Trent and he forgave you, just forget about what happened with Jax.”
“Yeah,” I said, my gaze trained on my hands in my lap. “You’re probably right.”
I had hoped telling Ellie what I’d done would make me feel better, but it didn’t. If anything, I felt worse. Trent forgave me because he knew I was reacting to the bond, but what if I hadn’t? What if I’d kissed Jax simply because I’d wanted to, because I was attracted to him? Would Trent be as forgiving then?
I shook that thought away. I never would have kissed Jax if not for this stupid bond. Trent was the one I loved, the one I wanted to be with forever.
“Wanna go hide everyone’s socks in the freezer?” Ellie asked.
I laughed. “What?”
“Official sleepover rules state that whoever falls asleep first gets their clothing shoved in the freezer.” She stood.
“Uh, okay.” I stood, too. “I’m pretty sure that’s a made up rule.”
“I know.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder. “But it’s gonna be funny tomorrow when they have to wear frozen socks.”
“They’re going to be so mad,” I said.
“Nah.” She waved her hand dismissively. “They’ll totally think it’s funny. C’mon.”
Giggling, we snuck back inside, both of us on a mission to freeze some socks.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO:
Doomed
DESPITE HOW MUCH FUN I’D HAD at Ellie’s birthday, when I returned home Monday, I was plunged right back into a sad, grumpy mood. I never did get the chance to call Trent Sunday night, and he hadn’t answered any of my calls or texts yesterday.
Hopefully, he’d be in school today. But I’d singlehandedly ruined any chance we had of having a future together. No amount of “I’m sorry” would fix what I’d done. Maybe he was finally realizing that.
Strong, familiar arms circled my waist and twisted me around. I came face to face with Trent. “Did you have fun at Ellie’s?” he asked.
“A lot.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped closer. “I did a lot of thinking this weekend, too.”
“And?” He raised a brow.
Despite locking myself away from him all weekend, I hadn’t been able to find an answer, other than begging Isach to let me change, but that was about as likely as me finding a way to go back in time so I could do things differently.
But even if Isach agreed, Jax would have to be the one to change me—and I didn’t want that. I wanted Trent to change me. The point was to break the eternal bond, but how could that happen when the vampire I was bonded to was the one changing me? Wouldn’t that make our connection stronger?
“Do you want him?” he asked softly.
“Who? Jax?”
Trent nodded.
“No,” I said firmly. “I love you, Trent. I want you.” I ran my hands down his chest and stomach, then wrapped my arms around him. Everything about him was so safe; he felt like home.
“But you’re drawn to him?”
“Yes,” I whispered, staring up into Trent’s eyes. “But I don’t want to be. You have to know that.”
“I do.”
“But…?”
More students filed into the building, their loud voices drowning out mine. This wasn’t the best place to have this conversation, but Trent didn’t appear to care about that.
“I did a lot of thinking this weekend, too,” he said, and something about the way he said that had dread coiling in my gut.
“All this time, I thought whatever was going on with you and Jax was just him trying to get even with me for what happened with Hannah.” He frowned. “But now I know that’s not it. He truly loves you.” He shook his head sadly.
“I don’t care,” I said more forcefully. “I love you.”
“I know, but your feelings for him are only going to get stronger, and the harder you fight them, the worse it will be for you.” He removed my hands from around his waist and clutched them between us. “Don’t you see? We’re doomed. We have been right from the start.”
Hot tears sprang to my eyes, and I blinked against them. “What’re you saying?”
But I didn’t need him to answer; it was written all over his face.
“I love you more than anything else in the world, and all I want is you, but it’s clear I’m not meant to have you,” he said, his voice defeated.
“Trent, you—”
He held his finger to my lips, silencing me. “This kills me, Chloe. You have to know that.” He removed his finger and cradled the side of my face. “All I have ever wanted was for you to be happy.”
“Then don’t do this,” I said through trembling lips. “Don’t break up with me.” Tears trailed a hot path down my face, burning this moment into my memory. “We can figure something out. There has to be a way.” I clutched the front of his shirt in what was a feeble attempt to keep him here with me.
“There is no other way.” His voice trembled.
“You don’t know that.” My tone bordered on hysterical. “Try claiming me. That might work. Even Macaih said it was possible.”
His face twisted with hurt and anger. “He also said I can’t bite you. Ever. So how am I supposed to claim you?”
I hung my head, tears dripping from my chin.
He sighed heavily. “Jax loves you. A lot. And you admitted that you love him, too. You’re bonded to him. I can’t compete with.”
“You don’t have anything to compete with,” I insisted.
Frowning, he said, “I’m doing this so you can be happy. So you can have a life that isn’t full of pain.”
“And you think Jax will make me happy?” I snapped, flinging tears from my cheeks. “I don’t want him. I want you.”
Why couldn’t he understand that? Sure, I was bonded to Jax, but that was purely physical and mental. Emotionally, I was one-hundred percent Trent’s. I’d given him my heart and soul, and they would never belong to anyone else.
“I don’t know, but I can’t be with you and constantly wonder and worry if I’m going to catch you with my brother. Just because you’re my soulmate doesn’t mean I’m yours.” He shook his head. “Don’t settle just because I want you with me.” He pressed a quick kiss to my lips and pulled
away just as quickly. “I’m sorry, Chloe.”
And then he was gone. Vanished.
I slumped against my locker, not bothering to dry my tears. Clutching my stomach, I doubled over, gasping to draw in a lungful of air, but each inhale was razor sharp, and each exhale made me dizzy. I slouched to the floor and tucked my knees to my chest.
Trent had broken up with me. Oh, God. The pain of that realization sliced through me.
“Okay, get up.” Whitney stood over me, hand outstretched.
“He—he broke—” I sobbed.
“I know. I heard the whole thing. Now, get up. I’m getting you out of here.”
Relieved, I took her hand, shoved all of my stuff into my locker, and then turned to face her. Within minutes, we were at her house—Trent’s house—but he was nowhere around.
Whitney paced her room as I sat on her bed, numb. “I cannot believe he broke up with you. What is he thinking?” She’d said some variation of the same thing at least a dozen times already.
“He said we were doomed,” I mumbled.
“He’s an idiot.” Whitney stopped pacing and crossed her arms. “He doesn’t believe that. I know he doesn’t.” She shook her head. “There’s something else going on.”
I laughed bitterly. “I’m bonded to his brother, Whitney. What would you do if someone you loved was forever tied to someone else? It’s selfish of me to expect Trent to stick around. Everything I do is selfish.”
I fell backward and covered my face with my hands, groaning. “He loved me more than anyone else in my life. He practically begged me to change so I could spend an eternity with him. And I didn’t.” A fresh wave of tears hit me, and I sobbed uncontrollably. “This is all my fault.”
“Hey, it’s going to be okay.” Whitney sat next to me on the bed.
I wanted to believe her, but she was wrong. Nothing would be okay ever again. Maybe if I talked to Jax, he could somehow release me from this bond. I had no idea if it would work, but it was worth a shot.
Then again, this was Jax—he was in love with me. He wanted me. And this eternal bond we shared was the only thing keeping me close to him. There was no way he’d let me go, and I didn’t even know if that was possible.
Eternal Bond : (The Cursed Series, Book 3) Page 23
