by Meg Rosoff
Praise for Good Dog McTavish, McTavish Goes Wild and McTavish Takes the Biscuit
“McTavish is an irresistible character, his gentle guiding of the Peacheys is very funny indeed, and this beautiful story will leave all readers smiling” Andrea Reece, Lovereading4kids
“A hilarious story about a special rescue dog who makes a difference in surprising ways” Scotsman
“Full of Meg’s wry humour and beautiful prose, this is a story for the young and young at heart” Books Are My Bag
“Common sense has rarely been so charmingly conveyed” New Statesman
“Warm family drama full of wry humour and a really excellent dog” Bookseller
“A witty, stylish, often hilarious delight” Literary Review
“This brilliantly charming and heart-warming short novel is full of spark, keen observations and sly humour” BookTrust
“[A] very funny story of a highly intelligent dog subtly leading his less‑than‑clever humans into having fun” Primary Times
“What a lovely short story. Recommended to boys and girls, especially those who like dogs” Lovereading4kids reviewer Tomasz, age 11
“A laugh-aloud, entertaining story with larger-than-life characters, especially the captivating dog. I can’t wait to hear more about him” Primary Times
“Brimming with Rosoff’s stylish prose and astute eye for the weird wonders of dog–human dynamics … A tasty treat, jam-packed full of baking goodness” Lancashire Evening Post
“Rosoff’s writing is perfect and a pleasure to read; she’s an expert in representing families in all their maddening glory” BookTrust
“Meg Rosoff’s fictional dog is really exceptionally wise … Sit back and enjoy another Peachey family story” Bookwitch Blog
“Witty, sharply observed domestic drama … McTavish’s dog’s-eye view of family life is very funny but also cleverly delivers shrewd messages for us all on how to get along. Delicious!” Lovereading4kids
“A delightful tale full of trademark humour and heart” The Book Activity Blog
“Told with a dry wit coupled with an understanding of people and what makes them tick, this charming novella should appeal to a wide audience” A Library Lady Blog
CONTENTS
Title Page
1: A Nice Day at Work
2: A New Job
3: Not a Small Problem
4: Doom and Gloom
5: The New House
6: Getting Ready to Move
7: Great Movers
8: Fear and Trembling
9: New School
10: GOTCHA!
11: The Most Well-Behaved Dog in the World
Betty’s Top Tips for Making Friends
About the Author
About the Publisher
Copyright
1
A Nice Day at Work
At 6 p.m. precisely, Pa Peachey stepped in through the front door singing a happy little tune.
“La la la,” he sang. “Tra la, tra lee, oh happy me!”
Ollie and Ava sat at the kitchen table doing homework. They glanced at each other in alarm.
The Peachey family were used to Pa Peachey returning from work cranky and crabby and cross. They were used to him mumbling and grumbling and muttering. But singing and smiling? Humming a happy tune?
“La di da, la di dee, oh what joy it is to be!” Pa Peachey sang.
Betty stared at her father with concern.
“Are you feeling quite well, Pa?” she asked.
“Quite well?” Pa Peachey answered. “Why, I am more than quite well! I am full of the joys of spring!”
Ava’s eyes widened with horror.
Pa Peachey began to sing once more. “If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands,” he sang happily.
Nobody clapped. Ava and Ollie clutched each other in fear.
On his bed under the stairs, McTavish tilted his head, amazed. Never since he joined the Peachey family had Pa Peachey come home from work in a good mood.
“Hello, darling,” Ma Peachey said cautiously. “Are you feeling quite well?”
“Quite well? Quite well? Why does everyone keep asking if I’m feeling quite well? As a matter of fact, I am feeling superb. I am feeling devil‑may‑care and happy‑go‑lucky. I’m feeling joyous, optimistic and downright delighted. Why, I am in such high spirits, I might dance a merry little dance!”
Ava covered her face with her hands.
“Perhaps you should sit down, Pa,” Betty said, her brow furrowed.
“Perhaps we should call a doctor,” Ollie said. “Or the police.”
McTavish stood up. He padded across the room and sat at Pa Peachey’s feet. He looked up at Pa Peachey’s face.
Pa Peachey certainly looked like the same person who had left for work this morning in his usual grumpy mood. But perhaps he had been hit by a bus. Perhaps a blow to the head had changed his personality or given him amnesia. Perhaps Pa Peachey had forgotten his reputation as the world’s crankiest man.
“Did you have a nice day at work?” Ma Peachey asked in a worried voice.
“As a matter of fact, I did,” said Pa Peachey, smiling broadly.
The Peachey children froze. They stared at each other in disbelief.
“You had a nice day at work?” Ollie gaped. “Are you sure?”
“Really?” said Ava. “You had a nice day” – she pronounced the words carefully – “at work?”
“Indeed I did,” Pa Peachey said with a huge grin.
The Peachey children shuddered.
McTavish pricked his ears, alert to this strange turn of events.
For a long time, nobody said a word. The silence was so silent, you could hear a pin stand still.
After a few minutes, Pa Peachey became impatient.
“Doesn’t anyone want to know why I had a nice day at work?”
The Peachey children did not want to know.
Pa Peachey had never had a nice day at work. Not ever. Pa Peachey hated work almost as much as he hated weekends and holidays. He was crabby on Mondays and irritable on Tuesdays. On Wednesdays he was glum. On Thursdays and Fridays he was just plain cross. Pa Peachey complained about beautiful summer days. He moaned about Christmas. He hated weddings and birthdays. In short, Pa Peachey was not known for his cheerful disposition.
The Peachey children did not mind Pa Peachey’s personality. They were used to it.
What they did not like was unexpected change.
“If you are going to be happy all of a sudden,” said Ollie, “I wish you would give us time to prepare.”
“If you are planning to be jolly,” Ava said, “I’d appreciate at least a week’s notice.”
“Are you running a fever, Pa?” Betty asked with concern.
“What has it come to,” moaned Pa Peachey, “when a man with a new job isn’t allowed to be cheerful in his own home?”
“A new job!” exclaimed Betty.
“Tell us,” said Ma Peachey.
“Well,” said Pa Peachey, “if you must know— ”
“We must!” shouted all the Peacheys at once.
“I have been offered a new job.”
“A new job!” Betty leaped up and hugged her father. “That is wonderful news!”
Ma Peachey frowned. “What sort of new job?”
The Peacheys fell silent once more. They tilted their heads. They squinted their eyes. They concentrated hard.
The fact was that not one of them understood what Pa Peachey did at work, despite his many attempts over the years to explain.
“It has to do with …” Pa Peachey began.
The Peacheys leaned in, attentive.
Pa Peachey looked at the ceiling. “It’s rather like …”
&
nbsp; The Peacheys all frowned with concentration.
Pa Peachey looked down at the floor. “It’s very much concerned with …”
Nobody even dared blink.
Pa Peachey closed his eyes for a long moment. At last he opened them and sighed.
“Never mind,” he said. “The new job is rather like the old job – only more so.”
All the Peacheys nodded wisely.
Pa Peachey hesitated for a moment and then went on. “Perhaps I should also mention – not that it is at all important, influential or significant in any way, not that any of you will even be terribly interested—”
“Yes?” Betty said with a slight narrowing of the eyes.
“That the new job will be …”
“Yes?” Ava said with the beginnings of a frown.
“The new job will be?” said Ollie with a suspicious glare.
“The new job will be,” Pa Peachey said, “in a different place.”
“A different place?” Ollie gasped. “What does that even mean? Paris? Albania? Idaho? Shanghai?”
Ava frowned. “When you say ‘a different place’, what sort of different place do you have in mind?”
Betty looked puzzled. “Does ‘a different place’ mean ‘a place’ that is ‘different’?”
McTavish listened carefully. As a rescue dog, he knew it was his sworn duty to rescue the Peachey family from danger and harm. He had rescued them many times in the past. The challenge, he found, was to keep them rescued, for the Peacheys had a bad habit of descending into chaos the moment he turned his back.
McTavish did not remember turning his back lately, but he nonetheless had a feeling that chaos might be lurking just around the corner.
2
A New Job
Ma Peachey wanted to speak to Pa Peachey alone. So Ollie, Ava and Betty trudged upstairs. They lay on Ava’s bed, their faces grim.
“What do you suppose he means by ‘a different place’?” asked Betty.
“I suspect he means ‘a different place’,” said Ava. “A new job in a place that is different to this place.”
“Hang on,” Ollie said, eyes wide. “You don’t mean a new house, do you? I don’t want a new house.”
“I love this house,” Betty cried. “I’ve lived here since I was born. In fact, I’ve lived here since before I was born.”
“To live is to suffer,” Ava said, shaking her head and quoting from one of her favourite German philosophers.
Betty and Ollie looked at Ava. They were silent for some time.
“What if it’s a better job?” Betty asked at last. “What if it’s a job that will make Pa Peachey cheerful all the time?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Ava.
“No such job exists,” said Ollie.
They sat in silence, thinking gloomy thoughts, until Ma Peachey called them downstairs once more.
“Could someone please tell us what is happening?” Olly asked.
“What will be the fate of our poor doomed family?” Betty asked.
“Must we leave our happy home and leap blindly into the dark unknown?” Ava asked.
Ma Peachey began putting plates on the table for dinner. “What is happening is that Pa Peachey has been offered an excellent new job. He would like to take it. I would like him to take it. There is only one small problem.”
“Only one?” said Olly.
“A problem?” said Ava.
“How small?” said Betty.
“If Pa Peachey takes the job, we shall have to move house.”
“I knew it!” said Ava.
“No way,” said Olly.
“That is not a small problem,” said Betty.
3
Not a Small Problem
“I’m not going,” said Ollie.
“Nor am I,” said Ava.
Betty got down from the table and sat with McTavish on the floor. She hugged him tight. “Don’t worry, McTavish. Ma Peachey was not serious when she said we must leave our happy home. She was making a joke.”
“No, she wasn’t,” said Ollie.
“No, I wasn’t,” said Ma Peachey. “But we will find a new house that every one of us likes just as much as the old house. Maybe even more.”
“Never,” said Ollie.
“Impossible,” said Ava.
“It is not impossible,” said Ma Peachey in her most stern voice. But when she saw a tear roll down Betty’s cheek, she bent down and hugged her. “Don’t worry, Betty. It will all turn out fine. Change can be exciting and fun. Sometimes even more fun than staying the same.”
“We won’t have to change anything else, will we?” Ollie asked with a suspicious glare.
“Well,” said Ma Peachey. “Ollie, you will be changing schools next year anyway. Ava can stay at her old school, which is halfway between here and the new neighbourhood.”
Everybody looked at Betty.
“Unfortunately, Betty will have to change schools.”
“I don’t want to change schools,” Betty cried. “I like my school. I know which teachers are terrible and which teachers are nice. I know which boys are friendly and which are spiteful. I know which desks have gum stuck underneath. I know never to eat Miss Biffo’s Meatball Surprise on Tuesday or her Mystery Upside‑Down Cake on Friday. It has taken many years of careful study to get the measure of my school.”
The tears in Betty’s eyes crawled down her cheeks. McTavish put his head in her lap.
McTavish was an extremely sympathetic dog. Besides, he did not want to move house any more than Betty did. He liked his park. He liked his dog friends. He knew that Lexi and Nico were friendly dogs. He knew that George liked to play chase. He knew that Toffee ran too fast and Treacle ran too slow. He knew how to swim in the pond when the park ranger wasn’t looking and where small children sometimes dropped delicious things to eat.
But McTavish was also a practical dog.
I shall have to be very clever about this house‑moving business, he thought. Pa Peachey is unnaturally happy, Betty is unnaturally sad, and the usual order of the Peachey family has been thrown into a terrible state of chaos.
McTavish sighed. It took a particularly clever dog to sniff out solutions to all the chaos this family created.
“I think,” Pa Peachey said, “that we shall talk about the subject of moving – later.”
The Peachey children slumped.
They knew what “we’ll talk about this later” meant. It meant, “We will not talk about this ever again because it has all been decided.” It meant, “We are the grown‑ups and we make all the decisions.” It meant, “You are the children and have to do as we say.” It meant, “If you don’t like it, too bad.”
The Peachey children couldn’t wait to grow up so they could destroy the lives of their own innocent children.
McTavish went back to his bed under the stairs and began to think.
4
Doom and Gloom
A general feeling of dejection fell upon the Peachey family, except of course for Pa Peachey, who hummed and whistled cheerfully day and night and said things like “What a lovely day!” and “Smile! It might never happen!”
The Peachey children found this last expression particularly annoying, as it looked almost certain to happen.
Ava resigned herself to a life of suffering and unhappiness, which her books on German philosophy said was the natural state of mankind.
Ollie kept hoping a miracle might happen that would change his parents’ minds about moving.
Betty just wanted the whole subject of moving to go away and hoped it might disappear if she never thought about it again.
But Pa Peachey continued to whistle and act cheerful, which filled his children with a terrible gloom.
*
The weekend arrived.
Pa Peachey buttered his toast and sang a happy song over breakfast.
“Oh how merry, oh what glee, I am as happy as a tree,” he sang.
“Happy as a tree?” Ollie mutter
ed. “How happy is that? Why not happy as a pebble? Or a hammer? Or an armadillo?”
Betty and Ava glowered at their father.
“Well,” Ma Peachey said. “Pa Peachey and I think we may have found a new house to buy. I think we should all go and have a look.”
“No,” said Betty, folding her arms firmly over her chest.
“Definitely not,” Ollie said.
“Quelle horreur,” Ava muttered. Quelle horreur is what French philosophers always say when they think about the meaning of life.
Ma Peachey put her hands on her hips. “Now, now. You never know. You might like the new house even more than the one we have now.”
“Impossible,” said Betty, sniffing loudly and wiping her nose on her sleeve.
Pa Peachey was in high spirits. “One door closes, another door opens,” he said with a happy smile.
“One door closes, another door slams,” grumbled Ollie.
“There are no problems, only opportunities,” Pa Peachey said with a cheerful chuckle.
“According to Nietzsche, that which does not kill us makes us stronger,” Ava said. “I sincerely hope that this house‑moving malarkey does not kill us.”
Pa Peachey began to dance a happy little jig, which caused Ollie to grind his teeth and Ava to make a noise like a screeching cat.
Betty burst into tears.
“That’s the spirit,” Pa Peachey said cheerfully.
Once Betty had stopped crying and Ollie had stopped glowering, they all piled into the family car and set off for the new neighbourhood.
McTavish stuck his head out of the window. He let his ears fly behind him and kept a beady eye on the route.
Ava scrunched up in the corner of the back seat reading a book about suffering by the German philosopher Wittgenstein.
Ollie stared unhappily ahead, imagining the new neighbourhood as a dismal landscape, barren like the moon, or the sort of place in which a fire has destroyed all signs of life.
