by Anna Durand
"I told you the basics about Rade and me," I said. Though acid churned in my gut, I forged ahead anyway. "I mentioned how kind Rade was after my parents died. He offered to go with me to the funeral home, the probate lawyer's office, whatever. I was grateful for the offer, but I couldn't let him do it. He'd never met my parents and… well, I felt I needed to do it on my own. Still, he was there to keep me company and bring me food, little things like that. But when he proposed marriage, he offered me a kind of help I couldn't turn down. I should have, I realize that now. But I was grieving and I made a horrible decision."
Aidan spread his hands over my lower back, stroking with his fingertips. "What sort of help?"
I took a deep breath. "Remember I said my parents had hidden their financial problems from me and Gavin? I'm sure they were embarrassed and thought they were protecting us, believed they'd get back on track and we'd never have to know. After they died, Gavin and I had to shell out our own money for the funeral expenses and neither of us had much to start with. What little was left of their estate went to paying their debts and we had to sell their house to pay off the mortgage, since neither of us could afford the monthly payments. I'd gotten student loans to pay for college and Gavin was fresh from the Marines, trying to find a job while recovering from the things he'd been through in Afghanistan. Our parents' deaths hit us both hard, but him more so than me. We were wrecked, emotionally and financially."
"Calli…" Aidan brushed wayward hairs from my forehead with his free hand, while his other hand remained entwined with mine. "I'm so sorry."
"Believe it or not, that isn't the worst part." I swallowed hard, my throat dry and tight. "Two months after my parents died, I had to cut back my college classes to part time and get a job to stay afloat. This meant my student loans would become payable in six months' time. No way could I get back on my feet before that happened, and I couldn't afford the payments either."
"Your good friend intervened, I'm guessing. With an offer."
"Rade said he would pay off my student loans and give me the money to finish college. He knew I wanted to go to grad school to study library science and he offered to pay for that as well. If I did him a favor."
Aidan's hands tensed on my back. We'd stopped moving our bodies, though we lingered in each other's arms.
"He'd help me out of my jam," I continued," if I helped him out of his. Rade's student visa was running out. He wanted to stay, he had plenty of money he inherited when his parents died. I could have my financial problems wiped out in one fell swoop — if I married him."
Aidan made a noise somewhere between a huff and sigh. "He wanted you to marry him so he could stay in the country."
"Yes. A green card marriage, so to speak." I hugged him tighter, desperate to cling to his anchoring presence while I rocked on a sea of memories. "I was still reeling from my parents' deaths and Gavin was still a mess. I was frantic about the money problems. What Rade offered me sounded like a generous, compassionate offer. And when he told me about his parents, how they died and he was devastated, how he understood what I was feeling… I agreed to marry him."
Aidan swirled his palms over my back, the gesture calming and imbued with a gentle compassion.
"You have to be married for three years," I said, "before the non-citizen spouse can apply for citizenship. Rade swore once he got his citizenship, we'd wait six months for good measure and then get divorced. It's been five years. He got his citizenship a year ago."
Though Aidan said nothing, I saw the question on his face.
"Rade promised to file for divorce," I told him. "Kept saying he'd do it soon, he was busy, just be patient. Two months ago, I realized he'd never do it and I filed myself. Couldn't afford a lawyer, so I did it myself and paid all the fees. Then I had to pay a process server to deliver the papers to Rade, but he manages to always be gone when the server shows up at his house. I can't afford to pay the server anymore."
A scowl etched lines on Aidan's face. "Why won't this bod ceann let you go?"
I raised my head to look at him. "Bod ceann?"
"Dickhead."
I almost smiled — almost — but couldn't quite make my lips form it. "Rade claims he wants to have a real marriage, asked me to move in with him. After all these years of sticking to our agreement, suddenly he wants to change it. I don't understand. We lived separate lives by mutual agreement, I can count on one hand how many times I've seen him in those years. Sure, he sent me flowers and cards on my birthdays. I thought he was being polite, being a good friend and all. Now I'm not so sure, but I can't figure out what he wants."
"This has some bearing on why you don't want to love me, I gather. Confused about how, though."
I buried my face against his chest, inhaling the masculine scent of him. "Too many people have turned out to be the opposite of what I thought they were. My parents deceived me by not talking about their problems, leaving a mess when they died. Gavin and Tara married people who changed later on. And my husband is suddenly singing a different tune after years of promising to set me free."
Aidan rested his chin on top of my head. "All I want is you, however I can have you. And I willnae give up because one bastard has a hold on you."
"Rade's not a bastard. But you'd be better off going back to Chicago to find another American girl."
"Cannae." He exhaled, ruffling my hair and tickling my scalp. "I want you."
He wouldn't accept this. He wouldn't give up. And still, I could not make myself tell him to leave. Having him around gave me more than spicy interludes with a man who made me feel alive and sexy, it also gave me solace in ways I couldn't understand or explain. His sweetness, his earnest determination, his heady sexuality… How could I give up those things?
"You haven't wanted to tell me," he said gently, "but it would help to know what happened with your cousin and your brother. With their marriages."
"Tara's first husband had seemed like a decent guy, but he turned out be emotionally abusive, putting her down all the time and making her feel worthless. She left him after fourteen months."
"And Gavin?"
I pulled away from Aidan, hugging myself. "His wife up and left one day for no good reason. Said she was bored and needed to find herself in New York. He was like a zombie for weeks after. Leanne seemed like a nice enough girl, but she betrayed Gavin."
Aidan settled his hands on my upper arms. "You worry I'm not what I seem. That later, after we're married, I'll change into a selfish prick or I'll keep important things from you."
I hunched my shoulders. "That's the problem. I can't know if what I see now is the real you. I've known for twelve days, Aidan. Twelve days."
"Asked you to give me four weeks."
"Even that isn't enough. No amount of time will be enough."
His hands tightened on my arms, no more than a smidgen but enough to reveal his frustration. "You can never be certain of another person. I wish I could promise you nothing will ever change, but it would be a lie. I won't lie to you. All I can promise you is that I will do everything in my power to make you happy and keep you safe."
I studied his face, anxious to find some kind of answer there, some kind of magic cure-all for my fears. He couldn't cure me. I had to do that myself and I had no frigging idea how to accomplish the feat.
He drew me a little closer, maintaining a gap of a few inches between our bodies. His hands moved up to my shoulders. "You can ask my sister what kind of man I am. Or call Lachlan and he'll tell you. If you need references outside the family, I can give you the names of a dozen people who'd be happy to tell you I'm not a bastard."
"That's not necessary." I shut my eyes for a moment, seeking a composure that eluded me. "The problem is inside me. In my head and my heart. There's nothing you can do to fix this."
"I know," he said, with a note of resignation in his voice.
When he pulled me into his arms again, I didn't fight it. Being close to him gave me more solace than I'd known in a very long time an
d I needed it today more than ever. With my head on his chest, I could almost forget why I was trying so hard not to love him.
He laid a hand on my head and began to caress my hair, while his other hand cradled my back.
"You remind me of Rory in some ways," he said, "since he doesn't want to fall in love either. But I won't give up on you because you're afraid. I'll fight for you, Calli."
He would, I knew that. He'd fought for me since the night we met.
With his fingers stroking my hair and his strong hand on my back, I couldn't hold back the weariness anymore. It had seeped into me for days and days, triggered by the strain of keeping
Aidan close while struggling against my growing feelings for him. Yes, I had feelings for him. I could admit that in the privacy of my thoughts, safe in the cocoon of his embrace. Should I give in to whatever was blossoming between us? Could I risk it?
My lids had grown heavy, too heavy to stay open. I peeked at Aidan through the ever-narrowing slit of my eyelids.
"Someone needs a nap," he announced, and swept me up in his arms to carry me down the hall to my bedroom.
Aidan set me on my feet, pulled back the covers, and picked me up again to deposit me on the mattress. He tucked the covers over me. "Should I undress you?"
"No, but thanks for the offer."
"Anytime." He straightened. "I'll leave you to it, then."
"Stay. Please."
Without a word, he ambled around the bed to crawl across it and snuggle up behind me. He draped one arm over my belly, his face pressed to my neck. I felt… protected. Contented. Happy, in spite of everything.
Did I love him? Not yet. But the slippery slope had morphed into an easy slide down a warm and welcoming path that led straight into Aidan's arms.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The next afternoon, the four of us — two Douglases and two MacTaggarts — sat around the picnic table in the backyard finishing up the last bits of our meal. Aidan and I had escorted Gavin and Jamie on a tour of the local area this morning, which mostly involved visiting gift shops where Jamie could pick out souvenirs for her siblings and parents. Gavin had helped her choose gifts for her brothers, while Aidan and I observed the pair's flirtatious interactions.
Did I look like that with Aidan? Giggling, smiling, touching his arm.
I didn't giggle, not in public. As for the rest, I couldn't be sure. Gavin had assured me I mooned over Aidan and went gushy at the sight of him. Gushiness had become an epidemic among the four of us.
Aidan's hand settled on my thigh under the picnic table, pulling me out of my thoughts. He massaged my flesh gently, seductively.
My breaths quickened when his hand glided higher.
He announced, "Calli and are going to take a drive. Alone."
Might as well have said we were sneaking off to have sex somewhere away from my brother and his sister. Because that's what we were doing. Aidan had confided his escape plan to me while we prepared lunch, and I had agreed by saying, "Oh God, yes, please. As soon as possible."
Two entire days without Aidan inside me had made me antsy.
Gavin aimed a hard look at Aidan. "I'm watching you."
The slight twitch of his lips belied his vague threat. My brother was teasing my lover. Couldn't decide if that was good or bad.
Aidan removed his palm from my thigh to take my hand. He glanced at his sister, then back to Gavin. "Got my eye on you too."
The squint of his eyes was more humor than threat.
Male bonding accomplished, Aidan led me across the yard and through the house, out to the convertible waiting for us in the driveway. Before I had to time ask about his specific plans, he was whisking me away on a mysterious drive down the highway.
As the scenery zipped by and my hair whipped around me, I gazed at him with an adoration I could no longer deny. "I'm all for a sex getaway, but where exactly are we going?"
His smile was smug and secretive. "It's a surprise."
"Since you're new to the area, do you even know where you're going?"
"You doubt me?" He feigned taking offense, then added, "I researched it online. And I've got supplies in the boot."
"In your boot?" I leaned over to peer down at his feet. "You're wearing tennies."
He rolled his eyes. "Not in my boot, in the car's boot."
"What's the boot?"
"The trunk." He hooked a thumb over his shoulder, toward the trunk in question. "What are tennies?"
"Tennis shoes. Sneakers." I gestured at his feet. "Those."
"Ah."
I relaxed into my seat, one arm on the center console, the other on the door's armrest. "Guess the culture clash has hit us at last."
"No, it hit us when I spoke naughty Gaelic to you."
"Oh yeah, how could I forget that?" I smiled at him, recalling the day he'd arrived in Michigan. "You can talk dirty to me in Gaelic again, if you want."
"Best wait until I'm not steering a fast-moving vehicle." He threw me a sidelong glance, complete with suggestive smirk. "Talking dirty to you tends to get me excited."
"Doesn't seem to take a lot to get you excited."
"You either, mo chridhe." He winked.
"Three times you've called me that. What does it mean?"
"My heart."
I had no response to that. He called me his heart? Way too serious, better to ignore it.
We passed the remainder of our trip in casual discussions of our respective siblings, the scenery, cultural differences, and countless other things. After two hours, we reached our destination.
I surveyed the the motel as Aidan parked the car. "This was your great plan? A motel?"
"Told you I wanted you alone so I could have my way with you."
"Sure, but I kind of assumed there'd be romantic gestures involved."
"Why?" He gave a stellar impression of clueless man. "You said we're not dating and you won't fall in love with me. Why would I bother with courtship?"
He kept up the clueless act a little too long, so long in fact I almost started to believe it. Finally, he grinned and kissed my cheek.
"We're here," he said into my ear, "because I wanted privacy. Your surprises are in the trunk, remember."
"Surprises? Plural?"
"Aye."
He hopped out of the car, coming around to my side to open the door and usher me out, offering me his hand. I accepted it. He led me to the motel's office, where we checked in — he'd made a reservation this morning — and then made our way to our room. It was situated on the far end of the long, one-story building. Aidan let me into the room, then hurried off to move the car.
When he returned, he was carrying an insulated cooler bag and a plastic grocery sack filled with items I couldn't make out. He set both on the table near the window. Closing the curtains, he sat down on the bed next to me, buttressed with one arm on the mattress behind my butt. He leaned in close.
"Your surprises," he said, "come in stages. Just like you will."
"What does that mean?"
"Means I'm going to make you come for me over and over, harder every time."
Excitement shimmered through me. My skin came alive, as if he'd skimmed his hands over every inch of me. "Will any part of this plan involve me on my knees? You did promise."
"And I keep my promises." He curled his tongue around my earlobe. "But I'm not giving anything away. You'll need to be patient, mo leannan."
Had no idea what the last part meant and right now I didn't care. All I could think about was how much I wanted his hands on me, his mouth on me, his cock inside me.
Aidan kicked off his tennies and laid back on the bed, propped up on his elbows. "Strip."
"Excuse me?"
"Strip, Calli." His smoldering gaze settled on me. "It means take off your clothes."
"I know what it means. Not used to being commanded to undress."
"You like it when I command you."
Heaven help me, I did. Which meant I trusted him. Which I'd already tol
d him. The reality of it hadn't quite sunk in, though, until this moment.
I rose from the bed and began to undress. "You've seen me strip before. This is hardly a novel experience."
"But I love watching you unveil that luscious body."
He watched me with glittering eyes and parted lips, his gaze tracking my every movement. By the time I got to my underwear, a lump had started to swell inside his jeans. When I shed my bra, he reached one hand down to stroke himself through the denim. A hunger erupted within me, a desperate need to unzip his pants and free his erection so I could swallow it whole. My mouth watered.
I shimmied out of my panties.
Aidan exhaled a ragged breath. His hand stroked more firmly, as his cock swelled bigger and harder before my eyes.
On impulse, I knelt between his knees and took hold of the zipper on his jeans. My hand brushed against his. He moved to push mine away but then hesitated and withdrew his hand to support his body on both elbows once again.
I dragged the zipper down with exquisite slowness, loving how the rough and strangely erotic sound of it. My breasts tightened, but at the sight of his erection revealed inch by inch, the peaks shot hard.
"Christ," he said, his voice rough, "I want to suck those little nipples until you shudder."
"My turn first." I spread the flaps of his jeans, freeing his cock. It waved over his belly, the tip red and glistening. I closed my fist around the base, thrilled by feel of silken skin and the tiny ridges of veins. I pumped his shaft slowly, relishing the way his breaths grew shallower and quicker. Emboldened by his response, I pumped harder and faster, my palm gliding up and down his cock as I took in the expression on his face. Lust. Awe. And a tenderness that plucked at my heart even as it amped up my own arousal. I worked him harder, bending to lap the moisture from his crown. When he gasped, I grinned. "Mm, I do love the way you taste."
The awe overtook his entire face. "Calli Bethany Douglas, you are a goddess."
"You've earned your Viking name." I pressed my lips to the head of his penis as I milked him with my hand. "You are magnificent."
Letting out a long and resonant groan, he fell back onto the bed. His fingers clenched the bedspread.
