“Y’dex?” Nadiah whispered again, this time in horror. “Oh no…no!”
At the sound of its name one cloudy light blue eye rolled toward her. It seemed to be damaged in some way but not nearly as much as the other which lay in a ruined mess on the thing’s cheek. It opened cracked and blackened lips. “Nadiah…” Her name was an almost unrecognizable croak but somehow Nadiah understood it. And she was sure now that this thing truly was Y’dex.
“What happened to you?” she demanded. “We thought you’d fallen to your death from the High Mesa except we couldn’t find your body.”
“Wish I had,” the thing croaked. “Would have been better…easier.”
“But Y’dex—”
“Caught by spies…Hoard spies. They wanted my ship…wanted to know how it worked.”
Suddenly Nadiah remembered him bragging that the Kindred weren’t the only ones with interstellar travel ability anymore. She hadn’t had time to wonder what he meant—at the time she’d been too horrified to see him popping up unexpectedly on First World to claim her. But now…
“How does it work?” she asked. “What did they want with it?”
“You’ll see…soon enough.” The blackened thing on the cot gave a hoarse, cawing laugh. “Your fault, you know. If I hadn’t chased you, this…” It gestured at its broken body with one gruesomely twisted claw, “Never would have happened. Your fault. Yours.”
“Y’dex, I’m sorry.” Nadiah shook her head helplessly.
“He’s coming for you.” The thing laughed again and this time the hoarse, awful sound had the sharp edge of madness in it. “He’ll kill you…kill you all.”
“That’s enough!” Rast snapped from behind her and Nadiah turned to see he was scowling. “Give him more pain medication,” he told the priestess healer on duty. “He’s crazy with pain.”
“Not crazy…” The thing which had used to be her fiancée laughed some more, sending cold chills down Nadiah’s spine. “Not crazy at all. Kill you! Kill you a—” Its laughter suddenly ended and the charred, bald head slumped on its ruined chest.
“My Challa,” said the healer respectfully after checking carefully for a pulse. “Forgive me, but I fear that the patient is dead.”
“Dead?” Nadiah heard the waver in her own voice. Though she’d gotten used to the idea of her ex-fiancé being dead earlier, now the concept was truly brought home to her. Y’dex wasn’t lying peacefully somewhere on the desert floor, his body buried in the shifting rainbow sands—he was actually dead, right here in front of her. And horribly burned and mangled into the bargain. She turned on Rast. “Why didn’t you save him? You could have done it—you brought me back with your wings when I was almost dead.”
Rast lifted both hands. “He didn’t want me to. I offered—believe me, sweetheart, I did. As much of a bastard as he was to both of us, nobody deserves to go out like this.” He gestured at the twisted corpse. “But he said no, that he wanted to die. He just wanted to see you first.” He shook his head. “I’m sorry, I never should have sent for you.”
“No.” Nadiah put a hand to her eyes and took a deep breath. “No, I…I’m glad you did. I never…never would have known it was truly him if I hadn’t talked to him. It’s horrible, but…but I needed to see it to believe.”
“I understand.” Rast folded her in his embrace and his vast, iridescent wings came out and wrapped around her as well, like a second pair of arms. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he murmured, kissing her hair. “So damn sorry.”
“So am I,” Nadiah whispered. “I just…just wish we knew what he was talking about.”
“Well, it has to do with the Hoard. With Draven—their leader—I’m guessing.” Rast gestured at the corpse. “His eyes didn’t get that way in the crash. Somebody did it deliberately.”
“Don’t!” Nadiah shuddered against him and he hugged her tight.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “But I think we’d better take a look at the wreckage of his ship. If that was what Draven was interested in, we’d better be too.”
“I guess.” Nadiah closed her eyes and tried to get the image of the charred and blackened face out of her mind, tried not to hear that hoarse, croaking voice. “I wish he’d died the way we thought he did,” she whispered. “A fall from the High Mesa would have been so much better than this.”
“Almost anything would have,” Rast said grimly. “I didn’t like him much but nobody deserves this.” He sighed and began leading Nadiah away. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s get out of here and try to forget about this whole messy scene.”
“Of course,” Nadiah agreed faintly. But privately she thought it would be a long, long time before she could close her eyes and not see Y’dex’s single cloudy blue eye rolling up to look at her, before she could stop hearing him say, “Your fault…he’ll kill you all.”
Chapter Nine
“So you’re not taking your own ship?”
Merrick looked up from his contemplation of the innards of the small but surprisingly spacious Kindred interstellar cruiser he was borrowing and saw Sylvan standing there.
“Nope.” He shut the lid to the engine compartment with a clang and wiped his greasy hands on a clean-all cloth. The bacteria that lived in the simple white fabric went to work at once, ingesting the grease and oil from his fingers and leaving them as clean as though he’d just scrubbed for surgery. “That ride down to Earth and back was too fucking rough. I don’t want to take her out as far as Rageron unless she’s in tip-top shape,” he said, avoiding his friend’s eyes.
In truth, he hated being without his star-duster. The special modifications he’d put into the little ship would have meant a much shorter trip than going through the fold in space the Kindred Mother Ship would make for him. With his wormhole generator, he could have been there in moments. In the borrowed ship it would take several days to complete the first part of their journey because Rageron was in the far part of its orbit at the moment. But Merrick couldn’t see any way around it—he didn’t want to take his ship out so far when it was running rough.
Should have spent more time fixing it and less time hanging on her every fucking word, he thought savagely, wiping his hands some more even though they were already clean. But it was too late for regret now—he was stuck with a borrowed ship and a battered heart. Not that he would admit to the latter.
“Olivia told me what happened between you and Elise in the viewing room,” Sylvan said quietly, breaking his train of thought.
“That blonde nurse of yours talks too damn much,” Merrick growled. “Besides, nothing happened. I just found out Elise is supposed to be joined to that fucking fiancé of hers in a month. No big deal.”
“I think it is a big deal,” Sylvan said. “You care about this girl, Merrick. Even if the bond between you is false, I know you have some feelings for her. It had to hurt like the seven hells to hear she was about to be joined to another.”
“Nah,” Merrick shrugged, trying to appear unconcerned. “We’re going to break the bond between us. Why should I give a fuck who she joins with or when she gets joined to the fucker?”
“You do though,” Sylvan said. “And even if that caring is a byproduct of your artificial bond, it still hurts.”
Merrick turned on his old friend, glaring. “Did you change professions since the last time I saw you? Last I heard you treated people’s bodies, not their minds. So stop fucking with my head.”
“Sorry.” Sylvan held up both hands in a ‘don’t shoot’ gesture. “I’m just trying to make sure you’re all right before you and Elise go off on a very dangerous and complicated mission together.”
“We’ll be fine,” Merrick said shortly. “And don’t worry that I’ll let my ‘hurt feelings’ get in the way of taking care of her. I may be a hybrid but I’m still Kindred—I’m sworn to protect Elise and I’ll do my duty.”
“I know you will,” Sylvan said gently. “I never doubted it for a moment. I just wanted to make sure you were in the right frame of min
d before you left. You know you can’t confront the Ancient Ones with a troubled heart.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Merrick growled. “I spent enough time on Rageron looking for my true father’s kin after I got off Tranq Prime to know the score.” Sighing, he turned to his old friend and met Sylvan’s eyes. “I’ll be fine, all right? It’s like you said—the bond is artificial and so are all the feelings that come with it. As long as I keep reminding myself that nothing is real, that I don’t really have any true feelings for Elise, everything will be all right. We’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond. Then she’ll go her way and I’ll go mine.” He threw the clean-all cloth at Sylvan who caught it reflexively. “End of story.”
Sylvan frowned. “It’s a little more complicated than that. You—”
“Hi.” The soft feminine voice startled Merrick and he turned to see Elise standing there, holding a small bag in one hand and wearing a very unhappy expression on her face.
Merrick felt awkward—had she heard what he’d been saying? Then his uncertainty around her pissed him off—why should he give a Goddess-damn if she’d heard? Hadn’t he basically been saying the same thing she had said in the viewing room? That their bond was fake, that it meant nothing? He remembered again the look on her face when she’d said that all their feelings for each other were a lie. Merrick had tried to feel nothing about that but he couldn’t help himself—hearing her speak those words made him feel like she’d jabbed him in the guts with a heated blade. In other words, it fucking hurt. It’s all fake. I shouldn’t let it hurt, he told himself fiercely. But knowing their bond and all the emotions associated with it were false didn’t help—it hurt anyway.
He looked at Elise, standing there, with that uncertain look in her big brown eyes. He wasn’t a male who gave second chances and yet he’d made an exception for her once already—he’d believed her about forgetting her fiancé. But to forget her joining as well, a joining that she clearly still intended to go through with…well, that was one thing too many in Merrick’s mind. He’d let himself be vulnerable to her as he never had to another since he was too young to know better. But that was over now. No more weakness. No more—
“Hello Elise,” Sylvan said politely and Merrick realized he was just standing there, glaring at her. What was wrong with him, for fuck’s sake?
“I…I got a shot of translation bacteria from Olivia,” she said. “And I’m all packed and ready to go.”
“Great.” Merrick jerked his chin toward the ship. “You can stow your stuff in the left cabin at the rear of the ship. The right one’s mine.”
“Thanks,” Elise said shortly. “So how long will this actually take?”
“At the way Rageron’s orbit stands now, a week in and a little under a week out. Probably a week there, to get the skrillix. The Deep Blue takes awhile to penetrate,” Merrick told her.
She frowned. “Three weeks all together. That doesn’t leave much time for the actual cure.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get you back in time for your precious joining ceremony,” Merrick growled. “Plenty of time.”
Elise lifted her chin. “Great. So we’ll get the pain vine, come back here and dissolve the bond, then we can both go our separate ways.” She raised an eyebrow at him. “Isn’t that the plan?”
Merrick bit back a growl of frustration. She was letting him know she had heard what he’d said to Sylvan—every word. Well, it’s true and no more than what she said to me earlier, he reminded himself. But he still felt like a fucking asshole. “Right,” he said aloud. “That’s the plan.”
“Good.” She nodded briefly. “I’ll go get settled. I’m ready when you are.” She climbed into the interior of the cruiser and disappeared from sight.
Merrick ran a hand over his skull-cut hair. “Gods…”
“That wasn’t a pretty scene,” Sylvan remarked. Then he frowned at Merrick. “So you gave her a separate cabin? You’re sleeping alone?”
“Does she look like she wants to sleep with me?” Merrick demanded. “Of course I’m fucking sleeping alone. Why do you even ask?”
“I’m asking because your sleep time should be the primary time you can feed Elise’s hunger. Prolonged contact during the night cycle might be enough to see her through during the day.”
Merrick sighed. “Damn it, I forgot about that hunger shit.” Unbidden, the image of Elise, topless and pressed against his bare chest rose in his mind’s eye. He could almost feel the soft press of her breasts, could almost touch the silkiness of her skin and smell her sweet, feminine scent as she shivered against him… Stop it, he told himself savagely. It’s not going to be like that again. If she needs to be touched, I’ll touch her. But not with any kind of tenderness or love—it would be a mechanical act. A bloodless transfusion of what she needed from him to her. Merrick swore it to himself.
“You can’t afford to forget it,” Sylvan said, drawing him out of his thoughts. “Not if you want to keep her alive until you reach Rageron.”
“I’ll take care of it, okay?” Merrick said. “I guaranteed her safety to that fucking fiancé of hers, didn’t I? You know I don’t break my word.”
“I just want you to be careful,” Sylvan said quietly. “I know you’re angry right now and you have a right to be—everything you thought you were feeling is coming from an artificial bond, and that’s a lot to take in. Just don’t let your anger blind you to Elise’s needs.” He put a hand on Merrick’s shoulder. “All right, old friend?”
“Yeah. All right.” Merrick sighed. “We had some pretty, uh, intense contact on the way back from Earth.” Once again the image of Elise sitting half naked in his lap flashed in his mind but he pushed it away. “So she should be good for at least awhile.”
“Hopefully.” But Sylvan didn’t seem convinced. “Just keep an eye on her. You’ve pulled her back from the brink twice now—you don’t want to have to do it again.”
“You’re right.” Merrick nodded. “I’ll keep it in mind, I promise.”
“I know you will.” Sylvan squeezed his shoulder and let go. “I’ll say goodbye then. And may the Goddess go with you and grant you success.”
“Thanks,” Merrick muttered sarcastically. “I’m sure she will.” Then he turned and swung into the cabin of the little cruiser and shut the hatch.
* * * * *
Elise sat on the narrow bed in the cabin Merrick had designated as hers and felt miserable. It was clear to her now that the big Kindred had finally accepted the fact that their feelings for each other were fake. As fake as their bond. Even worse, it seemed like Merrick liked it like that. That had been perfectly obvious to Elise when she heard him talking to Sylvan—talking about getting their bond dissolved as casually as if he’d been discussing a mole he wanted to get removed.
Which is good, she told herself firmly. Because that’s what I am to him—a mole. A tumor—a parasite. It’s just as well that we both acknowledge the truth and not try to make our relationship into something it’s not.
But if that was true, why did she feel so utterly, unbearably sad? Why was her stomach tied in knots every time she saw him? Why did she still yearn for his touch?
Well, the answer to the last question was obvious, she told herself. She yearned for his touch because she was actually physically addicted to him. The tall, scarred warrior with the mismatched eyes was literally her drug of choice—at least as long as their fake bond was intact.
Of course, the hunger couldn’t explain away everything. It couldn’t account for the wetness between her thighs whenever she was near him. Couldn’t explain the way her heart had pounded and her nipples had grown hard when he held her in his lap and told her how he wanted to taste her pussy…
Stop it! she told herself. Stop it right now. I don’t have those feelings for anyone—not even for James. Not since…But she couldn’t think about that. About the reason she had put her sexuality away, like folding away a sweater she didn’t need during the long, hot summe
r months. Put it in the vault. Put it in the vault and keep it there. Elise pictured the heavy vault door closing and had a momentary moment of peace.
But only a moment.
“Hey back there,” she heard Merrick shout from the front of the ship. “Come up here and get strapped in. We’re cleared for take off.”
The last thing she wanted to do was sit beside him and pretend to make small talk, keeping her hands neatly folded in her lap, when she was literally aching to touch him. But it seemed there was nothing else for her to do.
She left her cabin and walked down the narrow center isle of the ship toward the sound of his voice. She passed through a small living area which was directly across from an equally compact kitchen before coming to the front of the ship.
Merrick was already strapped in, his gold and blue gaze trained on the complicated looking instrument panel in front of him. “Hey,” he said, not looking up at her. “Have a seat, we’re about to go.”
“Can’t I just stay in the back?” Elise asked with as much dignity as she could muster. “I’m much more comfortable back there.”
“What, you mean away from me?” He finally looked up, his eyes flashing. “Sorry, baby, no can do. The thrusters on this kind of ship kick like a son-of-a-bitch. It’s going to be rough when we go through the fold in space and you’re precious cargo. Can’t have you bouncing all around the back cabin like a fucking ball.”
“Right, precious cargo,” she muttered, settling herself in the seat beside his which was much too large for her. “I’m sure.”
Merrick gave her a hard look. “I promised you’d get to Rageron and back without a scratch on you. It may not mean much to you, but I don’t fucking break my word.” He shifted his focus back to the instrument panel and the small ship began to rise, aiming for the black star-studded void of space Elise could see on the viewscreen. “I know you don’t want to be near me right now,” he continued, steering expertly for the black gap. “But you’re going to have to get used to it if we’re going to keep you healthy.”
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